Every Excuse
Title: Every Excuse
Author: giantessmess
Fandom: Sex and the City
Pairing: Miranda/Samantha
Requested by: arxev
Prompt: Inhibitions
Rating: PG-13
“Look, I’m just not comfortable with it.” Miranda quickly looked to where Carrie was standing by the bar. “I’m not comfortable with it, end of story.”
Samantha sighed, “It’s a little late to back out now.”
Miranda snorted.
“Don’t give me that look,” Samatha said. “It’s too late.”
“What is this, porn logic?”
Samantha held up her glass, “Hey, I’ll drink to that.”
“No, ok? Jesus.”
Samantha leant back in her chair and gave Miranda a look of appraisal. “You know, you really fucking disappoint me sometimes.”
“Well, I’m sorry.” Miranda snapped.
They finished their drinks in silence. Miranda had nothing to do with her hands; she tapped her nails on the table.
“Look,” Samantha said, after a few more minutes. “Might I suggest getting really drunk?”
“No.” Miranda moved her seat back a little. She tried to laugh it off. “I’m not that easy.”
“Come on, I’m starting to believe in that marvelous porn logic -”
“Oh please.”
“I’m serious. I really think every woman is a few drinks away from a muff dive.”
Miranda looked around in alarm, “Will you keep it down?”
“Please, as if Carrie can overhear from all the way over there.”
“Fuck Carrie, I’m worried the whole bar will hear.”
“Fuck Carrie?”
Miranda gave a nervous laugh, “listen, it wasn’t a real bet. I was just joking, alright? Joking.”
“Methinks the lady doeth protest too much.”
“You sound like a Shakespearean whore.”
Samantha grinned luxuriously. “I think that’s possibly the worst thing you could have said right then.”
“It wasn’t a compliment!”
Samantha caught the eye of the guy standing behind them, interrupting his conversation.
“We need some drinks here, so my friend can get up the courage for a muff dive.” She smiled when he didn’t move. “Pretty please?”
“Uh…”
“Jesus,” Miranda snapped, when he was gone. “Are you gonna announce it to the whole bar?”
“If I have to.”
“It was just a joke!”
Samantha shook her head. “I won the bet fair and square. Full house equals full Monty. It wasn’t my idea.”
“I was drunk! Come on, Samantha. No, don’t -” She pressed a hand to her forehead when Samantha waved another guy over. “Jesus.”
“How many drinks,” Samantha asked without greeting, “do you think your average girl needs to release her inner-dyke? Five? Seven?”
“A hundred?” Miranda muttered.
The guy grinned, “Four.”
“Jackass.”
The guy shrugged, “you offering?”
“Offering what?” Miranda said, “can you hear yourself right now? Can you actually hear yourself?”
The guy gave her a sneer and left.
“It was just a bit if friendly conversation, Miranda.”
“Give me a break.” Miranda fumbled for a cigarette. “At least I know you’re not being serious about this whole thing, now. Because that shit?” she motioned to the empty space vacated by the guy. “That would not get you into my pants, I can assure you.” She shot Samantha a look. “Assuming there is any chance, which there clearly isn’t.”
“You definitely need a drink,” Samantha looked around, “With that much tension, your pussy can probably double as a bottle-opener.”
Miranda rolled her eyes.
The guy they’d sent to get their drinks returned. He handed them over and looked expectantly at Miranda, then Samantha.
“Thanks so much,” Samantha purred.
When he didn’t leave Miranda breathed through her nose.
“Yes, you can go now. Thank you."
He narrowed his eyes, “goddamn dykes.”
“Oh honestly,” Samantha said. “he’d have to be fucking high if he thought we were going to include him. I mean, with that ass?”
“Well, you did imply...”
Samantha shot her a smile and Miranda started backtracking.
“Oh, no. I don’t care how drunk you want to get me. The bet is void. Finished. Done with.”
“There’s no fancy legal way of getting out of a bet. It’s a matter of honor.”
“Yeah, right. I said I was drunk, didn’t I? I swear I did.”
“I’m beginning to think you’re as dull as shit until you get drunk.”
“Thanks.”
“Come on, lighten up a little.”
“I’m still not going to sleep with you.”
“But you were so friendly when I was telling you how much I just needed to get laid by a woman every now and then.”
“Drunk.”
“Oh, that’s your excuse for everything.”
“No it isn’t!”
“Then let me give you a hand job.”
“What?” Miranda lowered her voice. “Not right here?”
Samantha smiled, “I’ll buy you another drink first, if you like.”
“Well…” Then Miranda shook her head vigorously. “No. Not on your fucking life. I’m not…”
Samantha leant over, her hand finding Miranda under the table. She slid the zipper down and her hand reached lower.
“Jesus.”
“Don't say a word.”
Her hand moved slowly, and Miranda tried to look anywhere but where she was. Tried to look normal, whatever that was. After a minute or two, Carrie walked up to them.
“Hey, you won’t believe who I just saw…” Then she gave them both a look. “Something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Samantha purred. Her hand moved away quickly, but Miranda’s face was still red. She was smiling, despite herself.
“Miranda?” Carrie tilted her head. “Are you feeling alright.”
“What? Yes.” She paused. “I mean…” She looked at Samantha. “No.”
“No?” Carrie pouted. “Really? Because I was going to introduce you to-”
“She’s sick.” Samantha said quickly. “I was going to take her home.”
“Too much to drink?” Carrie asked. Miranda tried not to look Carrie in the eye, she nodded.
“You know me.”
“Well, ok,” Carrie said slowly. She looked at one, then the other. “But you owe me conversation time tomorrow.”
“I promise,” Miranda said. Samantha snorted a laugh.
