Once Somebody Loved - Chapter 9
Zoofic Collboration between myself and anax
Warnings: Rape, kitten abuse, NC-17 in parts
Previous: [Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] [Chapter Seven] [Chapter Eight]
Marta admitted to herself that the sight of Eddie trailing Ed about the sanctuary was adorable as well as encouraging. However, Ed's increasingly obsessive behavior was neither adorable nor encouraging. It had been close to two weeks since his return from the clinic, and in the whole of that time he'd never really been without Eddie at his side. He was resistant to any type of separation, even to the point of appearing wary whenever Marta herself approached Eddie. It hurt, and it was frustrating; Marta resisted on more than one occasion simply slapping Ed silly and taking the kitten elsewhere. She worried that Eddie was feeling smothered, and not without good reason. Good progress was being made, but too much too soon could be disastrous, as had been displayed before in the bathtub.
Ed, however, could not be dissuaded.
Marta watched them together in the living room one evening. Ed made himself comfortable on the floor and insisted upon holding Eddie in his lap. At first, Eddie was compliant and seemed to be comfortable, but as time went on the closeness visibly took a toll. It was clear to Marta, at least, that Eddie was struggling with it ... on the one hand wanting to be with Ed and having Ed's attention. But whether it was memory or damaged emotions, at one point the contact became too much for the kitten and he began to squirm. Ed cooed and chirruped and held on tighter, and seemed to ignore Eddie's small noises of distress.
When Marta attempted to interfere, standing up and trying to take Eddie away, Ed displayed defensive hostility, peeling his lips back from his teeth and hissing loudly. The first time it had happened, Marta had been shocked, but this time she wasn't going to let him deter her. It took everything within her to keep from cuffing him soundly in front of Eddie; she didn't want to be physically violent where the kitten could see it, no matter how much Ed might be asking for it.
Instead, she simply told Ed, "Stop it!" and physically pulled Eddie out of his arms. Ed bared his teeth, but Marta trusted that he wouldn't bite her - he hadn't bitten her since he was a small kitten, and he didn't try it now, either.
"Let him sit beside you," Marta said firmly, as she put Eddie down on the floor next to Ed. "He's tired of sitting in your lap."
Eddie went quiet, as he usually did when Marta's will clashed with Ed's, and cast anxious glances between the two adults. He was sensitive to their moods, Marta had discovered. She really didn't want this conflict with Ed to have any effect on Eddie, but more and more it was Ed's reactions she worried about more than Eddie's, and that was a bit disturbing.
The only true alone time Marta could gain with Eddie was when she took him for a bath. This had been hard won as well, through growls and hisses, to the point of setting Eddie inside the bathroom and shutting the door so she could cuff Ed a couple of times in the hallway.
“What has gotten into you?!” she said, adding her own hiss. “Ed, so help me if you keep this up...I'm not sure what is going to be done. I'm going to give Eddie a bath, and you are not welcome. Is that clear?”
It had been a stare down, and finally it seem to sink into Ed's brain just what bath meant; although she knew he understood the concept of a "bath," the implications seemed to take longer for him to grasp. He looked surprised when he finally got it, and nodded and slunk off, seemingly contrite over the whole confrontation. Eddie had been quiet and a very good boy for the bath after that, giving her no resistance at all. She wondered if Eddie was trying to compensate for Ed's aggressive behavior by being submissive with her; there was no way he would have been unable to hear them in the hall. She tried very hard to make the bath as much fun as she could, but the kitten had kept his anxious look throughout and she started to despair a bit about what she could do to alter Ed's behavior.
It was upsetting, she freely admitted ... to be completely and totally pushed aside and treated like a menace and a threat. Ed was usually so easy-going and affectionate. Now he barely looked her direction unless she was bringing in food. He no longer took his meals at the table, a precedent she might have started the first evening she brought Ed and Eddie dinner in Ed's enclosure. She wasn't even sure Ed and Ling spoke anymore and she never witnessed them together in a room. If Ling were in the living room with her, and Ed brought Eddie in, Ling soon disappeared without a word. And to make matters worse, Ed didn't even appear to notice.
Maybe this was the wild behavior she'd always wanted from him, but not even wild Elrics seemed to be quite this obsessed with their offspring. She more often than not had Ling for her companion; he even slept against her back at nights, not that she blamed him as he was all but run out of his own enclosure by Ed's instance of bringing Eddie there to sleep.
Marta sincerely didn't want Ling to resent Eddie, but Ling was true to his nature as he'd always been. He didn't approach the kitten and actually seemed to be oblivious to him most times. He openly sought Marta's affection however, and she gave it to him freely; in truth she was as lonely as he was.
Since she'd more or less suspended operations of the sanctuary until she could assure the safety of other animals around Eddie, there was little to occupy her time during the day, except to worry about the few charges left to her.
The Mustang was becoming lethargic and sometimes exhibited a disturbing level of clumsiness. Pete had examined him, but there wasn't much he could do with the limited resources of a large animal clinic. There was definitely something wrong, but without more advanced equipment, there was no way to figure out what ... and Mustangs just weren't human, and couldn't get the level of care that a human could. Marta wrote to Leslie, but didn't know what to tell her, as she did not herself know what was wrong.
Fearing the worst, Marta tried to sit with the Mustang some each day; he was more tolerant now than he had been before and actually seemed to enjoy having his temples scratched lightly. She talked to him sometimes, although he gave no signs that he understood her ... not the way Ed would. It made her feel better to do it, even if she was, in the end, just talking to herself.
"You and I," she told him once, as he dozed under her petting hand. "I think we suit one another. You don't worry, old fellow. I'll take care of you."
When it was time to make lunch for the animals, she left the Mustang's enclosure and was surprised to see Ed standing alone in the hall. He saw her, make a shushing motion with his fingers to his lips and glanced back toward his enclosure. Eddie must have been napping. Marta regarded him for a moment and turned and walked off in the opposite direction, really feeling she wanted nothing to do with him at the moment either.
Ed blinked in surprise as Mother turned away from him and walked off without a word. Something about it made him a little uneasy; he started after her hesitantly, but stopped. Mother went through the door into the house and Ed finally followed. He could hear the TV in the living room and knew that was where Mother must have gone.
It would be easy enough to walk in, but instead he shifted from foot to foot outside the door, not certain he wanted to enter. Mother had been abrupt with him lately and disagreeable, and he wasn't sure why; it might be best to just leave her alone until she was out of her bad humor. He wondered idly where his mate was. He couldn't catch any whiff of his mate's scent from the living room area, so he crept off to look through the rest of the house. The door of Mother's bedroom was mostly shut, but he hesitated outside of it; Ling's scent was strong there and then he heard soft noises, like an intake of breath and rustling of sheets.
Slowly, Ed pushed the door open, poking his head in as he did so, eyes drawn to the shape on the bed. His eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness of the room, until he could make out Ling's form on the bed, half under the sheets. Most of his mate's pelt lay scattered carelessly on the side of the bed. His jacket and sash, his slippers and hair tie. Ling was lying on his back, one arm over his head, the other arm disappearing beneath the sheets over his stomach. As Ed watched he could see a distinctive shape beneath the sheets moving rhythmically, saw his mate arch his hips up a bit, heard him sigh softly.
Ed felt his own groin stirring, and licked his lips; it was then, abruptly, that he realized just how long he'd been without. His mate seemed ready and needing himself. Ed slipped into the bedroom, immediately pulling at his clothes.
“What do you want?” Ling ask with a sneer in his tone that caused Ed to pause in uncertainty.
“I..I want to join you, mate,” Ed said, starting to undress again. “You smell good and you look good touching yourself like that. It's been a long time since you touched me as well. I want to mate with you.”
Ling gave a small, mirthless laugh, and his hand didn't stop stroking himself beneath the sheets. “You want to mate with me, do you? Well, to what do I owe the honor?” There was no hiding the sarcasm, and again Ed wavered. What was causing his mate to act this way?
“There is no honor,” Ed murmured, naked now, “only the desire to mate with you...don't you want to mate with me?” Ed pressed the point by crawling up onto the bed and moving over his mate. “Aren't I desirable to you? You use to want to touch me all the time.”
Ling regarded him for many wordless moments, his hand never stopping; and just when Ed was about to draw back in consternation, Ling's free hand reached up and grabbed him by the base of his ponytail.
“Very well, I will mate you,” he said. He released himself and sat up, pushing Ed back, then reached over and snagged a bottle from the beside table. “Turn around,” his mate ordered.
