Sailed on a ship of paper~
SOOOOOOOO. I watched Cabin in the Woods last night with a friend of mine. What do I have to say? One word.
LAWLS.
Just... epic lawls all around.
To further explain my thoughts, I'll cut for SPOILERS.
It kind of went like this:
Manda and I were just riding around town, hanging out and having fun with nothing to really do, so at the very last minute we decided to go watch a movie. It was already after 7, so the only movies we could see were 'The Hunger Games', 'The Three Stooges', or 'Cabin in the Woods'. We argued for about ten minutes before finally settling the argument with a good ole fashioned round of ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS, I was CitW and she was T3S -- I won with sheer force of awesome because I really REALLY didn't want to watch the Stooges. >>;
We got in there in the nick of time and were promptly followed by three others, but those were the only people besides us so that was really awesome. Especially because I can be kind of loud at movies -- I have no verbal filter, especially when frightened so there was a bit of cursing and A LOT OF LOLS. Getting to that.
Chris Hemsworth was lovely, of course. Not as buff as he is in Thor and AVEN but still totally adorable even in douchy jock form. 8D There was also the best stoner dude and the other cute guy and the girls were meh.
It was pretty well acted, some parts made me cringe with the sheer MEH of the motions and such -- Chris was good though, and really that's all I cared about.
Anyway, the plot is as follows:
Five youths (as explained by the movie -- it can't be old people or sick/already dying or anything else) must be sacrificed every year to giant, dormant, ancient, angry, red Gods. They have to be 'punished' for five different reasons, so they are put into roles by the Government (who have this whole roped off area for the said sacrifices). There is the whore, the jock, the smart kid, the fool, and the virgin -- the people themselves don't fit the stereotypes exactly, so they're made to by the Engineers of Sacrifice or whatevs by using different chemicals to alter their thoughts and ambitions and such. It's actually just as cool as it is creepy.
What doesn't make sense is how the youths are killed. The have to 'pick' instead of just being freakin' shot in the head or something half humane. This is where it gets weird (I'm also telling this backwards, so lol).
So, yeah they have to 'pick', I use that term loosely seeing as how they don't actually stand in front of a line up of creeps and say, "Yes, I think the giant man with the eye-patch pitchfork will do nicely -- can you ask him to make it as slow and painful as he possibly can, I'd really appreciate that, thanks." No, they are lured into the Cellar which is just as creepy and terrible as it sounds.
The Cellar is littered with alllll this crazy shit -- anything icky that you can imagine, yes, it's there.
Anyway, the group goes down there and picks through the stuff not knowing that each different item would summon a different creature of terrible -- Chris (no, I don't remember any of their names, it wasn't that good, sadly) picked up this Rubik's Ball thing, the blonde found a necklace, the smart guy starts up a music box, stoner (who I loved the most) is trying to get everyone out because he's the only one with a spidey sense apparently. But the main girl, virgin (who isn't a virgin, lol) starts reading from this creepy ass book.
It's about a, and I quote, 'Pain-Worshiping Red-Neck Torture Family'. I won't go into detail but it freaked me out.
Then she read the Latin.
Who the FUCK READS THE LATIN IN A CREEPY OLD BOOK OF TERROR?!
Idiots do. That group of idiots specifically.
Anyway, to move along a bit they raise the family of zombies and are slowly getting killed one by one in accordance to the sacrificial list above.
Chris Hemsworth drives a motorbike into the giant invisible wall surrounding the place which was pretty much one of the best parts because of the lead up to it. I was sitting there staring as he was making this big speech about bringing help and an ambulance and BIG FUCKING GUNS TO KILL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. Then he drives right into the invisible wall and slides down into the ravine bounce-bounce-bouncing all the way down. It was really... really... hilarious.
Other shit happens, the stoner survived his run-in with one of the torture zombies and saves the day with his EXTENDO-BONG! which is seriously the best thing ever. He uses his awesome mind powers and figures out that they're just in this big game -- he finds an elevator. They get into it and end up in a different kind of horror movie.
Turns out, all the monsters in the movie are contained in this elevator system under the ground. So the two left (I forgot to mention that, but it's only stoner and not-really-a-virgin) are shuffling through these horrible creatures (which were really awesome, bee tee dubs, one of my favorite parts). They eventually get caught by the underground society, but they get away and end up releasing allllllll of the said crazy monsters into the facility.
Yeah, that was pretty awesome too. And terrifying.
Eventually they get away from the monsters and dying humans and get to the 'basement' level where the dormant gods are.
Blah Blah Sigourney Weaver Blah -- the two survive and unleash the angry gods upon the earth.
Enter a lot of sputtering and confusion and LAWLS and that's about the end of that rant.
On a different note~
THE AVENGERS TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT
I'm so fucking excited I COULD EXPLODE. But I have to work until 9 and I have to jet to get my bro from school.
