Last of My Kind
LAST OF MY KIND;; PG
siwon breaks up with kyuhyun even though they were never going out. kyuhyun moves on and siwon remorses. boo hoo. feat choi sooyoung because why not
"Hyung what are we?"
It's in his sleep that Kyuhyun's voice from that last call resonates with him most, the weariness of it, the altitude in which he is breaking, some hope but not much.
"We're brothers."
"Brothers?"
"Bandmates, you know. You're family."
"Family? Is that we were last night before you left?"
"You're my best friend, Kyuhyun."
"...I don't think I can do this much any longer."
"Do what?"
"Pretend."
Siwon sleeps like whales in the arctic. Floating and never landing on anything concrete.
Maybe three years pass when he reaches Seoul again, or maybe three days. Kyuhyun's waist side deep at the bar side of the patio with Sooyoung, fingers clutched to hers, and when she laughs, he laughs, controlled yet carefree.
"What's this?" Siwon smiles the way his parents taught him how to at conferences he was too young to understand for, and he nods graciously when Sooyoung hands him a glass of champagne, yes join us, please do.
"Sooyoung was just telling me she wants me to cut my hair short and push it to the side. She thinks I look better without a fringe."
"Cut your mop?"
"What do you think?" Kyuhyun pushes his bangs up with his free hand, full formation of eyebrows coming into vision, raised and waiting.
"I know what your forehead looks like, Kyuhyun. I've seen it many times before, remember?"
Sooyoung drapes a shawl from nowhere across her bare shoulders. And then she takes both of their glasses.
"Looks like you're running empty. I'll get you some new ones."
Sooyoung, among many things, is smart. And beautiful. Both boys watch her from the corners of their eyes until she disappears from sight as she walks away, leaving their lips dry.
"So you just change what you like the second I'm absent?"
"I don't like to label myself," Kyuhyun looks around casually to see if anyone's listening, but the caviar coming across silver platters is taking precedence over anything their conversation could say to a strangers ears, so he continues, "you're the one who taught me that very well."
"And Sooyoung? Does she know?"
"Know what?" Kyuhyun smiles, and Siwon hates the way he's inspecting his emerald tie in complete satisfaction, "she's a very pretty girl. You know that better than I do probably. And she can relate the most to what it's like to be dumped by Choi Siwon."
Siwon marvels at the way Kyuhyun's eyes droop with innocence even when he means to say his words ugly.
"We have a lot in common, me and her."
"You could have had any other girl."
"But why should you care, hyung? You've got other things to deal with."
It's like Kyuhyun plans these things, plans this night and plans this confrontation, even plans the buzzing in Siwon's pocket and the phone call from his acting manager to head back to the office immediately for important things, and important travels, none of which concern Kyuyhun, just like he means to prove his point.
"I'm a good person." Kyuhyun focuses on the waterline crack in the ceiling, tracing the warm brown with a finger in the air. "I don't smoke. I have faith. I call my parents on a regular basis. I save most of my money."
"You drink a lot."
Kyuhyun hits Siwon with a pillow and Siwon laughs, his muscles tensing up in the good way, and he stretches his legs fully beneath the covers.
"I am a good person though," Kyuhyun whispers after a while, lines at the corners of his mouth creasing as he starts to frown. He loses his tracing in the air and restarts again. Siwon sighs and pretends he's still sleepy, conveniently letting his arm fall against Kyuhyun's lighter frame. Kyuhyun says nothing and sometimes Siwon comes to the conclusion that Kyuhyun thinks too much.
Sooyoung's lips are big and voluptuous and plump, much like that of a raw fruit. Siwon can't stop staring at them when she talks, her lips moving animatedly as she chats with him, spewing on and on about something - but Siwon never hears.
"I drew a fake one to test it and everything. You want to see it?"
"Want to see what?"
"The tattoo!" she rolls her eyes and unbuttons her jeans, dipping her own fingers into the hem of her pants to fold the top back. "For Kyuhyun, like I told you."
She leans inconspicuously inside the booth so that no one else can see as she bends so Siwon can see some of her bareside, the simple heart shaped locked with a key drawn in sharpie a welcome sight on the dimple of her skin.
