(Untitled)

[slammerkinbabe]

A guy just came into Burger King when I was eating there and asked people at each table if they had money for him to buy a hamburger. Everyone turned him down, naturally. Everyone always does. I had no cash smaller than a $5 so I told him no as well, adding for some bizarre reason that I only had a debit card -- I guess so he wouldn’t think I was

Comments

[eglantine_br]

I know what you mean. I have had people in NYC ask me for the remains of food that I had finished with.

I usually give money, if I have it. I have given neat halves of sandwiches away too. (Instead of carrying them home to eat later.)

I often have no money-- but I would rather be wrong sometimes than fail to help when I was able.

I haver done ther looking through thing before-- when I had nothing to give, or sometimes when I got a very bad vibe from someone.

IDK, whatever we do, we might be wrong.

[slammerkinbabe]

It’s interesting that people in NYC have asked you for the remains of food you’ve finished with, because my understanding around here is that people are actively insulted when you give them leftover food -- I don’t know if it’s a hygiene issue or what, but I know I’ve annoyed (apparent) homeless people by offering them remains of my food from restaurants before. I don’t know, maybe a clearly untouched half of a sandwich would be better

[eyelid]

i don't know, do they really want to be looked at if you're not going to give them anything? Seems like ignoring them might be the politer thing to do.

[slammerkinbabe]

I feel like it’s better to acknowledge them and tell them I don’t have any money when I don’t (or can’t spare any; see the thing about five homeless people in a five-minute walk). I can’t imagine totally ignoring any non-homeless stranger when they asked for a favor, so it doesn’t feel right to ignore homeless people.

Also, now that I’m aware of it, it feels kind of creepy to stare through a human being, like I’m denying reality or something. It has a vague similarity to the feeling I get when I’m around someone who appears cogent and sane but then starts hallucinating and pointing to something I can’t see: what’s happening here, why can’t I see this thing that’s real to this other person? I don’t know, it just feels weird. I’m aware that’s not the most logical argument, especially since in the first case I’m not responding to something I am seeing and in the second case I’m not responding to something I’m not seeing. So it isn’t a great parallel. But that’s how I feel.

[nelc]

I've done almost exactly the same thing: interrupted while reading a book in McD's, not feeling charitable, tells the bloke to get lost. Felt immediate and terrible guilt afterwards, cause it is a shitty thing to do. And it was only a cup of tea he wanted!

Fortunately, I was able to make it up to the guy later. I've been told that he spends some of the money I've given him on heroin by someone who might know. But I decided a while ago that it doesn't matter what he wants the money for: he needs money, either for food or cigs or heroin or whatever, but the point is, he needs the money to get through another day, somehow. He's responsible for himself, and I'm not going to audit his needs before I give him money.

I'm a filthy atheist, but the principle of caritas does not involve being any more patronising than you can help, as far as I can tell.

[slammerkinbabe]

That's good that you ran into the guy again. I don't know if I'll see this guy again, but if I do I'll definitely give him something. Within like a minute of his talking to me I had changed my mind and wanted to get him a burger but by then he'd been kicked out and went away.

...he needs the money to get through another day, somehow. He's responsible for himself, and I'm not going to audit his needs before I give him money.I really like the way you put that. I know that on level I should care about whether street people are using the money I give them to buy drugs or whatever -- I have a cousin who works with that population who gets beyond-furious when people give them money because she says their specific needs are cared for by programs like hers but if they can make money panhandling they can buy drugs and there’s nothing she can do about it -- but honestly... I don’t know, part of me feels, like you said, that a lot of them are doing what they need to do to get through their lives. Certainly a lot of them who struggle with

[fengi]

I've had the disturbing realization that doing the right thing can be a matter of chance if the situation is unexpected. Our ability to process information, let alone make moral decisions, fluctuates wildly over time and so it's a matter of luck if our brain is ready for a moral quandary at the moment it occurs. Even people who are true to their values once may be flummoxed the next.

The problem is our narrative minds want to make every moment a defining one. There are decisions which outweigh all others, but with the smaller moments one's character is an average over time rather than a single point.

[slammerkinbabe]

That’s a really good point. Behavior and reactions vary wildly with the time/day/situation/etc. There are definitely times when I would have made a different decision. I hope that next time it happens I’ll remember the way I’m feeling/thinking now though. That would be a good takeaway. Might help me to up my average.

[eyelid]

I think everyone gets this feeling sometimes? We don't like to have people demanding that we give them stuff. It's really annoying - on a very primal level. Frankly, strangers demanding stuff is just rude, for that very reason.

of course, the person in question doesn't have much choice, but it still raises our hackles. Nothing we can do about that reaction.

I have a similar thing with the people who beg on the corner down my street. They have a sign and I have to wait at the corner right by them. I don't really want to encourage them to hang out on my street by giving them money. But what if they really need it? I don't know. If it's cold enough - and it gets very cold here - I sometimes give something.

I do most of my charity through supporting local businesses, causes, etc.

[slammerkinbabe]

Supporting local charities is definitely a better way to go on a practical level, I know. I should do more of that. It might make me feel better about not giving to the people I can’t give to.

And wrt strangers asking for things instinctively raising one’s hackles, I suppose I only have to think of the MASSPIRG people who put me through agonies every day because I know everyone ignores them and they’re trying to earn a living but at the same time OMG GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT FUCKING CLIPBOARD. Of course, a homeless person just wants money while a MASSPIRG person wants you to stand there and listen to their pitch and sign some forms and *then* give them money. It’s kind of the same instinctive reaction though.

[andrewducker]

I've given money in the street to someone who I was fairly sure was going to spend it on drugs.

Because if you've been reduced to the point where you're begging for change to buy drugs, I have more sympathy than anything else.

However, I'm as guilty as the next person of walking past people begging for change. It's just so common that I can't stop at every single one, and so I get used to armouring myself up.

[slammerkinbabe]

Yeah, that’s pretty much the line I follow as well. I felt more comfortable about it before I heard my cousin who works with the indigent/addict/mentally ill population railing for the dozenth time about how people who give money to panhandlers ruin everything she tries to do for a living, but then, she has somehow gotten the perspective that the people she treats are the only people there are on the streets. Anyway, I get now why it bothers her, and I can’t say she’s wrong, exactly, but I have that same reaction: if you’re desperate enough to be standing on a street corner, your life sucks, and I sympathize with that. If showing my sympathy involves giving you a dollar, OK.

Of course, this is my pretty philosophy all tied up in kind generous bows. Obviously what happened today proves that I don’t live by it all the time. Part of it is that you do have to build up some kind of armor if you’re walking by a half-dozen homeless people a day, but part of it is that I am not as nice a person as I like to think I am.