Colorless (Section Thirty-Four)
True to her word, Elly bought me dinner. Now that I was sure I wouldn’t throw up, I was ravenous, and I finished my pizza in six bites. Elly, however, took her time even more than usual; there was much nervous spoon-sucking. “Elly,” I asked finally, “what’s the matter?”
Elly popped her spoon in her mouth and said nothing for a moment or two. Then she sighed. “Ben, I didn’t bring you here just to be nice. There’s, uh… there’s a problem.” Such dancing around the point from Elly was a very strange occurrence. I raised my eyebrows. “One of the wolves has gone rogue.”
I stared at her for a moment. It was one thing for my parents to ask me to keep an eye on Andy. They were supposed to miss the point now and then. But Elly? She’s spacey and all, but she’s really smart and never misses a trick. She should have known that I couldn’t stand the thought of talking about any of this to Andy, even if it did probably involve him. I couldn’t. I liked him too much.
Elly sensed my shock and quickly went on. “I know that you don’t want to talk to Andy about this, okay? You don’t have to. I just want to make sure you’ll be safe.”
I had to swallow back my anger. I knew she didn’t deserve it, and getting mad at my only remaining friend wouldn’t do me much good. “What do you mean by that?” I asked when I felt a little calmer.
Elly closed her eyes for a second. Unless it’s Nick, she hates talking about touchy things. When she looked up, she seemed a little less nervous. “When Rain was gone on Saturday, she was out investigating a kill-one of the demons. We thought it was just typical turf-war stuff-even with the treaty, they fight a lot-but it was… it was slaughtered.” Elly bit her lip. “She took pictures, and Dad said that demons don’t kill that way, even when they fight hand-to-hand. They go for the death blow and then leave the-the body alone.” She hunched her shoulders. “Ben, a werewolf’s the only thing that could’ve done it.”
Numb with shock, I stared at her. “You don’t… you don’t honestly think Andy did it, do you?” There was more pleading in my voice than I would have liked. I had to be rational about this. Yes, I cared about Andy. But I’d only known him for a few weeks. If he really was a werewolf, there was no telling what he might be capable of.
Elly shook her head. “No, of course not! Andy’s only seventeen. If he is a… you know, he wouldn’t be able to transform until the first full moon after his eighteenth birthday.” She sucked her spoon again. “But it’s someone young, all right. No wolf that kills anything but animals lives past twenty-five.” She leaned back in her seat and sighed. “Once word gets out about this, every Tracker on the east coast is gonna be looking for it-the Slayer Academy gives rewards for rogues.”
I let out a deep breath. “Okay,” I said after a moment or two. “I understand why you’re telling me this. But what… what does it have to do with Andy?”
Elly’s eyes narrowed. I knew she was mincing around the subject to try and spare my feelings, but that didn’t mean she had any patience for bullshit. “You already know, Ben. Do I really have to remind you?” She plowed on before I could answer. “Every demon in the city has their panties in a bunch because they hate it when humans can stand up to them in a fight. Once more of them find about the death, we’re fucked. The treaty says they’re safe. They’ll see it as an excuse to go batshit on humans for revenge. We have to catch this rogue before that can happen, and Andy’s our only lead.” She paused. “I’ll admit he’s not much of a one, but don’t tell me you don’t think he’s a werewolf too.”
I pressed my hands against my eyes. “I really wish I didn’t,” I whispered. “It would make life so much easier.” At any other time, Elly would have piped in with “Adversity builds character” or some other awful, self-righteous saying, but this time she just waited for me to speak.
I stared at my hands. There had been a sort of peace inside me for a while, knowing that I had Andy. Now that I realized I would have to jeopardize that, a sort of numbness was spreading inside me. I knew now that it was the way I used to feel all the time: like I was… drifting, and I couldn’t do anything to choose my own course.
I bit my lower lip hard until the feeling receded. I wouldn’t put up with that anymore. No one outside me, even Andy, was the cause of my happiness or sadness or anything that I felt: I was. I had to be, or else everything I did would be empty because I hadn’t decided to do it for myself. Now I finally understood why I had fought with Nick, not just how to fix it. It wasn’t because he was an asshole, or even because of Andy: it was because I had finally realized I had to live my own life or nothing at all.
Even if I lost Andy, I wouldn’t lose that.
Slowly, I raised my head. “…So what do I have to do?”
Elly sighed. “That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. There’s really no way to bring this up tactfully.” She paused. “I’d say you could try reading his mind, but if he is a wolf, you probably wouldn’t be able to unless he had his guard down. Most of them know how to shield from telepaths-to keep away the Trackers.”
“He’s blocked,” I muttered, rubbing my temples. “And I wouldn’t do that without his permission anyway.”
“Of course not.” Elly frowned. “I suppose I could do a bit of showing off to segue into a discussion…” She trailed off, her frown deepening. “I really don’t like that idea, though.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, why don’t you just ask Andy if you and I can come over tomorrow? Make up some excuse about studying or something. We can figure out how we want to bring it up then.”
It was the only way that made any sense, but I wasn’t happy about it. Even with the fight with Nick, the last few weeks had been… idyllic. Like living in a dream. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to wake up yet.
“I don’t really like being the one to have to say this, you know,” said Elly softly. “It was nice to see you assert yourself for once. I wish this stuff hadn’t got in the way.”
I rested my forehead on the table. “So do I.”