Second Hand News, Kurt/Blaine, PG-13
Title: Second Hand News
Author: skintightsocks
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: 5,000+
Summary: "'The only thing more open than this blonde former-quarterback's mouth is his mind, if his late night motel trysts with McKinley's recently returned and notoriously happy Glee clubber are anything to go by.' Well they're not even trying to make these subtle," Kurt mumbles.
Spoilers: Takes place during episode 2x19
Author Notes: Title is from the song "Second Hand News" by Fleetwood Mac because it's one of the sadly under-appreciated classics from Rumors and we're suckers for a theme. We promise we're still writing mindless porn, we just really like filling in canon gaps with... well, mindless making out. Don't mind us, we just wanted to expand on how all of ND apparently ships Kurt/Blaine.
Finn
"Are you serious with this?" Finn snaps when Kurt walks into his room with his glass of warm milk.
"With... what?" Kurt asks, confused, putting the glass on Finn's bedside table. "I thought you said you were starting to like the milk."
"I'm not talking about the milk, dude, I'm talking about Blaine! How could you do that, Kurt?"
"Do what?" Kurt asks, flushing a little when his mind automatically goes to his and Blaine's phone call last night. But Kurt was whispering the whole time, there's no way Finn heard that. Finn just keeps glaring at him, not bothering to elaborate, and while Kurt's trying to give Finn the benefit of the doubt here, because he's been mostly awesome about Blaine so far, he can't think of anything else Finn could be talking about. And Kurt's not sure he can take Finn's weird casual homophobia right now.
"You know what?" Finn says, standing up and pushing past Kurt to walk over to the door. "I'm not just going to sit here and listen to you pretend nothing's going on. I thought you were better than that, Kurt." Finn stomps down the hall to their shared bathroom and slams the door behind him, and Kurt stares after him with wide, confused eyes. Finn hasn't been this pissed at him since that time in the basement, not even when Kurt donated all his puffy vests to Goodwill and then had to buy them back. What the hell.
Rachel
Kurt's flipping through some horribly boring book that Blaine had insisted he simply had to read when Rachel stomps up to him and says, "Stop it."
"Stop what?" Kurt asks, not bothering to look up. It's not like whatever Rachel is outraged about will be more interesting than a biography of the guy who invented the glockenspiel. Kurt does not understand how Blaine spends his time.
"I am begging you," Rachel says, impassioned. "Sam is cute, but he's not worth losing Blaine over."
Well, okay. Maybe he was wrong. This is certainly more interesting than German percussion instruments. "Oh, how I've missed your insanity," Kurt says, shaking his head at her a little and waiting for her inevitable insane reasoning.
"He's wearing your jacket, Kurt," she says. "I remember that jacket, you wore it April of last year. You said it was your Earth Day jacket because it was made out of recycled hemp."
Leave it to Rachel to remember something like that. He'd thought passing that jacket off to Sam would be a good idea. Sam's still trying to pull off the whole surfer boy aesthetic and he's much better suited to the crunchy granola thing than Kurt had ever been.
"Look," Rachel continues, "I know how these things work. I remember when Finn and I used to date, sometimes he would leave his letterman jacket at my house and I'd wear it to school the next day--"
"Okay, you need to bone up on your Fleetwood Mac-ology," Kurt says, hoping he can get her to change tracks if he brings it back around to the musical matter at hand. He doesn't know how Rachel found out, or why she obviously told Finn (and oh, that means Finn thinks he's cheating on Blaine too, wonderful), but the last thing Sam needs right now is Rachel Berry all up in his business. "When they made Rumors, they weren't speaking to each other. Not even 'pass the nondairy creamer.' They only spoke about the music. And it was that focus that allowed them to make their masterpiece," Kurt says. Rachel may be nosy, but she's also the only person Kurt knows who's more hyper-driven than he is.
"You're deflecting," Rachel says. Well, crap.
"No, I'm being a team player," Kurt says, almost wishing Rachel had any idea just how true that statement was. "And any minute spent on this vicious, hurtful, and hateful gossip is a minute taking away from preparing for Nationals," he finishes, closing his locker and giving her a look that hopefully conveys just how little he cares about her crackpot theories.
Quinn
Kurt doesn't realize that it's not just Rachel's crackpot theory until Quinn pulls him into the girl's bathroom and shoves the latest issue of The Muckraker in his face.
"Well, shit," he says, reading the blind item that her carefully manicured fingernail is pointing at. "'The only thing more open than this blonde former-quarterback's mouth is his mind, if his late night motel trysts with McKinley's recently returned and notoriously happy Glee clubber are anything to go by.' Well they're not even trying to make these subtle," Kurt mumbles.
"Rachel and Finn called a meeting before school, at The Lima Bean," Quinn says, rolling her eyes. "Everyone thinks you're cheating on Blaine. I tried to find you earlier to give you a heads up but you weren't around."
Kurt had, in fact, spent the time before school (and half of first period, but no one has to know that) making out with Blaine, who had the day off of school because of some weird Dalton-specific founding day thing.
"You didn't say anything, right?" Kurt asks, narrowing his eyes. He knows Quinn's been helping Sam out too, but he also knows that Quinn's pretty much always looking out for herself. He doesn't blame her, not really, but still.
"Of course not," Quinn says. "I told them Sam wasn't gay and left it at that. I wish this stupid newspaper would just go away, I don't need this extra pressure right now. My campaign has taken enough hits."
"Yes," Kurt says, handing the newspaper back to her and trying not to be too outwardly judgmental. "Let's do stay focused on the important issues in this time of crisis."
Sam
"Hey," Kurt whispers when Sam finds him in the library. "I figured this would be the best place to meet, since it's so seldom used."
"Okay?" Sam asks. "Is there a reason we're being stealth?"
"... Have you not seen today's paper?" Kurt asks, confused.
"Oh, that," Sam shrugs. "Yeah. So what?"
"So what?" Kurt says. "Sam, you know how this school works. You don't want gay rumors following you around."
"Kurt, no offense or anything," Sam says, clapping him on the shoulder, "but I kind of have bigger things to worry about right now, you know?"
"Sam, you might as well just tell everyone you're poor, trust me, it will be much less socially devastating than having people think you're gay." Kurt says, wincing apologetically as soon as the words are out of his mouth. "Sorry, you know what I meant."
"I do," Sam says. "This isn't going to make anything awkward between you and Blaine, right?" he asks.
"No, Blaine helped me go through my closet," Kurt says. "I made him promise not to tell anyone, I swear, I just don't like lying to him," he says when Sam's mouth goes tight. "He won't say anything. He even tried to donate some of his stuff, but he pretty much only has his uniform and lots of size small cardigans."
