(no subject)
Title: Beams, Burgers, and Magical Sex Aids
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Anya/Buffy
Summary: Buffy helps Anya clean up the Magic Box after Grave
Prompt: Written for snowpuppies in round 36 of femslash_minis, who wanted old, dusty books; flirty banter; and a mention of Spike; with no character bashings.
Other: Warning for mentions of sexual assault. I hope the banter is flirty enough and the books sufficiently dusty.
The Magic Box was completely trashed.
Not that this was a surprise; Willow had had her showdown with the Scoobies and Anya - Anya wasn’t included in the former, of course, all she’d done was date Xander for three years, why would she be one of them? - there, and there had been a lot of telekinesis and things being thrown at people and people being thrown at walls. But Anya hadn’t been terribly worried about that at the time; she’d been more concerned with staying alive.
Now, though, Willow was in England, and Giles had gone with her and left Anya to clean up the mess that Willow had created. And it turned out that during the year of hormonal twenty-something angstiness that had caught everyone up in it, even Anya and Spike, who were definitely not twenty-something even if they looked like it, and Dawn and Giles, who couldn’t even pass for twenty, someone had forgotten to pay the insurance.
This meant that Anya had absolutely no compensation for the damage, which in turn meant she couldn’t afford to hire people to clean out the damage, or carpenters other than Xander, who she was avoiding for reasons that had nothing to do with money, to rebuild - or people to come with their machines and take it away, because she wasn’t sure there was going to be enough left to rebuild.
Anya hissed in frustration as she shoved at the fallen beam. It had lodged in the gap in the far wall, and she couldn’t get it down.
“Hey?” someone called from the front of the shop. “Anya?”
It was Buffy. Anya gave up on the beam for the moment and picked her way through the debris towards the door. “I’m here!” she called.
She finally reached a point where she could actually see the entryway. The Slayer was standing there, hands behind her back, and smiling nervously.
Okay, it was reasonable for her to be nervous. Anya had shouted her down when she’d come on the first day of cleaning, when she’d just found out about the insurance and realized that it was going to take months to get the Magic Box ready to open without help. And she’d shouted down Xander when he’d come to offer assistance for entirely different reasons.
“Hello, Buffy,” she said. “Do you want a favor? A spell, maybe? Or are you here to help me clear this beam from the wall? Or maybe you’re here to help me take the beam to Xander’s head,” she finished, brightly but without genuine hope. Buffy had already made it very clear whose side she was on.
“Um.” Buffy smiled hopefully. “I just thought I’d… see how you’re doing. Y’know, with the cleanup and everything. I haven’t seen you this week, and all.”
“Good. You can come here and help me with the large, heavy, difficult-for-humans-to-life debris.”
Buffy looked more nervous yet, but she obediently came forward. “Which one do you need help with? Cause, I’m all with the helping. I mean. Now.”
“Yes, you’ve conveniently gotten over your death wish just in time for your best, witchy friend to acquire one. We noticed. Take the other end, by the wall, so you can lift it out and shift it this way. Please try not to concuss me.”
“No on the concussing, got it.” Buffy had to walk several steps towards Anya to be able to reach the beam, but it was otherwise perfect. The Slayer shifted it up, then let it go, allowing the beam to slide uncontrollably down and land on Anya’s foot.
Yes. Perfect.
She groaned. “Buffy? Please get this heavy, potentially damage-causing beam off my foot?”
“Oh! Sorry!” The beam lifted up. “But you have to admit, no concussions,” Buffy joked.
“Yet. We still have to carry this out of the building. And then there’s that large pile of bricks which I am informed can be relayed, but up until then need to be out of the way. And then there’s the basement, which currently contains a large amount of the floor of this level. And the ladder from the loft. And most of the loft, some of which is also in the basement and the rest of which is immediately under our feet.” Anya listed off the most immediate concerns without even needing to think about it.
“I can get the beam.” Buffy looked somewhat overwhelmed by the knowledge of how much she had been volunteered for, but she did balance the beam well enough and awkwardly sidled through the Magic Box towards the door.
“Break it into pieces if you can so the garbage people can take it,” Anya called after her, then started stacking bricks.
Okay, so she hadn’t quite loaded up the Slayer with packs like a mule, but it was a start in using her strength. She might as well use it for something other than saving the world, since she refused to charge for that - okay, so the attempt at construction work hadn’t gone so well, but there was no reason she couldn’t try again. Or at least help Anya, since with no money for outsiders, Xander being avoided, and Willow in England learning how to not kill people, she was the best help there was.
