(no subject)
Title: Concerning Alex
Fandom: Figure Skating RPF
Characters: Drew Meekins/Johnny Weir, John Coughlin
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Work of fiction. Never really happened.
Summary: Drew reads about himself.
Author's Notes: Takes place mid-January 2011.
Drew Meekins knew he would have to read Johnny’s memoirs once he read his comment about how it was going to include his losing his virginity. Not that everybody realized the signifance of this remark. Given just about everybody in the figure skating community now knew their story and his identity seemed to have even leaked out to some of the fans, it was amazing how many made remarks to him about now learning who came “before him,” having no idea there hadn’t been anyone before him. Unless you counted the older guy he’d made out with, and Drew knew Johnny wasn’t about to tell anyone any more about that guy than he’d already told his then-boyfriend.
It’s positively surreal, reading about some of the most important and emotional moments in his life as if they were happening to another boy, complete with another name-though God knows he’s grateful to Johnny for at least that tiny bit of discretion. But it’s not reliving that first awkward kiss in the dark that gets to Drew, or even reading Johnny’s words about how wonderful it had been to have his first time with him, though that was gratifying, the knowledge that he had been so completely forgiven. It’s reading those little details later that he hadn’t know, and when he reaches the part where Johnny describes lying in the ally, playing the Indigo Girls on his iPod and crying, he has to stop and put the book down, his heart torn out by pain he’d thought he’d left behind years ago.
He’s already been told Johnny thanked him by real name at the end of the book, along with all his other longtime friends, and he flips over to the acknowledgements now, and sure enough, there’s his name. And he and Johnny are good friends now, and don’t often talk about their past; in fact, the last time was when Johnny wrote to him and explained he would have to be completely honest about the two of them in the book, even if he did change Drew’s name, and Drew had given him carte blanche(he’s not sure now that was such a good idea, but he can deal with it), and even suggested pseudonyms.
There’s been noone since Johnny. Well, there’s been a couple of flings, even one that for about a week he thought might a real relationship, but the guy had been a complete asshole, so not so much. But even right after, when he’d been so angry at his ex-boyfriend, all he’d been able to think was how could any boy he met on the street or even at the rink could compare to such a beautiful, passionate, perfect being? He’s never found his equal and he knows he never will.
He forces himself to read through to the end, the final breakup, his own words, the ones that felt so absolutely justified at the time, making him now want to slap this bastard Alex, even though he himself is said bastard. He bursts into tears at the end and just lets himself sit and wait until it dies down. He’s just starting to feel okay again and thinking about picking the book back up to read the next safe parts that don’t involve him when he hears the door to the apartment open, and the only guy who he's given a key to is John, and some instinct tells Drew that he’s needed.
When Drew comes out of the bedroom, John's gone into the living area and sat heavily down. He looks too restless to be interested in a drink, so Drew just goes over to him and sits down next to him and takes his hands. “Hard day?” he asks.
“Not really, practice went great,” said John. “Too good. We ran through the long and...”
“One of those run-throughs,” Drew finishes for him. This was something that happened all through the summer, and still does sometimes, when John and Caitlin would do their program and it would just hit John, what it all meant. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, stroking John’s back and shoulders. “It’s all right.”
“I know,” he says. “It’s just sometimes I do feel her there, you know, and it’s like we can’t reach each other and it hurts so much...” They both fall silent; Drew keeps up his soothing; there isn’t much more to say to make John feel better; there’s just this.
Eventually John turns his head, and of course Drew’s reddened eyes don’t escape his notice. “But you look like something’s upset you. It’s not that book of Johnny’s is it?” He sees just from Drew’s face that it is. “Reading about yourself?”
“The breakup,” says Drew simply.
John gives Drew a very pointed look, then taps the side of his face. “Now don’t you forget what you said to me at Junior Worlds. That night after the pairs free when he made you cry, and left you unable to enjoy the biggest victory of your career, because he couldn’t be bothered to listen to you. When he made it clear your problems didn’t count as much with him as his own, and he thought he was bigger than you just because he’d made the Olympics and become famous. I’m sure he doesn’t put it that way in that book, but you know that was true.”
“You’re refusing to read it,” Drew observes.
“Why should I read the mad scribblings of the guy who broke my best friend’s heart? Don’t go telling me you broke his; he broke yours first.”
“It’s okay, you know,” Drew says gently. “We’ve forgiven each other. We’re good friends now.”
“Except he’s just made you feel guilty, and that’s not cool. If I were you; I’d put the book down for a while, at least.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Good,” says John. “I think we both need a hug.”
So he nearly squishes Drew in his big arms, and as he does, another section of the book suddenly runs through Drew’s head: Paris became my closest confidant and constant companion but I wasn’t in the least attracted to him. When I came out to my mom, I told her I might still marry a woman. I wasn’t talking about sex. Forever and ever and happily ever after doesn’t necessarily pertain to sex.
And he realizes he was wrong when he thought there’d been no one since Johnny. Because when it came down to it, though he and John had always been friends, it was when things had started to fall apart with Johnny that the two of them had really started getting close, and he should have recognized the significance of that. Without noticing or thinking about it he’s managed to move from one John to another, and that the second one’s too straight for any sex to be happening doesn’t change that fact.
He’s going to have to email Johnny to thank him for making him realize that. It’s a wonderful final gift.
