"You Don't Know Me" chapter three
Series: You Don't Know Me
Chapter 3: I Let My Chance Go By
Summary: Carson reacts to Rodney pulling away, but it is already too late?
A/N: / refers to flashback. Thanks SO MUCH to Mice and Aby for holding my hand (and when needed, boxing my ears) and helping me make this better. And yes, there'll be at least two more parts of this.
Chapter 3: I Let My Chance Go By
by Kaytee
It was two days before Carson found him. Rodney had somehow developed an unerring radar for when the doctor was nearby. Carson kept missing him by mere minutes when he sought him out. Not that he was seeking him out, exactly. Carson cursed himself at that thought and reexamined it honestly. Okay, so Carson was seeking him out, deliberately trying to find him.
He'd tried to tell himself at first that it was more intellectual curiosity and professional concern that drove his pursuit of the suddenly-absent scientist. After seeking Carson out with increasingly thin excuses, he'd abruptly changed his behavior and avoided him. Or at least, that is how it seemed. On top of his curiosity over Rodney's avoidance, he was concerned for him.
The way he'd *looked* at Carson before turning away, so defeated and unlike himself, tugged at Carson and wouldn't let him think of anything else. His instinct was to go to the man he loved, try to fix what was upsetting him, soothe the inner demons. To try to see that compelling look reappear in the scientist's eyes, the one that pulled at Carson like a magnetic force, and kept him coming back for more no matter how much Rodney's arrogance made him want to throw up his hands in disgust.
Of course, his conversation with Major Sheppard shortly after Rodney had left abruptly also stayed on the doctor's mind...
/"Now, that is strange. Especially after the way he bitched the whole way back about getting hurt," Major Sheppard remarked when Rodney turned and left. He looked after Rodney then looked at Carson with an appraising eye. He looked around as if too make sure no one would over hear them and then continued in a low voice, "There's something I should mention. Confidentially, I mean. As McKay's friend."
Carson frowned and said, "If it concerns Dr. McKay and anything that might affect the performance of his duties--"
Major Sheppard interrupted, "No. Nothing like that." He glanced again in the direction Rodney had gone. "It's personal. Somehow, it involves you."
Carson merely raised an eyebrow and waited for the major to continue. Sheppard fidgeted a bit as though he wanted to pace and said, "Okay, I know we've run into some pretty hairy situations. Especially for a scientist used to being stuck inside some boring lab rather than being chased by the Wraith. Even my sleep's been off some nights. But this was different."
Carson started to talk but the major merely raised his hand and said, "Just hear me out. I'm not used to hearing Rodney sounding *scared* like that. He puts on a good act of always thinking the worst will happen, but in a crunch, he comes through."
John stopped to rub his hand over his face tiredly and continued, "Okay, I'm exhausted and this is coming out wrong. I'll just spit it out. McKay and I were cut off from the others and had to camp in this cave overnight. I was jerked awake by this iron grip on my arm. He's just lucky I was too tired to shoot him. Anyway, when I pulled away, he got agitated. So I stopped and sort of patted his hand. It worked. He fell back to sleep. Doc, he said your name."/
Carson had been alternating between hope and trying to remain objective ever since that conversation. It wasn't working; the hopeful side was winning out. Perhaps he wouldn't be horribly disappointed when he found Rodney and it turned out to be something else, some other reason the doctor had been on his mind. Carson sighed to himself and had to be honest; no, he'd be very disappointed.
Even exploring some of the seldom used areas of the city yielded no clues until Carson had a sudden inspiration. He made his way to the ancient viral lab that Rodney's team had found and had nearly all died in. Carson pushed away the surge of emotion that stirred at the memory of how he'd almost lost Rodney. He muttered to himself fiercely, "I didn't lose you then, and I'm not going to now. Even if you pull away from me. You're going to know what you're pulling away from." When he got there, he sight made him pause.
Rodney was curled up in a corner of the room, his knees pulled up and his arms wrapped around himself, the picture of abject misery. Carson walked slowly towards him, not wanting to startle him. Rodney made no move to acknowledge the doctor, still locked in some place inside his head.
Carson slowly moved down to the floor, sitting next to him and waiting to see Rodney's reaction. The term "catonic shock" came to Carson's mind and he began mentally cataloguing the symptoms and treatment and what few medical supplies he had on him in order to help the other man. He managed not to startle when Rodney began talking as though they were having an ordinary conversation in the infirmary.
"The odds were 234,154 to 1."
"The odds of what?"
"That you'd think to look here."
"That's what you've been doing for two days? Calculating odds in your head?" Carson reminded himself to breathe and just keep him talking, even though every instinct made him want to either scoop Rodney up into a hug or yell at him for worrying him. Or both.