Author: giantessmess
Fandom: Sex and the City
Pairing: Miranda/Samantha
Requested by: arxev
Prompt: Inhibitions
Rating: PG-13
“Look, I’m just not comfortable with it.” Miranda quickly looked to where Carrie was standing by the bar. “I’m not comfortable with it, end of story.”
Samantha sighed, “It’s a little late to back out now.”
Miranda snorted.
“Don’t give me that look,” Samatha said. “It’s too late.”
“What is this, porn logic?”
Samantha held up her glass, “Hey, I’ll drink to that.”
“No, ok? Jesus.”
Samantha leant back in her chair and gave Miranda a look of appraisal. “You know, you really fucking disappoint me sometimes.”
“Well, I’m sorry.” Miranda snapped.
They finished their drinks in silence. Miranda had nothing to do with her hands; she tapped her nails on the table.
“Look,” Samantha said, after a few more minutes. “Might I suggest getting really drunk?”
“No.” Miranda moved her seat back a little. She tried to laugh it off. “I’m not that easy.”
“Come on, I’m starting to believe in that marvelous porn logic -”
“Oh please.”
“I’m serious. I really think every woman is a few drinks away from a muff dive.”
Miranda looked around in alarm, “Will you keep it down?”
“Please, as if Carrie can overhear from all the way over there.”
“Fuck Carrie, I’m worried the whole bar will hear.”
“Fuck Carrie?”
Miranda gave a nervous laugh, “listen, it wasn’t a real bet. I was just joking, alright? Joking.”
“Methinks the lady doeth protest too much.”
“You sound like a Shakespearean whore.”
Samantha grinned luxuriously. “I think that’s possibly the worst thing you could have said right then.”
“It wasn’t a compliment!”
Samantha caught the eye of the guy standing behind them, interrupting his conversation.
“We need some drinks here, so my friend can get up the courage for a muff dive.” She smiled when he didn’t move. “Pretty please?”
“Uh…”
“Jesus,” Miranda snapped, when he was gone. “Are you gonna announce it to the whole bar?”
“If I have to.”
“It was just a joke!”
Samantha shook her head. “I won the bet fair and square. Full house equals full Monty. It wasn’t my idea.”
“I was drunk! Come on, Samantha. No, don’t -” She pressed a hand to her forehead when Samantha waved another guy over. “Jesus.”
“How many drinks,” Samantha asked without greeting, “do you think your average girl needs to release her inner-dyke? Five? Seven?”
“A hundred?” Miranda muttered.
The guy grinned, “Four.”
“Jackass.”
The guy shrugged, “you offering?”
“Offering what?” Miranda said, “can you hear yourself right now? Can you actually hear yourself?”
The guy gave her a sneer and left.
“It was just a bit if friendly conversation, Miranda.”
“Give me a break.” Miranda fumbled for a cigarette. “At least I know you’re not being serious about this whole thing, now. Because that shit?” she motioned to the empty space vacated by the guy. “That would not get you into my pants, I can assure you.” She shot Samantha a look. “Assuming there is any chance, which there clearly isn’t.”
“You definitely need a drink,” Samantha looked around, “With that much tension, your pussy can probably double as a bottle-opener.”
Miranda rolled her eyes.
The guy they’d sent to get their drinks returned. He handed them over and looked expectantly at Miranda, then Samantha.
“Thanks so much,” Samantha purred.
When he didn’t leave Miranda breathed through her nose.
“Yes, you can go now. Thank you."
He narrowed his eyes, “goddamn dykes.”
“Oh honestly,” Samantha said. “he’d have to be fucking high if he thought we were going to include him. I mean, with that ass?”
“Well, you did imply...”
Samantha shot her a smile and Miranda started backtracking.
“Oh, no. I don’t care how drunk you want to get me. The bet is void. Finished. Done with.”
“There’s no fancy legal way of getting out of a bet. It’s a matter of honor.”
“Yeah, right. I said I was drunk, didn’t I? I swear I did.”
“I’m beginning to think you’re as dull as shit until you get drunk.”
“Thanks.”
“Come on, lighten up a little.”
“I’m still not going to sleep with you.”
“But you were so friendly when I was telling you how much I just needed to get laid by a woman every now and then.”
“Drunk.”
“Oh, that’s your excuse for everything.”
“No it isn’t!”
“Then let me give you a hand job.”
“What?” Miranda lowered her voice. “Not right here?”
Samantha smiled, “I’ll buy you another drink first, if you like.”
“Well…” Then Miranda shook her head vigorously. “No. Not on your fucking life. I’m not…”
Samantha leant over, her hand finding Miranda under the table. She slid the zipper down and her hand reached lower.
“Jesus.”
“Don't say a word.”
Her hand moved slowly, and Miranda tried to look anywhere but where she was. Tried to look normal, whatever that was. After a minute or two, Carrie walked up to them.
“Hey, you won’t believe who I just saw…” Then she gave them both a look. “Something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Samantha purred. Her hand moved away quickly, but Miranda’s face was still red. She was smiling, despite herself.
“Miranda?” Carrie tilted her head. “Are you feeling alright.”
“What? Yes.” She paused. “I mean…” She looked at Samantha. “No.”
“No?” Carrie pouted. “Really? Because I was going to introduce you to-”
“She’s sick.” Samantha said quickly. “I was going to take her home.”
“Too much to drink?” Carrie asked. Miranda tried not to look Carrie in the eye, she nodded.
“You know me.”
“Well, ok,” Carrie said slowly. She looked at one, then the other. “But you owe me conversation time tomorrow.”
“I promise,” Miranda said. Samantha snorted a laugh.