fic: with the mouth of a goat, part 1
Title: with the mouth of a goat
Author: skiing_pelican
Rating: PG-13 Genre: gen; strong Dean/Cas vibes, but it's intended gen.
Characters: Dean, Cas, Sam
Spoilers: spoilers through 7.23
Warnings: old!Dean, old!Cas, human!Cas; minor self-harm; hurt/comfort; angst;
Word Count: 10500 total
Teaser: sequel to remember, who we are. A little time has passed and Sam had some time to figure out Dean. After a little breakfast date, Sam gets an idea on what to do with the two men who are to old and weak for hunting.
Authors note:
This is a sequel to my story remember, who we are. This is for all you nice readers on LiveJournal and Fanfiction.net who have chearleaded for it! This one took me a while to hatch out, but here we are! Of course, you need to read remember first to understand this fic. Remember was written for the season 7 finale meme hosted by mad_server. This story is set three months after remember. The things I wrote about the chubacabra are totally made up by me.
The one dialog written in italics is spoken in Enochian.
And I have no idea how long it takes to recover from malnutrition. My apologies if it's a little unrealistic.
And on a random note: I still have ideas for this trope. Ohmychuck, I didn't plan on writing a coda at all, and now this might be turning into a verse! Maybe. If you reviewers think it's good enough to continue.
Disclaimer:
I own their grey streaks and wrinkles, but nothing more!
It had been three months since their fight against Dick Roman. That day brought a lot of changes - but not some that Sam expected. Yes, he had been aware that one of them might get wounded or die. But he hadn't expected he would have to nurse two aged, starved bodies back to life and deal with a complete new kind of fucked-up-ness. At least, by now they both had enough flesh on their bones that Sam dared to take them into public without attracting attention.
"Why do we need to be here?" Dean asked. He was agitated, fidgeting nervously with his hands in his lap while he eyed the other patrons in the cafe suspiciously. He took the seat with his back to the wall so he could watch over the whole cafe.
"Dean, we've been over this." Sam sighed and folded his hands on the table.
"Doesn't mean I have to like it." Dean shot back.
Dean was so complicated. Sam had to meet another hunter, and when Sam suggested to meet him in their current motel room, Dean had a total shit fit. Dean argued they couldn't just let anyone into their place, Sam argued they knew the kid, but that apparently wasn't enough for Dean. In the end, Sam suggested to meet up in a quiet corner of a nearby cafe. Then he got the glorious idea to take Dean with him to expose him a little to normal life and other people.
"They have pie here." Sam offered. But it didn't do much to lighten Dean's mood.
"Okay, tell me what you want to eat." Sam said and handed Dean one of the menus. Dean took it hesitantly. He laid it out open in front of him and stared at it for several long moments. Sam didn't notice Dean's puzzled expression at first as he studied his own menu. He noticed the slightly lost look on his brothers face only after he dropped his own menu down.
"Hey Dean, what's with the wonky eye?" he asked.
"Wonky eye?" Dean questioned, raising his puzzled eyes at Sam.
"Forget it." Sam murmured and inwardly cursed himself for being an idiot. Dean was getting along fairly well with his english again, but he hadn't had anything to read… in probably thirty years and three months. Sam just hadn't realised that until now. It happened every now and than that Sam was under the delusion that everything was finally getting back to normal, until he stumbled over another deep void he hadn't even seen before.
"Need help?"
"No, no, I remember." Dean insisted and looked down at the menu again. His eyes travelled slowly over the words, getting familiar with the letters and piecing them together. His mouth moved slowly, articulating the words without making a sound. Sam waited, giving his brother the time he needed with a sympathetic frown on his features.
Sam was really glad that Dean wasn't ashamed. It started with not bitching about the baby food and continued to this point where Dean calmly took his time with the menu. At the same time, it scared Sam. It was just so different to the Dean he knew. The Dean who would bitch about anything that could hurt his manly pride. But this Dean knew he was a wreck. He knew he had to relearn just about everything. And he just… dealt with it. He had such an immense a inner strength that showed in all those tiny details, and it scared the shit out of Sam. He was scared about what that might say about Dean. If the calmness really was a sign of strength or if it really meant that Dean was just a broken shard of himself. But Sam doubted the latter. He knew his brother, and despite being much quieter than Sam remembered him, Dean seemed to lively for that to be true.
Dean finally moved the menu across to Sam.
"What's a hash brown?" Dean asked, carefully pronouncing the unfamiliar word.
"That's potato. You like it."
"Okay." Dean returned to studying the menu.