"Well?"
"Well," Siwon coughs, downing some of his water, trying to act nonchalant about it all, "why are you showing me?"
"Because it's for Kyuhyun. If anybody knows him it's you. He loves you." Sooyoung buttons her jeans back up and gives Siwon a wistful look. "He's in love with you."
"If that's true hypothetically, and you knew that for a fact, then why are you with him?"
"Because I like seeing you in pain. We both do." Sooyoung smiles craftily and finishes the rest of Siwon's water without asking. "Simple revenge."
"Then do me a favor. Come over tonight and fuck me good so that I hate myself just like you want me to." Siwon hates that he means it, hates that he means every word and he observes Sooyoung with clear measure as she tucks her lips in and then pouts them out again, tossing her hair away and balancing her elbows against the table before she tucks out of the booth.
"We know there's only one person that us getting back together would really hurt. And it's neither of us," she confides in his ear, kissing his temple with those sweet lips before she leaves.
"She got a tattoo on her ass. Said it was for me," Kyuhyun's adam apple is throbbing when he speaks, protruding with every syllable, especially when he's happy and laughing like this. He's losing weight, Siwon realizes, the normally fitting gamer t-shirt sitting loosely upon Kyuhyun's upper body, his clavicles sticking out thinly.
"I saw it," Siwon notices the cigarette in Kyuhyun's hand, lit, smoke gesturing out. He gives Kyuhyun a belated hug, disappointed by how small Kyuyhun feels in his hold. Kyuyhun wrinkles his nose at Siwon when the hug is done, hands by his side the whole time, nonreciprocating to any public displays of affection between friends.
"You saw it?"
"She ran it by me before she went through with it. Wanted to make sure you'd like it. I'm guessing you did?"
"You saw Sooyoung's ass?"
"Not all of it." Both guys laugh, and Kyuhyun takes a drag of his cigarette, coughing and spewing smoke out of his mouth at the same time, much to Siwon's chagrin, "I mean I've seen it before plenty. Mostly when I was stupid and nineteen though."
"You're still stupid," Kyuhyun taps the pool chair he wants to sit on. It's another company team party and the sun is out, shining, blinding.
"I heard a rumor you're allergic to sunlight."
"Asshole," Kyuhyun grins, and he sits. Siwon follows suit, taking out his sunglasses from his pocket and putting them on, sheilding his eyes and vunerablity to the general vicinity. "You could sleep with her if you want. I don't care."
"You would care. She's your girlfriend."
"Correction. I thought I'd care. To get back at you." One of the trainees dives from the high board into the pool in front of them, splashing both of their bare feet with water. Siwon's feet tickle and he splashes the water back on Kyuhyun, then remembers he's supposed to listen. Leeteuk always told him he had a bit of a selective hearing problem. "But it's not like it's something you haven't seen before. I think I love her, actually. I'd love her regardless of what you'd do."
"She's special, honestly."
"Yeah," Kyuhyun finishes his cigarette and puts it out slowly, before giving Siwon the once over. "oh, come on, Siwon hyung. It's a pool party. You of all people should be shirtless. It'd be a crime not to share those abs with the rest of the world."
Siwon berudgingly takes off his shirt and throws it into the pool where another one of the rookies screams with happiness. The guys laugh, and Kyuhyun gives Siwon two compliments about his abdomen before the party is over.
"I am a movie actor now." Siwon repeats this like a mantra for the duration of his flight to Tokyo. Movie actor. Movie actor. Movie actor. Movie actor. Movie actor.
Movie actor Siwon forgets his favorite coat at home. This Siwon doesn't sleep on time because there is no one to tell him to do so. He doesn't work out until 4 in the morning and eat only egg whites and chicken breasts for the sake of making his fans happy. Acting is an art and he is a starving artist literally. Scripts are his food. Siwon turns blank white pages until his lines are memorized in neat little increments within his brain. The movie star in him only checks his phone during scheduled breaks. Text messages from Kyuhyun: none. Missed phone calls from Kyuhyun: none. Voicemails from Cho Kyuhyun: none.
