The future is made of virtual insanity
How do you get shit out of your head?
The constant pulsating rhythm of thought.
Like a bad techno beat.
Repetitious, and seemingly unending.
Perhaps its fueled by my insomnia... or my insomnia is fueled by it.
Maybe thats one (out of a myriad) reason I started drinking.
Shut out the noise and get some sleep.
Ramblings of an insomniac
To be fair I don't like to sleep. When I was a kid I slept weird too. Of course Saturday mornings were the main time I would wake at the oddest hours, long before the cartoons came on, and sit in front of the TV. Hoping to catch something new and exciting. I remember being the only one up at 4am. Playing video games and watching the terrible pre-Saturday morning cartoon programing. I've seen TV shows that I guarantee no one else I know has even heard of. Not that I remember their names but the idea is there. Trucking has only made the idea of that even worse. Sometimes the only sleep I'll get is the middle of the afternoon. When I need to sleep, I can't. When I want to sleep, I have somewhere to be. Crack open an energy drink and move on.
I think I'm forgetting high school. My memory is getting hazy. My memory has always been a bit loopy, but its important things that I seem to lose.
I'm becoming less emotionally attached to things. The moment that someone says something that I'm supposed to feel bad about, I become amused/angry. I'm forgetting how to feel guilty. Guess I can't blame myself too much. I was raised to feel guilty about even thinking something "bad". As my brother put it to me once "we were told to feel guilty before we even did things". That much guilt can really fuck you up.
Maybe I've always been this way. A few weeks ago I got to visit my father. I hadn't seen my father in a year and a half. He lives in GA (for those of you who don't know) so I don't get the opportunity to see him often. I happened to be in the area and had free time. So I went to dinner with him. I've always been told by my brother, sister, and mother that he treated me much different than everyone else. He had gotten on the subject of my brother and sister, so I decided to ask him about that. His response, "I had to. You are nothing like your brother and sister. You were always looking for the next 'big thing' and I had to keep you entertained. Your brother and sister didn't require that much attention." He also refers to me as a "happy child" which I don't agree, but to each their own. I'm not going to ruin his memory.
************************
Its the return of the "oh wait..no.. he didn't just say what I think he did... did he?"
People are parasites.
parasite - "A parasitic relationship is one in which one member of the association benefits while the other is harmed."
I'm not talking about the bad sci-fi movie type thats "the earth wants to kill you because you are destroying it" type thing.
People live off of each other in various ways. Some are symbiotic with their "host". Others may or may not realize the drastic affect they have on others. You don't have to realize it to be a parasite. Most are quite ignorant, thinking that they have some clue of their relationships, but the moment that they don't get what they want or think they deserve, they can react harshly. Human nature dictates that they will probably just say things to others, but not directly to the person that "hurt" them. Other times the "i'm not getting enough attention" type will go to great lengths to create problems and chaos to get what they "need".
Not to say that all act that way. Many people adhere to the basics: "you pretend to worry about my problems, I'll do the same for you." What happens, though, is over time, one's problems overshadow the other. From time to time one becomes more aggressive about their problems. When it hits that point, it becomes parasitic. Best way to recognize such a thing is when the conversation either always begins with the others "problems" or when you talk about what is going on with you and they feel the need to interject "how bad" they've got it. This is known as an unhealthy relationship.
I've been involved in more than one of these situations. I've played the host well. I've given up my problems and self to help others at times. I play the game of saying "I'm OK" even when I'm not. I guess I'm just sick of being overshadowed.
For some reason I don't have the capacity to really reflect my full opinion on the matter, but hopefully some get the gist.
************************
The constant pulsating rhythm of thought.
Like a bad techno beat.
Repetitious, and seemingly unending.
Perhaps its fueled by my insomnia... or my insomnia is fueled by it.
Maybe thats one (out of a myriad) reason I started drinking.
Shut out the noise and get some sleep.
Ramblings of an insomniac
To be fair I don't like to sleep. When I was a kid I slept weird too. Of course Saturday mornings were the main time I would wake at the oddest hours, long before the cartoons came on, and sit in front of the TV. Hoping to catch something new and exciting. I remember being the only one up at 4am. Playing video games and watching the terrible pre-Saturday morning cartoon programing. I've seen TV shows that I guarantee no one else I know has even heard of. Not that I remember their names but the idea is there. Trucking has only made the idea of that even worse. Sometimes the only sleep I'll get is the middle of the afternoon. When I need to sleep, I can't. When I want to sleep, I have somewhere to be. Crack open an energy drink and move on.
I think I'm forgetting high school. My memory is getting hazy. My memory has always been a bit loopy, but its important things that I seem to lose.
I'm becoming less emotionally attached to things. The moment that someone says something that I'm supposed to feel bad about, I become amused/angry. I'm forgetting how to feel guilty. Guess I can't blame myself too much. I was raised to feel guilty about even thinking something "bad". As my brother put it to me once "we were told to feel guilty before we even did things". That much guilt can really fuck you up.
Maybe I've always been this way. A few weeks ago I got to visit my father. I hadn't seen my father in a year and a half. He lives in GA (for those of you who don't know) so I don't get the opportunity to see him often. I happened to be in the area and had free time. So I went to dinner with him. I've always been told by my brother, sister, and mother that he treated me much different than everyone else. He had gotten on the subject of my brother and sister, so I decided to ask him about that. His response, "I had to. You are nothing like your brother and sister. You were always looking for the next 'big thing' and I had to keep you entertained. Your brother and sister didn't require that much attention." He also refers to me as a "happy child" which I don't agree, but to each their own. I'm not going to ruin his memory.
************************
Its the return of the "oh wait..no.. he didn't just say what I think he did... did he?"
People are parasites.
parasite - "A parasitic relationship is one in which one member of the association benefits while the other is harmed."
I'm not talking about the bad sci-fi movie type thats "the earth wants to kill you because you are destroying it" type thing.
People live off of each other in various ways. Some are symbiotic with their "host". Others may or may not realize the drastic affect they have on others. You don't have to realize it to be a parasite. Most are quite ignorant, thinking that they have some clue of their relationships, but the moment that they don't get what they want or think they deserve, they can react harshly. Human nature dictates that they will probably just say things to others, but not directly to the person that "hurt" them. Other times the "i'm not getting enough attention" type will go to great lengths to create problems and chaos to get what they "need".
Not to say that all act that way. Many people adhere to the basics: "you pretend to worry about my problems, I'll do the same for you." What happens, though, is over time, one's problems overshadow the other. From time to time one becomes more aggressive about their problems. When it hits that point, it becomes parasitic. Best way to recognize such a thing is when the conversation either always begins with the others "problems" or when you talk about what is going on with you and they feel the need to interject "how bad" they've got it. This is known as an unhealthy relationship.
I've been involved in more than one of these situations. I've played the host well. I've given up my problems and self to help others at times. I play the game of saying "I'm OK" even when I'm not. I guess I'm just sick of being overshadowed.
For some reason I don't have the capacity to really reflect my full opinion on the matter, but hopefully some get the gist.
************************
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