Confused, Ed did as he was told without question. He gasped loudly at the sudden introduction of oiled fingers...there had been no preliminary touching, no lips tracing his spine, no welcoming weight on his back. His mate hadn't touched his nipples or even stroked his cock in order to get him ready as well. He bit his lip and breathed through his nose, trying to adjust quickly to the slick fingers inside him, pulling at him, scissoring to stretch him for a mounting.
“Lover,” Ed warbled. “It feels good but you're going so fast, couldn't you...”
“Be quite,” Ling snapped behind him, withdrawing his fingers and gripping Ed by the hips. “It's better if you don't speak.”
Bewildered, Ed turned to look over his shoulder, but in the same moment Ling lined himself up and pressed in. It was a steady push and it didn't stop until he was buried deeply; his fingers burrowed into Ed's flesh and Ed gasped raggedly at the invasion. It almost hurt, and it somehow seemed not quite right. Where were the accompanying words? Where were the touches and strokes that always came before the actual claiming? Ling seemed to be shuddering behind him and Ed thought that maybe they were simply out of practice. That any moment his mate would start telling him how much he desired him and how beautiful he was. He would feel his mate's loving touch over his stomach and his strong fingers around his cock.
Instead there was a thrust, followed by another, and then a steady rhythm. Ed groaned and sobbed an almost denial, and he felt Ling's hand pressing down on him between his shoulder blades. He tried to resist it but his elbows gave way and soon his cheek was against the sheet. Ling merely gripped his hips and thrust, the only sound he offered was his breathing, becoming harsher the longer he bucked. It felt good, but it felt wrong, too, and Ed curled his fingers in the sheets and gritted his teeth.
The best thing, he decided, was of course to ride it out and find out what was wrong after. Surely his mate would see to his needs once he'd been satisfied. It had just been too long, was all; his mate was just over-eager to be with him. It made Ed smile and rub his nose into the sheets beneath him - sheets that smelled like his mate and like Mother; he began to purr.
The last few thrusts were always hard and frantic, and Ed cried out lustily and encouragingly through them. He relaxed as Ling's spasms slackened and when Ling withdrew he flopped onto his side and sighed before rolling onto his back and stretching happily. Only...his mate didn't look satisfied or pleased, really; Ling kept looking at him with a frown on his face. Then, without a word, Ling got off the bed and pulled up his pants. Ed blinked and sat up, watching his mate stop to pick up his jacket and step into his slippers.
“Ling?” he said and watched in baffled hurt and confusion when Ling went out the door and left him there on the bed alone.
Marta looked up as Ling came through the living room. She started to say something to him but he never looked at her; instead he went out the door to the back yard. He would probably get on the roof...he did that a lot.
Marta settled back onto the couch, but it wasn't long before she had another visitor. He was tousled and sleep flushed, and he looked around and made an inquiring chirrup.
“Eddie?” Marta said, sitting forward again; she, too, looked around for Ed, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. “Did you just wake up, baby? Did you have a good nap?” she asked him. He made another small chirrup and sighed, reached up to rub at his nose.
“Come here sweetie, I'm sure Ed will be here in a minute,” she told him and held out her hand. She was pleased and delighted when he walked over to her instantly, let her draw him close for a stroke on his head and a kiss on his cheek. She picked him up and sat him beside her on the couch.
That, of course, was when Ed charged in. He looked surprised to see them there, turned an almost complete circle and said: “Ling?” distinctively. Marta started to speak up, then decided against it, turning back to the TV instead. Eddie regarded Ed with sleepy interest.
After a moment, Ed smiled at the kitten and frowned at Marta. Then he left, and continued to search around the house for a few minutes before coming back into the living room, sinking to sit on a chair opposite the two of them on the couch. Eddie slid off the couch and went to him; Ed opened his arms and pulled Eddie close to nuzzle him, but the kitten stiffened up almost immediately, his nose wrinkling. Ed chirruped, but Eddie leaned away from him and tried to take a step back. Keeping a hold on him, Ed wouldn't let him escape, and made another soft, questioning chirrup; Eddie turned his face away, whined softly in distress.
“Let him go, Ed,” Marta said from the couch. Ed ignored her, as he usually did, and Eddie half twisted in his grip, still looking away from Ed.
Marta was on her feet before she realized it. She took two steps across, reached down and plucked Eddie off his feet into her arms. Ed made a snort and stood, but when he brought his hands up, Eddie threw his arms around Marta's neck and buried his face in the side of it. This close Marta herself could tell what Ed and Ling must have been up too, and she took a couple of steps back. Ed made a sound of protest and reached again, and she drew her hand back and slapped him. Eddie flinched against her, his small hands fisting to the back collar of her shirt.
“He doesn't want you right now,” she said, not raising her voice. Ed stared at her, slowly brought his hand up to his cheek. “You smell like Ling, do you understand, Eddie smells that.”
Ed kept looking from her face to Eddie's back, he rubbed his cheek and dropped his hand.
“I think you need to go work things out with Ling,” Marta said, rubbing Eddie's back and swaying back and forth slowly as one did to sometimes soothe an agitated child. “He went outside, he's probably on the roof, he does that a lot lately. I'm surprised frankly that the two of you...mated. It doesn't seem like you're mates much anymore.”
Ed's eyes widened and he made a small sound, almost like denial. Marta turned then, moving off with Eddie.
“Little man just got up,” she crooned. “Do you have to go potty? Let's go try and then we'll get a snack, ok?” Eddie glanced up as Marta carried him away, gave Ed one quick look before burying his face again.
Once again, Ed was left standing there alone.
Ling's scent stopped at the door, so Ed opened it, and caught a trace of scent just beyond it. He wandered out into the yard, scanned it up to the tree line, then he turned and looked up at the house.
Ling regarded him from the roof. He was half leaned back against the slope and he looked away when Ed looked up at him.
“Lover,” Ed called. “What's the matter? Come down.”
There came no answer. Instead, Ling pushed up and turned as if to go over the slope of the roof to the other side and out of sight.
“Ling!” Ed cried, coming forward, but stopping short, realizing if he got to close he wouldn't be able to see his mate. “Why are you acting like this? Is something wrong? Are you sick?”
Ling turned back to glare at him, set his jaw and settled down on his rump.
“No, I am not sick,” he said. “What is it you want? I mated you as you asked, you can leave me alone now. Where is your kitten? Shouldn't you be with your kitten?”
Ed blinked in confusion, made a vague gesture toward the house.
“My kitten is with Mother,” he said. “She's going to give him a snack...I don't understand why you are acting this way. If you are not sick, what is the matter? Are you angry?”
“You don't want a mate anymore, you have a kitten,” Ling stated flatly. “I don't even know why you are here. The only time you speak to me is to tell me to stay away from the kitten, I stay away! You said that it wouldn't be for a long time, but it has been. I don't even sleep in our bed anymore, I don't know if I want to. Go and be with your kitten, I'm tired of waiting on you.” And with that he got up, turned and disappeared over the slope of the roof.
Ed blinked in confusion. “No,” he cried when his mate got up and moved away. He ran over to the house but even on tip toe he could not touch the gutter. He ran around the side of the house, backing up until he had a clean view of the roof again. Ling was near the top, but didn't look in Ed's direction, and Ed floundered for a moment, trying to work out why his mate was so angry. He didn't want his mate? That was absurd, he'd just proven he wanted his mate. It was his mate denying him!
“I do want a mate, what was that about just then? I came to you and you treated me like that!” Ed called. “It's you who doesn't want a mate, you only want to mate! I'm sorry about the bed, but my kitten needs me to keep him warm and... and not to be afraid of me. You could sleep with us, too, if he wasn't so frightened of you, but I don't know what to do about that.”
“Fine,” his lover spat. “Neither of us wants a mate, you can stop pestering me. I don't need the bed, I can sleep with Mother if I want. You can have your kitten and I'll stay out of the way.”
“That's not what I want,” Ed said softly, then he yelled more loudly, “That's not what I want!”
“Yes it is!” Ling yelled back. “It's all you've wanted! It's all you see, Mother and I, we are nothing anymore.”
“That's not true!” Once again Ed ran for the house, looking around for anything to climb, and moved down to the gutter where it dropped to the ground down the corner. It groaned when he put weight on it and tilted toward him, but it held to the house, and he was able to hook his fingers over the horizontal edge. How did Ling do this?
The gutter under his fingers gave a terrible groan and it, too, began to loosen from it's moorings along the roof. There was a bad moment when Ed was certain that he was going to fall, but then a hand gripped his wrist and gave a hard tug. He scrabbled for a foot hold, and with a lot of grunting made it, his knees pressing down on rough shingles. He stayed there for a moment, panting on his hands and knees and looking at a pair of black slippers. He tilted his head back and looked up at his mate. Ling sighed heavily, shook his head and moved away again.