"It's cool," Sam says with a small smile. "If you say he won't talk, then he won't talk. I trust you. Thanks for the clothes, and for worrying about the whole rumor thing, but it's fine, dude. I can deal with the idiots, and if anyone tries to start shit with you about it just let me know, okay?"
"Okay," Kurt says, trying not to show how strangely touched he is by the fact that Sam really doesn't seem to care. "Just remember," he says, "don't you dare wear that Tom Ford blazer with a t-shirt underneath, okay? Button down or not at all."
"Gotcha," Sam says, patting Kurt's shoulder again before he turns to leave.
Mercedes
"Do you want to tell me anything?" Mercedes asks at lunch.
"Your skin looks lovely today," Kurt says, already dreading the inevitable.
"Tell me you weren't with Sam at a motel, Kurt," Mercedes says.
"I can't tell you that," Kurt says through clenched teeth. He's being needlessly pedantic, he knows, but it kind of hurts that Mercedes would just assume that he'd cheat on Blaine.
"So it's true then?" she asks him, disappointment clear in her eyes.
"It's true that I was there," Kurt says tightly. "But frankly it's more than a little offensive that everyone assumes the only possible reason a straight guy would want to hang out with me is for sex."
"Kurt," Mercedes says, her face falling. "It's not that, it's just-- You were at a motel. What is everyone supposed to think?"
"Nothing's going on with me and Sam," Kurt says with a sigh.
"Then what is going on?" Mercedes asks, her eyes lighting up the way they do when she knows she's about to hear gossip, and Kurt sighs, because he really, really wishes he could just tell her. But he can't.
"It's not my secret to tell," he says. "You know I would if I could."
"I don't know," Mercedes says. "I seem to remember not finding out that you and Blaine finally kissed until well after it happened."
"I didn't want to jinx anything before Regionals," Kurt says, rolling his eyes, because they have had this conversation approximately thirty times.
"So you say," Mercedes sighs exaggeratedly.
"How about this," Kurt says, leaning forward and straightening her necklace. "Should I ever find myself actually having an illicit affair with Sam Evans in a motel room, you'll be the first person I call, okay?"
"Deal," Mercedes says. "But only if you give me all the details."
Santana
"The thing is," Santana says, coming up behind him in the hallway and linking her arm through his. "If anyone understands the temptation to double your pleasure and double your fun, it's me, but trust me, Sam is not worth it. The boy kisses like an over-excited golden retriever."
"How interesting that you have that basis for comparison, Santana," Kurt snaps. He is so over this.
"I mean it," she says fiercely, stopping short until Kurt is forced to turn and look at her. "It's not worth it. Don't throw something good away because you're horny, alright? I'm trying to do you a favor." She looks surprisingly upset, her eyes big and shining, and Kurt deflates a little, because fuck if he knows what's going on in Santana's head ever, but she seems sincere for the moment.
"Santana, nothing is going on with me and Sam," Kurt says. "Okay? I swear."
"Fine, whatever," Santana says, closing off again all at once. "It's not like I care, I just feel like the public has a right to know about little Sammy's sexual shortcomings, okay."
"Sure, Santana," Kurt says as she flounces off.
Artie
"Look, Blaine seems like a nice guy," Artie whispers to him in English. "Cheating is not cool, and you should just man up and tell him about you and Sam."
"Could we just not?" Kurt sighs. "I'm not cheating on Blaine, and I'm getting increasingly pissed off that people have such an easy time believing I am."
"I'm just saying, cheaters suck and should be ashamed of themselves, even if they say they didn't know they were cheating," Artie huffs angrily. "You need to tell Blaine before you mess things up forever, Kurt."
"Look, I really don't have time for your issues right now, Poe is very engrossing," Kurt lies. He'd read through Poe's entire collection the summer between seventh and eighth grade when he had a brief, horrifying flirtation with the emo thing before deciding he just couldn't limit himself to a life of tiny t-shirts and studded belts. But Kurt would pretend to be engrossed in anything right now to avoid Artie's accusatory stare.
Brittany
"Do you and Blaine need to work things out on Fondue For Two?" Brittany asks him as he's standing by his locker and answering a text from Blaine.
My sweater hides it this time, but you need to be careful before I make you keep your mouth to yourself, he sends off before focusing on what Brittany said.
"Wait, what now?" Kurt asks her.
"Lord Tubbington went to school to be a counselor, even though he didn't graduate," Brittany says. "He fell in with a bad crowd."
"I'm... very sorry," Kurt offers.
"Think about it," Brittany says. "I like Blaine, he's always wearing ties like he's a tiny grownup. I don't want you guys to breakup."
"Don't worry about that, Brit," Kurt says, patting her shoulder comfortingly. "Blaine and I are just fine."
"Okay," Brittany says. "But you guys should still come on my show. We're on hiatus right now because I ruined my fondue pot trying to melt skittles, but we'll be back soon."
"I don't know," Kurt says, trying to let her down gently. "Blaine's not great on camera, he gets a little excited."
"Oh," Brittany says sadly. "Maybe you can come by yourself, then? Then it would just be Fondue For One, but I'm doing a makeover episode as soon as the cat wigs I ordered for Lord Tubbington come in."
"Makeover episode?" Kurt says, hating himself a little for his genuine excitement. "I... might be able to free up some time."
Tina and Mike
"Kurt, are you cheating on Blaine?" Mike asks him earnestly when he and Tina corner Kurt outside of the choir room. "Because Blaine is a really nice guy, and you're one of the best guys I know, and I don't want to think badly of you."
"I'm not," Kurt says, "and thank you for just asking me."
"No problem," Mike says, smiling happily. "I'm glad everything's cool, you two are the cutest couple except for me and Tina."
"Cohen-Chang-Chang represent," Tina says, holding her hand up for a fist bump with Mike.
"Oh, okay, sure," Kurt says, when Tina holds her fist out to him.
"Now that we've got all that clear and Mike can stop fretting about your true love," Tina says, smiling at Mike indulgently, "I need to tell you that I think Sam might be a serial killer."
"Excuse me now?" Kurt asks, honestly taken aback.
"Think about it," Tina says, her eyes getting all scary-intense the way they do sometimes when she's really into something. "We know nothing about him. He just transfers one day with his giant mouth and his charming smile and his perfect, perfect abs and--"
"Hey," Mike interjects.
"Yours are totally more perfect," Tina corrects quickly. "Totally. But Kurt, seriously, you should be careful. We don't want you to be serial murdered."
"We really don't," Mike says, nodding at him.
"I... will keep that in mind," Kurt says, awkwardly patting each of their shoulders before motioning them not-so-subtly into the choir room.
