Never Let It Pass By [Oneshot]
Jaejoong sat quietly by the small child whose head was resting on his lap. Gently his fingers were treading through the black hair resting in his lap. Who would have guessed that in ten years he would be babysitting for one of the members?
He looked down at the child and smiled softly when innocent eyes met his. “Yunje, are you tired yet?” He asked the nine year old.
Yunje shook his head and glanced back at the screen, watching the romantic drama play across the screen. “No…”
“Hungry?”
“Nope.”
“Really?” Jaejoong raised an eyebrow, his hand stilling in surprise. The young child had always wanted to eat, a trait that he received from his “uncle,” Changmin.
“Yeah.” Yunje sighed.
Jaejoong’s other eyebrow raised up at the sound of the sigh. A sigh that was a tad too heavy for the innocent Yunje he had grown to know and love. But Jaejoong stayed silent. He knew when to be nosy and when to not be. And at the moment, his gut feeling was to stay out of the small child’s thought process.
But lucky for Jaejoong, Yunje had been hoping to ask him a question the whole day. And he had finally gathered enough courage to ask it.
“Uncle Jaejoong…what is love?”
Jaejoong blinked, his eyes quickly reverting from the television towards Yunje. “What?” He asked in an attempt to make sure if he really heard what he had heard.
Yunje pushed up from his sitting position, his back facing Jaejoong. At that moment, Jaejoong bit his lip. Yunje was starting to resemble his father too much. He looked away and sighed softly, his heart aching a bit at memories from long ago. Memories of times when he still had hope for a relationship that he now know is impossible.
It upset him to admit now that he was angry at the announcement of Yunje’s conceiving. Angry that a small child was really a sign for the end of his dreams. With Yunje, Jaejoong knew he had no chance. It was selfish of him to be angry at an unborn child, but since when was love rational?
But those were days long past.
Jaejoong has grown.
They all have grown.
And now, seated before him was Yunje, a boy he dearly cherished and loved as his own. He was glad to have the boy call him “uncle” and could never imagine a life without him. A boy that Jaejoong didn’t realize was growing up to become a young man soon. A boy that was asking about love.
“Love?” Jaejoong asked back, his voice soft at the mention of an emotion that had brought him only pain.
“Yes, love.” Yunje nodded his head. He had turned around to fully face Jaejoong, his legs crossed in the Indian style.
“Love is…” Jaejoong frowned “Is there a reason you’re asking this?”
Yunje nodded quietly. “There is a reason…”
Jaejoong smiled teasingly before poking the child’s cheek playfully. “Are you asking for yourself? Do you love someone?”
Yunje quickly shook his head, his cheeks lighting up with a pale blush. “N-no, Uncle Jaejoong! I just…” He quieted down. “I just wanted to know if Appa and Umma are really in love…”
Jaejoong stilled, his heart beating rapidly at the mentioning of Yunje’s parents. “Ah…is something wrong with them?”
“I…don’t know.” Yunje glanced at the screen. “Their love isn’t like that.” His eyes trained on the television set. “Sometimes…Appa leaves Umma with no reason. And he always seems to be lost in his thoughts when he thinks we’re not looking…”
Jaejoong frowned. The boy really has grown without him noticing. Since when did Yunje had such deep thoughts?
“Are you sure?”
Yunje nodded his head, his eyes trailing back towards Jaejoong’s. “Appa always stares off when he thinks I’m not looking.” He bit his lip. “It’s almost as if he’s remembering something.”
Jaejoong sighed. In his mind, the ugly monster that Jaejoong had dubbed as “hope” reared its head at the mention of a complication in the relationship of Yunje’s parents. But he quickly stomped it down with practiced ease.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
He repeated in his head. To hope at this moment would be selfish. And a selfish love is not one that Jaejoong desired. Because to him…
“Love is giving.” Jaejoong glanced down at the ground in front of him. “Love is giving everything you can for the other person.” He whispered softly.
“It is when you would do anything to ensure the happiness of the one you love. And you don’t ask for anything back. You just give, give, and give some more. And you don’t stop even when it hurts to give.”
He breathed in deeply. “Love is when you smile happily for the other person when it pains you. It is when you laugh even as your heart breaks into a million pieces.”
He twiddled his thumbs together silently before speaking out again. “Love is plain and simple. It is an emotion that can amplify how you feel a hundred fold. It can give you the happiest memories, but it can trample on those memories with tears. But love is true love when you keep coming back. Even after those tears subside.”
He looked at Yunje. “Love is when you wait. Patiently. Even if you knew the person won’t come back.” He smiled sadly. “Love is happiness, sadness, anger, and tears all rolled into one.”
He breathed in deeply. “But Yunje…you can’t define love. You just can’t. As much as I sit here and describe it to you, you won’t understand it until you FEEL it.”
Jaejoong smiled at the child’s confused expression. “Love is different for each person. That is what makes love special.” He placed a hand on the child’s head. “Everything I just told you…was from MY experience with love.” He bit his lip. “I can’t really speak on your father’s behalf.”
Yunje nodded slowly as he looked down at the couch, his eyes unfocused as he thought about what Jaejoong had just told him. “I don’t think my Appa loves Umma.”
“Eh?” Jaejoong stared at Yunje. “ I just told you…love is different. You can never tell…”
Yunje quickly shook his head, cutting Jaejoong’s explanation off. “No…it’s not that. I just know that he doesn’t.” He bit his lip. “I asked Appa what he thought love is too.”