Fandom: Figure Skating RPF
Characters: Drew Meekins/Johnny Weir, John Coughlin
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Work of fiction. Never really happened.
Summary: Drew reads about himself.
Author's Notes: Takes place mid-January 2011.
Drew Meekins knew he would have to read Johnny’s memoirs once he read his comment about how it was going to include his losing his virginity. Not that everybody realized the signifance of this remark. Given just about everybody in the figure skating community now knew their story and his identity seemed to have even leaked out to some of the fans, it was amazing how many made remarks to him about now learning who came “before him,” having no idea there hadn’t been anyone before him. Unless you counted the older guy he’d made out with, and Drew knew Johnny wasn’t about to tell anyone any more about that guy than he’d already told his then-boyfriend.
It’s positively surreal, reading about some of the most important and emotional moments in his life as if they were happening to another boy, complete with another name-though God knows he’s grateful to Johnny for at least that tiny bit of discretion. But it’s not reliving that first awkward kiss in the dark that gets to Drew, or even reading Johnny’s words about how wonderful it had been to have his first time with him, though that was gratifying, the knowledge that he had been so completely forgiven. It’s reading those little details later that he hadn’t know, and when he reaches the part where Johnny describes lying in the ally, playing the Indigo Girls on his iPod and crying, he has to stop and put the book down, his heart torn out by pain he’d thought he’d left behind years ago.
He’s already been told Johnny thanked him by real name at the end of the book, along with all his other longtime friends, and he flips over to the acknowledgements now, and sure enough, there’s his name. And he and Johnny are good friends now, and don’t often talk about their past; in fact, the last time was when Johnny wrote to him and explained he would have to be completely honest about the two of them in the book, even if he did change Drew’s name, and Drew had given him carte blanche(he’s not sure now that was such a good idea, but he can deal with it), and even suggested pseudonyms.
There’s been noone since Johnny. Well, there’s been a couple of flings, even one that for about a week he thought might a real relationship, but the guy had been a complete asshole, so not so much. But even right after, when he’d been so angry at his ex-boyfriend, all he’d been able to think was how could any boy he met on the street or even at the rink could compare to such a beautiful, passionate, perfect being? He’s never found his equal and he knows he never will.
He forces himself to read through to the end, the final breakup, his own words, the ones that felt so absolutely justified at the time, making him now want to slap this bastard Alex, even though he himself is said bastard. He bursts into tears at the end and just lets himself sit and wait until it dies down. He’s just starting to feel okay again and thinking about picking the book back up to read the next safe parts that don’t involve him when he hears the door to the apartment open, and the only guy who he's given a key to is John, and some instinct tells Drew that he’s needed.
When Drew comes out of the bedroom, John's gone into the living area and sat heavily down. He looks too restless to be interested in a drink, so Drew just goes over to him and sits down next to him and takes his hands. “Hard day?” he asks.
“Not really, practice went great,” said John. “Too good. We ran through the long and...”
“One of those run-throughs,” Drew finishes for him. This was something that happened all through the summer, and still does sometimes, when John and Caitlin would do their program and it would just hit John, what it all meant. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, stroking John’s back and shoulders. “It’s all right.”
“I know,” he says. “It’s just sometimes I do feel her there, you know, and it’s like we can’t reach each other and it hurts so much...” They both fall silent; Drew keeps up his soothing; there isn’t much more to say to make John feel better; there’s just this.
Eventually John turns his head, and of course Drew’s reddened eyes don’t escape his notice. “But you look like something’s upset you. It’s not that book of Johnny’s is it?” He sees just from Drew’s face that it is. “Reading about yourself?”
“The breakup,” says Drew simply.
John gives Drew a very pointed look, then taps the side of his face. “Now don’t you forget what you said to me at Junior Worlds. That night after the pairs free when he made you cry, and left you unable to enjoy the biggest victory of your career, because he couldn’t be bothered to listen to you. When he made it clear your problems didn’t count as much with him as his own, and he thought he was bigger than you just because he’d made the Olympics and become famous. I’m sure he doesn’t put it that way in that book, but you know that was true.”
“You’re refusing to read it,” Drew observes.
“Why should I read the mad scribblings of the guy who broke my best friend’s heart? Don’t go telling me you broke his; he broke yours first.”
“It’s okay, you know,” Drew says gently. “We’ve forgiven each other. We’re good friends now.”
“Except he’s just made you feel guilty, and that’s not cool. If I were you; I’d put the book down for a while, at least.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Good,” says John. “I think we both need a hug.”
So he nearly squishes Drew in his big arms, and as he does, another section of the book suddenly runs through Drew’s head: Paris became my closest confidant and constant companion but I wasn’t in the least attracted to him. When I came out to my mom, I told her I might still marry a woman. I wasn’t talking about sex. Forever and ever and happily ever after doesn’t necessarily pertain to sex.
And he realizes he was wrong when he thought there’d been no one since Johnny. Because when it came down to it, though he and John had always been friends, it was when things had started to fall apart with Johnny that the two of them had really started getting close, and he should have recognized the significance of that. Without noticing or thinking about it he’s managed to move from one John to another, and that the second one’s too straight for any sex to be happening doesn’t change that fact.
He’s going to have to email Johnny to thank him for making him realize that. It’s a wonderful final gift.