"Stolen" from a newsletter
This is NOT my writing. It was written by an 11th grader in Maryland who has Asperger's Syndrome. His name is Alex Mont. It came from page 8, Issue #3 of "The Arc: Insight". The ARC's website is http://www.thearc.org.
How NOT to Deal with Students' Bullying Problems.
By Alex Mont
In elementary school, there was a "DE-BUG" chart clearly posted in every room, outlining a series of steps students should take if they are the target of bullying or teasing. They were to start at the first step, and if that didn't work move on to the next step, and so on. The s teps were as follows: Step 1, ignore; Step 2, move away; Step 3, talk friendly; Step 4, talk firmly; and Step 5, get help from an adult.
"And what if Step 5 doesn't work?" I asked. The answer: "don't worry, the adult will deal with the problem." But wen I got to middle school, that idealistic perception was replaced by a far different reality. Although I had very compassionate teachers who tried to com fort me and clearly cared about the bullying I was suffering, they often refused to do anything about it. They would tell me that the bullies were just targeting me to "get a reaction," and that it was my fault that the bullying was continuing. Despite the fact that the teachers were trying to help me, their "just don't give them a reaction" mentality was absolutely the wrong thing to do.
For many teachers, when Step 5 doesn't work, their suggested "Step 6" is the same as Step 1" just ignore the bullies. They constantly told me that I was overreacting to the bullying and that if I could just stop overreacting, the bullying would go away. While it may seem true that the bullies' primary motivation is to get a reaction, for the teachers to say, "Just ignore it" only makes the problem worse. Why? Because we can't just ignore it. If you had people constantly pushing you in the halls every day, and you didn't know who was a friend and who was a foe, having to constantly look behind you every second in order to spot threats and try to evade them in an ultimately futile endevor, do you think you would be able to ignore it? Of course not.
Oftentimes, when my teachers told me to ignore it, I would tell them that I couldn't without further instructions on "how". They would not give me any such instructions. Now here is where the problem occurs: when teachers say "Just ignore it" with no further direction, they are implying to the students that "ignoring it" is a simple, straightforward tast that anyone should be able to do easily, which it isn't. Then, when the students fail, they get the message that they must be deficient in their "ignoring capability," because they have so much trouble with somethin everyone else seems to have no problem with. This only adds to the bullies' negative message and reinforces the students' feelings of inferiority.
Also, even in the event that the victim is able to ignore it, the "just ignore it" philosophy still does not help. This is because if the victim is able to ignore it, one of two things will happen. One possibility is that the bully will intensify the bullying in order to provoke a stronger reaction, just as an addict must consume ever-increasing quantities of drug to get the same high. In this case, the problem has clearly gotten worse. Another possibility is that the bully will just go on to bully someone else who may have a harder time developing a tolerance. Reiterating the "ignore it" protocol with this person will just lead to the bully finding a new target and so on, until the find one who, because of a condition such as autism or Asperger's, cannot ignore it effectively. The net effect of the "just ignore it" mentality is to redirect the bullying onto those least able to deal with it effectlively, and then to add a "blame the victim" message when it fails to solve the problem. is this the message teachers want to be passing on to students? So what do we, the students, need from you, parents and teachers? We need your help. If we come to you and say there is a promlem, you should assume we are telling the truth unless there is a specific reason to presume otherwise. Please listen to us. Even if you can't solve the promlem completely, the WORST thing you can do is to blame the victim. Please keep what I said in mind. Don' tlet us down.
How NOT to Deal with Students' Bullying Problems.
By Alex Mont
In elementary school, there was a "DE-BUG" chart clearly posted in every room, outlining a series of steps students should take if they are the target of bullying or teasing. They were to start at the first step, and if that didn't work move on to the next step, and so on. The s teps were as follows: Step 1, ignore; Step 2, move away; Step 3, talk friendly; Step 4, talk firmly; and Step 5, get help from an adult.
"And what if Step 5 doesn't work?" I asked. The answer: "don't worry, the adult will deal with the problem." But wen I got to middle school, that idealistic perception was replaced by a far different reality. Although I had very compassionate teachers who tried to com fort me and clearly cared about the bullying I was suffering, they often refused to do anything about it. They would tell me that the bullies were just targeting me to "get a reaction," and that it was my fault that the bullying was continuing. Despite the fact that the teachers were trying to help me, their "just don't give them a reaction" mentality was absolutely the wrong thing to do.
For many teachers, when Step 5 doesn't work, their suggested "Step 6" is the same as Step 1" just ignore the bullies. They constantly told me that I was overreacting to the bullying and that if I could just stop overreacting, the bullying would go away. While it may seem true that the bullies' primary motivation is to get a reaction, for the teachers to say, "Just ignore it" only makes the problem worse. Why? Because we can't just ignore it. If you had people constantly pushing you in the halls every day, and you didn't know who was a friend and who was a foe, having to constantly look behind you every second in order to spot threats and try to evade them in an ultimately futile endevor, do you think you would be able to ignore it? Of course not.
Oftentimes, when my teachers told me to ignore it, I would tell them that I couldn't without further instructions on "how". They would not give me any such instructions. Now here is where the problem occurs: when teachers say "Just ignore it" with no further direction, they are implying to the students that "ignoring it" is a simple, straightforward tast that anyone should be able to do easily, which it isn't. Then, when the students fail, they get the message that they must be deficient in their "ignoring capability," because they have so much trouble with somethin everyone else seems to have no problem with. This only adds to the bullies' negative message and reinforces the students' feelings of inferiority.
Also, even in the event that the victim is able to ignore it, the "just ignore it" philosophy still does not help. This is because if the victim is able to ignore it, one of two things will happen. One possibility is that the bully will intensify the bullying in order to provoke a stronger reaction, just as an addict must consume ever-increasing quantities of drug to get the same high. In this case, the problem has clearly gotten worse. Another possibility is that the bully will just go on to bully someone else who may have a harder time developing a tolerance. Reiterating the "ignore it" protocol with this person will just lead to the bully finding a new target and so on, until the find one who, because of a condition such as autism or Asperger's, cannot ignore it effectively. The net effect of the "just ignore it" mentality is to redirect the bullying onto those least able to deal with it effectlively, and then to add a "blame the victim" message when it fails to solve the problem. is this the message teachers want to be passing on to students? So what do we, the students, need from you, parents and teachers? We need your help. If we come to you and say there is a promlem, you should assume we are telling the truth unless there is a specific reason to presume otherwise. Please listen to us. Even if you can't solve the promlem completely, the WORST thing you can do is to blame the victim. Please keep what I said in mind. Don' tlet us down.