new member, new poem!

[hellz_angel_802]

Hey. I'm new to the community, young adult writer, kinda consider myself an ameture at the poetry game but I'd like to get better and i want to post one of my poems. Yeah this one actually required some thought...I don't know I really want some feed back on it so everyone please read and tell me what you think! Much Appreciated

Comments

[noble_knave]

Right on man!

[hellz_angel_802]

thanks =)

[littlegreen33]

I'm not sure if this was purposeful to follow the vibe of the poem or not, but, "But they no nothing," normally I assume that should be "know". I do like the reference to I know why the caged bird sings. I would try to make that message more through out, though.

Keep writing and welcome to the community.

[hellz_angel_802]

Yeah that was supposed to be "know", little typo of mine sorry about that. I'm not sure I understand what you mean by being more through out. Can you explain to me please?

[littlegreen33]

Ok, good, I'm glad it was a typo, because I was afraid that I was just being snobbish. What I mean by making it more through out is to build up to that point. For me that felt like the climax of the poem, the oooh moment, and I feel like it could be even more effective if you built up to that more, hint at it a bit more, have more direct metaphors or imagery of being caged, etc...

[hellz_angel_802]

Oh I understand what your saying now, I do need to do that more, thanks =)