"Tell Blaine hey for me," Mike whispers over his shoulder, throwing Kurt a thumbs up.
Puck
Kurt thought the worst was over once practice let out.
As usual, he underestimated just how completely insane Puck is.
"Kurt," Puck says, grabbing him as soon as he walks out of the choir room door. "You can't do this to yourself."
"Puck," Kurt sighs, "let go of me. I just want to go home, okay? I don't want to hear about what a shitty person I am or how much you love Blaine, okay."
"That's the thing," Puck says. "I don't care. I don't care if you boned Sam, or if you bone a different dude every night--"
"Gee, thanks, how refreshing," Kurt says before Puck ignores him and keeps rambling on.
"--but you cannot, and I mean you cannot, break up with Blaine."
"Since when do you care about my love life?" Kurt asks, honestly curious.
"Kurt, I know you weren't here when it happened, but Lauren Zizes and a port-a-potty changed my life, and now I want to help you change yours. I've seen what love can do for a person, and when I saw you and Blaine on that stage during Regionals, man, I knew."
"You knew... what?" Kurt asks warily. He doesn't like the idea of Puck and a port-a-potty. He's been there before.
"That Blaine is your Lauren Zizes," Puck says simply. "He's the badass who can match your badassness and make you a better person, and you can't let that slip away, okay, dude?" he says, and Kurt doesn't even have a chance to laugh at the idea of Blaine as a badass before Puck is leaning in and hugging him.
Kurt freezes, but Puck doesn't let go, so he raises his arms stiffly and pats awkwardly at Puck's back. "There you go," Puck says happily. "Bring it in."
"Oookay, can we bring it out now?" Kurt asks a few minutes later, when Puck's still hanging on.
Lauren
"Hummel!" he hears Lauren shout from behind him as he's almost to his car. He groans and turns around, prepared for the worst.
"Puckerman wouldn't shut up until I promised I'd tell you that you and Blaine have a beautiful love and you shouldn't jeopardize that. So there ya go," she shouts from across the parking lot before turning and heading back through the front doors.
Well. That could have gone worse, at least. Kurt jogs the last few yards to his Navigator and unlocks the doors, slumping into the driver seat with a sigh. He glances into the rear view mirror, just to make sure no one's hiding in the backseat, ready to ambush him and tell him what a horrible person he is.
"All clear," he sighs to himself in relief as he tosses his bag into the passenger seat and grabs his phone.
Practice is over, he texts Blaine. I'll make those walnut chocolate chip cookies again if you come over.
Blaine
Blaine doesn't text back, and given that Blaine's been surgically attached to his phone since Kurt transferred back to McKinley, he's starting to think the worst. Blaine knew that he was giving Sam some clothes, but Kurt's not sure if he mentioned where Sam was living, that Kurt would be visiting him at the motel, or any number of things that Blaine might have heard and taken the wrong way.
He knows he showed Blaine Jacob Ben Israel's blog a while back. Blaine probably checked it today, and read the re-printed blind items, and oh god, now he thinks Kurt is a dirty, cheating harlot too, and Blaine's going to dump him, and Blaine-- is sitting on his front steps.
"Hi," Kurt says breathlessly, jumping out of the front seat almost before the engine is off. "You're here."
"I am," Blaine says, smiling brightly at him. "Mercedes texted me after lunch and told me what was up. I came right after Wes's stupid day-off ruining practice, but I forgot to bring my car charger and my phone died."
"Hi," Kurt repeats, kind of stupidly, and then he's taking a few shaky steps forward and throwing himself against Blaine.
"Hard day?" Blaine asks, stroking at his back and letting him cling. Kurt doesn't think he'll ever get tired of having Blaine around to cling to when he's feeling particularly needy.
"Everything's the worst," Kurt says into the shoulder of his blazer. "All my friends like you better than me and think I'm a cheating slut."
"They said that?" Blaine asks, completely failing to hide the happiness in his voice.
"Really, Blaine?" Kurt asks, pulling back and hopefully managing a convincing judgmental face even with his watery eyes. "Really?"
"I wasn't happy about the cheating slut part," Blaine says sheepishly. "It's just kind of cool that they like me."
"I was going to make you those walnut cookies you love," Kurt says, pulling out of Blaine's arms and heading back to his car to grab his bag. "Keyword: was."
-
"You're so cute when you bake," Blaine says, grinning at Kurt. He's perched on the kitchen island while Kurt drops the last few spoonfuls of cookie dough onto the second cookie sheet.
"I'm still not sure I'm even giving these to you," Kurt says, raising his eyebrow at Blaine. "Maybe I'll bring them to Sam."
"That's not a bad idea, actually," Blaine says. "Maybe you should make a double batch."
Kurt's stomach does that funny little clench it's started doing around Blaine sometimes - the one that makes Kurt want to actually swoon into Blaine's arms and never leave. "You just earned these cookies," Kurt says, placing the cookie sheets carefully on the oven racks and setting the timer.
"Come here," Blaine says, holding his hand out for Kurt. Kurt lets Blaine pull him forward until he's pressed against the counter between Blaine's legs. Blaine pets at the short hair behind his ear, his thumbs stroking over Kurt's cheekbones. "You know it doesn't matter, right?" Blaine says quietly. "What other people think, I mean."
"I know that, logically," Kurt sighs. "It's just hard when you're there and it's happening and everyone's just assuming the worst of you."
"Well," Blaine says, dropping his hands to Kurt's shoulders and rubbing at them, "that's your problem right there."
"The tension I carry in my shoulders and my lack of a personal masseuse?" Kurt asks, his head dropping forward a little and his voice coming out breathy. Blaine has really, really nice hands.
"Your friends." Blaine answers, digging his thumbs into the painful knot that's been building between Kurt's shoulders. "While they may have impeccable taste and good opinions about me, clearly they don't know the first thing about you. You're kind of the best person I've ever met," Blaine says quietly, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Kurt's.
"Sometimes you say the sweetest things," Kurt sighs, pressing his lips softly against Blaine's for a second.
"Which is why I get cookies," Blaine whispers happily against his lips.
"And then you ruin it," Kurt groans as the timer beeps and he spins out of Blaine's grip to go switch the cookie sheets.
-
"You're my favorite," Blaine sighs happily, draining his glass of milk and collapsing back on the sofa.
"Are you talking to me or the cookies?" Kurt asks.
"Both of you," Blaine says, moving to sprawl out on the sofa. He lies back and rests his head on the armrest, holding his hands out and making grabby motions at Kurt. "C'mere." Kurt glances at the clock quickly and then crawls forward, letting Blaine grab him and pull him close since they have at least an hour before anyone gets home.
"Do you feel any better?" Blaine asks, leaning in and kissing Kurt softly once Kurt's settled on top of him.