“Wait,” Ed cried, made a grab at his mate and curled his fingers in the fabric of Ling's pants leg.
“That's all I do with you,” Ling snapped and tugged on his leg. Ed held on stubbornly, and grabbed at Ling's shin with his other hand.
“I'm sorry! What am I suppose to do? My kitten needs me!” Ed pleaded. “I don't want to lose you as my mate. I want you for my mate, I've always wanted you for my mate, from the very first time you sniffed behind my ear. I'll be lonely without you as my mate, don't take that from me.” He physically shook when he said it, something within him coiling in fright at the thought of being alone and without someone to watch his back. Someone to share his bed and his heat, someone to lean against.
“You say these things all the time, but then you do as you do,” Ling told him. “You said that I would not sleep alone all the time, and I don't, but I don't sleep with you. You told me not to mate with Mother, she was your mate, you said that to me when you tricked me into having shots. If she is your mate, then what am I? I thought we were all mates, but no, I don't think any of us are.”
Ed couldn't breathe for several moments, he kept his desperate clutch on Ling's pant leg, shaking.
“Mother said this too?” he whispered. “She said that none of us are mates?” Her words earlier played in the background of his growing fear.
I'm surprised frankly that the two of you...mated. It doesn't seem like you're mates much anymore.
“I just want to take care of my kitten,” Ed said miserably. “He needs me, he's scared and he was hurt. I don't understand why it's like this now, I only want to take care of my kitten,” he finished, bewildered.
“Yes I know you only want to take care of the kitten,” Ling said. “You've made that plain, and you're also made it plain that I am not allowed to be with you while you do it. And why is it wrong for Mother to try and take care of the kitten?”
“What?” Ed said. “It's my kitten, I take care of him. No one else should have to take care of him, he's mine,” Ed stressed.
“How did you get him?” Ling asked. “You didn't have him, I didn't have him, Mother brought him. To me, that makes him Mother's.”
Ed opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He continued to stare up at his mate.
“You stole Mother's kitten,” Ling told him. “After all, if she hadn't brought him he wouldn't be here. Maybe that is why Mother is angry at you, too.”
“Mother's angry with me?” Ed said, feeling a sudden tightening in his chest. His mate shifted a bit, something passed over his face as he looked down at Edward's upturned one.
“I don't know, I don't speak for Mother,” Ling said, seemingly a bit uncomfortable. “It's just a found kitten, it's not even Mother's really, I don't know. Let me go.”
“No, I don't want to,” Ed said. “I don't want to let you go. I never have.” He pressed his face to the side of his mate's leg. He was there for several long moments, and his mate didn't move, didn't speak, didn't try to free his leg. Then, slowly, Ling squatted down, and Ed felt a hand stroke over his head and down his back; he heard his mate sigh.
“I will still be your mate,” Ling said. “Even when you are like this, having only your way and ignoring everyone else.”
Ed lifted his face and Ling stroked over his forehead, down the side of his jaw, and Ed closed his eyes and purred. He opened his mouth when he felt his lover's warm lips nudge his own. He wanted to get closer, but the roof shingles were scratchy and not very good to hang onto. His mate steadied him and shook his head.
“I should get you down before you fall down, you couldn't even climb up here by yourself,” he grinned.
“I could have,” Ed said. “You just didn't give me a chance.”
“You were going to fall on your head, then who would watch your kitten? Besides, if you get hurt and go back to that place, I won't come to get shots, so don't get hurt again.”
Ling backed up to the edge, gripped the side of the roof, but avoided the gutter, and kicked off. He dangled for a moment before dropping to the ground. Ed peered down at him and frowned.
“Just do what I did,” Ling said. “I'll be right here to help you.”
“I don't know,” Ed chewed his lip. “It looks a lot higher from here than it did from down there,” he fretted.
“Come on, I'll help you,” Ling encouraged. “Even if you drop I'll catch you. The fall isn't that far anyway.”
In the end it was Mother who came to the rescue with a ladder after they'd been out so long as to miss dinner.
Edward was given a granola bar to fuss with while Mother puttered about the kitchen. He liked those - they were sweet and fruity, and very satisfying to chew - and he wished he knew what made Mother give them to him sometimes. If he could figure out what he did to deserve the treats, he would do that all the time.
"Here you go," said Mother, putting a plate of cut fruit in front of him. Edward reached out with his non-granola-occupied hand to grab at a piece of pink melon; it was wet and messy, and a little over-ripe, so that it squished in his fingers. He licked his hand to clean it up, and it was just as delicious as it would have been whole.
His father-Edward had not been around since early that morning. Edward had slept against his father's chest the way he'd become accustomed, but as soon as they'd woken and eaten, his father-Edward had vanished. It was mystifying, and he had the uncomfortable suspicion that his father-Edward was vanishing forever, but it hadn't been long enough yet for him to really start to fret about it. And anyway, Mother was with him, so he wasn't too lonely.
Plus, she was plying him with granola and sweet fruit, and there was nothing bad in those.
Mother continued to work, occasionally looking out the window over the sink as she cut raw vegetables and raw meat into bite-sized chunks. Edward eyed the red, bloody bits as he alternated between pink and green melon from one hand, and granola bar from the other. He was sometimes given meat, too, but there was no meat on his plate today, and when he was fed meat it was usually burned. Other animals in the sanctuary were given meat raw, but not Edward or his father-Edward. His ... (no, not his father, the human had been no parent of his) ... the human who had owned him had fed him raw meat a great deal. He didn't understand why he never got it here.
When the pan on the counter was full of food, Mother washed her hands and came over to the table. Edward stared up at her, licking his fingers, the granola bar long gone. "Are you done?" she asked him, picking up a piece of sectioned orange to offer him. Edward took it from her fingers and began to chew on it, crushing the pulp to suck out the sweet juice.
"I guess not." Mother sat down and selected through the plate of fruit to offer him different bits; Edward preferred the melon, so he had left most of the non-melon pieces on the plate, but accepted what she gave him. "You're a good boy, Eddie," she told him. "You've been such a good boy since Ed came home. I know you probably don't even understand this, but I don't tell you enough. You haven't clapped at all since Ed came home. I know you're trying to be good, and I've noticed it. You're very good."
Chewing on a hunk of banana, Edward just watched her. Much of what she said made so little sense to him, but he'd learned the word "good" ... sometimes it preceded a new granola bar, so he kept eating, even when he was already full, since eating had elicited the word. It didn't occur to him until the plate was empty that he wouldn't be able to eat the granola bar now anyway.
"Good boy," said Mother again, and her tone was approving. She petted his head a little as she stood up, and then took the plate away. "Let's go feed the Mustang now."
With the fruit gone, and the plate removed, Edward was at a loss. How could he earn another granola bar now?
"Come on now," said Mother, collecting the pan of freshly-chopped food from the kitchen, and then coming to pick Edward up out of his chair and set him down on his feet. "Let's go feed the Mustang. You like the Mustang, don't you? Come on, let's go see him."
Edward looked at Mother's hands as she took him by the wrist with one and balanced the pan in the other, but there seemed to be no more granola hidden in either of them. Perhaps he'd done something wrong? Or at least, not sufficiently right. He reviewed his behavior in his head as he was led through the sanctuary, but couldn't come up with anything that made sense. If she'd given him another granola bar, he could have at least held onto it until he was hungry again. Maybe shown it to his father-Edward ...
... if his father-Edward ever came back.
That thought brought back his brewing anxiety, and he began to suck on the first two fingers of his left hand.
"Stay here," said Mother, parking him against the wall outside one of the enclosure doors. "Stay here. Don't wander away. Okay? Stay here."
She petted his head and unlocked the door. "Stay here," she repeated. Edward sucked on his fingers some more as she went inside.
There was a scent here that he didn't like. It was always present outside this door, stronger when Mother opened the door for some reason. It made him uneasy, as if there were something dangerous nearby. It was like the smell of punishment in his father-Edward's bed, in a way ... not in the quality of the smell, but in the way it made him feel. He fought down the urge to defend himself, because the last time he'd done that it had led to his father being tortured and killed by the humans ...
Something crashed in the enclosure, and Edward jumped away from the wall, and backed a little way down the hallway. It was a good thing he did, too, because a moment later Mother popped out of the enclosure.
"Kate!" she shrieked at the top of her voice. "Kate! Get in here!"
Then Mother disappeared again.
Edward's fingers dropped, forgotten, out of his mouth. This was such a wild deviation from the usual routine that he had no clue whatsoever what to do.
"Marta?" called one of the humans from elsewhere in the sanctuary. The one Edward didn't like. Mother stuck her head out of the enclosure.