EXPECT EXPLOSIONS SOON. I'll probably make a SPOILERS and NO SPOILERS post just to squeee~
LAWLS.
Just... epic lawls all around.
To further explain my thoughts, I'll cut for SPOILERS.
It kind of went like this:
Manda and I were just riding around town, hanging out and having fun with nothing to really do, so at the very last minute we decided to go watch a movie. It was already after 7, so the only movies we could see were 'The Hunger Games', 'The Three Stooges', or 'Cabin in the Woods'. We argued for about ten minutes before finally settling the argument with a good ole fashioned round of ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS, I was CitW and she was T3S -- I won with sheer force of awesome because I really REALLY didn't want to watch the Stooges. >>;
We got in there in the nick of time and were promptly followed by three others, but those were the only people besides us so that was really awesome. Especially because I can be kind of loud at movies -- I have no verbal filter, especially when frightened so there was a bit of cursing and A LOT OF LOLS. Getting to that.
Chris Hemsworth was lovely, of course. Not as buff as he is in Thor and AVEN but still totally adorable even in douchy jock form. 8D There was also the best stoner dude and the other cute guy and the girls were meh.
It was pretty well acted, some parts made me cringe with the sheer MEH of the motions and such -- Chris was good though, and really that's all I cared about.
Anyway, the plot is as follows:
Five youths (as explained by the movie -- it can't be old people or sick/already dying or anything else) must be sacrificed every year to giant, dormant, ancient, angry, red Gods. They have to be 'punished' for five different reasons, so they are put into roles by the Government (who have this whole roped off area for the said sacrifices). There is the whore, the jock, the smart kid, the fool, and the virgin -- the people themselves don't fit the stereotypes exactly, so they're made to by the Engineers of Sacrifice or whatevs by using different chemicals to alter their thoughts and ambitions and such. It's actually just as cool as it is creepy.
What doesn't make sense is how the youths are killed. The have to 'pick' instead of just being freakin' shot in the head or something half humane. This is where it gets weird (I'm also telling this backwards, so lol).
So, yeah they have to 'pick', I use that term loosely seeing as how they don't actually stand in front of a line up of creeps and say, "Yes, I think the giant man with the eye-patch pitchfork will do nicely -- can you ask him to make it as slow and painful as he possibly can, I'd really appreciate that, thanks." No, they are lured into the Cellar which is just as creepy and terrible as it sounds.
The Cellar is littered with alllll this crazy shit -- anything icky that you can imagine, yes, it's there.
Anyway, the group goes down there and picks through the stuff not knowing that each different item would summon a different creature of terrible -- Chris (no, I don't remember any of their names, it wasn't that good, sadly) picked up this Rubik's Ball thing, the blonde found a necklace, the smart guy starts up a music box, stoner (who I loved the most) is trying to get everyone out because he's the only one with a spidey sense apparently. But the main girl, virgin (who isn't a virgin, lol) starts reading from this creepy ass book.
It's about a, and I quote, 'Pain-Worshiping Red-Neck Torture Family'. I won't go into detail but it freaked me out.
Then she read the Latin.
Who the FUCK READS THE LATIN IN A CREEPY OLD BOOK OF TERROR?!
Idiots do. That group of idiots specifically.
Anyway, to move along a bit they raise the family of zombies and are slowly getting killed one by one in accordance to the sacrificial list above.
Chris Hemsworth drives a motorbike into the giant invisible wall surrounding the place which was pretty much one of the best parts because of the lead up to it. I was sitting there staring as he was making this big speech about bringing help and an ambulance and BIG FUCKING GUNS TO KILL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. Then he drives right into the invisible wall and slides down into the ravine bounce-bounce-bouncing all the way down. It was really... really... hilarious.
Other shit happens, the stoner survived his run-in with one of the torture zombies and saves the day with his EXTENDO-BONG! which is seriously the best thing ever. He uses his awesome mind powers and figures out that they're just in this big game -- he finds an elevator. They get into it and end up in a different kind of horror movie.
Turns out, all the monsters in the movie are contained in this elevator system under the ground. So the two left (I forgot to mention that, but it's only stoner and not-really-a-virgin) are shuffling through these horrible creatures (which were really awesome, bee tee dubs, one of my favorite parts). They eventually get caught by the underground society, but they get away and end up releasing allllllll of the said crazy monsters into the facility.
Yeah, that was pretty awesome too. And terrifying.
Eventually they get away from the monsters and dying humans and get to the 'basement' level where the dormant gods are.
Blah Blah Sigourney Weaver Blah -- the two survive and unleash the angry gods upon the earth.
Enter a lot of sputtering and confusion and LAWLS and that's about the end of that rant.
On a different note~
THE AVENGERS TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT
I'm so fucking excited I COULD EXPLODE. But I have to work until 9 and I have to jet to get my bro from school.
EXPECT EXPLOSIONS SOON. I'll probably make a SPOILERS and NO SPOILERS post just to squeee~