Jaejoong’s heartbeat became faster.
“And he said, ‘love is wanting. It is when you want something so badly, but you just can’t seem to reach it. Yet you can’t stop yourself from wanting.’” Yunje murmured softly. “But Appa never wanted Umma. If he loves Umma then why would he still define love as wanting?”
He looked up at Jaejoong with a trouble look. “Shouldn’t he just say love is Umma? If he loves Umma then why would he need to want any more if he has her already?”
Jaejoong opened his mouth and closed it quickly. “I…I don’t know, Yunje. It’s hard for me to tell.”
Yunje’s hand clenched into a fist. “I think Appa loves someone else.”
Jaejoong stood up quickly and shook his head. “Yunje, I don’t think you need to think about this so hard. I think your Appa really loves your Umma. Why else would he pick to marry her?”
Yunje shrugged. “…I don’t know.”
Jaejoong patted the child’s shoulder reassuringly. “I think it’s about time your Appa is here to pick you up…let me go call him.” He smiled and walked quickly to get his phone in the kitchen. His heart was pounding. What could he had possibly said to Yunje?
He shook his head and dialed Yunho’s number quickly.
“Hello?”
“Yunho, where are you?”
“Driving there. Why?” Yunho frowned at Jaejoong’s quiet tone. He had become a master at reading the man’s moods.
“Nothing…just come get Yunje.”
“Is something wrong?” Yunho’s forehead creased with worry as he drove a little faster.
“No. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Nothing…” Jaejoong muttered.
“Just tell me, Boojae.”
Jaejoong’s breath hitched at the old nickname. “Your son just asked me about love.”
“Eh?” Yunho stopped at the red light, blinking rapidly. “Love?”
“Yeah, love.” Jaejoong bit his lip. “What did you say to him about it?”
“…I don’t remember…I was kind of out of it when he asked me. I just answered with the first thing that came to mind.”
“Ah…” Jaejoong sighed softly. “…He took your word for it.” He looked down at the floor and walked out towards the front of the house, ‘And I believed I had a chance with you…’
“Well…” Yunho started to drive again, turning around the bend to Jaejoong’s house. “Love is love, isn’t it, Boojae?” His voice softened slightly.
Jaejoong looked out of the window at the familiar black Lexus pulling to a stop in front of his house. “Love is love, Yunnie…” He murmured before cutting the call. “Yunje!” He called out as he turned around to face the child.
Yunje looked up before hopping off of the couch and walking over to Jaejoong. “Is Appa here?”
Jaejoong nodded and smiled, patting the boy’s head as he opened the door just as Yunho stepped onto the porch. “Yup.”
Yunho glanced down at Yunje and grinned playfully. “Ready to go home?” He gave a quick glance at Jaejoong, his eyes roaming over the familiar body to check for any sign of fatigue. “Sorry for bothering you with him, Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong shook his head and looked down at Yunje. “I like having him over. The house is too quiet sometimes…”
Yunho took a hold of Yunje’s hand before towering over the smaller child to pull the slim man into a tight hug. “You should take care of yourself more, Boojae…” He whispered softly.
Jaejoong tensed before forcing himself to relax. His eyes closed as he breathed in the memorable essence that belonged only to Yunho. A smell of fresh air and grass with a hint of clean laundry.
A smell of home.
“I do…” Jaejoong whispered before pulling away. “You don’t need to worry.” He smiled before leaning down to place a kiss on Yunje’s forehead. “Now you both should go before it gets too dark.”
Yunho nodded, his eyes staring into Jaejoong’s before tightening his hold on Yunje and stepping down the porch. “Yeah.” He smiled and chuckled as he watched Yunje wave bye to Jaejoong vigorously.
Yunho stepped into the car after giving Jaejoong a final wave. He slipped into the driver’s seat and glanced at the rearview mirror to make sure that Yunje had correctly put the seatbelt on. “Ready?”
Yunje nodded as he stared back at his Appa’s reflection. “Appa…”
“Hm?” Yunho started the engine of the car, his eyes flitting over to the dark silhouette on the porch of the small house. “Yes?”
“What is love?” Yunje asked for the second time today. “You said love is wanting. But Uncle Jaejoong said love is giving. So which one is it?”
Yunho relaxed back into his seat, his eyes never trailing from the figure standing alone on the porch. “Love is both, Yunje. Love is wanting and giving. They are two sides of the same coin known as love.”
“Then love is both giving and wanting?” Yunje frowned slightly, his young mind unable to wrap around the complex thought.
Yunho nodded. “Love is both…and one day, you’ll understand why.” He smiled sadly. “But…when you find that day, Yunje…never let anything get in the way of your love. Whether it may be your job, reputation, or family.”
Yunho gave a reluctant wave towards Jaejoong again. He never did like leaving the other man alone.
“When you find love…keep it. Take a hold of it and never let go. Hug it close to your heart and always keep it there.” He finally shifted his car into drive mode.
“Or else you’ll regret it every day, Yunje.” Yunho tore his eyes away from Jaejoong before driving away.
“If I give you one advice about love, Yunje. It is to never let it pass you by.” Yunho’s hands clenched on the driving wheel tightly.
“Because it hurts. It hurts terribly when you do…” He whispered.