Fall is a funny thing in Korea. Leaves turn colors, the pattern of the wind changes, atmosphere dives from lively to cozy. The weather actually changes in the country, and in true form, the people do too. Siwon brings back presents for everyone, mugs for his parents, a sweater for Kangin because he asked, lipstick that Sooyoung wanted on her last trip overseas but didn't have time to get, some wine for Kyuhyun.
"Thanks, hyung. But you didn't have to get me anything."
"You've gotten skinnier."
"So have you."
"Mine was for a movie role. What's your excuse?"
"I'm in between jobs. I tend to forget to eat when I concentrate on gaming."
"China likes you fat." Siwon reaches over the sofa and tugs at Kyuhyun's waist line, looking for some sign of existing pudge. There's not an ounce of fat leftover. "We're going to China next month. Get fat."
"You first."
There's this dream Siwon has, only recurring on the nights before a special occasion He's running in this dream, and then doing a stunt where he falls on a green screen bouncy mattress from five floors high. Sweat streamlines down his face, obstructing his vision clearly and he's not sure if he can make it. A voice calls for him, from far away, except they don't call him by his name. It's a scratching voice, barely audible. It's never by his name, hyung! hyung! hyung! The green mattress disappears and he's falling down the the side of the building and it's only black below.
"Hyung," Kyuhyun rustles his blankets at the side of Siwon's bed and tugs at his shoulders not so gently, "you've got to wake up right now or we're going to miss our flight. Zhoumi will blame this on me again because of last week, please don't make me listen to another one of his lectures. Hyung!"
Siwon snaps out of it and Kyuhyun kisses his forehead gently, placing a toothbrush right next to his pillows.
"We leave in five, hyung."
"I think you were right about everything." They're sitting on the flight together and Kyuhyun is eating chips, getting crumbs into the folds of Siwon's comic books but Siwon doesn't have the heart to berate him as Kyuhyun breaks into a spontaneous conversation.
"Right about what exactly?"
"Us being brothers. Bandmates. Family. Nothing more. This suits us."
"You think this is okay?"
"I wasn't going to go apeshit suicidal over you, let's be clear. I'm happy we're not labeled anything." Kyuhyun finishes his bag of chips and hands Siwon the empty bag, expectant he will take care of the trash. "I am in a happy place now."
"That's good, Kyuhyun. I love you, you know. You're my best friend." Siwon reaches over and pulls an arm around Kyuhyun.
"I know, hyung."
"You've got some chip on your face, Kyuhyun."
"This weather drives me fucking insane," Siwon knocks on Kyuhyun's door and then enters within a second, using his phone as a flashlight to find Kyuhyun between the shadows. Kyuhyun lurks by the window, his svelte outline hunched over pathetically.
"You can sleep with me."
Siwon tries not to show how ecstatic he is to hear such news as he climbs into Kyuhyun's bed without Kyuhyun in it, the pillows smelling like Kyuhyun dipped in baby powder after a shower.
"Sorry, my hair is still wet," he apologizes by shaking his head around, droplets of water falling onto Siwon as he gets in as well.
"You look good without bangs," Siwon concludes and says nothing more when Kyuhyun drapes himself onto Siwon, legs tucked and body shriveled up against Siwon's more deft side. Siwon wraps an arm around Kyuhyun again, just like in the airplane but it feels different, uncomfortably intimate and his upper arm muscles become frigid when Kyuhyun's little hairs graze against it. He unclenches his jaw after a while and Kyuhyun sighs dreamily, before closing his eyes.
"It's cold, hyung. So cold." A lone tree branch taps on the window, rasping against it something mean the entirety of the night and Siwon finds the disorganized pattern of the rain falling to be very distracting and not something he can easily fall asleep with.
"I think we should become roommates when we get back home," Kyuhyun states over breakfast. He's eating oatmeal and Siwon's eating fruit along with reading his morning paper. He stops reading it, examining Kyuhyun and his words, "I think it would be fun."
"I think it's a dangerous idea."
"You're all I've got, hyung."
"Sooyoung?"
"The three of us are going to have many adventures together on the days she comes to visit us at our new home."
Siwon says nothing, continuing to read his paper and play with the orange peel left on the table. He makes a mental note of the smile on Kyuhyun's face when he leaves the kitchen.