Rodney shrugged halfheartedly, still staring at some fixed point on the ground. "It's a hobby. Passes the time."
Carson continued as though they weren't experiencing this strange Twilight Zone moment. "You're in this ancient city full of fun toys to play with, which you can now that you have the gene, and yet you sit and calculate odds? Strange way to pass the time."
Rodney flinched at the mention of the ATA gene and muttered, "Yeah, look what good that gene and arrogantly messing around with things I have no idea how to work has done for me."
"Now wait a minute; you wanted that gene. Besides." Carson remembered how close he came to losing Rodney, but for the gene and swallowed hard. "It saved your life." Carson tried to lighten things up with a smile. "And you couldn't stop being arrogant even if your life depended on it."
"That's just the problem. Always thinking I have the answers when I don't. Always thinking that I know everything and can do everything." He finally looked up into Carson's eyes. "But I don't."
Carson frowned and started to say something when he caught sight of the angry red cuts on Rodney's hand. He reached towards the hand to inspect it when Rodney pulled his hand back and tried to move away.
Carson wouldn't let him go and caught his hand before he got away. He felt Rodney stiffen then looked up to see Rodney close his eyes and bite his lip.
Rodney squeezed his eyes shut and tried to resist the rush of joy he felt at Carson's longed-for touch. It was too much at once after days of being denied. It felt like he was mainlining that touch; it went to his head and his heart and his cock. He tried fruitlessly to pull away, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Carson was shocked to see such angry red cuts on Rodney's hand. With all the unknown germs the teams could run into offworld, it was especially troubling that they'd been left untreated for at least the past two days. Troubling and bizarre that Rodney hadn't arrogantly barged into the infirmary and demanded for his wounds to be fussed over after weeks of bringing every little injury to Carson's personal attention.
Carson stared at the cuts on Rodney's hand as the last piece of the puzzle slid into place.
A chance that you might love me too.
Carson touched Rodney's face with his free hand. He gave a small hopeful grin as Rodney opened his eyes, surprised, with a "deer in the headlights" look in his eyes. Carson's grin widened at his reaction. 'Good. About time I get the upperhand on the smug bastard.'
Taking advantage of Rodney's momententary speechlessness, Carson leaned in and brushed his lips against Rodney's.
tbc...
Chapter 3: I Let My Chance Go By
Summary: Carson reacts to Rodney pulling away, but it is already too late?
A/N: / refers to flashback. Thanks SO MUCH to Mice and Aby for holding my hand (and when needed, boxing my ears) and helping me make this better. And yes, there'll be at least two more parts of this.
Chapter 3: I Let My Chance Go By
by Kaytee
It was two days before Carson found him. Rodney had somehow developed an unerring radar for when the doctor was nearby. Carson kept missing him by mere minutes when he sought him out. Not that he was seeking him out, exactly. Carson cursed himself at that thought and reexamined it honestly. Okay, so Carson was seeking him out, deliberately trying to find him.
He'd tried to tell himself at first that it was more intellectual curiosity and professional concern that drove his pursuit of the suddenly-absent scientist. After seeking Carson out with increasingly thin excuses, he'd abruptly changed his behavior and avoided him. Or at least, that is how it seemed. On top of his curiosity over Rodney's avoidance, he was concerned for him.
The way he'd *looked* at Carson before turning away, so defeated and unlike himself, tugged at Carson and wouldn't let him think of anything else. His instinct was to go to the man he loved, try to fix what was upsetting him, soothe the inner demons. To try to see that compelling look reappear in the scientist's eyes, the one that pulled at Carson like a magnetic force, and kept him coming back for more no matter how much Rodney's arrogance made him want to throw up his hands in disgust.
Of course, his conversation with Major Sheppard shortly after Rodney had left abruptly also stayed on the doctor's mind...
/"Now, that is strange. Especially after the way he bitched the whole way back about getting hurt," Major Sheppard remarked when Rodney turned and left. He looked after Rodney then looked at Carson with an appraising eye. He looked around as if too make sure no one would over hear them and then continued in a low voice, "There's something I should mention. Confidentially, I mean. As McKay's friend."
Carson frowned and said, "If it concerns Dr. McKay and anything that might affect the performance of his duties--"
Major Sheppard interrupted, "No. Nothing like that." He glanced again in the direction Rodney had gone. "It's personal. Somehow, it involves you."
Carson merely raised an eyebrow and waited for the major to continue. Sheppard fidgeted a bit as though he wanted to pace and said, "Okay, I know we've run into some pretty hairy situations. Especially for a scientist used to being stuck inside some boring lab rather than being chased by the Wraith. Even my sleep's been off some nights. But this was different."