It took the rest of the day to remove most of the largest debris from the shop. Anya finally stood, dusted off her hands, and said, “Excellent. I was expecting this part to take weeks. You don’t have to come back tomorrow, I’ll need to mark out what can be salvaged, but the next day I expect I’ll need some heavy lifting again. Be here at ten.”
Buffy looked surprised, but nodded in agreement.
*
Two days later, Anya was packing the now-blank magic books into a cardboard box when the shop door opened.
“Anya?” a familiar voice called.
“I’m here!” she called, then, as Buffy once more picked her way through the debris into the room. Then blinked. “You came back. To help.”
“Yeah.” Buffy shrugged. “I mean, Dawn’s in school and I can only hang out with Xander so often before - oh. Um. Sorry,” she said nervously.
Anya could imagine her face when Xander was mentioned. It wasn’t quite as terrifying as it could be, given that she’d decided showing the Slayer her demon face wasn’t a great idea, but it had evidently stopped her on that train of though.
“Right,” She said briskly. “You can finish packing these books up; they’re all blank and magic-less, but I figured I can sell them as journals or something.”
“Journals?” Buffy picked up a tome, flipping through the pages and coughing as a cloud of dust emerged. “You might be better off donating them to a museum.”
“Well, there are always amateurs who want the best in atmospheric, leather books with yellowed pages. Books of Shadows, and all.”
Buffy grunted in acknowledgement, shutting the book with a clap that stirred another cloud of dust. This time, both of them burst into coughs that took a moment to recede. “Right. Atmosphere. Got it.” She started stacking the books into the box, while Anya began examining the contents of one of the shelves.
Buffy finished taping the box together fairly soon, and wandered over. “Anya, where are the other boxes?” she asked, then frowned. “What’s this?” She pointed at an embroidered sash at apparent random.
“Um, magical sex aid,” Anya said, glancing at it. “Enables girls to grow temporary, functioning penises. It looks okay, but I’m going to have to try it out to be sure - were you volunteering?”
Buffy leapt backwards with a squawk. “No thanks! I mean, um… Just no. Thank you.”
Anya looked back calmly. “I was joking. It’s actually ceremonial garb.”
Okay, so it was ceremonial garb for a fertility ritual for lesbians that acted as she’d previously described, but if she wanted Buffy to stay here and help pointing that out probably wasn’t the greatest idea.
The Slayer glanced around, apparently looking for something to do. “So, um. How about those boxes?”
Anya pointed at the stack leaning against the one intact piece of furniture, with masking tape and scissors on top of it. “They’re all small boxes. I didn’t think packing large amounts of mystical artifacts together was a good idea, and besides, I wasn’t sure I was going to need that many for salvage.”
“Um. Speaking of, how’s that going?” Buffy asked, pulling a box off the stack and beginning to fold it into an actual box shape.
“Fairly good. I removed most of the things that could cause damage in their current states yesterday. What’s left is either intact, completely powerless, or I have to test it to figure out which it is.”
“Right.”
They packed in silence for a few minutes, when Buffy suddenly spluttered. “Um. Isn’t this the table you and Spike - you know - on?”
“Yes, this is the table where Spike and I had sexual intercourse. I rather wish I hadn’t, considering the cameras, but it was quite good. I don’t know why you broke up with him.”
Buffy winced visibly. “Um. No one told you about that?”
“About what?”
“He, um… assaulted me. Tried.”
There was another pause. “Oh. In that case, seeing as I’ve recently regained my status as a vengeance demon, I would be happy to work some kind of curse on him. Presumably not fatal, because he’s the only one besides Xander who actually likes me, but I could make it reasonably excruciating.”
“Um, I don’t think that’s necessary.” Buffy looked down, focusing on the books.
“Alright. If you change your mind, just let me know.”
*
Buffy came back the next day with a bag. “Um, I brought take out. Dawn is going out to eat with - um, they’re going out to eat, so I figured I might as well share the products of my labors with you.”
“I’m flattered. What was I, your third choice?”
“Well, actually you were my second. Xander was ruled out with Dawn before I could ask.”
“Thanks so much. Come here, you can help me attempt to get the cash register to open. The metal’s twisted.”
Buffy obediently plopped the bag on the table - its former proximity to Spike-sex notwithstanding - and trotted over. It was actually possible to trot through the Magic Box now that most of the splintered wood was gone. Well, it was possible to trot through the front of the store, anyway. There was nothing the Slayer could do about fixing the floor.
