ooh, meghan, i totally sympathize with this. sometimes it seems like nothing is satisfying enough when it comes to learning, teaching and performing music. for a long time, when i was first getting interested in pursuing it professionally, people suggested being a teacher, but i always hated the idea - i thought, like you, of awful high school music teachers like i'd had in the past. but the more i think about it, the more exciting it sounds, given the right environment. but, yes. it often doesn't seem enough.
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goooooood luck with things!
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