"Alexander, stay ... No, call Pete! Eddie is in here with me, don't come, call Pete! Tell him there's something wrong with the Mustang!"
Her head vanished back into the enclosure again.
Edward could hear a sound now, coming from inside the enclosure ... a kind of moist mumbling, slurred and unintelligible. Mother was talking now, too, soft encouraging words that also sounded wet in a way.
"It's going to be okay," Mother was saying. "You'll be fine, we'll get Pete to come take a look at you ... you hang in there, okay? You'll be fine."
One of the humans, the one Edward didn't mind, appeared at the end of the hallway and called, "Marta! Pete wants to know what's wrong so he knows what to bring!"
Once more, Mother stuck her head out of the enclosure door. "I don't know ... Tell Pete he's ... It's almost like he's had a stroke. Maybe he has. Tell him that."
When the human in the hallway door didn't move, Mother raised her voice. "Go tell him that, Kate!"
Then they both disappeared again.
Edward wondered if this was some kind of game, like the catch-me games that his father-Edward liked to play with him sometimes. Maybe the trick was to catch Mother, or the other human, when they appeared in the doorway. He sidled closer, so as to be near enough to grab onto Mother when she appeared again.
Inside the enclosure, Mother was repeating the same sets of words over and over, "You'll be okay," and "Everything is going to be fine," and variations on those. She was a long time in reappearing in the doorway, but finally the other human popped into the doorway at the end of the hall again.
"Marta!" she called. "Pete is on his way! He'll be here ASAP!"
Mother stuck her head out of the enclosure, and Edward pounced, latching onto her pelt at her waist. "Caught," he declared.
He startled her, and she gave him a bewildered look, and then looked down toward the other human again. "Get the ..." she called, and then looked down at Edward again before starting over. "Get the gurney in here. Pete will probably want to take the Mustang to the clinic."
When the second human had run off again, Mother leaned down and enclosed Edward in a tight hug. His father-Edward never did this when Edward won a catch-me game, and he stiffened, wondering what it meant. "Oh, Eddie," she said, and kissed him atop his head. Then she sniffled loudly; her voice was unsteady. "You can't be in here. Let's take you back to your room okay?"
She picked him up and carried him out. But not before he saw what was laying on the floor beside the desk.
It was a predator. A huge one, that rolled its one eye toward him and made him shiver when it fixed its gaze on him. It seemed to be sick, however; when it tried to raise its hand, the motion was uncoordinated, loose and floppy.
Edward buried his face in Mother's shoulder, and didn't protest at all as he was taken down the hallway to be locked in his own enclosure.
The call came late and Marta listened in tight lipped silence.
“It's not good, I don't think we should draw this out,” Pete said. “He's going to be incapacitated, of that I'm certain. Quality of life will be low. Marta, you know that you don't have the facility or even the resources to handle this. He's going to take a lot of time, a lot of attention. He'd need therapy and special medications... your budget probably can't handle this.”
Marta reached up to rub her forehead.
“I know Pete, let me think, ok?” she said. “Just...I can't just make a snap decision like this, I need to think.”
“Ok, I'm going home, Kelly is in tonight if you want to call back. Call me in the morning, first thing.”
“Okay, Pete,” Marta snapped, then sighed. “I'll call you, thank you for everything.”
“Sleep Marta,” Pete said as she hung up.
Marta shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and left the office. She walked down to the house and went to look out the sliding glass door into the back yard. After a moment of blank staring she opened it and stepped out onto the small brick patio. It was cold and crisp, there was moonlight enough for her to see the outline of her storage building and it glinted dully off the chain link fence in the distance that hemmed the yard in.
The burn of the cold air in her lungs was welcome. She moved off, listening to the grass crunch under her feet, until she stopped in the middle of the yard and folded her arms against the cold. She had euthanized animals before. Lost causes, injured, ill. Battered and suffering, without hope ... it was an act of infinite mercy, the last and sometimes only kindness that she could do for the dying animals that briefly entered her care ... or at least that was what she always told herself. Before, those times, there was never a chance that the animal would actually live. What she had done was to calm their final moments of pain and torture, to let their souls pass peacefully. Oh, that was right, animals didn't have souls. She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory, the look, the almost mocking tone. Fuck, sometimes she hated humans.
But the Mustang, he could live. Quality of life aside, he would be alive. He would need to be cared for, but that was what she was here to do, wasn't it? She had made an existence out of caring for animals that couldn't care for themselves, so why was this so different? Incapacitated didn't mean he would be suffering. It could mean just a lack of mobility. A wheelchair could handle that, and Alexander could help out. But Alexander was just temporary, T.E.R.N. would be taking him back when another situation arose. She was surprised he'd been with her this long. She scrubbed her face with her hands, turned and looked back at the house. The Mustang's enclosure was the one of the far end, just there. The light was off, but at this time of night it would have been off anyway.
Medications...maybe she could rouse some sympathy, get some donations from the loyal few who sent a check every month, another corporate sponsor. She'd been thinking of that lately. Also thinking of ways to cut costs. Had already mapped out an area to start a garden. It was the typical dry spell, it was always like this. The money would come.
She could get Ed another talk show appearance, it wouldn't be hard. Maybe even call up her friend at the public network station, ask when there would be another pledge drive, talk them into running the documentary on Ed again. That always got the coffers lined, at least for a while. She balled up her hands into fists and then pressed them to her forehead. She could do this, she didn't have to put him down. She could take care of him, it wouldn't be hard. She was still young and strong, she could handle him. He wasn't a burden, he was a life. She'd taken care of him for a long time, Leslie loved him, hell she even loved his aloof, blue-pelt-covered ass.
“I don't want to,” she suddenly cried to the night air, to the sky and the stars. “I don't want to do it, please don't make me.”
They were on a tight budget, and just feeding her growing 'family' was worrisome. She'd been promised some help if things got truly desperate ... T.E.R.N. was good with the supplies. But what about the electric bill? The water bill? Pete's bill? She was still paying on that for Ed's injury ... she'd be paying on that for a long time. What about property taxes, the insurance bill ... what if, heaven help her, something were to happen to her to put her into the hospital?
Usually a desperate plight with an Elric kitten involved was a gold mine, and as callous as that sounded, it worked. And she'd have money and she could take care of even more animals. But she barely breathed a word of Eddie's existence outside her tight circle of friends. It was better left unsaid, this killer Elric in her care. She wanted people to forget, and so Eddie, unlike his famous "father," would wallow in anonymity.
The money. The damned money. How could she weigh cold cash against the Mustang's life?
The Mustang was old, he was sick ... maybe quality of life should be considered. He'd had many peaceful years in her care. She'd done right by him, she'd made his life better. If she let him go, that was one less mouth to feed.
She covered her own mouth in shame, such a thought. What if this decision was about Ed?
What would you do then, Marta Ann Dexter? You'd sell your own flesh and blood, wouldn't you? Nothing was sacred for Ed's sake, everything was expendable. This sanctuary, this land, your dream...what if this question was about Ed?
But it's not about Ed, so get a grip. Get a grip and do what you know has to be done. Such speculation is sheer stupidity. They can't make these decisions, that's why you have to make them. You take the burden, the guilt, the blame. You also reap the joy, the triumph, the feeling that you have made a difference. To one old, broken, sad Mustang, you brought peace, dignity and hopefully some happiness.
Was he suffering right now? Did he know that he was dying, or did he just know that he was tired and sick, and want to sleep?
Perhaps it would be alright to let him go. Perhaps it was, after all, the last kindness that she could offer him.
She stood in the yard and wiped at her face with the hem of her shirt until she was sure it was dry.
“I take it by your silence what my answer is,” Pete said. “Did you want to come over...?”
“No,” Marta said dryly. “I'm too much of a coward, you know that.”
“Anything but, you know it's the right...”
“I know, I know, I don't need the pat answer you give to dog owners.”
“Right.”
“Ah, sorry Pete, it's just...I'm going to miss him. I feel useless.”
“Do you want the body back?”
“...want to give me a cremation as an early birthday present?" She laughed a little, but it came out sounding more like a sob, so she pressed her hand to her mouth to silence it. When she felt more in control of herself, she sniffed to clear her nose and said, "It just seems like the right thing to do, although I never saw him use fire. Not that he had any gloves.” She'd never given him any.
“I think I can swing that.”
“Happy Birthday to me,” Marta said quietly. “Thanks for everything Pete.”
“You know it hon.”
She hung up the phone.
