The Internet is for...
Okay, I'm going to be frank. And selfish. and possibly offensive. But isn't that what personal journals are for?
The internet makes my head hurt on a good day. But I treat it like any other dear friend and listen to as much as I can possibly take, then shake my head, take a deep breath, and walk away for it to deal with itself/start WWIII/feed on its own poison/mutate and multiply/explode But recently I've just wanted to scream. So here's my mild-mannered yelp at the internet. Because, as well as angry, it's also made me terrified, and unlike horror movie victims, I have the sense not to scream too loud, if I really want to make it out alive...
I hate to admit that the internet has made me hate, but it has. Usually people. Like in general. And not the kind of hate that's easy to specify, either. It's not at one person, or even one kind of person, but at this trait that the internet has seemed to acquire, where honest-to-god intellectual inquiry on particularly "sensitive" issues (hell! Any issue that could possibly, maybe, in some way, be "offensive" to someone somewhere. You know, hypothetically...) starts a flaming war of hate. And this concept that people, who I truly believe search for knowledge, companionship, support, and maybe more so, understanding (although I'm not gonna deny that we, or at least I, are at the core self-orienting and self-fulfilling creatures. Know yourself, and all that jazz...), that we as people simply can't possibly ever hope to relate to some people, to some groups, or events, or circumstances, or whatever. (And you know what, I might be willing to concede that in some cases) And therefore, because we could never relate, we should stop trying, stop our search for this emotional, or intellectual understanding, and even stop our empathy. Because apparently if your not "blankety blankety blank" (or in the "in-group" as I see it, because honestly, anytime a label is applied in any circumstance, that's what is happening. Grouping.) you're not- Arg! You're just not even considered, accepted, nothing from your mouth is validated, and no one seems to understand, or want to even register that you're just trying- no, hell, that you're even worth trying to register. It makes me feel helpless, frustrated, and angry. And awkwardly without words to describe it. Or even sure that my opinion is even worth it.
Also I believe racism, sexism, any -ism, is awful, truly awful, but sometimes I see some rants or arguments, that seem to make a mountain from a molehill (if I'm remembering that idiom properly), and just wonder where is the line drawn between blatant inequality and someone trying to start something because they're just ticked off, and are that kind of person. But, of course, being a white, middle-class, American female with no particularly exciting backstory has left the arguments I'm "allowed" to participate in, without immediate invalidation of my commentary, pretty slim actually. Because having a mother who is dedicated and invested in her job as a teacher in inner city schools for the past 12 or so odd years (and I believe 6 or more years before that even), who comes home frustrated and in tears constantly but still goes back every day because she truly loves and wants to understand and help her kids, because, surely, I could never begin to understand what it's like, or what racism is like, or anything. And that with the majority of my friends in my youth being Jewish, or in my adolescence, Latino (although even some of them cringe at the word/grouping/classification) that I have no idea of the cultures, like I'm some sort of blind buffoon, who sat there deaf to the dearth of new experiences and ideas circulating around me, encapsulating myself in a bubble of my own culture oblivious to the world around me. When in all honestly I was like a leech, feeding off of differences and the unfamiliar. You know, before I learned of awkwardness. And my own inferiority apparently. But I'll never be able to express this. To express my opinions about matters like this because it's never enough. It'll never be enough. And therefore I'll never be enough. So thank you internet, for all your claims of racism, sexism, and bigotry, which have, in turn, created their own new brand of discrimination (if I can call it that. Because, you know, I'm white. *headdesk* ). All I have to say to you is...Really? sometimes I just don't need this sh*t.
TL;DR: The internet sucks and being a white-bread American never really helps anyone's arguments outside of politics. Oh, and I hate people sometimes...
The internet makes my head hurt on a good day. But I treat it like any other dear friend and listen to as much as I can possibly take, then shake my head, take a deep breath, and walk away for it to deal with itself/start WWIII/feed on its own poison/mutate and multiply/explode But recently I've just wanted to scream. So here's my mild-mannered yelp at the internet. Because, as well as angry, it's also made me terrified, and unlike horror movie victims, I have the sense not to scream too loud, if I really want to make it out alive...
I hate to admit that the internet has made me hate, but it has. Usually people. Like in general. And not the kind of hate that's easy to specify, either. It's not at one person, or even one kind of person, but at this trait that the internet has seemed to acquire, where honest-to-god intellectual inquiry on particularly "sensitive" issues (hell! Any issue that could possibly, maybe, in some way, be "offensive" to someone somewhere. You know, hypothetically...) starts a flaming war of hate. And this concept that people, who I truly believe search for knowledge, companionship, support, and maybe more so, understanding (although I'm not gonna deny that we, or at least I, are at the core self-orienting and self-fulfilling creatures. Know yourself, and all that jazz...), that we as people simply can't possibly ever hope to relate to some people, to some groups, or events, or circumstances, or whatever. (And you know what, I might be willing to concede that in some cases) And therefore, because we could never relate, we should stop trying, stop our search for this emotional, or intellectual understanding, and even stop our empathy. Because apparently if your not "blankety blankety blank" (or in the "in-group" as I see it, because honestly, anytime a label is applied in any circumstance, that's what is happening. Grouping.) you're not- Arg! You're just not even considered, accepted, nothing from your mouth is validated, and no one seems to understand, or want to even register that you're just trying- no, hell, that you're even worth trying to register. It makes me feel helpless, frustrated, and angry. And awkwardly without words to describe it. Or even sure that my opinion is even worth it.
Also I believe racism, sexism, any -ism, is awful, truly awful, but sometimes I see some rants or arguments, that seem to make a mountain from a molehill (if I'm remembering that idiom properly), and just wonder where is the line drawn between blatant inequality and someone trying to start something because they're just ticked off, and are that kind of person. But, of course, being a white, middle-class, American female with no particularly exciting backstory has left the arguments I'm "allowed" to participate in, without immediate invalidation of my commentary, pretty slim actually. Because having a mother who is dedicated and invested in her job as a teacher in inner city schools for the past 12 or so odd years (and I believe 6 or more years before that even), who comes home frustrated and in tears constantly but still goes back every day because she truly loves and wants to understand and help her kids, because, surely, I could never begin to understand what it's like, or what racism is like, or anything. And that with the majority of my friends in my youth being Jewish, or in my adolescence, Latino (although even some of them cringe at the word/grouping/classification) that I have no idea of the cultures, like I'm some sort of blind buffoon, who sat there deaf to the dearth of new experiences and ideas circulating around me, encapsulating myself in a bubble of my own culture oblivious to the world around me. When in all honestly I was like a leech, feeding off of differences and the unfamiliar. You know, before I learned of awkwardness. And my own inferiority apparently. But I'll never be able to express this. To express my opinions about matters like this because it's never enough. It'll never be enough. And therefore I'll never be enough. So thank you internet, for all your claims of racism, sexism, and bigotry, which have, in turn, created their own new brand of discrimination (if I can call it that. Because, you know, I'm white. *headdesk* ). All I have to say to you is...Really? sometimes I just don't need this sh*t.
TL;DR: The internet sucks and being a white-bread American never really helps anyone's arguments outside of politics. Oh, and I hate people sometimes...