Newest Project

[skadus]

Hey everyone.... It's been forever sice i've done this but meh. I'd like to introduce you guys to a project of mine. It is rather old, but it's getting a major revamp so I'm going to post the new intro here. Please give me input and spread it around so I can hear from other people too. Thanks.

I remember a time when this bleak and dying

Comments

[scornedvow]

Might as well be a different story from what I remember. =P Nice intro, good descriptions- not too long. Characters are realisticly human with consistent dialogue. Interesting =P A few grammatical and spelling edits and it'll be a good start. ;) Deer? lol...

[skadus]

Yes, it is supposed to be deer, as in the meat. also called venison

[scornedvow]

either you did an edit on the entry or I was just blurring the spelling in my head. I could have sworn you spelled dear as deer in the dialouge. i went back and it's not there...................................................

[adorous_amor]

ooooooooo......nice

[skadus]

Yes I realize that there are tense changes through out the story. I didn't like using the past tense while trying to tell a current story, so you have a few awkward tense shifts from shake to shook or the like. Meh, I'll just have to resign myself to using past tenses because the present tense doesn't work in a narrative. I'll fix it at a later point in time.

[scornedvow]

gotcha. You just reminded me of Mama Berck for a minute. She's allowed me to read the book that she's written and Daniel, I think you'll enjoy it. Very much so. Anyway, at some point in the book her two main characters go to bed together and I can't imagine the book without this happening. It took so much pushing from her writing coach for her to write it though. She was very stubborn about it... lol...

Oh, btw and off topic, if you have the chance download neurotic fish and melotron. they are very good electrogoth bands =)

[ktdagroovecat]

i liked it, a bit choppy at points, and the story moves a bit faster than i think you meant it to. take the time to fully blossom every detail, and then it will flow better.