Authorx2 Note: This is the last Chapter of 'Once Somebody Loved', but not the last chapter of the story by a long shot. A bridge is being written and the story 'Icebane', a sequel to both Once Somebody Loved and Firebrand will be posted. =)
Warnings: Rape, kitten abuse, NC-17 in parts
Previous: [Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] [Chapter Seven] [Chapter Eight]
Marta admitted to herself that the sight of Eddie trailing Ed about the sanctuary was adorable as well as encouraging. However, Ed's increasingly obsessive behavior was neither adorable nor encouraging. It had been close to two weeks since his return from the clinic, and in the whole of that time he'd never really been without Eddie at his side. He was resistant to any type of separation, even to the point of appearing wary whenever Marta herself approached Eddie. It hurt, and it was frustrating; Marta resisted on more than one occasion simply slapping Ed silly and taking the kitten elsewhere. She worried that Eddie was feeling smothered, and not without good reason. Good progress was being made, but too much too soon could be disastrous, as had been displayed before in the bathtub.
Ed, however, could not be dissuaded.
Marta watched them together in the living room one evening. Ed made himself comfortable on the floor and insisted upon holding Eddie in his lap. At first, Eddie was compliant and seemed to be comfortable, but as time went on the closeness visibly took a toll. It was clear to Marta, at least, that Eddie was struggling with it ... on the one hand wanting to be with Ed and having Ed's attention. But whether it was memory or damaged emotions, at one point the contact became too much for the kitten and he began to squirm. Ed cooed and chirruped and held on tighter, and seemed to ignore Eddie's small noises of distress.
When Marta attempted to interfere, standing up and trying to take Eddie away, Ed displayed defensive hostility, peeling his lips back from his teeth and hissing loudly. The first time it had happened, Marta had been shocked, but this time she wasn't going to let him deter her. It took everything within her to keep from cuffing him soundly in front of Eddie; she didn't want to be physically violent where the kitten could see it, no matter how much Ed might be asking for it.
Instead, she simply told Ed, "Stop it!" and physically pulled Eddie out of his arms. Ed bared his teeth, but Marta trusted that he wouldn't bite her - he hadn't bitten her since he was a small kitten, and he didn't try it now, either.
"Let him sit beside you," Marta said firmly, as she put Eddie down on the floor next to Ed. "He's tired of sitting in your lap."
Eddie went quiet, as he usually did when Marta's will clashed with Ed's, and cast anxious glances between the two adults. He was sensitive to their moods, Marta had discovered. She really didn't want this conflict with Ed to have any effect on Eddie, but more and more it was Ed's reactions she worried about more than Eddie's, and that was a bit disturbing.
The only true alone time Marta could gain with Eddie was when she took him for a bath. This had been hard won as well, through growls and hisses, to the point of setting Eddie inside the bathroom and shutting the door so she could cuff Ed a couple of times in the hallway.
“What has gotten into you?!” she said, adding her own hiss. “Ed, so help me if you keep this up...I'm not sure what is going to be done. I'm going to give Eddie a bath, and you are not welcome. Is that clear?”
It had been a stare down, and finally it seem to sink into Ed's brain just what bath meant; although she knew he understood the concept of a "bath," the implications seemed to take longer for him to grasp. He looked surprised when he finally got it, and nodded and slunk off, seemingly contrite over the whole confrontation. Eddie had been quiet and a very good boy for the bath after that, giving her no resistance at all. She wondered if Eddie was trying to compensate for Ed's aggressive behavior by being submissive with her; there was no way he would have been unable to hear them in the hall. She tried very hard to make the bath as much fun as she could, but the kitten had kept his anxious look throughout and she started to despair a bit about what she could do to alter Ed's behavior.
It was upsetting, she freely admitted ... to be completely and totally pushed aside and treated like a menace and a threat. Ed was usually so easy-going and affectionate. Now he barely looked her direction unless she was bringing in food. He no longer took his meals at the table, a precedent she might have started the first evening she brought Ed and Eddie dinner in Ed's enclosure. She wasn't even sure Ed and Ling spoke anymore and she never witnessed them together in a room. If Ling were in the living room with her, and Ed brought Eddie in, Ling soon disappeared without a word. And to make matters worse, Ed didn't even appear to notice.
Maybe this was the wild behavior she'd always wanted from him, but not even wild Elrics seemed to be quite this obsessed with their offspring. She more often than not had Ling for her companion; he even slept against her back at nights, not that she blamed him as he was all but run out of his own enclosure by Ed's instance of bringing Eddie there to sleep.
Marta sincerely didn't want Ling to resent Eddie, but Ling was true to his nature as he'd always been. He didn't approach the kitten and actually seemed to be oblivious to him most times. He openly sought Marta's affection however, and she gave it to him freely; in truth she was as lonely as he was.
Since she'd more or less suspended operations of the sanctuary until she could assure the safety of other animals around Eddie, there was little to occupy her time during the day, except to worry about the few charges left to her.
The Mustang was becoming lethargic and sometimes exhibited a disturbing level of clumsiness. Pete had examined him, but there wasn't much he could do with the limited resources of a large animal clinic. There was definitely something wrong, but without more advanced equipment, there was no way to figure out what ... and Mustangs just weren't human, and couldn't get the level of care that a human could. Marta wrote to Leslie, but didn't know what to tell her, as she did not herself know what was wrong.
Fearing the worst, Marta tried to sit with the Mustang some each day; he was more tolerant now than he had been before and actually seemed to enjoy having his temples scratched lightly. She talked to him sometimes, although he gave no signs that he understood her ... not the way Ed would. It made her feel better to do it, even if she was, in the end, just talking to herself.
"You and I," she told him once, as he dozed under her petting hand. "I think we suit one another. You don't worry, old fellow. I'll take care of you."
When it was time to make lunch for the animals, she left the Mustang's enclosure and was surprised to see Ed standing alone in the hall. He saw her, make a shushing motion with his fingers to his lips and glanced back toward his enclosure. Eddie must have been napping. Marta regarded him for a moment and turned and walked off in the opposite direction, really feeling she wanted nothing to do with him at the moment either.
Ed blinked in surprise as Mother turned away from him and walked off without a word. Something about it made him a little uneasy; he started after her hesitantly, but stopped. Mother went through the door into the house and Ed finally followed. He could hear the TV in the living room and knew that was where Mother must have gone.
It would be easy enough to walk in, but instead he shifted from foot to foot outside the door, not certain he wanted to enter. Mother had been abrupt with him lately and disagreeable, and he wasn't sure why; it might be best to just leave her alone until she was out of her bad humor. He wondered idly where his mate was. He couldn't catch any whiff of his mate's scent from the living room area, so he crept off to look through the rest of the house. The door of Mother's bedroom was mostly shut, but he hesitated outside of it; Ling's scent was strong there and then he heard soft noises, like an intake of breath and rustling of sheets.
Slowly, Ed pushed the door open, poking his head in as he did so, eyes drawn to the shape on the bed. His eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness of the room, until he could make out Ling's form on the bed, half under the sheets. Most of his mate's pelt lay scattered carelessly on the side of the bed. His jacket and sash, his slippers and hair tie. Ling was lying on his back, one arm over his head, the other arm disappearing beneath the sheets over his stomach. As Ed watched he could see a distinctive shape beneath the sheets moving rhythmically, saw his mate arch his hips up a bit, heard him sigh softly.
Ed felt his own groin stirring, and licked his lips; it was then, abruptly, that he realized just how long he'd been without. His mate seemed ready and needing himself. Ed slipped into the bedroom, immediately pulling at his clothes.
“What do you want?” Ling ask with a sneer in his tone that caused Ed to pause in uncertainty.
“I..I want to join you, mate,” Ed said, starting to undress again. “You smell good and you look good touching yourself like that. It's been a long time since you touched me as well. I want to mate with you.”
Ling gave a small, mirthless laugh, and his hand didn't stop stroking himself beneath the sheets. “You want to mate with me, do you? Well, to what do I owe the honor?” There was no hiding the sarcasm, and again Ed wavered. What was causing his mate to act this way?
“There is no honor,” Ed murmured, naked now, “only the desire to mate with you...don't you want to mate with me?” Ed pressed the point by crawling up onto the bed and moving over his mate. “Aren't I desirable to you? You use to want to touch me all the time.”
Ling regarded him for many wordless moments, his hand never stopping; and just when Ed was about to draw back in consternation, Ling's free hand reached up and grabbed him by the base of his ponytail.
“Very well, I will mate you,” he said. He released himself and sat up, pushing Ed back, then reached over and snagged a bottle from the beside table. “Turn around,” his mate ordered.
