I have so much to deal with right now and i really dont want to remember that i have emotions. I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you, And your memory, And how every song reminds me, Of what used to be...Its too distracting. I need to come up with something to get rid of the longong. God, i just wish i could be done with it all, too many years and ( Read more... )

Don't forget that life may be the big picture, but living is just the humble moments. Never sacrifice the fleeting spontaneity of an instant in favor of the big picture, because that is ever changing and uncertain. All we ever have for sure is now. Don't waste it ( Read more... )

Well yes, i fell into another hole. But, thanx to my own apptitude for resiliance and the wonderfulness of my amazing friends, i am out. I am okay, better than. I can look back at my mistake, see where i went wrong, and laugh at myself. I have another memory to learn from. And i can even be friends with my Mistake. Trouble is that said Mistake was ( Read more... )

I am sooooooooooo fucking stupid. I let myself get totally hosed. but i guess its what i deserve for being so desperate to bury my pain. Love made me vulnerable, so i let lust make me stupid. GODD i wish i was a vindictive bitch so i could get back a little of my pride. but im not so i will just sit here and stew in my pathetic rejection. FUCK. ( Read more... )

i officially can't win.

I have a whole in my hull and i tried to shore it up but the replacement gave out and im gushing. All i did was make the original problem worse. I am doomed to go down with the ship. The sea is a cruel mistress.

Ok i didnt realize my karma was this f-ing bad. seriously. what do you do when you fail at everything you attempt. when you can't have your first choice because you are too early, cant have your second choice because you were too late, and cant have your third or fourth choices because they both lack the proper equipment. I know i am good enough. I ( Read more... )

Goddamnit...i know i deserve this, but it doesn't make the hurt less. I have hurt so many people in my short life and i know that this is my karmic balance. it is my punishment to be hopelessly, unconditionally, unaccountably in love and unable to make it work. and i cant sleep cause it all hits harder when i'm tired and my defenses are down. My ( Read more... )

I find myself sitting completely still (something i never do unless im sleeping) and staring at nothing. The reason for this is that inside me my soul is SCREAMING at me in a language i don't really understand. But if i tried to translate it it might resemble: 'OHGOD-OHGOD-NO-WHY-ICANTHANDLETHIS-PLEASE-NO-OHGOD-SOBSOB' or something thereabouts. ( Read more... )

I had shin splints today, from my forest gump run saturday am. and that sucked cause i had to work all night. But at least i found out that running as fast as i can until i cant run anymore and collapsing on a tomb in a puddle of crying inability to breathe has the power to completely sober me up. note to self, huh ( Read more... )

For those of you who don't know, I have a job now. YAY. I am working at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks Cafe. I've been there for about a week and so far i rather enjoy it. Its the tough, stressful, busy sort work and i definately need more comfortable shoes, but i like it. My schedule for the next week is as follows (in case anyone wants to come ( Read more... )