WOTR | Book 1 Part VII
War Of The Regions:
Book 1 Part VII
Masterpost
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They didn’t realize how near they were to the next crossing when they stumble upon it soon after starting to walk again. They climb over the old fence in silence, already feeling some tension and strain surround them as they walk into the Region.
When they reach the first village, the devastation there strikes Dean as something surreal. It’s like walking through an old war painting. Houses are burned to the ground, feathers are blowing softly in the breeze around their feet, and there are dark splatters of blood against a turned over market stall. He can see smashed windows and a dead dog with flies circling overhead. Dean lets out a slow breath and turns to the others, to see them taking the scene in with the same feeling of shocked displacement as he is. It doesn’t quite feel real.
Sam’s eyes are wide and glassy, and Dean steps a little closer to him, to let him know he’s there without having to say anything. Jo turns away, walks back towards the rows of trees at the edge of the clearing and rests against a tall oak. Gabriel tears his own eyes away from the scene and follows her, and Cas comes to stand next to Dean.
“It’s like this everywhere,” he says quietly, voice cutting through the heavy silence that’s around them, suffocating and overwhelming. Dean wonders how Sam can stand it.
“What do we do now?” Dean asks aloud, not to anyone in particular, not even sure whether it’s just a thought or actually spoken. Cas doesn’t answer, just turns back to look towards the broken village and lets out a small sigh. He can hear Jo and Gabriel talking in low tones and Dean tears his eyes away from the destruction before them and walks over where they stand.
Jo turns as he approaches, a look of determination on her face and tear tracks down her cheeks.
“I’m leaving,” she states.
“Wait,” Dean says, knowing Jo’s like water, too easy to slip through his fingers and then she’ll be lost. He chooses his words carefully. “You don’t have to do that. We can carry on. Get somewhere safe.”
“You don’t understand,” Jo says, running a hand through her tangled hair as if she’s taking out her frustrations on it. Gabriel quietly walks away over towards Castiel, who’s still standing next to Sam, looking out over the destruction, rubble, and detritus.
“Explain,” Dean says, and rests a hand on her forearm as if anchoring her there. She doesn’t make an effort to move it.
“I can’t just leave without knowing what’s happened to my mom. I can’t leave here and move on, farther away from her. If it’s like this everywhere, then where can we go? Nowhere is safe.”
After a long moment of silence, Dean says, “You’re right.”
Jo opens her mouth to say something, but then slowly shuts it, as if she’s trying to process his words. “I am?”
“About it being like this everywhere. All the Regions. They’ll be destroyed like this one. That’s why we have to leave.”
“You mean, leave the Regions. All the Regions.” Jo states, already understanding Dean’s train of thought.
Dean glances back at Sam and then nods. “Yeah. I mean all the Regions.”
There’s a long silence again before Dean turns back and says, “But I can’t let you go on your own. You know I can’t do that. I promised to keep you safe.”
“You promised to keep Sam safe, too. You’ll do what’s best for him, and going back to our Region isn’t going to be safe. You’ve got to let me go.”
Jo says it with such calmness and determination that Dean feels guilty arguing with her.
“I know. I know that,” he says softly. “But I can’t let you go alone.”
Jo glances over towards Sam, Cas and Gabriel and gives a little nod. Watching her carefully, Dean asks, “Do you think they’ll go with you?”
Without answering, Jo walks over to Gabriel and pulls him aside. Castiel watches with a curious expression on his face, and Sam frowns as they talk, their heads ducked down and talking in harsh tones, conspiratorially. Dean walks over and stands beside his brother.
“Castiel, Jo needs to go back. To her Region,” Gabriel states, and apparently that’s enough for Castiel to understand because he smiles, small and short, and nods.
“Then go, Gabriel. I’ll be okay.”
Dean watches in something akin to confusion, finding it difficult to understand why the two brothers don’t stick together. Gabriel gives a weak smile, as if expecting Castiel’s answer, and says, “Stay safe, little bro. We’ll meet up again when this is all over.”
“I know.”
Jo’s eyes have gone watery again, and she comes forwards, and Dean wraps his arms around her. “You stay safe, okay? I want to see you and your mom in a few weeks. You’ll let my dad and Bobby know where we are if you see them, right?”
“‘Course,” Jo replies, her voice wavering. Dean softly kisses the top of her head. “I’ll find them and then come find you.”
“I’m counting on it,” Dean says. He lowers his arms and Jo stands back, and wipes beneath her eyes with her sleeve.
“You look after her, okay?” Dean says, looking over at Gabriel seriously. “Don’t split up and come meet us when you’re done.”
“She won’t get hurt,” Gabriel says, and there’s something in Gabriel’s eyes that Dean feels ready to believe, and he gives him a stiff nod.
Sam comes forward then, wraps his arms around Jo, and Jo hugs him back, smiling. She lets out a small choked laugh, and Sam kisses her cheek. He pulls back and she looks him in the eye and says, “Stay safe, okay? Look after your brother.”
Always, Sam replies, and Jo grins, watching his hands. She looks towards Gabriel and lets out a slow breath.
