new to writing slam. feedback welcome.
broken?
don't fucking count on it
you gave me a damn hard knock
you thought u left me on the floor
begging for more
broken?
no, just plotting my revenge
with every drag i take in
you think you're a big shot man
leaving me here unable to stand
broken?
not when I knock
that smirk off your face
a deceitful, seductive blow
now who's begging for more
Comments 1
This piece is too much anger and too little poetry. Not so much craft here as venom. It's all flash and no substance. I mean, there's got to be something more than just anger and testosterone laced threats of violence.
Check out this guy on YouTube. He does a great job of fusing anger and word craft into his work. Consider what he's doing, take what you can from it, and give it another shot.
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