A hot young waitress came to the table and smiled at them. She was Dean's type, long hair and nice cleavage, but Dean didn't even spare her a glance.
"Hey guys, what can I getcha?" she asked cheerfully.
"I'll have the whole wheat breakfast bagel." Sam ordered.
"Okay. And for dad?" she smiled and turned her attention to Dean. Sam winced inwardly, but Dean didn't even falter.
"Some eggs, bacon and the hash brown." Dean replied calmly. But he couldn't fool Sam, Sam saw clearly that Dean wasn't comfortable with the unfamiliar presence next to him.
"Okay, coming up immediately!" the waitress said and poured some more coffee in their mugs. She hesitated, smiling at Dean.
"Your accent is cute, where you're from?"
"Uhm." Dean replied eloquently.
"Russia." Sam supplied.
"Oh, nice!" she smiled. "You don't look like a russian…"
"Yeah, well, not all russian have dark hair and darker eyes." Sam shrugged.
"Sure true." the waitress giggled and shuffled off. Dean relaxed slightly as she removed herself from his side.
"Is it that bad?" Dean asked frowning.
"No… well… you hear it a little." Sam admitted.
Dean nodded thoughtfully. He probably hadn't even noticed his accent. Truth was, Sam suspected Dean would probably never loose his new accent completely. Not with the amount of enochian Dean was still speaking every day. At least, this topic took Dean's thoughts off a little and he wasn't currently eying the other patrons as if they were monsters. But his shoulders still held a tenseness that showed clearly he wasn't feeling safe. Or at least remotely safe, since Sam never got the impression his brother felt safe at all.
"How complicated is enochian?" Sam inquired curiously, the inner geek coming to life. Dean snorted a laugh.
"Complicated isn't even a word for it." he replied, his old eyes twinkling amused.
"So how long did it take you to speak it?" Sam asked.
The wrinkles around Dean's eyes deepened. "Who says I speak it?"
"Well, you do… all the time." Sam said.
"Yeah. As well as a six year old speaks english." Dean sighed, his eyes still twinkling amused. "You can't imagine how fucking complex it is. It's got so many meanings and expressions. Cas 's right, english 's just so… limited. Hell, I only know a tiny bit, but I'm still able to say so much more with it than I ever could with english."
"So you're still learning?" Sam inquired curiously. Dean nodded.
"Every day."
"So you like it so much because of the… mouth of the goat thing…"
Dean barked a laugh. "You know Sam, that one's actually really funny."
Sam smiled. "I think I'll just trust you on this one."
The waitress came and set the plates in front of them.
"You'll call if you need anything, right handsome?" she asked, winking at Sam.
"Sure." Sam smiled back. The waitress left them alone again.
Dean poked the hash brown with his fork.
"Now I remember this." he said and started digging in. Sam also started eating his bagel, as usual, in a much more civilized manner than Dean. Sam was pleasantly surprised Dean didn't get suspicious of the food. This was the first time Dean ate something not hand cooked by Sam. That probably meant no food poisoning in purgatory. If they had any food at all.
"Dean, I want to learn enochian." Sam said between two bites. Dean suddenly stopped eating to stare at Sam.
"I don't think that's okay." he said hesitantly.
"Why?" Sam asked surprised. "I'd be able to get along much better with you two."
"There's a reason it's called angel speak, Sam." Dean said defensively. "Cas won't go around and teach the oldest, most powerful language there is to anyone just because they ask nicely!"
"But he taught you!"
"Yeah, he did."
"And you said you leaned it because it was convenient. It would be useful for me too, I want to understand you, Dean!"
"Well… I'm not sure that was the reason for teaching me or just the cause." Dean replied, not quite looking at Sam anymore, clearly uncomfortable with where this discussion is going.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked irritated. Dean leaned back and grumbled something exasperated in enochian, trailing a hand through his hair. From the sound of it, Sam guessed it was swearing.
"Sorry, Sam, not going to happen."
"Dean, you're talking in enochian more times than not. I want to understand you. You realise you're completely shutting me off when you're talking enochian to Cas?"
"Yeah, sorry about that. I just forget you might want to join in."
"I know you don't do it on purpose. It's okay. But it would help if I understand you."
Dean sighed deeply and leaned forward to return to his food.
"I said: Not going to happen."
"But Dean…"
"Discussion over."
Frustrated, Sam started eating his bagel again. Dean munched on his eggs, glaring through his lashes at the other people in the cafe. Sam noticed, but didn't comment. The sat in silence until a familiar figure entered the cafe.