Confused, Ed did as he was told without question. He gasped loudly at the sudden introduction of oiled fingers...there had been no preliminary touching, no lips tracing his spine, no welcoming weight on his back. His mate hadn't touched his nipples or even stroked his cock in order to get him ready as well. He bit his lip and breathed through his nose, trying to adjust quickly to the slick fingers inside him, pulling at him, scissoring to stretch him for a mounting.
“Lover,” Ed warbled. “It feels good but you're going so fast, couldn't you...”
“Be quite,” Ling snapped behind him, withdrawing his fingers and gripping Ed by the hips. “It's better if you don't speak.”
Bewildered, Ed turned to look over his shoulder, but in the same moment Ling lined himself up and pressed in. It was a steady push and it didn't stop until he was buried deeply; his fingers burrowed into Ed's flesh and Ed gasped raggedly at the invasion. It almost hurt, and it somehow seemed not quite right. Where were the accompanying words? Where were the touches and strokes that always came before the actual claiming? Ling seemed to be shuddering behind him and Ed thought that maybe they were simply out of practice. That any moment his mate would start telling him how much he desired him and how beautiful he was. He would feel his mate's loving touch over his stomach and his strong fingers around his cock.
Instead there was a thrust, followed by another, and then a steady rhythm. Ed groaned and sobbed an almost denial, and he felt Ling's hand pressing down on him between his shoulder blades. He tried to resist it but his elbows gave way and soon his cheek was against the sheet. Ling merely gripped his hips and thrust, the only sound he offered was his breathing, becoming harsher the longer he bucked. It felt good, but it felt wrong, too, and Ed curled his fingers in the sheets and gritted his teeth.
The best thing, he decided, was of course to ride it out and find out what was wrong after. Surely his mate would see to his needs once he'd been satisfied. It had just been too long, was all; his mate was just over-eager to be with him. It made Ed smile and rub his nose into the sheets beneath him - sheets that smelled like his mate and like Mother; he began to purr.
The last few thrusts were always hard and frantic, and Ed cried out lustily and encouragingly through them. He relaxed as Ling's spasms slackened and when Ling withdrew he flopped onto his side and sighed before rolling onto his back and stretching happily. Only...his mate didn't look satisfied or pleased, really; Ling kept looking at him with a frown on his face. Then, without a word, Ling got off the bed and pulled up his pants. Ed blinked and sat up, watching his mate stop to pick up his jacket and step into his slippers.
“Ling?” he said and watched in baffled hurt and confusion when Ling went out the door and left him there on the bed alone.
Marta looked up as Ling came through the living room. She started to say something to him but he never looked at her; instead he went out the door to the back yard. He would probably get on the roof...he did that a lot.
Marta settled back onto the couch, but it wasn't long before she had another visitor. He was tousled and sleep flushed, and he looked around and made an inquiring chirrup.
“Eddie?” Marta said, sitting forward again; she, too, looked around for Ed, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. “Did you just wake up, baby? Did you have a good nap?” she asked him. He made another small chirrup and sighed, reached up to rub at his nose.
“Come here sweetie, I'm sure Ed will be here in a minute,” she told him and held out her hand. She was pleased and delighted when he walked over to her instantly, let her draw him close for a stroke on his head and a kiss on his cheek. She picked him up and sat him beside her on the couch.
That, of course, was when Ed charged in. He looked surprised to see them there, turned an almost complete circle and said: “Ling?” distinctively. Marta started to speak up, then decided against it, turning back to the TV instead. Eddie regarded Ed with sleepy interest.
After a moment, Ed smiled at the kitten and frowned at Marta. Then he left, and continued to search around the house for a few minutes before coming back into the living room, sinking to sit on a chair opposite the two of them on the couch. Eddie slid off the couch and went to him; Ed opened his arms and pulled Eddie close to nuzzle him, but the kitten stiffened up almost immediately, his nose wrinkling. Ed chirruped, but Eddie leaned away from him and tried to take a step back. Keeping a hold on him, Ed wouldn't let him escape, and made another soft, questioning chirrup; Eddie turned his face away, whined softly in distress.
“Let him go, Ed,” Marta said from the couch. Ed ignored her, as he usually did, and Eddie half twisted in his grip, still looking away from Ed.
Marta was on her feet before she realized it. She took two steps across, reached down and plucked Eddie off his feet into her arms. Ed made a snort and stood, but when he brought his hands up, Eddie threw his arms around Marta's neck and buried his face in the side of it. This close Marta herself could tell what Ed and Ling must have been up too, and she took a couple of steps back. Ed made a sound of protest and reached again, and she drew her hand back and slapped him. Eddie flinched against her, his small hands fisting to the back collar of her shirt.
“He doesn't want you right now,” she said, not raising her voice. Ed stared at her, slowly brought his hand up to his cheek. “You smell like Ling, do you understand, Eddie smells that.”
Ed kept looking from her face to Eddie's back, he rubbed his cheek and dropped his hand.
“I think you need to go work things out with Ling,” Marta said, rubbing Eddie's back and swaying back and forth slowly as one did to sometimes soothe an agitated child. “He went outside, he's probably on the roof, he does that a lot lately. I'm surprised frankly that the two of you...mated. It doesn't seem like you're mates much anymore.”
Ed's eyes widened and he made a small sound, almost like denial. Marta turned then, moving off with Eddie.
“Little man just got up,” she crooned. “Do you have to go potty? Let's go try and then we'll get a snack, ok?” Eddie glanced up as Marta carried him away, gave Ed one quick look before burying his face again.
Once again, Ed was left standing there alone.
Ling's scent stopped at the door, so Ed opened it, and caught a trace of scent just beyond it. He wandered out into the yard, scanned it up to the tree line, then he turned and looked up at the house.
Ling regarded him from the roof. He was half leaned back against the slope and he looked away when Ed looked up at him.
“Lover,” Ed called. “What's the matter? Come down.”
There came no answer. Instead, Ling pushed up and turned as if to go over the slope of the roof to the other side and out of sight.
“Ling!” Ed cried, coming forward, but stopping short, realizing if he got to close he wouldn't be able to see his mate. “Why are you acting like this? Is something wrong? Are you sick?”
Ling turned back to glare at him, set his jaw and settled down on his rump.
“No, I am not sick,” he said. “What is it you want? I mated you as you asked, you can leave me alone now. Where is your kitten? Shouldn't you be with your kitten?”
Ed blinked in confusion, made a vague gesture toward the house.
“My kitten is with Mother,” he said. “She's going to give him a snack...I don't understand why you are acting this way. If you are not sick, what is the matter? Are you angry?”
“You don't want a mate anymore, you have a kitten,” Ling stated flatly. “I don't even know why you are here. The only time you speak to me is to tell me to stay away from the kitten, I stay away! You said that it wouldn't be for a long time, but it has been. I don't even sleep in our bed anymore, I don't know if I want to. Go and be with your kitten, I'm tired of waiting on you.” And with that he got up, turned and disappeared over the slope of the roof.
Ed blinked in confusion. “No,” he cried when his mate got up and moved away. He ran over to the house but even on tip toe he could not touch the gutter. He ran around the side of the house, backing up until he had a clean view of the roof again. Ling was near the top, but didn't look in Ed's direction, and Ed floundered for a moment, trying to work out why his mate was so angry. He didn't want his mate? That was absurd, he'd just proven he wanted his mate. It was his mate denying him!
“I do want a mate, what was that about just then? I came to you and you treated me like that!” Ed called. “It's you who doesn't want a mate, you only want to mate! I'm sorry about the bed, but my kitten needs me to keep him warm and... and not to be afraid of me. You could sleep with us, too, if he wasn't so frightened of you, but I don't know what to do about that.”
“Fine,” his lover spat. “Neither of us wants a mate, you can stop pestering me. I don't need the bed, I can sleep with Mother if I want. You can have your kitten and I'll stay out of the way.”
“That's not what I want,” Ed said softly, then he yelled more loudly, “That's not what I want!”
“Yes it is!” Ling yelled back. “It's all you've wanted! It's all you see, Mother and I, we are nothing anymore.”
“That's not true!” Once again Ed ran for the house, looking around for anything to climb, and moved down to the gutter where it dropped to the ground down the corner. It groaned when he put weight on it and tilted toward him, but it held to the house, and he was able to hook his fingers over the horizontal edge. How did Ling do this?
The gutter under his fingers gave a terrible groan and it, too, began to loosen from it's moorings along the roof. There was a bad moment when Ed was certain that he was going to fall, but then a hand gripped his wrist and gave a hard tug. He scrabbled for a foot hold, and with a lot of grunting made it, his knees pressing down on rough shingles. He stayed there for a moment, panting on his hands and knees and looking at a pair of black slippers. He tilted his head back and looked up at his mate. Ling sighed heavily, shook his head and moved away again.
