SPN fic - The Why and the Why Not, R for language, Sam-centric

[slob_child]

Well - Sam thought and pushed the blade of the knife up the length of his arm - I could do it, why not. The house was new and above their pay grade and the furniture was wicker lawn stuff, cheap but still with that fresh bought smell. That was one thing you couldn’t fake, how things smelled. You could polish something old until it was like new.

Comments

[last01standing]

Oh my. This is sublime. The fragments, the knife. Just about everything about it takes my breath away. Just a fantastic, gritty, real look at who Sam Winchester is.

[slob_child]

<3!

I originally had more in mind for the knife, but it sort of petered down into something to hook and anchor the relatively narrativeless story. I'm not convinced that the Sam I wrote is the Sam on the show, but I think it might be, which is as close as I'm ever going to get, most likely. Thank you for reading!

[sothereyougo]

This is very powerful in its spareness. Sam is so alone and yet bound up and knotted into the world he was born into against his volition. Underneath everything else, that is the constant current, Sam's will. He will hone his mind to steel his legs for the strength it will take to break free. Of course, we all know that Dean wins:

Dean’s hand was gentle but his voice wasn’t when he said, “I won’t let you go. You little shit. I’ll never let you go.”

All in all: very painful to read, and very well done.

[slob_child]

Thank you so much~! And yes, that was really what I was going for, that Sam was alone, was left behind by his dad and his brother before he ever left them. I'm sort of kicking myself for not including something from the boys' Christmas, where Sam finds out that they've been lying to him about their lifestyle, because it so exemplifies what I've taken to be true about the family dynamic.

I'm not sure that Dean exactly wins, per se. He doesn't let go, but at the same time, Sam doesn't let himself be weighted down.

Thank you for reading!

[sothereyougo]

Hi again. Just wanted to clarify that when I suggest that Dean wins I was referring to how Sam does eventually end up back in the hunting life for good (as far as up to current Season 4 status, although who knows what will happen next). Still, it was Sam's desire for revenge for Jess that was the strongest of the motivations for his first foray into becoming a hunter again, although the push and pull from Dean and the whole concept of family plays into it a lot, I think, especially now that Dean is all that Sam has left to hold onto.

Still love the fic and look forward to reading more in the future. *smiles*

[innie_darling]

I really liked this - how immediate it felt.

[slob_child]

Thank you! I was trying to balance a feeling of immediacy with a building up of personal history, so I'm glad that in trying to flesh out Sam's past I didn't lose that now feeling. I'm glad you liked this~!

[mrscutedean]

This is why I adore Sam.

You have him to an utter tee here, his desperation and loneliness and all that hurt and angst.

He's such a tortured kid.

Wonderful job.

[slob_child]

Thank you! I've always thought it's just as difficult, in a different way, to be the one constantly protected and excluded as it is to be the one protecting and sacrificing. Thank you for reading~!

[windscryer]

;_; you has broken my tiny trusting heart with this fic.

*glompes you and Sammy both*