finding women to identify with in fiction
A corrollary to a Conversation on my flist.
I always found it hard to identify with women or girls in fiction. I was Encyclopedia Brown, not Sally Kimball, for all that I was much more like Sally than Encyclopedia. Admittedly I did identify with George from the Famous Five, and Penny from Inspector Gadget. But as I grew out of childhood, the identification with women stopped. Part of that is my reading jumped from kid to adult, no stopping with YA fiction along the way. I also jumped straight into scifi and fantasy. I just couldn't identify with most of the women I read about - I didn't want to be a mother, or a wife, or a housemaker. I didn't want more lessons on 'do what's right' and 'work hard' because that's what I already did. I didn't want dying when I married/gave birth/found love.
I was the eldest daughter of three, with a drunken father who wasn't there 60% of the time, and was drunk for most of the time he was there. I knew about hard work and doing what's right, that wasn't empowering for me. What was empowering, and inspiring, were stories of getting away. Doing something else. Miles Vorkosigan was my single biggest inspiration through my teen years - I wanted to do something without having to compromise my desires simply because of my physical nature.
Bear in mind I am not in any way genderqueer. I look like a woman, I'm happy as a woman. I'm just not happy with some aspects and I am certainly unhappy with th way it limits me in the eyes of society. From my adolescent preferences for lone activities, violence and mechanical things to my dislike of 'dating', girls' nights out and parties, everything I did was somehow wrong in the eyes of society. As an adult I realise this is part of the double bind for women, but as a teenager I just wanted to get the hell out of my life and start again somewhere else. It took me years, but I did it. The lessons about being strong and doing what's right weren't what inspired me. The lessons about surviving and starting again and taking away everything but the bare bones were what inspired me.
Which meant, and means, I am still identifying with people like Miles Vorkosigan. I still identify with Snape over anyone in the HP universe. Part of it is being older, part of it is being mean and no longer feeling like that's a huge failing - I can be mean because sometimes, that's a valid response to my environment and experiences. I'm a lot happier about myself as a woman now, but I still find my ability to identify with female characters is limited to people like Cordelia Naismith, Suzie Shooter, Princess Julia/Isabel and Barb. For all of my obvious links to characters like Kaylee and Hermoine, there is no identification for me there - there is no inspiration, just reflections. Actually, scratch Kaylee out, she's an idiot and I may be a tool and a ditz, but I'm not as useless as she is.
Which then means, if I write, I write about the relationships I can identify with. Which aren't these lifelong friendships and secret whispering and worshipful things. I can identify with clashing and snark and battling wills and laughing at each other. I identify with building emotional barriers and then tearing them down and them building them again around someone else. I can't identify with competition for the sake of adoration or love or pride - it's gotta be about righteousness and it's gotta happen day after day after day. It's gotta be done for laughs or at least knowing the stupidity and uselessness of it. It has to be based on respect and seeing your partner as your intellectual equal.
The point of it all? Rec me femmeslash. Rec me good, firey femmeslash with cranky characters who snarl, and fight and laugh. Rec me het with a woman who gives as good as she gets without the overlay of "I let you think you won" by either person. Rec me good stuff with conversations and arguments and things be solved without kissing it all away.
I always found it hard to identify with women or girls in fiction. I was Encyclopedia Brown, not Sally Kimball, for all that I was much more like Sally than Encyclopedia. Admittedly I did identify with George from the Famous Five, and Penny from Inspector Gadget. But as I grew out of childhood, the identification with women stopped. Part of that is my reading jumped from kid to adult, no stopping with YA fiction along the way. I also jumped straight into scifi and fantasy. I just couldn't identify with most of the women I read about - I didn't want to be a mother, or a wife, or a housemaker. I didn't want more lessons on 'do what's right' and 'work hard' because that's what I already did. I didn't want dying when I married/gave birth/found love.
I was the eldest daughter of three, with a drunken father who wasn't there 60% of the time, and was drunk for most of the time he was there. I knew about hard work and doing what's right, that wasn't empowering for me. What was empowering, and inspiring, were stories of getting away. Doing something else. Miles Vorkosigan was my single biggest inspiration through my teen years - I wanted to do something without having to compromise my desires simply because of my physical nature.
Bear in mind I am not in any way genderqueer. I look like a woman, I'm happy as a woman. I'm just not happy with some aspects and I am certainly unhappy with th way it limits me in the eyes of society. From my adolescent preferences for lone activities, violence and mechanical things to my dislike of 'dating', girls' nights out and parties, everything I did was somehow wrong in the eyes of society. As an adult I realise this is part of the double bind for women, but as a teenager I just wanted to get the hell out of my life and start again somewhere else. It took me years, but I did it. The lessons about being strong and doing what's right weren't what inspired me. The lessons about surviving and starting again and taking away everything but the bare bones were what inspired me.
Which meant, and means, I am still identifying with people like Miles Vorkosigan. I still identify with Snape over anyone in the HP universe. Part of it is being older, part of it is being mean and no longer feeling like that's a huge failing - I can be mean because sometimes, that's a valid response to my environment and experiences. I'm a lot happier about myself as a woman now, but I still find my ability to identify with female characters is limited to people like Cordelia Naismith, Suzie Shooter, Princess Julia/Isabel and Barb. For all of my obvious links to characters like Kaylee and Hermoine, there is no identification for me there - there is no inspiration, just reflections. Actually, scratch Kaylee out, she's an idiot and I may be a tool and a ditz, but I'm not as useless as she is.
Which then means, if I write, I write about the relationships I can identify with. Which aren't these lifelong friendships and secret whispering and worshipful things. I can identify with clashing and snark and battling wills and laughing at each other. I identify with building emotional barriers and then tearing them down and them building them again around someone else. I can't identify with competition for the sake of adoration or love or pride - it's gotta be about righteousness and it's gotta happen day after day after day. It's gotta be done for laughs or at least knowing the stupidity and uselessness of it. It has to be based on respect and seeing your partner as your intellectual equal.
The point of it all? Rec me femmeslash. Rec me good, firey femmeslash with cranky characters who snarl, and fight and laugh. Rec me het with a woman who gives as good as she gets without the overlay of "I let you think you won" by either person. Rec me good stuff with conversations and arguments and things be solved without kissing it all away.