“Wait,” Ed cried, made a grab at his mate and curled his fingers in the fabric of Ling's pants leg.
“That's all I do with you,” Ling snapped and tugged on his leg. Ed held on stubbornly, and grabbed at Ling's shin with his other hand.
“I'm sorry! What am I suppose to do? My kitten needs me!” Ed pleaded. “I don't want to lose you as my mate. I want you for my mate, I've always wanted you for my mate, from the very first time you sniffed behind my ear. I'll be lonely without you as my mate, don't take that from me.” He physically shook when he said it, something within him coiling in fright at the thought of being alone and without someone to watch his back. Someone to share his bed and his heat, someone to lean against.
“You say these things all the time, but then you do as you do,” Ling told him. “You said that I would not sleep alone all the time, and I don't, but I don't sleep with you. You told me not to mate with Mother, she was your mate, you said that to me when you tricked me into having shots. If she is your mate, then what am I? I thought we were all mates, but no, I don't think any of us are.”
Ed couldn't breathe for several moments, he kept his desperate clutch on Ling's pant leg, shaking.
“Mother said this too?” he whispered. “She said that none of us are mates?” Her words earlier played in the background of his growing fear.
I'm surprised frankly that the two of you...mated. It doesn't seem like you're mates much anymore.
“I just want to take care of my kitten,” Ed said miserably. “He needs me, he's scared and he was hurt. I don't understand why it's like this now, I only want to take care of my kitten,” he finished, bewildered.
“Yes I know you only want to take care of the kitten,” Ling said. “You've made that plain, and you're also made it plain that I am not allowed to be with you while you do it. And why is it wrong for Mother to try and take care of the kitten?”
“What?” Ed said. “It's my kitten, I take care of him. No one else should have to take care of him, he's mine,” Ed stressed.
“How did you get him?” Ling asked. “You didn't have him, I didn't have him, Mother brought him. To me, that makes him Mother's.”
Ed opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He continued to stare up at his mate.
“You stole Mother's kitten,” Ling told him. “After all, if she hadn't brought him he wouldn't be here. Maybe that is why Mother is angry at you, too.”
“Mother's angry with me?” Ed said, feeling a sudden tightening in his chest. His mate shifted a bit, something passed over his face as he looked down at Edward's upturned one.
“I don't know, I don't speak for Mother,” Ling said, seemingly a bit uncomfortable. “It's just a found kitten, it's not even Mother's really, I don't know. Let me go.”
“No, I don't want to,” Ed said. “I don't want to let you go. I never have.” He pressed his face to the side of his mate's leg. He was there for several long moments, and his mate didn't move, didn't speak, didn't try to free his leg. Then, slowly, Ling squatted down, and Ed felt a hand stroke over his head and down his back; he heard his mate sigh.
“I will still be your mate,” Ling said. “Even when you are like this, having only your way and ignoring everyone else.”
Ed lifted his face and Ling stroked over his forehead, down the side of his jaw, and Ed closed his eyes and purred. He opened his mouth when he felt his lover's warm lips nudge his own. He wanted to get closer, but the roof shingles were scratchy and not very good to hang onto. His mate steadied him and shook his head.
“I should get you down before you fall down, you couldn't even climb up here by yourself,” he grinned.
“I could have,” Ed said. “You just didn't give me a chance.”
“You were going to fall on your head, then who would watch your kitten? Besides, if you get hurt and go back to that place, I won't come to get shots, so don't get hurt again.”
Ling backed up to the edge, gripped the side of the roof, but avoided the gutter, and kicked off. He dangled for a moment before dropping to the ground. Ed peered down at him and frowned.
“Just do what I did,” Ling said. “I'll be right here to help you.”
“I don't know,” Ed chewed his lip. “It looks a lot higher from here than it did from down there,” he fretted.
“Come on, I'll help you,” Ling encouraged. “Even if you drop I'll catch you. The fall isn't that far anyway.”
In the end it was Mother who came to the rescue with a ladder after they'd been out so long as to miss dinner.
Edward was given a granola bar to fuss with while Mother puttered about the kitchen. He liked those - they were sweet and fruity, and very satisfying to chew - and he wished he knew what made Mother give them to him sometimes. If he could figure out what he did to deserve the treats, he would do that all the time.
"Here you go," said Mother, putting a plate of cut fruit in front of him. Edward reached out with his non-granola-occupied hand to grab at a piece of pink melon; it was wet and messy, and a little over-ripe, so that it squished in his fingers. He licked his hand to clean it up, and it was just as delicious as it would have been whole.
His father-Edward had not been around since early that morning. Edward had slept against his father's chest the way he'd become accustomed, but as soon as they'd woken and eaten, his father-Edward had vanished. It was mystifying, and he had the uncomfortable suspicion that his father-Edward was vanishing forever, but it hadn't been long enough yet for him to really start to fret about it. And anyway, Mother was with him, so he wasn't too lonely.
Plus, she was plying him with granola and sweet fruit, and there was nothing bad in those.
Mother continued to work, occasionally looking out the window over the sink as she cut raw vegetables and raw meat into bite-sized chunks. Edward eyed the red, bloody bits as he alternated between pink and green melon from one hand, and granola bar from the other. He was sometimes given meat, too, but there was no meat on his plate today, and when he was fed meat it was usually burned. Other animals in the sanctuary were given meat raw, but not Edward or his father-Edward. His ... (no, not his father, the human had been no parent of his) ... the human who had owned him had fed him raw meat a great deal. He didn't understand why he never got it here.
When the pan on the counter was full of food, Mother washed her hands and came over to the table. Edward stared up at her, licking his fingers, the granola bar long gone. "Are you done?" she asked him, picking up a piece of sectioned orange to offer him. Edward took it from her fingers and began to chew on it, crushing the pulp to suck out the sweet juice.
"I guess not." Mother sat down and selected through the plate of fruit to offer him different bits; Edward preferred the melon, so he had left most of the non-melon pieces on the plate, but accepted what she gave him. "You're a good boy, Eddie," she told him. "You've been such a good boy since Ed came home. I know you probably don't even understand this, but I don't tell you enough. You haven't clapped at all since Ed came home. I know you're trying to be good, and I've noticed it. You're very good."
Chewing on a hunk of banana, Edward just watched her. Much of what she said made so little sense to him, but he'd learned the word "good" ... sometimes it preceded a new granola bar, so he kept eating, even when he was already full, since eating had elicited the word. It didn't occur to him until the plate was empty that he wouldn't be able to eat the granola bar now anyway.
"Good boy," said Mother again, and her tone was approving. She petted his head a little as she stood up, and then took the plate away. "Let's go feed the Mustang now."
With the fruit gone, and the plate removed, Edward was at a loss. How could he earn another granola bar now?
"Come on now," said Mother, collecting the pan of freshly-chopped food from the kitchen, and then coming to pick Edward up out of his chair and set him down on his feet. "Let's go feed the Mustang. You like the Mustang, don't you? Come on, let's go see him."
Edward looked at Mother's hands as she took him by the wrist with one and balanced the pan in the other, but there seemed to be no more granola hidden in either of them. Perhaps he'd done something wrong? Or at least, not sufficiently right. He reviewed his behavior in his head as he was led through the sanctuary, but couldn't come up with anything that made sense. If she'd given him another granola bar, he could have at least held onto it until he was hungry again. Maybe shown it to his father-Edward ...
... if his father-Edward ever came back.
That thought brought back his brewing anxiety, and he began to suck on the first two fingers of his left hand.
"Stay here," said Mother, parking him against the wall outside one of the enclosure doors. "Stay here. Don't wander away. Okay? Stay here."
She petted his head and unlocked the door. "Stay here," she repeated. Edward sucked on his fingers some more as she went inside.
There was a scent here that he didn't like. It was always present outside this door, stronger when Mother opened the door for some reason. It made him uneasy, as if there were something dangerous nearby. It was like the smell of punishment in his father-Edward's bed, in a way ... not in the quality of the smell, but in the way it made him feel. He fought down the urge to defend himself, because the last time he'd done that it had led to his father being tortured and killed by the humans ...
Something crashed in the enclosure, and Edward jumped away from the wall, and backed a little way down the hallway. It was a good thing he did, too, because a moment later Mother popped out of the enclosure.
"Kate!" she shrieked at the top of her voice. "Kate! Get in here!"
Then Mother disappeared again.
Edward's fingers dropped, forgotten, out of his mouth. This was such a wild deviation from the usual routine that he had no clue whatsoever what to do.
"Marta?" called one of the humans from elsewhere in the sanctuary. The one Edward didn't like. Mother stuck her head out of the enclosure.