"Cas!" Dean called immediately, even before Sam had a chance to spot the guy, and waved to signal where they were seated. Dean's tenseness relaxed visibly as the former angel slipped into the booth next to Dean. Sam now wondered how much of Dean's discomfort had been caused by being in public and how much by Cas' missing presence. Anyway, Dean was calmer now and that was a good thing.
"What are you doing here?" Sam asked. Cas hadn't slept well last night and Sam told him to stay in the motel room and get some rest. Cas was now essentially human, as much as an angel ever could be. He still had some angelic perks, just like Anna had when they first met her. An angel could never fully be human. But that didn't hinder him from getting a belly ache from eating something wrong last night. Sam noted on his mental list not to let Cas eat any raw onions before going to sleep.
"I sensed your unrest." Cas said to Dean. Dean instantly replied something in enochian. Probably that Cas' shouldn't be worried about him or that Cas should have stayed at home to sleep. Part of Sam was glad he was still able to tell what Dean would say, part of him was annoyed.
"Dean." Sam said in a warning tone. Dean looked back at him, getting it. The waitress trailed over to them with a new cup of coffee for Cas and asked nicely what he wanted, but she eyed them not too subtly, eyes shifting from Dean to Cas and back.
Cas ordered the same Sam had and the waitress left them again.
"What's up with her?" Dean asked.
"You do realise what impression you two make, right?" Sam asked. Dean and Cas were sitting so close that their thighs had to be touching all the way. Cas tilted his head in his trademark confused frown, Dean raised his brows puzzled.
"No, I don't."
Sam glanced at one and then the other.
"Personal space?" he tried.
Dean just blinked at him. This would be funny if it wasn't so sad. It was practically screaming him in the face how much Dean lost any connection to normal he ever had.
"You know what, Dean? These days you often remind me of Cas when we first met him." Sam said.
"Well, I've been around the guy for a while." Dean replied nonchalantly and shrugged. "But I also rubbed off on him a little."
Dean turned to Cas with a fond expression and said something in enochian with mirth in his voice. Cas actually chuckled. And it wasn't the creepy, crazy chuckle. It was probably the first real, honest chuckle Sam ever heard from the angel.
"Dean." Sam said slightly annoyed, crossing his arms.
"Sorry. I said the last tiger of Fu Hong…" he hesitated. "You wouldn't get it."
"Mouth of a goat thing?"
"Yeah."
"Cas, would it really be so bad if I learned enochian?" Sam asked. By now, it really bugged him.
Cas had the decency to look apologetic.
"I'm sorry, Sam, but I will not teach you. No human should be allowed to learn it."
"But you taught Dean."
"Yes, I did." Cas answered calmly, glancing at Dean.
"Sam, don't start with that again." Dean grumbled.
"I just want to understand why I can't learn it!" Sam said.
"I'm sorry Sam, but I can't teach you." Cas said frowning sadly. "I must ask you to respect that."
"Okay." Sam sighed. He could respect it, but it didn't help his feeling of being left out. Dean and Cas still needed him, but they often made him feel like the third wheel on the wagon. The intellectual part of Sam's brain knew he hadn't lost his connection to Dean. The more time he spent around Dean and saw how much his brother had changed, the more he realised just how huge of a thing it was that Dean trusted him immediately after he came back. But still, sometimes he felt like Dean had replaced him with Cas. And it didn't help that the bond between Dean and Cas seemed much deeper than the one he had with Dean. Sam couldn't even begin to fathom what they had gone through in purgatory, but it had obviously knitted them close together.
But at the same time, he was happy for his brother. It seemed Dean had finally left behind some of his trust issues, and that was more than enough to shove his own petty little issues aside and be glad to have Cas around. Dean needed them both right now.
The waitress came again with breakfast for Cas and they stayed silent for a moment.
"When's this dude coming anyway?" Dean finally asked.
Sam looked at the clock hanging in the cafe.
"He's really late. Like, really late."
Dean tensed up immediately. "He didn't make it."
"Dean, relax." Sam tried to calm him. "You know Garth. He's just late, nothing more."
"We should leave." Dean said, steadily. "If they got him, they're going to come here next."
"Dean." Cas said and laid a hand on Dean's arm. Dean stared back at Cas, and they shared one of their long looks. Sam watched, waiting. Dean eventually saw something in the angel's eyes and relaxed.
"There he is, finally." Sam said as the doorbell chimed and said man walked in.
"Hey Sam!" Garth greeted cheerfully and looked around. "Where's Dean?"
"Right here." Dean replied calmly.
Garth stared for a moment, his round eyes going wide. "Shit, Dean, that's really you? What happened to you, old pal?"
