(no subject)
my obsessions are getting bad... and this ocd thing is getting worse...i have these wierd obsessesions that i try to block out with my compulsions... it reallly sucks... i try so hard to make it go away... i cant sleep without a nite light.. i havent slept without a nite light in my whole life... probally every nite in my life wen im alone in my room... i have of fear of being watched... sounds crazy...im not organized because i do start to clean, i cant stop. and if anything goes out of place or anyone touches it and puts it out of order, i go crazy... so i dont even bother doen that to myself. i dunt bother cleaning up... everything is messy... i used to clean up my room and spend about 5 hrs cleaning up... everynite i close all my closet doors ... its a ritual.... people dont know this because im always sane wen im with other people.. i dunt have to have my guard up .. im in constant fear of doen something embarrassing... the number one probelm i have is checking and checking and checking... i always have to be looking through stuff... whether it be a bag... someones closet.. my closet... watever... i dunt know why...i have the worst anxiety,,, i go thru peoples shitt not even realizing that im doen it... its not to steal and its not to be nosy... its juss there and i cant get away from it... i always feel like ive left something or ive lost something...i always have to check my pockets and bag... i have constant needs of checking... im always staring at people without even noticing it.. i always notice different things about people that day... and i cant help it ....
im gonna go try and study