"Little bit," Kurt says, tangling their legs together and tilting his head up for another kiss. "I could probably be convinced to feel even better, though."
"Challenge accepted," Blaine says in a haughty British accent, and Kurt's still rolling his eyes when Blaine starts to kiss him, sweet and slow. Kurt makes a happy noise against his lips and lets Blaine pull him closer. Kurt loves this, loves how Blaine can kind of... calm him down. Chill him out. Make him stop thinking about anything but the way Blaine's hands feel, warm and heavy and stroking slowly over his back, and the way his mouth moves slow and familiar against Kurt's, his eyelashes brushing over Kurt's skin when he blinks his eyes open.
"I could do this forever," Blaine sighs against Kurt's mouth.
"Unfortunately we only have... 45 minutes," Kurt says, stretching up to look at the clock.
"That doesn't sound like forever at all," Blaine says, nuzzling his nose against Kurt's neck and kissing under his jaw. Kurt tilts his head to the side, letting out a soft noise when Blaine's teeth graze over his skin, his mouth trailing hotly down Kurt's neck.
"Watch it," Kurt says breathlessly. "You already left a mark, you're on notice."
"Mmm," Blaine says against his skin, deliberately kissing over the hickey. "You know why my phone died? I was writing you an epic dirty text about all the places I want to give you hickeys, and I kept adding to it and adding to it. Wes almost caught me during our meeting."
"That would have been embarrassing," Kurt says, trying to keep the hitch out of his voice. He really hopes Blaine finishes that text once he charges his phone.
"You have no idea," Blaine says, sucking over the hickey lightly before skimming his lips across Kurt's throat and kissing up. "I might have been kicked out of the Warblers. It got a little graphic."
"Y-yeah?" Kurt says, his hips jerking down instinctively when Blaine starts to suck intently behind his ear.
"Mmm-hmm," Blaine mumbles. He seems pretty focused on that little patch of skin, and Kurt doesn't stop him, because in addition to feeling incredible it will also be easily hidden by his hair. He admires Blaine's ingenuity.
"That was number five on my list," Blaine whispers into his ear in a hot, breathy way that makes Kurt shiver and press his hips down again, just quick enough to get some friction and then realize they really don't have the time to be doing this. Blaine pulls away with a groan as he starts to arch his hips up to rub against Kurt's, seemingly oblivious to the fact they're on the couch and running out of time before someone gets home.
"Blaine," Kurt gasps out, grabbing at Blaine's shoulders and digging his fingers in when Blaine's mouth moves back over his neck, sucking desperately now as he presses down at Kurt's back, grinding their hips together. Kurt tilts his head to kiss Blaine, open-mouthed and breathing in sharply when he can feel Blaine's hard-on pressing into his thigh. Kurt tries to pull back and stop his hips from rubbing deliciously with Blaine's, even when Blaine chases Kurt's lips and pouts at him.
"But you taste like cookies," Blaine says, his voice low and scratchy, and Kurt groans. It should be ridiculous, but instead it's just hot. Which applies to most things about Blaine, Kurt has realized.
"Blaine," he says warningly when Blaine leans back in and sucks at his bottom lip.
"Fine, fine," Blaine breathes out, loosening his tight grip on Kurt's hips. "But you should know that after number twelve, that list gets decidedly R-rated."
"Oh?" Kurt asks. He feels breathless and hot like this, his stomach twisting up in that way that always makes him feel a little wild, just out of control enough that Kurt wants so badly to push it a little further, see what things will feel like if he can just get a little bit more. "You should give me some examples," he breathes into Blaine's ear, couch and clock be damned, and Blaine's then hands are pushing at the hem of his sweater, his warm fingertips just brushing Kurt's skin when the sound of a key in the lock startles them both into hurried sitting positions.
Finn walks in while Kurt's still trying to smooth his hair down and Blaine's trying to untangle his tie from the scrolled edge of the magazine rack beside the couch.
"Oh hey, Blaine," Finn says. "It sure is nice to see you." He's staring pointedly at Kurt when he says it, and Kurt clenches his teeth. He's all set to ignore it, but he feels Blaine go tense beside him.
"Finn," Blaine says evenly, smoothing his tie, "I can assure you that Kurt is not cheating on me."
"Blaine, man, I don't want to have to be the one to tell you this, but--"
"Finn," Blaine repeats, his voice stern. "I know Kurt was at a motel with Sam. I know what he was doing there, and it wasn't cheating. I know that because we talk to each other, which is something you might want to try before accusing your brother of being a cheater." Blaine doesn't sound angry, just authoritative, and Kurt hates himself a little bit for finding it so hot.
"Whoa," Finn says, his eyes wide. "I was just trying to look out for you, dude."
"It's okay, Blaine," Kurt says, petting at the small of his back. "Finn was just--"
"Being kind of a douche, I guess?" Finn finishes for him, looking sheepishly at the floor.
"I was going to be more polite than that, but yes," Kurt agrees, a little proud that Finn would actually admit that out loud. "You could have avoided all of this by just asking me, Finn."
"I'm sorry," Finn says, meeting his eyes. "I was just kind of caught up in the whole rumor thing, and I still don't know what's going on with Sam and Quinn, and it's just. You two can't break up, okay?" he says, looking at them pleadingly. "You can't cheat on each on other or fight all the time or break up because it's like you're the only awesome couple I know, and if you two can't do it how the hell am I supposed to do it?" Finn drops heavily into the armchair across from the couch once he's done ranting, and Kurt has to bite back a laugh when Finn notices the plate of cookies still sitting on the coffee table and his eyes go wide.
Finn looks between Kurt and the cookies a few times, his face twisting up a little the way it does when he's trying to come up with a plan, and Kurt starts to laugh, going quickly from giggles to full out gasping, breathless laughter. "Oh Finn," he says, leaning his head on Blaine's shoulder for a minute to catch his breath. "Just eat some cookies. Blaine and I are going to go make another batch to take over to Sam anyway."
"Awesome," Finn says, already in the process of stuffing one in his mouth. "You're the best, Kurt," he says, crumbs falling from his mouth.
"I know," Kurt says, hoisting himself from the couch and holding his hand out for Blaine. "Don't choke, okay? You know I get really focused when I bake, I don't want to have to stop to save your life."
"Hey," Finn says as they head into the kitchen. "Hey, wait a minute. Why are you and Blaine taking Sam cookies? Is it, like... are you both hooking up with him?"
Kurt turns on his heel and shoots Finn his very best murderous glare. "Blaine," he says, still staring Finn down. "Go reclaim those left-over cookies. Finn doesn't deserve them anymore."
"Oh come on, man!" Finn says sadly as Blaine snatches up the plate. "I was just asking."
