State of the Capellion/Essay on Personal Growth
Because I am at work for nine hours completely alone oh gosh it's so quiet and empty, and because I have noticed something about Capell, that I want to talk about.
Capell
IC: Is okay! Ed is gone and Capell is pouty about that, for a few reasons, but he's coping. He's still got quite a few friends here that he's very happy for, and nothing really, really, really super terrible has happened lately, so life is pretty good.
OOC: Every time I play Capell, I remember why I love him so much. He's just so easy for me, and I love his outlook.
Plans: ...Stuff! Doing it! IDK does someone want to run a post with me sometime?
Drop: Nooooo I love him too much.
Okay so that Essay:
In term's of Capell's personal growth, he's... well. In some ways, I think he's grown a lot--he's marginally more confident now than he was, he can tease people a little, so long as they're already friends, and he's beginning to actually show he is capable of having a spine, in some places. >->; OKAY, it doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a big deal, for Capell. I've actually thought a lot about what sort of growth he needs, because Capell changes a lot in canon, but all of it is sort of at gun point, due to giant trauma-filled events, which can't really be replicated in camp. But he has had some opportunity for that growth -- the wolf game, mainly, but other camp events as well.
The problem, if there is one, is that Capell doesn't see his own growth, and doesn't believe in it. In his therapy thread with Mirka, he's still very adamant that he's not a hero, or a fighter, he doesn't like it or want to do it, and he'd rather just stay out of everyone's way. And given by his actions in camp, this is... not really true, anymore. He'll never be "yay fighting!" or anything, but there are definitely instances when he will jump in to help people, where he can be quite decidedly not selfish in his actions.
I think the difference between Capell-in-camp and Capell-in-canon is that so many of Capell's "self" problems come from being an Unblessed -- in canon, he can eventually come to deal with that, because he can see that there are things that he -- and only he -- can do, even as an Unblessed. Here in camp (especially with Ed gone) everyone is technically an Unblessed, so that should matter less, and in a lot of ways it does. Capell is more open and trusting of the people in camp, because of it. However, that doesn't help him with any of his problems with home; he could maybe come to believe he's got skills and talents here, but he hasn't quite yet accepted that those skills, talents, and worth would still carry over, if he were to go back home tomorrow.
It's a very conditional self confidence.
That didn't end very coherently, but I guess I kind of just wanted to ramble for a bit.
Capell
IC: Is okay! Ed is gone and Capell is pouty about that, for a few reasons, but he's coping. He's still got quite a few friends here that he's very happy for, and nothing really, really, really super terrible has happened lately, so life is pretty good.
OOC: Every time I play Capell, I remember why I love him so much. He's just so easy for me, and I love his outlook.
Plans: ...Stuff! Doing it! IDK does someone want to run a post with me sometime?
Drop: Nooooo I love him too much.
Okay so that Essay:
In term's of Capell's personal growth, he's... well. In some ways, I think he's grown a lot--he's marginally more confident now than he was, he can tease people a little, so long as they're already friends, and he's beginning to actually show he is capable of having a spine, in some places. >->; OKAY, it doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a big deal, for Capell. I've actually thought a lot about what sort of growth he needs, because Capell changes a lot in canon, but all of it is sort of at gun point, due to giant trauma-filled events, which can't really be replicated in camp. But he has had some opportunity for that growth -- the wolf game, mainly, but other camp events as well.
The problem, if there is one, is that Capell doesn't see his own growth, and doesn't believe in it. In his therapy thread with Mirka, he's still very adamant that he's not a hero, or a fighter, he doesn't like it or want to do it, and he'd rather just stay out of everyone's way. And given by his actions in camp, this is... not really true, anymore. He'll never be "yay fighting!" or anything, but there are definitely instances when he will jump in to help people, where he can be quite decidedly not selfish in his actions.
I think the difference between Capell-in-camp and Capell-in-canon is that so many of Capell's "self" problems come from being an Unblessed -- in canon, he can eventually come to deal with that, because he can see that there are things that he -- and only he -- can do, even as an Unblessed. Here in camp (especially with Ed gone) everyone is technically an Unblessed, so that should matter less, and in a lot of ways it does. Capell is more open and trusting of the people in camp, because of it. However, that doesn't help him with any of his problems with home; he could maybe come to believe he's got skills and talents here, but he hasn't quite yet accepted that those skills, talents, and worth would still carry over, if he were to go back home tomorrow.
It's a very conditional self confidence.
That didn't end very coherently, but I guess I kind of just wanted to ramble for a bit.