"Alexander, stay ... No, call Pete! Eddie is in here with me, don't come, call Pete! Tell him there's something wrong with the Mustang!"
Her head vanished back into the enclosure again.
Edward could hear a sound now, coming from inside the enclosure ... a kind of moist mumbling, slurred and unintelligible. Mother was talking now, too, soft encouraging words that also sounded wet in a way.
"It's going to be okay," Mother was saying. "You'll be fine, we'll get Pete to come take a look at you ... you hang in there, okay? You'll be fine."
One of the humans, the one Edward didn't mind, appeared at the end of the hallway and called, "Marta! Pete wants to know what's wrong so he knows what to bring!"
Once more, Mother stuck her head out of the enclosure door. "I don't know ... Tell Pete he's ... It's almost like he's had a stroke. Maybe he has. Tell him that."
When the human in the hallway door didn't move, Mother raised her voice. "Go tell him that, Kate!"
Then they both disappeared again.
Edward wondered if this was some kind of game, like the catch-me games that his father-Edward liked to play with him sometimes. Maybe the trick was to catch Mother, or the other human, when they appeared in the doorway. He sidled closer, so as to be near enough to grab onto Mother when she appeared again.
Inside the enclosure, Mother was repeating the same sets of words over and over, "You'll be okay," and "Everything is going to be fine," and variations on those. She was a long time in reappearing in the doorway, but finally the other human popped into the doorway at the end of the hall again.
"Marta!" she called. "Pete is on his way! He'll be here ASAP!"
Mother stuck her head out of the enclosure, and Edward pounced, latching onto her pelt at her waist. "Caught," he declared.
He startled her, and she gave him a bewildered look, and then looked down toward the other human again. "Get the ..." she called, and then looked down at Edward again before starting over. "Get the gurney in here. Pete will probably want to take the Mustang to the clinic."
When the second human had run off again, Mother leaned down and enclosed Edward in a tight hug. His father-Edward never did this when Edward won a catch-me game, and he stiffened, wondering what it meant. "Oh, Eddie," she said, and kissed him atop his head. Then she sniffled loudly; her voice was unsteady. "You can't be in here. Let's take you back to your room okay?"
She picked him up and carried him out. But not before he saw what was laying on the floor beside the desk.
It was a predator. A huge one, that rolled its one eye toward him and made him shiver when it fixed its gaze on him. It seemed to be sick, however; when it tried to raise its hand, the motion was uncoordinated, loose and floppy.
Edward buried his face in Mother's shoulder, and didn't protest at all as he was taken down the hallway to be locked in his own enclosure.
The call came late and Marta listened in tight lipped silence.
“It's not good, I don't think we should draw this out,” Pete said. “He's going to be incapacitated, of that I'm certain. Quality of life will be low. Marta, you know that you don't have the facility or even the resources to handle this. He's going to take a lot of time, a lot of attention. He'd need therapy and special medications... your budget probably can't handle this.”
Marta reached up to rub her forehead.
“I know Pete, let me think, ok?” she said. “Just...I can't just make a snap decision like this, I need to think.”
“Ok, I'm going home, Kelly is in tonight if you want to call back. Call me in the morning, first thing.”
“Okay, Pete,” Marta snapped, then sighed. “I'll call you, thank you for everything.”
“Sleep Marta,” Pete said as she hung up.
Marta shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and left the office. She walked down to the house and went to look out the sliding glass door into the back yard. After a moment of blank staring she opened it and stepped out onto the small brick patio. It was cold and crisp, there was moonlight enough for her to see the outline of her storage building and it glinted dully off the chain link fence in the distance that hemmed the yard in.
The burn of the cold air in her lungs was welcome. She moved off, listening to the grass crunch under her feet, until she stopped in the middle of the yard and folded her arms against the cold. She had euthanized animals before. Lost causes, injured, ill. Battered and suffering, without hope ... it was an act of infinite mercy, the last and sometimes only kindness that she could do for the dying animals that briefly entered her care ... or at least that was what she always told herself. Before, those times, there was never a chance that the animal would actually live. What she had done was to calm their final moments of pain and torture, to let their souls pass peacefully. Oh, that was right, animals didn't have souls. She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory, the look, the almost mocking tone. Fuck, sometimes she hated humans.
But the Mustang, he could live. Quality of life aside, he would be alive. He would need to be cared for, but that was what she was here to do, wasn't it? She had made an existence out of caring for animals that couldn't care for themselves, so why was this so different? Incapacitated didn't mean he would be suffering. It could mean just a lack of mobility. A wheelchair could handle that, and Alexander could help out. But Alexander was just temporary, T.E.R.N. would be taking him back when another situation arose. She was surprised he'd been with her this long. She scrubbed her face with her hands, turned and looked back at the house. The Mustang's enclosure was the one of the far end, just there. The light was off, but at this time of night it would have been off anyway.
Medications...maybe she could rouse some sympathy, get some donations from the loyal few who sent a check every month, another corporate sponsor. She'd been thinking of that lately. Also thinking of ways to cut costs. Had already mapped out an area to start a garden. It was the typical dry spell, it was always like this. The money would come.
She could get Ed another talk show appearance, it wouldn't be hard. Maybe even call up her friend at the public network station, ask when there would be another pledge drive, talk them into running the documentary on Ed again. That always got the coffers lined, at least for a while. She balled up her hands into fists and then pressed them to her forehead. She could do this, she didn't have to put him down. She could take care of him, it wouldn't be hard. She was still young and strong, she could handle him. He wasn't a burden, he was a life. She'd taken care of him for a long time, Leslie loved him, hell she even loved his aloof, blue-pelt-covered ass.
“I don't want to,” she suddenly cried to the night air, to the sky and the stars. “I don't want to do it, please don't make me.”
They were on a tight budget, and just feeding her growing 'family' was worrisome. She'd been promised some help if things got truly desperate ... T.E.R.N. was good with the supplies. But what about the electric bill? The water bill? Pete's bill? She was still paying on that for Ed's injury ... she'd be paying on that for a long time. What about property taxes, the insurance bill ... what if, heaven help her, something were to happen to her to put her into the hospital?
Usually a desperate plight with an Elric kitten involved was a gold mine, and as callous as that sounded, it worked. And she'd have money and she could take care of even more animals. But she barely breathed a word of Eddie's existence outside her tight circle of friends. It was better left unsaid, this killer Elric in her care. She wanted people to forget, and so Eddie, unlike his famous "father," would wallow in anonymity.
The money. The damned money. How could she weigh cold cash against the Mustang's life?
The Mustang was old, he was sick ... maybe quality of life should be considered. He'd had many peaceful years in her care. She'd done right by him, she'd made his life better. If she let him go, that was one less mouth to feed.
She covered her own mouth in shame, such a thought. What if this decision was about Ed?
What would you do then, Marta Ann Dexter? You'd sell your own flesh and blood, wouldn't you? Nothing was sacred for Ed's sake, everything was expendable. This sanctuary, this land, your dream...what if this question was about Ed?
But it's not about Ed, so get a grip. Get a grip and do what you know has to be done. Such speculation is sheer stupidity. They can't make these decisions, that's why you have to make them. You take the burden, the guilt, the blame. You also reap the joy, the triumph, the feeling that you have made a difference. To one old, broken, sad Mustang, you brought peace, dignity and hopefully some happiness.
Was he suffering right now? Did he know that he was dying, or did he just know that he was tired and sick, and want to sleep?
Perhaps it would be alright to let him go. Perhaps it was, after all, the last kindness that she could offer him.
She stood in the yard and wiped at her face with the hem of her shirt until she was sure it was dry.
“I take it by your silence what my answer is,” Pete said. “Did you want to come over...?”
“No,” Marta said dryly. “I'm too much of a coward, you know that.”
“Anything but, you know it's the right...”
“I know, I know, I don't need the pat answer you give to dog owners.”
“Right.”
“Ah, sorry Pete, it's just...I'm going to miss him. I feel useless.”
“Do you want the body back?”
“...want to give me a cremation as an early birthday present?" She laughed a little, but it came out sounding more like a sob, so she pressed her hand to her mouth to silence it. When she felt more in control of herself, she sniffed to clear her nose and said, "It just seems like the right thing to do, although I never saw him use fire. Not that he had any gloves.” She'd never given him any.
“I think I can swing that.”
“Happy Birthday to me,” Marta said quietly. “Thanks for everything Pete.”
“You know it hon.”
She hung up the phone.
Authorx2 Note: This is the last Chapter of 'Once Somebody Loved', but not the last chapter of the story by a long shot. A bridge is being written and the story 'Icebane', a sequel to both Once Somebody Loved and Firebrand will be posted. =)