Author: skintightsocks
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: 5,000+
Summary: "'The only thing more open than this blonde former-quarterback's mouth is his mind, if his late night motel trysts with McKinley's recently returned and notoriously happy Glee clubber are anything to go by.' Well they're not even trying to make these subtle," Kurt mumbles.
Spoilers: Takes place during episode 2x19
Author Notes: Title is from the song "Second Hand News" by Fleetwood Mac because it's one of the sadly under-appreciated classics from Rumors and we're suckers for a theme. We promise we're still writing mindless porn, we just really like filling in canon gaps with... well, mindless making out. Don't mind us, we just wanted to expand on how all of ND apparently ships Kurt/Blaine.
Finn
"Are you serious with this?" Finn snaps when Kurt walks into his room with his glass of warm milk.
"With... what?" Kurt asks, confused, putting the glass on Finn's bedside table. "I thought you said you were starting to like the milk."
"I'm not talking about the milk, dude, I'm talking about Blaine! How could you do that, Kurt?"
"Do what?" Kurt asks, flushing a little when his mind automatically goes to his and Blaine's phone call last night. But Kurt was whispering the whole time, there's no way Finn heard that. Finn just keeps glaring at him, not bothering to elaborate, and while Kurt's trying to give Finn the benefit of the doubt here, because he's been mostly awesome about Blaine so far, he can't think of anything else Finn could be talking about. And Kurt's not sure he can take Finn's weird casual homophobia right now.
"You know what?" Finn says, standing up and pushing past Kurt to walk over to the door. "I'm not just going to sit here and listen to you pretend nothing's going on. I thought you were better than that, Kurt." Finn stomps down the hall to their shared bathroom and slams the door behind him, and Kurt stares after him with wide, confused eyes. Finn hasn't been this pissed at him since that time in the basement, not even when Kurt donated all his puffy vests to Goodwill and then had to buy them back. What the hell.
Rachel
Kurt's flipping through some horribly boring book that Blaine had insisted he simply had to read when Rachel stomps up to him and says, "Stop it."
"Stop what?" Kurt asks, not bothering to look up. It's not like whatever Rachel is outraged about will be more interesting than a biography of the guy who invented the glockenspiel. Kurt does not understand how Blaine spends his time.
"I am begging you," Rachel says, impassioned. "Sam is cute, but he's not worth losing Blaine over."
Well, okay. Maybe he was wrong. This is certainly more interesting than German percussion instruments. "Oh, how I've missed your insanity," Kurt says, shaking his head at her a little and waiting for her inevitable insane reasoning.
"He's wearing your jacket, Kurt," she says. "I remember that jacket, you wore it April of last year. You said it was your Earth Day jacket because it was made out of recycled hemp."
Leave it to Rachel to remember something like that. He'd thought passing that jacket off to Sam would be a good idea. Sam's still trying to pull off the whole surfer boy aesthetic and he's much better suited to the crunchy granola thing than Kurt had ever been.
"Look," Rachel continues, "I know how these things work. I remember when Finn and I used to date, sometimes he would leave his letterman jacket at my house and I'd wear it to school the next day--"
"Okay, you need to bone up on your Fleetwood Mac-ology," Kurt says, hoping he can get her to change tracks if he brings it back around to the musical matter at hand. He doesn't know how Rachel found out, or why she obviously told Finn (and oh, that means Finn thinks he's cheating on Blaine too, wonderful), but the last thing Sam needs right now is Rachel Berry all up in his business. "When they made Rumors, they weren't speaking to each other. Not even 'pass the nondairy creamer.' They only spoke about the music. And it was that focus that allowed them to make their masterpiece," Kurt says. Rachel may be nosy, but she's also the only person Kurt knows who's more hyper-driven than he is.
"You're deflecting," Rachel says. Well, crap.
"No, I'm being a team player," Kurt says, almost wishing Rachel had any idea just how true that statement was. "And any minute spent on this vicious, hurtful, and hateful gossip is a minute taking away from preparing for Nationals," he finishes, closing his locker and giving her a look that hopefully conveys just how little he cares about her crackpot theories.
Quinn
Kurt doesn't realize that it's not just Rachel's crackpot theory until Quinn pulls him into the girl's bathroom and shoves the latest issue of The Muckraker in his face.
"Well, shit," he says, reading the blind item that her carefully manicured fingernail is pointing at. "'The only thing more open than this blonde former-quarterback's mouth is his mind, if his late night motel trysts with McKinley's recently returned and notoriously happy Glee clubber are anything to go by.' Well they're not even trying to make these subtle," Kurt mumbles.
"Rachel and Finn called a meeting before school, at The Lima Bean," Quinn says, rolling her eyes. "Everyone thinks you're cheating on Blaine. I tried to find you earlier to give you a heads up but you weren't around."
Kurt had, in fact, spent the time before school (and half of first period, but no one has to know that) making out with Blaine, who had the day off of school because of some weird Dalton-specific founding day thing.
"You didn't say anything, right?" Kurt asks, narrowing his eyes. He knows Quinn's been helping Sam out too, but he also knows that Quinn's pretty much always looking out for herself. He doesn't blame her, not really, but still.
"Of course not," Quinn says. "I told them Sam wasn't gay and left it at that. I wish this stupid newspaper would just go away, I don't need this extra pressure right now. My campaign has taken enough hits."
"Yes," Kurt says, handing the newspaper back to her and trying not to be too outwardly judgmental. "Let's do stay focused on the important issues in this time of crisis."
Sam
"Hey," Kurt whispers when Sam finds him in the library. "I figured this would be the best place to meet, since it's so seldom used."
"Okay?" Sam asks. "Is there a reason we're being stealth?"
"... Have you not seen today's paper?" Kurt asks, confused.
"Oh, that," Sam shrugs. "Yeah. So what?"
"So what?" Kurt says. "Sam, you know how this school works. You don't want gay rumors following you around."
"Kurt, no offense or anything," Sam says, clapping him on the shoulder, "but I kind of have bigger things to worry about right now, you know?"
"Sam, you might as well just tell everyone you're poor, trust me, it will be much less socially devastating than having people think you're gay." Kurt says, wincing apologetically as soon as the words are out of his mouth. "Sorry, you know what I meant."
"I do," Sam says. "This isn't going to make anything awkward between you and Blaine, right?" he asks.
"No, Blaine helped me go through my closet," Kurt says. "I made him promise not to tell anyone, I swear, I just don't like lying to him," he says when Sam's mouth goes tight. "He won't say anything. He even tried to donate some of his stuff, but he pretty much only has his uniform and lots of size small cardigans."