Sam winced again inwardly. Subtle like a jackhammer.
"Bad luck, I guess." Dean replied and shrugged. Sam still didn't get it how Dean could be so cool with it. He hadn't bitched about his age a single time. Even after three months, Sam still had a problem to wrap his head around it. Dean lost thirty years, but he didn't act like it bothered him at all. The only thing that obviously bothered Dean right now was Garth's proximity.
Garth snorted a laugh and sat down on the last empty place next to Sam. The waitress came immediately, poured him some coffee and collected empty plates. Dean flinched when she reached over to him. Garth didn't order something to eat.
"Thanks for your help." Garth said as soon as the waitress was gone again. "I just didn't know who else to ask since Bobby… you know."
"Cut the crap, what do you need?" Dean said sharply, but without heat. Dean just wanted Garth to stop before he started picking in old wounds. Or fresh wounds, in Sam's case. Dean glanced at him shortly, checking on him. Sam was perplexed and happy about it at the same time.
"Well, I've been on this hunt…" Garth started. "You know how it works - I went in, researched a little, talked to the people." He shrugged.
"At the end, I was fairly certain it was a chupacabra. I laid out a trap and caught it, then I garthed it."
"Okay." Sam said, "Then why do you need our help?"
Garth leaned forward conspiratorially. "Yeah, that's when the weird starts. You see, I was about to pack my things and leave, but I met another hunter. Steve. And he told me he ganked a chubacabra just one month ago in exactly the same town."
"That's odd." Sam admitted. "Chubacabras are rare. And they don't hunt in packs."
"That's what I thought. Steve told me exactly how his chubacabra looked - and it matched mine perfectly. Then I asked him how he ganked it. And just like me, he took every step needed. Iron, salt, you know the drill. We even burned the body. I just don't understand it."
Garth looked at a loss. "You guys are the last I can ask. Normally, I would call Bobby, but you know… You've got access to his old books?"
"Hm." Sam pondered. "We've never hunted a chubacabra ourselves. Yeah, I'll dig into the books and see what I'll find out."
"Thanks, Sam." Garth said honestly.
"Forget it." Dean suddenly said. "You can't kill a chubacabra."
"What?" Garth asked incredulously.
"Forget lore, it's all false." Dean continued. Then he turned to Cas and asked something in enochian. The two discussed for a while.
Garth stared at them bewildered and lifted his brows questioningly at Sam. Sam just shrugged.
"They're just talking with the mouth of a goat."
Garth grimaced at him, not any wiser. The two others ignored them.
"Hm, yeah, that might work." Dean finally said english.
"What?" Sam prompted. Dean seemed confused for a short moment before he got it.
"Oh, sorry. We were just discussing options."
"You can't kill the chupacabra, but you can trap it." Cas explained and started to draw symbols on a napkin.
"This works like a devils trap." Dean continued, pointing at the symbols that Cas was drawing. Cas seamlessly continued after Dean spoke.
"The difficulty is that you can't draw the last symbol before the chubacabra is in the middle, or the trap wont work."
"So your best shot is to gank it - although it won't be dead, then place it in the circle and close it before it starts to regenerate." Dean closed.
Garth's eyes traveled impressed from one to the other.
"Wow, thanks guys." Garth said. Cas slid the napkin over the table and pointed on one of the symbols.
"This one is the one you need to draw last. The door, so to speak."
"Yeah, and you might want to do it somewhere where nobody pokes their nose in." Dean added. "And where the rain can't wash away the symbols."
"Okay, okay. Got it. Great, thank you guys." Garth said and stuffed the napkin in one of his pockets. "We'll take care of it."
Garth eyes moved between Dean and Cas for another moment. Then he stuck his hand out at Cas.
"I'm Garth, by the way."
"Castiel." the former angel replied and took Garth hand into both of his, shaking it solemnly and staring at Garth with those soul-searching blue eyes. Garth blinked, even more bewildered now as he withdrew his hand.
"Well… I'll be on my way." Garth said. "There's a chubacabra I need to garth. Uhm… you guys were a huge help, you mind if I call again?"
"Sure thing." Sam said.
"Great. See ya." he said with a little wave and left.
Sam looked at Dean and Cas, thoughts rolling around in his head.
"What?" Dean asked after a while.
"Oh, nothing." Sam said. He was just impressed by the little show Dean and Cas just put on. They weren't even aware they worked together like a well oiled, well tended machine. He started thinking… Dean was too old to start hunting again. And Cas too. But there were other options. But he had to think everything through a little before he'd ask Dean about it.
"Let's get back home again." Sam suggested and finished his coffee.