Anya planned on making Giles ask Xander for help with that when he came back, because she definitely was not going to.
“Geez, what happened to this?” Buffy pulled at the metal, bending it some, but not actually managed to open it.
“I’m not sure. I think that first beam I had you move landed on it with great force. Or maybe some of the loft. I couldn’t get to it before today, anyway.”
Buffy nodded and frowned at the cash register. “If you brace this part, I can try to bend the bottom off of it.”
A few minutes later, Buffy had fallen on the floor with the metal cash register on top of her, courtesy of forgetting that Anya couldn’t hang on to a metal box the Slayer was pulling on with great force.
“Ow.” She sat up, tentatively, then examined the box. “Hey! It bent!” She pried the corner off, and eased the drawers out. “I present to you, money!”
“My dream come true.” Anya counted the bills quickly. “A few of these are destroyed, but I think most of it’s still fine. I think I should probably take this back to my place to discourage thieves.”
“Where are you staying, anyway?” Buffy asked. “I mean… I know you were living with Xander, before…”
“Before he tore out my heart with a pair of tweezers and stomped on it, yes.” Anya began stacking bills and dug a hair elastic out of her pocket to fasten them together. “I was at a hotel for a few days, but I found a new apartment. I kind of had to, to have somewhere to put the salvage in. I can’t afford storage, too.”
Buffy winced and nodded. “Hey, do you want help taking this stuff back?”
“My hero,” Anya replied dryly.
Anya’s apartment was a good bit smaller than the one she and Xander had shared, what with the sudden lack of his salary to assist her. It had a bedroom, a bathroom, and a slightly larger room that combined kitchen and living room.
The bedroom was trashed from Anya suddenly waking up, being confused about being alone, then remembering and throwing things in anger; the bathroom was barely big enough to turn around in; and the living room was piled with boxes of salvage from the Magic Box.
“Um. This is… um. Nice.” Buffy looked around with raised eyebrows.
“I know, it’s a disaster. I’ve been kind of busy lately.”
“No, no, I meant it! It’s, um…” Buffy trailed off, looking at Anya’s expression. “Okay. It’s kind of… trashed. But it’s okay! I totally understand.”
“Good.” Anya dumped the money from the cash register on the small table, then pointed at a clear space. “Just put the box there. We can go get the other ones in a few minutes. Do you want anything to eat?”
“No, that’s okay, I have - oh, shit.” Buffy groaned. “We left the food at the Magic Box.”
“Yes, and I greatly mourn the tasty, nutritious food lost,” Anya replied.
“Okay, point. But it’s a benefit. I figure I should get all the benefits I can. Since everyone is so miserable.”
“Speaking of benefits,” Anya said, “The collection of sexual aids is in the box you just brought up.”
“Um, what?” Buffy blushed.
Anya smiled. The Slayer was unexpectedly cute when blushing. Though she wasn’t sure D’Hoffryn would be thrilled with her sleeping with a Slayer. He was already unhappy with her current work.
That was, of course, assuming Buffy was anything other than completely and totally straight, anyway.
“There really are magical sex aids?” Buffy asked, intruding on Anya’s thoughts. “Like what?”
“Well, there are false phalluses, like I said. And things that prevent you from reaching orgasm, and rope that don’t chafe, and knives that cut clothing but not flesh… that kind of thing. And there are a wide variety of things that only work on non-human anatomy.” She paused, seeing the expression on Buffy’s face. “Demons.”
“Oh.” Buffy looked relieved. “Um, sorry. Head went bad places.”
“Why were you asking, anyway? I assumed you were rather vanilla in sexual actions. The phrase that a certain person I won’t name for their sake used was ‘stake up her ass.’”
“Hey! I may be less, um, adventurous but I do not have a stake up my ass! I could even show you. Absolutely stake-less ass here… um. Maybe I could have phrased that better.”
“Can I hold you to that?” Anya asked.
“Um, what?”
“The bit about showing me.”
“Um! What?”
“Well, you’ve recently had a disastrous break-up, and so have I. You haven’t been getting any action since it, and the one rebound I had was caught on camera in a decidedly non-exhibitionistic and enjoyable way, and ended with my ex trying to kill yours, so I figure I should probably try again.”
“Um, what?” Buffy asked for the third time.
“Let’s simplify this. You. Me. Carnal relations.”
Buffy kept gaping at her, but when Anya leaned over and kissed her she didn’t protest.