"It's cool," Sam says with a small smile. "If you say he won't talk, then he won't talk. I trust you. Thanks for the clothes, and for worrying about the whole rumor thing, but it's fine, dude. I can deal with the idiots, and if anyone tries to start shit with you about it just let me know, okay?"
"Okay," Kurt says, trying not to show how strangely touched he is by the fact that Sam really doesn't seem to care. "Just remember," he says, "don't you dare wear that Tom Ford blazer with a t-shirt underneath, okay? Button down or not at all."
"Gotcha," Sam says, patting Kurt's shoulder again before he turns to leave.
Mercedes
"Do you want to tell me anything?" Mercedes asks at lunch.
"Your skin looks lovely today," Kurt says, already dreading the inevitable.
"Tell me you weren't with Sam at a motel, Kurt," Mercedes says.
"I can't tell you that," Kurt says through clenched teeth. He's being needlessly pedantic, he knows, but it kind of hurts that Mercedes would just assume that he'd cheat on Blaine.
"So it's true then?" she asks him, disappointment clear in her eyes.
"It's true that I was there," Kurt says tightly. "But frankly it's more than a little offensive that everyone assumes the only possible reason a straight guy would want to hang out with me is for sex."
"Kurt," Mercedes says, her face falling. "It's not that, it's just-- You were at a motel. What is everyone supposed to think?"
"Nothing's going on with me and Sam," Kurt says with a sigh.
"Then what is going on?" Mercedes asks, her eyes lighting up the way they do when she knows she's about to hear gossip, and Kurt sighs, because he really, really wishes he could just tell her. But he can't.
"It's not my secret to tell," he says. "You know I would if I could."
"I don't know," Mercedes says. "I seem to remember not finding out that you and Blaine finally kissed until well after it happened."
"I didn't want to jinx anything before Regionals," Kurt says, rolling his eyes, because they have had this conversation approximately thirty times.
"So you say," Mercedes sighs exaggeratedly.
"How about this," Kurt says, leaning forward and straightening her necklace. "Should I ever find myself actually having an illicit affair with Sam Evans in a motel room, you'll be the first person I call, okay?"
"Deal," Mercedes says. "But only if you give me all the details."
Santana
"The thing is," Santana says, coming up behind him in the hallway and linking her arm through his. "If anyone understands the temptation to double your pleasure and double your fun, it's me, but trust me, Sam is not worth it. The boy kisses like an over-excited golden retriever."
"How interesting that you have that basis for comparison, Santana," Kurt snaps. He is so over this.
"I mean it," she says fiercely, stopping short until Kurt is forced to turn and look at her. "It's not worth it. Don't throw something good away because you're horny, alright? I'm trying to do you a favor." She looks surprisingly upset, her eyes big and shining, and Kurt deflates a little, because fuck if he knows what's going on in Santana's head ever, but she seems sincere for the moment.
"Santana, nothing is going on with me and Sam," Kurt says. "Okay? I swear."
"Fine, whatever," Santana says, closing off again all at once. "It's not like I care, I just feel like the public has a right to know about little Sammy's sexual shortcomings, okay."
"Sure, Santana," Kurt says as she flounces off.
Artie
"Look, Blaine seems like a nice guy," Artie whispers to him in English. "Cheating is not cool, and you should just man up and tell him about you and Sam."
"Could we just not?" Kurt sighs. "I'm not cheating on Blaine, and I'm getting increasingly pissed off that people have such an easy time believing I am."
"I'm just saying, cheaters suck and should be ashamed of themselves, even if they say they didn't know they were cheating," Artie huffs angrily. "You need to tell Blaine before you mess things up forever, Kurt."
"Look, I really don't have time for your issues right now, Poe is very engrossing," Kurt lies. He'd read through Poe's entire collection the summer between seventh and eighth grade when he had a brief, horrifying flirtation with the emo thing before deciding he just couldn't limit himself to a life of tiny t-shirts and studded belts. But Kurt would pretend to be engrossed in anything right now to avoid Artie's accusatory stare.
Brittany
"Do you and Blaine need to work things out on Fondue For Two?" Brittany asks him as he's standing by his locker and answering a text from Blaine.
My sweater hides it this time, but you need to be careful before I make you keep your mouth to yourself, he sends off before focusing on what Brittany said.
"Wait, what now?" Kurt asks her.
"Lord Tubbington went to school to be a counselor, even though he didn't graduate," Brittany says. "He fell in with a bad crowd."
"I'm... very sorry," Kurt offers.
"Think about it," Brittany says. "I like Blaine, he's always wearing ties like he's a tiny grownup. I don't want you guys to breakup."
"Don't worry about that, Brit," Kurt says, patting her shoulder comfortingly. "Blaine and I are just fine."
"Okay," Brittany says. "But you guys should still come on my show. We're on hiatus right now because I ruined my fondue pot trying to melt skittles, but we'll be back soon."
"I don't know," Kurt says, trying to let her down gently. "Blaine's not great on camera, he gets a little excited."
"Oh," Brittany says sadly. "Maybe you can come by yourself, then? Then it would just be Fondue For One, but I'm doing a makeover episode as soon as the cat wigs I ordered for Lord Tubbington come in."
"Makeover episode?" Kurt says, hating himself a little for his genuine excitement. "I... might be able to free up some time."
Tina and Mike
"Kurt, are you cheating on Blaine?" Mike asks him earnestly when he and Tina corner Kurt outside of the choir room. "Because Blaine is a really nice guy, and you're one of the best guys I know, and I don't want to think badly of you."
"I'm not," Kurt says, "and thank you for just asking me."
"No problem," Mike says, smiling happily. "I'm glad everything's cool, you two are the cutest couple except for me and Tina."
"Cohen-Chang-Chang represent," Tina says, holding her hand up for a fist bump with Mike.
"Oh, okay, sure," Kurt says, when Tina holds her fist out to him.
"Now that we've got all that clear and Mike can stop fretting about your true love," Tina says, smiling at Mike indulgently, "I need to tell you that I think Sam might be a serial killer."
"Excuse me now?" Kurt asks, honestly taken aback.
"Think about it," Tina says, her eyes getting all scary-intense the way they do sometimes when she's really into something. "We know nothing about him. He just transfers one day with his giant mouth and his charming smile and his perfect, perfect abs and--"
"Hey," Mike interjects.
"Yours are totally more perfect," Tina corrects quickly. "Totally. But Kurt, seriously, you should be careful. We don't want you to be serial murdered."
"We really don't," Mike says, nodding at him.
"I... will keep that in mind," Kurt says, awkwardly patting each of their shoulders before motioning them not-so-subtly into the choir room.
"Tell Blaine hey for me," Mike whispers over his shoulder, throwing Kurt a thumbs up.