"Finally!" Dean exhaled, clearly relieved.
/-/
Sam busied himself around their tiny motel room, examining the few worn books they had. Dean would need to pick up on his reading skills again, especially if Sam really put his new plan into action. The old, worn copy of war and peace he kept in his duffle wasn't exactly the right choice for Dean. Dean would have probably fallen asleep over Tolstoi even before his little trip to purgatory. But Sam also didn't exactly want to get Dean started on one fish, two fish. That sounded a bit extreme - Dean didn't need to learn reading, he just needed to catch up on it again.
Sure, there were still Bobby's old books in that storage locker, but Sam doubted they were the right thing to start either. Most of them weren't even written in english, and the ones that were usually had tiny letters and complicated language. He would just have to think of something. Maybe, Dean would like those romance novels that were really just full of porn. Sam grinned at his mental image how younger Dean would give him shit for even suggesting that - but the sad part of Sam's brain told him that old Dean might react differently. Dean hadn't even looked at that waitress today. Did his libido vanish with age, or was Dean just too paranoid to let anyone near him he didn't know? The answer sadly obvious.
Sam sighed and glanced at his brother. It was late, and Dean was currently curled up next to Cas on one of the three beds, both asleep. Sam had no idea why he still picked rooms with three beds when moving from one motel to the next. Dean just needed any security he could get, even if he didn't admit it. They weren't cuddling or anything, they were just constantly keeping each other near. Watching out for each other. And if an arm innocently moved in sleep and landed somewhere on the other, neither of them cared about it next morning.
Sam had to smile. Both grayish heads looked cute and relaxed when they were asleep. They looked so much better now thanks to the little flesh stuffing out their hollow cheeks. It filled out some of their wrinkles, making them look just a bit younger. But they still had a long way to go.
/-/
"Hey Dean, I've been thinking." Sam said next afternoon. He had spent the night and some time in the morning at his computer, searching for good options to start a new home base.
"Ouch." came the immediate response.
"Shut up, Jerk. I think we should get a place."
"You mean a house?" Dean asked, arching his brow.
"Yeah, we can't stay in motel rooms forever." Sam continued. "I mean, let's be honest, Dean. This is already the seventh motel since you came back. It'll be a while until you both are on your feet again."
Dean frowned, crossing his arms. At least he was considering it and not immediately brushing the idea off.
"I believe that is a good idea, Sam." Cas said.
"And well…" Sam continued, a little insecurely since he wasn't sure how Dean would take this idea. "You both have been great with Garth. I thought maybe, if you like, you could man the phones until you get better, just like Bobby. A new hunter home base. It would give you something to do."
Dean still had his arms crossed and stared into the air in front of him, deeply in thought. He looked very uncomfortable, and Sam understood. Of course Dean had issues with it. Dean was still paranoid around people who weren't him or Cas. It had been all to clear last day as Dean flinched at every fast movement in the cafe. Helping out other hunters would mean contact to other people, and no matter how uncomfortable that was for Dean, Sam was sure he needed it. Hunters might me the best option to re-socialise Dean. They weren't the most social bunch, but that might be good since they could relate to Dean's paranoia and probably wouldn't force their presence on him.
"Sam, I don't even remember half the usual hunting stuff." Dean said weakly. It was true, but it was also a lame excuse.
"You'll catch up on that again." Sam offered. "Besides, I'll still be around."
"Dean, your knowledge about the supernatural exceeds that off other hunters." Cas argued. "They would profit greatly from your expertise."
Sam nodded eagerly.
"But the stuff I learned down there…" Dean said. "Would it work here?"
"It should. The creatures don't have their full power in this plane. You will see that most of them are easier to defeat, and that the weaknesses they have in purgatory are much worse here."
Sam swallowed silently. He couldn't even begin to understand how bad it had been in purgatory. They didn't talk about it, and Sam was to respectful to ask. And always when he got little hints like this, he was shocked. Their fight against the monsters on earth was already hard enough. And the monsters didn't even have their full strength here?
Dean stayed silent for a while, thinking.
"You know, we should get a place anyway, just to make things easier." Sam suggested. "You can think this whole advisor business over a little."
"Okay. I'll do that."
Sam nodded. He hadn't expected more right now. It was good that the idea was out there and Dean at least thought about it.
"Cas can stay with us, of course." Sam added as an afterthought.
"Damn right he will." Dean replied matter-of-factly, glaring a little at Sam for making even the slightest implication about Cas not staying.
"By the way, Garth called." Sam added. "He said the trap worked great."
"Good." Dean replied and smiled weakly.
( part 2 )