“We should get going,” she says. “While we still have daylight.”
“Good idea,” Gabriel says softly, and picks up the bag on the ground beside him. He slings it over his shoulder and gives a last smile to Cas before turning around, Jo beside him. They watch their retreating backs in silence, Jo humming softly beneath her breath, a broken little tune that Dean remembers from when he was younger. Before all of this.
And then they’re gone, and it’s just the three of them.
Sam taps his wrist and Dean turns to him and can’t quite muster up the energy to smile, even though he wants to offer some sort of comfort to his brother.
What now?
Dean lifts his hands up to respond, his natural instinct to comfort Sam and let him know he’s got it all under control, but his hands falter. Sam watches with something like acceptance, as if he didn’t expect Dean to know but has to ask anyway.
We carry on, Dean says.
Sam frowns at him and sweeps his hand through the air and raises his shoulders. Where?
Dean has been trying to avoid this option since they left home in the first place. He’s been trying to make sure they all have shelter and food and find safety. But the Regions aren’t safe anymore, and the Officials have burnt almost everything to the ground.
Slowly, he spells out, Outerlands.
Sam stares at him for a long moment and then frowns. He looks away, back to the village, but doesn’t say anything. Dean’s beginning to wonder whether he understood when he suddenly says, “Okay.”
Dean sucks in a breath, both a little surprised and happy to be hearing Sam’s voice again. It gives Dean enough hope to smile and give a small nod.
“Okay,” he says, and Sam smiles back, small and tight, and turns around to walk a few paces away and sits down on the dry earth.
Dean watches him go and Cas steps up closer beside him. He swallows and feels a cool breeze whip his cheeks.
“Me and Sam. We’re leaving,” Dean says, without preamble.
Cas nods as if it’s what he expected Dean to say. “I understand. I’d like to go with you.”
“I’m not sure about that,” Dean says quietly, already knowing this is all just going through the motions, a rehearsed speech. He can’t leave him alone. Cas has already made his choice, chosen to stay behind. “I’ve got to look after Sam. It’s my job.”
Dean doesn’t understand why he feels the need to justify the reasons to the boy who is more like a stranger to him than anything else, but he feels a strange comfort standing beside him, as if they’re united, on the same team.
United in what, or on what team, Dean doesn’t think he can say. But he trusts Cas for some reason, has seen him care for Sam, and that’s enough to win him over.
But this isn’t about Cas, or even about Dean. It’s about Sam.
“I know that,” Cas says. “For what it’s worth, I’d like to help. You can’t do this alone, Dean.”
“I can,” Dean shoots back, the words leaving a bitter trace on his tongue. “You don’t know what I can do, or anything--”
“Okay,” Cas cuts in, before Dean can get himself more riled up. “You can. But you don’t have to.”
Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. Sam walks over towards them, puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder, and it’s a lost argument. He can read the message in Sam’s eyes, can see that Sam is telling him it’s okay, that he trusts Cas and they’re going to be fine together.
“Alright,” Dean finally says. “We’ll go together.”
They sit down and discuss their options, all the while staying alert to the shifting light, the passing time, and the fact they’re not safe here. Not safe anywhere. They decide to pass through the broken village, checking through homes for supplies and food and fresh water and clothes to take with them. None of them are sure, exactly, how to make it to the Outerlands. Cas tells them it’s someplace in the West, towards the setting sun, although he doesn’t know how far or how many Regions they have to pass through to get there.
Dean makes Sam wait outside while he rifles through the homes, some with walls painted with blood, some with mangled bodies and rotting food. It’s a horrible sight, the smell even worse, and Dean doesn’t want Sam to see.
But he’s stubborn, of course, and Sam decides to walk in while Dean is grabbing some knives from somebody’s home, two dead bodies on the floor. Dean turns and Sam is standing there, eyes fixed on the old couple, locked in embrace as if they had been expecting their death, both shot in the head.
Dean walks over and gently puts a hand on Sam’s arm.
“Sam?” he asks, once their eyes meet. “Are you okay?”
He turns his head back down to look at the two bodies and from the corner of his eye, Dean sees Cas walk through the doorway and then stop when he notices the scene. He walks over to Sam and gives him a tap on the shoulder.
“Why don’t you wait outside with me, Sam?” he asks, and Sam shakes his head, steps over them, and walks over to the knives that Dean had left on the table. He picks them up, and then leaves the room, without saying a word. Dean follows and eyes him carefully, looks for any signs that he’s not coping, that perhaps this is all too much for him.
We done now? he asks, and Dean lets out a slow breath.
We’re done.
Cas walks beside them silently as they head west in the warm, golden glow of light, and make their way carefully through the Region. Dean finds himself softly humming the song Jo had been murmuring when she left, and it’s almost a comfort, something to break up the silence and an assurance that the three of them are okay, and are alive.