Puck
Kurt thought the worst was over once practice let out.
As usual, he underestimated just how completely insane Puck is.
"Kurt," Puck says, grabbing him as soon as he walks out of the choir room door. "You can't do this to yourself."
"Puck," Kurt sighs, "let go of me. I just want to go home, okay? I don't want to hear about what a shitty person I am or how much you love Blaine, okay."
"That's the thing," Puck says. "I don't care. I don't care if you boned Sam, or if you bone a different dude every night--"
"Gee, thanks, how refreshing," Kurt says before Puck ignores him and keeps rambling on.
"--but you cannot, and I mean you cannot, break up with Blaine."
"Since when do you care about my love life?" Kurt asks, honestly curious.
"Kurt, I know you weren't here when it happened, but Lauren Zizes and a port-a-potty changed my life, and now I want to help you change yours. I've seen what love can do for a person, and when I saw you and Blaine on that stage during Regionals, man, I knew."
"You knew... what?" Kurt asks warily. He doesn't like the idea of Puck and a port-a-potty. He's been there before.
"That Blaine is your Lauren Zizes," Puck says simply. "He's the badass who can match your badassness and make you a better person, and you can't let that slip away, okay, dude?" he says, and Kurt doesn't even have a chance to laugh at the idea of Blaine as a badass before Puck is leaning in and hugging him.
Kurt freezes, but Puck doesn't let go, so he raises his arms stiffly and pats awkwardly at Puck's back. "There you go," Puck says happily. "Bring it in."
"Oookay, can we bring it out now?" Kurt asks a few minutes later, when Puck's still hanging on.
Lauren
"Hummel!" he hears Lauren shout from behind him as he's almost to his car. He groans and turns around, prepared for the worst.
"Puckerman wouldn't shut up until I promised I'd tell you that you and Blaine have a beautiful love and you shouldn't jeopardize that. So there ya go," she shouts from across the parking lot before turning and heading back through the front doors.
Well. That could have gone worse, at least. Kurt jogs the last few yards to his Navigator and unlocks the doors, slumping into the driver seat with a sigh. He glances into the rear view mirror, just to make sure no one's hiding in the backseat, ready to ambush him and tell him what a horrible person he is.
"All clear," he sighs to himself in relief as he tosses his bag into the passenger seat and grabs his phone.
Practice is over, he texts Blaine. I'll make those walnut chocolate chip cookies again if you come over.
Blaine
Blaine doesn't text back, and given that Blaine's been surgically attached to his phone since Kurt transferred back to McKinley, he's starting to think the worst. Blaine knew that he was giving Sam some clothes, but Kurt's not sure if he mentioned where Sam was living, that Kurt would be visiting him at the motel, or any number of things that Blaine might have heard and taken the wrong way.
He knows he showed Blaine Jacob Ben Israel's blog a while back. Blaine probably checked it today, and read the re-printed blind items, and oh god, now he thinks Kurt is a dirty, cheating harlot too, and Blaine's going to dump him, and Blaine-- is sitting on his front steps.
"Hi," Kurt says breathlessly, jumping out of the front seat almost before the engine is off. "You're here."
"I am," Blaine says, smiling brightly at him. "Mercedes texted me after lunch and told me what was up. I came right after Wes's stupid day-off ruining practice, but I forgot to bring my car charger and my phone died."
"Hi," Kurt repeats, kind of stupidly, and then he's taking a few shaky steps forward and throwing himself against Blaine.
"Hard day?" Blaine asks, stroking at his back and letting him cling. Kurt doesn't think he'll ever get tired of having Blaine around to cling to when he's feeling particularly needy.
"Everything's the worst," Kurt says into the shoulder of his blazer. "All my friends like you better than me and think I'm a cheating slut."
"They said that?" Blaine asks, completely failing to hide the happiness in his voice.
"Really, Blaine?" Kurt asks, pulling back and hopefully managing a convincing judgmental face even with his watery eyes. "Really?"
"I wasn't happy about the cheating slut part," Blaine says sheepishly. "It's just kind of cool that they like me."
"I was going to make you those walnut cookies you love," Kurt says, pulling out of Blaine's arms and heading back to his car to grab his bag. "Keyword: was."
-
"You're so cute when you bake," Blaine says, grinning at Kurt. He's perched on the kitchen island while Kurt drops the last few spoonfuls of cookie dough onto the second cookie sheet.
"I'm still not sure I'm even giving these to you," Kurt says, raising his eyebrow at Blaine. "Maybe I'll bring them to Sam."
"That's not a bad idea, actually," Blaine says. "Maybe you should make a double batch."
Kurt's stomach does that funny little clench it's started doing around Blaine sometimes - the one that makes Kurt want to actually swoon into Blaine's arms and never leave. "You just earned these cookies," Kurt says, placing the cookie sheets carefully on the oven racks and setting the timer.
"Come here," Blaine says, holding his hand out for Kurt. Kurt lets Blaine pull him forward until he's pressed against the counter between Blaine's legs. Blaine pets at the short hair behind his ear, his thumbs stroking over Kurt's cheekbones. "You know it doesn't matter, right?" Blaine says quietly. "What other people think, I mean."
"I know that, logically," Kurt sighs. "It's just hard when you're there and it's happening and everyone's just assuming the worst of you."
"Well," Blaine says, dropping his hands to Kurt's shoulders and rubbing at them, "that's your problem right there."
"The tension I carry in my shoulders and my lack of a personal masseuse?" Kurt asks, his head dropping forward a little and his voice coming out breathy. Blaine has really, really nice hands.
"Your friends." Blaine answers, digging his thumbs into the painful knot that's been building between Kurt's shoulders. "While they may have impeccable taste and good opinions about me, clearly they don't know the first thing about you. You're kind of the best person I've ever met," Blaine says quietly, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Kurt's.
"Sometimes you say the sweetest things," Kurt sighs, pressing his lips softly against Blaine's for a second.
"Which is why I get cookies," Blaine whispers happily against his lips.
"And then you ruin it," Kurt groans as the timer beeps and he spins out of Blaine's grip to go switch the cookie sheets.
-
"You're my favorite," Blaine sighs happily, draining his glass of milk and collapsing back on the sofa.
"Are you talking to me or the cookies?" Kurt asks.
"Both of you," Blaine says, moving to sprawl out on the sofa. He lies back and rests his head on the armrest, holding his hands out and making grabby motions at Kurt. "C'mere." Kurt glances at the clock quickly and then crawls forward, letting Blaine grab him and pull him close since they have at least an hour before anyone gets home.
"Do you feel any better?" Blaine asks, leaning in and kissing Kurt softly once Kurt's settled on top of him.