Carson started to talk but the major merely raised his hand and said, "Just hear me out. I'm not used to hearing Rodney sounding *scared* like that. He puts on a good act of always thinking the worst will happen, but in a crunch, he comes through."
John stopped to rub his hand over his face tiredly and continued, "Okay, I'm exhausted and this is coming out wrong. I'll just spit it out. McKay and I were cut off from the others and had to camp in this cave overnight. I was jerked awake by this iron grip on my arm. He's just lucky I was too tired to shoot him. Anyway, when I pulled away, he got agitated. So I stopped and sort of patted his hand. It worked. He fell back to sleep. Doc, he said your name."/
Carson had been alternating between hope and trying to remain objective ever since that conversation. It wasn't working; the hopeful side was winning out. Perhaps he wouldn't be horribly disappointed when he found Rodney and it turned out to be something else, some other reason the doctor had been on his mind. Carson sighed to himself and had to be honest; no, he'd be very disappointed.
Even exploring some of the seldom used areas of the city yielded no clues until Carson had a sudden inspiration. He made his way to the ancient viral lab that Rodney's team had found and had nearly all died in. Carson pushed away the surge of emotion that stirred at the memory of how he'd almost lost Rodney. He muttered to himself fiercely, "I didn't lose you then, and I'm not going to now. Even if you pull away from me. You're going to know what you're pulling away from." When he got there, he sight made him pause.
Rodney was curled up in a corner of the room, his knees pulled up and his arms wrapped around himself, the picture of abject misery. Carson walked slowly towards him, not wanting to startle him. Rodney made no move to acknowledge the doctor, still locked in some place inside his head.
Carson slowly moved down to the floor, sitting next to him and waiting to see Rodney's reaction. The term "catonic shock" came to Carson's mind and he began mentally cataloguing the symptoms and treatment and what few medical supplies he had on him in order to help the other man. He managed not to startle when Rodney began talking as though they were having an ordinary conversation in the infirmary.
"The odds were 234,154 to 1."
"The odds of what?"
"That you'd think to look here."
"That's what you've been doing for two days? Calculating odds in your head?" Carson reminded himself to breathe and just keep him talking, even though every instinct made him want to either scoop Rodney up into a hug or yell at him for worrying him. Or both.
Rodney shrugged halfheartedly, still staring at some fixed point on the ground. "It's a hobby. Passes the time."
Carson continued as though they weren't experiencing this strange Twilight Zone moment. "You're in this ancient city full of fun toys to play with, which you can now that you have the gene, and yet you sit and calculate odds? Strange way to pass the time."
Rodney flinched at the mention of the ATA gene and muttered, "Yeah, look what good that gene and arrogantly messing around with things I have no idea how to work has done for me."
"Now wait a minute; you wanted that gene. Besides." Carson remembered how close he came to losing Rodney, but for the gene and swallowed hard. "It saved your life." Carson tried to lighten things up with a smile. "And you couldn't stop being arrogant even if your life depended on it."
"That's just the problem. Always thinking I have the answers when I don't. Always thinking that I know everything and can do everything." He finally looked up into Carson's eyes. "But I don't."
Carson frowned and started to say something when he caught sight of the angry red cuts on Rodney's hand. He reached towards the hand to inspect it when Rodney pulled his hand back and tried to move away.
Carson wouldn't let him go and caught his hand before he got away. He felt Rodney stiffen then looked up to see Rodney close his eyes and bite his lip.
Rodney squeezed his eyes shut and tried to resist the rush of joy he felt at Carson's longed-for touch. It was too much at once after days of being denied. It felt like he was mainlining that touch; it went to his head and his heart and his cock. He tried fruitlessly to pull away, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Carson was shocked to see such angry red cuts on Rodney's hand. With all the unknown germs the teams could run into offworld, it was especially troubling that they'd been left untreated for at least the past two days. Troubling and bizarre that Rodney hadn't arrogantly barged into the infirmary and demanded for his wounds to be fussed over after weeks of bringing every little injury to Carson's personal attention.
Carson stared at the cuts on Rodney's hand as the last piece of the puzzle slid into place.
A chance that you might love me too.
Carson touched Rodney's face with his free hand. He gave a small hopeful grin as Rodney opened his eyes, surprised, with a "deer in the headlights" look in his eyes. Carson's grin widened at his reaction. 'Good. About time I get the upperhand on the smug bastard.'
Taking advantage of Rodney's momententary speechlessness, Carson leaned in and brushed his lips against Rodney's.
tbc...