Dean gauges it as the middle of the night before they finally find somewhere to stay. They’ve broken bread and eaten berries, not wanting to stop long enough in the last of the daylight to start a fire and cook meat. For the last few hours they’ve been following a rushing river through the woodlands, hoping it will lead them to the next sign of civilization and towards the next Region. There’s a small shed, the wood broken and warped, much like the one they stayed in before that is now undoubtedly just ashes on the ground. The moon is high in the clear sky, stars bright and in large clusters through the gaping holes in the decaying roof. The air is still warm from the hot and humid day, and they lie on blankets with their bags for pillows. Dean listens quietly and notices when Sam’s breathing evens out, as he falls asleep quickly, giving in to exhaustion.
Dean focuses on listening to the soft brush of leaves against the wind, and lies staring up at the velvety, black sky through a hole in the ceiling. Sam lies on one side of him, and Castiel on the other, and Dean tries to let himself relax but sees blood and fire and decay each time he closes his eyes.
Beside him he hears Cas rustle and Dean turns his head, and looks straight into open, blue eyes.
They stare at each other for a long moment, and Dean feels his eyelids growing heavier, when Cas says, in a voice as soft as the breezy night air, “Are you afraid?”
Dean doesn’t answer straight away. The first thing that nearly parts through his lips is no, but it clashes with the first thought, which is yes. He knows he is, but he can’t afford to be like that, not when it’s his job to make sure Sammy is okay. Emotions can get in the way, and fear is something Dean has to just swallow and let out in slow, measured breaths.
Instead, Dean answers, “Are you?”
It’s a clear dismissal, a blatant avoidance of answering the question, but Cas answers it anyway. “Not right now.”
Dean wonders how that can be, when they’re never really safe, always vulnerable and at risk of being separated, or killed, or captured. When they’re both already separated from their families. There’s a strong pull in Dean that makes him want to run back and find their dad, but the pull towards keeping Sam safe is stronger.
“Why didn’t you go with Gabriel and Jo?” Dean asks, another change of subject but one that Cas either doesn’t notice or purposely doesn’t comment on.
“They don’t need me,” he says simply.
Dean feels a pull in his gut and ignores it. “And we do?”
“I don’t have any doubts you can look after Sam. That isn’t what this is about, Dean. It’s okay to accept help, even if you don’t need it.”
Instead of biting back, Dean pushes past the barrier he always puts up, and says softly, “I don’t want to be in any debt to you.”
“You won’t be.”
Even softer, Dean says, “I don’t want to be responsible for you.”
“You’re not.”
With those few words, the things that were holding Dean back suddenly aired, and already dissolved, it feels like there’s a weight lifted from his shoulders that he didn’t even realize was there. It’s instead replaced with a feeling of want, desire, an overwhelming sense of gratitude that it shocks him, and nearly makes him physically shudder in relief. He lets out a slow breath and watches Cas stare at him, and Dean feels like his entire perception of this boy in front of him is changing. This is the boy who they met in the woods, and who stayed with Dean and Sam instead of going with his own brother.
Dean’s always been better with actions than words. That’s why, when Cas is suddenly closer and there’s hot breath against his skin, he doesn’t pull back and he lets their lips touch, a soft brush, eyelids fluttering closed and letting out a slow sigh as they kiss. It’s slow and relaxed and it’s thank you and I’m here and it’s making Dean feel like he could slip into sleep as easy as if he were back home in his bed, with Sam sleeping three feet away from him, none of these new dangers a constant burden on him.
He gently pulls away and Cas smiles at him. Dean breaths out heavily, feeling his heart race, and he smiles slowly back, until he’s grinning and Cas’ eyes twinkle in the stream of moonlight that filters through the roof.
He leans forward and their lips meet in the middle, Cas’ mouth pushing against his, and it’s a quick, sweet thing before they part again and lock eyes, still lying beside each other on the floor.
“Goodnight, Dean,” Cas says, the trace of a smile still on his face.
“Yeah. ‘Night,” Dean replies, his lips warm and tingling, leaving him a little light-headed and spaced out. Cas turns on his side, away from him, and it’s as if he’s been thrust back into reality, and the full impact of what’s just happened falls on him like heavy rain.
The thought of kissing Cas hadn’t really had the chance to grow before tonight, and he didn’t imagine it would feel like this, and unlike the past girls he’s kissed, he didn’t account for the twisting in his gut and the naked need of want, to do it over and over again.
He realizes, by the law, by the Highland’s standards, it’s illegal, it’s not right. He’s supposed to kiss girls and marry them, not boys with blue eyes, who he found in the woods and followed him, and left his own family for him.
Then again, it’s also illegal to leave their own Region, to hop over the fence, to hunt in the woods and kill Officials and try and leave the Regions altogether.
Dean finds himself feeling a little proud at the thought he’s subconsciously and naturally broken another one of their rules, even if he did it entirely for himself with no intent to break it in the first place. It feels right and bright and a little slice of happiness that, this once, he’s allowing himself to have.
He rolls onto his side, back against Castiel’s, and lightly places a hand over Sam’s rising and falling chest. He feels asleep listening to their joint breathing and thinking of home and Sammy’s voice, warm food, and Cas’ blue eyes and wet lips.
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