Not much time - but only so much: this makes me EXTREMELY hungry for your AU! It's real subtle, wow, that Fei that comes to life even in this short piece.
That makes me glad, though, that you've got a beta, because sometimes your English sound, very, um, artful. And I want to "get" everything right, it's soso juicy ;-)
Best for you, writing on such a high level, would be a beta fluent both in English and your native tongue - so nothing gets lost, yummyumm, "I'm Yoh sexual" haaah (not worksafe ;-) - PG 13: you read this to your kids *g*? Yeah well, why not!?)
hehe -subtle, yes that's what it's supposed be for this one, with limited amount of words :); and artful-nicely put :), yeah, I have to work on comprehensibility (simply dumb down stuff) and get rid of my obsession with rhythm and rhyming in English sentences so you can "get"" it all, every romantic/unromantic juicy bit =D
My beta is French, but she is far better than me in English and she can express herself really well in this language. Also I gave a certain part for proofreading to my Canadian coworker (28 old boy), just, @_@ I had to overwrite every word "lover" with "nephew" , he was fine with that, however ehm...other parts I'm not able to adjust so he can read them, even though he is very open minded:)
PG-13 sorry! Not my kids, but my husband red it ! and he came up with the tags that would rocketed the rating to NC17
So Fei Long longed for Yoh for seven long years then? Hmmm. Are you sure? He might have been thinking about MIkhail all of that time. ;) (Just teasing!)
I liked that Fei's eyes took on a "feral glow." That's hot!
ah, it is stated in the manga that Fei Long had been pinning for 7 long years for somebody else-guess who?; that's way Mik (actually nobody) had a chance =D oh well, I have Yoh as a man of a few words, maybe a very few, or I should not tear this snippet out of the story… there Yoh knew/guessed the situation, which had been between Fei and Asami... so he teased that for 7 years Fei Long was probably Asami sexual Thank you for reading and pinpointing that out!
But Fei says he's "Yoh" sexual now...to me this statement implies that he may have been interested a little in Yoh while he was pining away for Asami. Which is an interesting twist (but of course I don't believe it, not being a YohxFei shipper, LOL!).
interesting outtake and wow, you got the right feeling on that;); actually in the story he is interested, but rather unconsciously, in Yoh while pinning for his prince. I tried to point out a pattern in Fei’s relationships- the romantic ones. He is a type that is quite fixated on people significant to him ( father, Asami); of course only to Asami he was attached romantic way, and he says - ‘It (sexuality) goes along with my feelings.’ And for the previous 7 years he was only aware of his feelings toward Asami. Now…it’s Yoh’s turn… Our discussion helps me a lot to revise the drabble =D Thanks.
Comments 7
That makes me glad, though, that you've got a beta, because sometimes your English sound, very, um, artful. And I want to "get" everything right, it's soso juicy ;-)
Best for you, writing on such a high level, would be a beta fluent both in English and your native tongue - so nothing gets lost, yummyumm, "I'm Yoh sexual" haaah (not worksafe ;-) - PG 13: you read this to your kids *g*? Yeah well, why not!?)
Reply
My beta is French, but she is far better than me in English and she can express herself really well in this language.
Also I gave a certain part for proofreading to my Canadian coworker (28 old boy), just, @_@ I had to overwrite every word "lover" with "nephew" , he was fine with that, however ehm...other parts I'm not able to adjust so he can read them, even though he is very open minded:)
PG-13 sorry! Not my kids, but my husband red it ! and he came up with the tags that would rocketed the rating to NC17
Thanks for reading and kind suggestions ;)
Reply
I liked that Fei's eyes took on a "feral glow." That's hot!
Reply
oh well, I have Yoh as a man of a few words, maybe a very few, or I should not tear this snippet out of the story… there Yoh knew/guessed the situation, which had been between Fei and Asami... so he teased that for 7 years Fei Long was probably Asami sexual
Thank you for reading and pinpointing that out!
Reply
Reply
I tried to point out a pattern in Fei’s relationships- the romantic ones. He is a type that is quite fixated on people significant to him ( father, Asami); of course only to Asami he was attached romantic way, and he says - ‘It (sexuality) goes along with my feelings.’ And for the previous 7 years he was only aware of his feelings toward Asami. Now…it’s Yoh’s turn… Our discussion helps me a lot to revise the drabble =D Thanks.
Reply
Leave a comment