"Little bit," Kurt says, tangling their legs together and tilting his head up for another kiss. "I could probably be convinced to feel even better, though."
"Challenge accepted," Blaine says in a haughty British accent, and Kurt's still rolling his eyes when Blaine starts to kiss him, sweet and slow. Kurt makes a happy noise against his lips and lets Blaine pull him closer. Kurt loves this, loves how Blaine can kind of... calm him down. Chill him out. Make him stop thinking about anything but the way Blaine's hands feel, warm and heavy and stroking slowly over his back, and the way his mouth moves slow and familiar against Kurt's, his eyelashes brushing over Kurt's skin when he blinks his eyes open.
"I could do this forever," Blaine sighs against Kurt's mouth.
"Unfortunately we only have... 45 minutes," Kurt says, stretching up to look at the clock.
"That doesn't sound like forever at all," Blaine says, nuzzling his nose against Kurt's neck and kissing under his jaw. Kurt tilts his head to the side, letting out a soft noise when Blaine's teeth graze over his skin, his mouth trailing hotly down Kurt's neck.
"Watch it," Kurt says breathlessly. "You already left a mark, you're on notice."
"Mmm," Blaine says against his skin, deliberately kissing over the hickey. "You know why my phone died? I was writing you an epic dirty text about all the places I want to give you hickeys, and I kept adding to it and adding to it. Wes almost caught me during our meeting."
"That would have been embarrassing," Kurt says, trying to keep the hitch out of his voice. He really hopes Blaine finishes that text once he charges his phone.
"You have no idea," Blaine says, sucking over the hickey lightly before skimming his lips across Kurt's throat and kissing up. "I might have been kicked out of the Warblers. It got a little graphic."
"Y-yeah?" Kurt says, his hips jerking down instinctively when Blaine starts to suck intently behind his ear.
"Mmm-hmm," Blaine mumbles. He seems pretty focused on that little patch of skin, and Kurt doesn't stop him, because in addition to feeling incredible it will also be easily hidden by his hair. He admires Blaine's ingenuity.
"That was number five on my list," Blaine whispers into his ear in a hot, breathy way that makes Kurt shiver and press his hips down again, just quick enough to get some friction and then realize they really don't have the time to be doing this. Blaine pulls away with a groan as he starts to arch his hips up to rub against Kurt's, seemingly oblivious to the fact they're on the couch and running out of time before someone gets home.
"Blaine," Kurt gasps out, grabbing at Blaine's shoulders and digging his fingers in when Blaine's mouth moves back over his neck, sucking desperately now as he presses down at Kurt's back, grinding their hips together. Kurt tilts his head to kiss Blaine, open-mouthed and breathing in sharply when he can feel Blaine's hard-on pressing into his thigh. Kurt tries to pull back and stop his hips from rubbing deliciously with Blaine's, even when Blaine chases Kurt's lips and pouts at him.
"But you taste like cookies," Blaine says, his voice low and scratchy, and Kurt groans. It should be ridiculous, but instead it's just hot. Which applies to most things about Blaine, Kurt has realized.
"Blaine," he says warningly when Blaine leans back in and sucks at his bottom lip.
"Fine, fine," Blaine breathes out, loosening his tight grip on Kurt's hips. "But you should know that after number twelve, that list gets decidedly R-rated."
"Oh?" Kurt asks. He feels breathless and hot like this, his stomach twisting up in that way that always makes him feel a little wild, just out of control enough that Kurt wants so badly to push it a little further, see what things will feel like if he can just get a little bit more. "You should give me some examples," he breathes into Blaine's ear, couch and clock be damned, and Blaine's then hands are pushing at the hem of his sweater, his warm fingertips just brushing Kurt's skin when the sound of a key in the lock startles them both into hurried sitting positions.
Finn walks in while Kurt's still trying to smooth his hair down and Blaine's trying to untangle his tie from the scrolled edge of the magazine rack beside the couch.
"Oh hey, Blaine," Finn says. "It sure is nice to see you." He's staring pointedly at Kurt when he says it, and Kurt clenches his teeth. He's all set to ignore it, but he feels Blaine go tense beside him.
"Finn," Blaine says evenly, smoothing his tie, "I can assure you that Kurt is not cheating on me."
"Blaine, man, I don't want to have to be the one to tell you this, but--"
"Finn," Blaine repeats, his voice stern. "I know Kurt was at a motel with Sam. I know what he was doing there, and it wasn't cheating. I know that because we talk to each other, which is something you might want to try before accusing your brother of being a cheater." Blaine doesn't sound angry, just authoritative, and Kurt hates himself a little bit for finding it so hot.
"Whoa," Finn says, his eyes wide. "I was just trying to look out for you, dude."
"It's okay, Blaine," Kurt says, petting at the small of his back. "Finn was just--"
"Being kind of a douche, I guess?" Finn finishes for him, looking sheepishly at the floor.
"I was going to be more polite than that, but yes," Kurt agrees, a little proud that Finn would actually admit that out loud. "You could have avoided all of this by just asking me, Finn."
"I'm sorry," Finn says, meeting his eyes. "I was just kind of caught up in the whole rumor thing, and I still don't know what's going on with Sam and Quinn, and it's just. You two can't break up, okay?" he says, looking at them pleadingly. "You can't cheat on each on other or fight all the time or break up because it's like you're the only awesome couple I know, and if you two can't do it how the hell am I supposed to do it?" Finn drops heavily into the armchair across from the couch once he's done ranting, and Kurt has to bite back a laugh when Finn notices the plate of cookies still sitting on the coffee table and his eyes go wide.
Finn looks between Kurt and the cookies a few times, his face twisting up a little the way it does when he's trying to come up with a plan, and Kurt starts to laugh, going quickly from giggles to full out gasping, breathless laughter. "Oh Finn," he says, leaning his head on Blaine's shoulder for a minute to catch his breath. "Just eat some cookies. Blaine and I are going to go make another batch to take over to Sam anyway."
"Awesome," Finn says, already in the process of stuffing one in his mouth. "You're the best, Kurt," he says, crumbs falling from his mouth.
"I know," Kurt says, hoisting himself from the couch and holding his hand out for Blaine. "Don't choke, okay? You know I get really focused when I bake, I don't want to have to stop to save your life."
"Hey," Finn says as they head into the kitchen. "Hey, wait a minute. Why are you and Blaine taking Sam cookies? Is it, like... are you both hooking up with him?"
Kurt turns on his heel and shoots Finn his very best murderous glare. "Blaine," he says, still staring Finn down. "Go reclaim those left-over cookies. Finn doesn't deserve them anymore."
"Oh come on, man!" Finn says sadly as Blaine snatches up the plate. "I was just asking."