a little introspection
it involves me, Cross and Miranda, and why I'm so obsessed over them even though I think D.Gray-man itself is crap. It will be long, a bit strange and probably boring, so I've said it many times before, that I was never really into pairings. The other one that I liked nearly as much as CrossxMiranda was about 4 years ago, and it was ZelgadisXAmelia in Slayers. But I still think that my current obsession is different than that, because there were many hints for ZelgadisxAmelia, it could even be considered canon. But For CrossxMiranda, there might have been very little so far, and they can only be considered a hint for someone who likes the idea of this pair as much as I do. And I really think that Dgm is crappy. Even though it has a nice background and most of the characters are good, all positive things are ruined in dgm by the horrible lack of storytelling skills of Hoshino. I don't feel like there is an actual plot,(even though it seemed like that sometime) and everything just comes in totally randomly. A lot of things are still left unanswered, both about the "story" and the characters, and everything is just a mess. So why Cross and Miranda then?
I think I'll start with Cross. I started dgm with watching the anime, and then later I switched to the manga. The first time Cross appeared in the anime was very early, and when I saw him, I thought that he was cool. Not cool as in normal cool, but somehow different. And he felt strangely familiar. I think I thought that I always wanted a character like him, but couldn't really make up one that was exactly the way I wanted it. And then there he was, with the spitting image of that character. So, I wanted to know more about Cross, to see if he really had all that I wanted in a character like him. Unfortunately, he was really neglected, even in the manga, and I started to think that all he had was just a cool character design, and nothing else, so I started to get angry, but I still hoped that he would have more role. I stopped reading dgm for about half a year, and when I picked it up again, I was very happy to see him having an active role in the story, and even now, he just about fills the expectations I've had of him. I know, there are plenty characters in cartoons, comic, books, movies, whatevers who are the kind of type like Cross, but to me, he just feels really personal for some reason. Maybe because even though he is a lazy asshole who doesn't really care about anything, and he would rather spend his time with women, cigars and alcohol, he is still is, or supposed to be, a holy man, and this contrast is very interesting to see. And you can see sometimes that he does care about things, just in his own way. This, combined with his character design is just something that I find familiar and personal. It's really hard to put all this psychological stuff into words, since I'm not one, ( I mean psychologist) but I'm still interested for a degree in things like that, so I'm just speculating in my own way. Another reason for this could be that, if I wasn't the way I am, so basically if I was another person, I would be someone like Cross. It's not because 'omg i want to be someone cool and different so badly', and I'm aware of the way I really am, in this day and age, and I don't want to change that, besides, I couldn't even change it even if I wanted to, because I'm me and that's totally fine. I think I've been through all this 'I want to be cool and different' whining since I left puberty and all that shit that came with that, and what I'm trying to explain now is different than that. I don't really know how to really explain this, and I know all this sounds pretty ridiculous, but I just know I would be someone like that. Not here, not now, but I just...know. Stupid enough? Yes. So these could be some reasons that I'm shympatysing with him this much.
And now, Miranda. I was also introduced to her when I was still watching the anime. The first time I saw her, I instantly thought that she was so different. I mean, she could have been just a random woman on the street, and yet she still had a strange feeling about her. And, in my opinion, she is a character who fits into the world of dgm more than most of the cast. She wasn't pretty when she was first introduces, we could even say she was ugly, but it wasn't bothering at all. It was mostly because of her depression anyway. So, even though she totally looked like a common woman with no distinguishing features, she still felt special somehow. She has this little backstory that most people can relate to, but I don't like her just because of that. She also freaks out and cries a lot, and normally, that would annoy the hell out of me, but with her it doesn't feel that way, because in Miranda's case, these things seem very honest and real, and not just some fake worrying. Plus, sometimes it's shown in a funny way. I remember I felt kind of strange when her Innocence was activated in a normal way for the first time, and she turned back the time for Allen and co. healing their injuries. She looked and felt kind of like a real saint from the medieval times. You know, for some reason, I was always really interested in the stories of these saints in the medieval era. How they felt they had a burden to carry, how they had so much faith, how they had visions, how they were still kind and caring with people, and how most of them died a horrible death. Not necessarily the totally real truth, but I just feel something mystical and strange when I read and hear about these things. And maybe Miranda just made me think of these kind of people. Her weapon, time record, is also more like a burden than a weapon. She can only use it for real fighting in very special situations, and it's mostly for protecting others. When she uses it, it seems like she takes the pain instead of others, and she usually talks about being an exorcist is the only choice for her to live her life, and these things are also kind of saint like. And even though she has this saint aura, she still feels human, too, and not just some kind of otherwordly nonhuman presence. And, even though she isn't intended to be a really pretty woman, these kind of inner things make her prettier than most characters, or at least for me. But I don't think that her character design isn't pretty, it's just different, and besides, there are times when Hoshino draws not only Miranda, but, for example, Cross in a way that I don't like it. And I don't know. Miranda is just so lovable for me. Sometimes I feel like she just needs some big hugging and stuff. She is just someone who is really caring, kind of motherly even, and this gives her a strong feeling, but she still has a weak side too, and all this feels so honest in her case.
And their relationship is something I would really like to see. Their personalities are so different, yet, I feel there is something that connects them. Maybe that kind of holy stuff, or something else, I don't know. I feel they could have a kind of bond that very few characters could have, and it would give a kind of feeling that I really like. They say opposites attract anyway. And a relationship between two people who are like Cross and Miranda isn't only just complicated, which makes it very enjoyable and interesting for me, but don't forget having a sense of humor too. I know I might have sounded way too serious in such a stupid matter as this one I'm writing about in this post, but just imagine all the fun situations these two could get into. It would be totally amusing, and this, combined with a bit more serious side of their relationship is just something that would be amazing and would entertain me to no end in many kind of ways. Maybe the two of them appear a bit different in my head than how they really are in dgm, but that just because they feel so personal that I think I can think up some things for them, but not making them totally ooc either.
You know, honestly, I like obsessing over things this much. It just makes me hyper and energetic inside, which is a good thing because I feel active this way. And even though I feel comfortable of doing things that are not related to them, and talking about other stuff, they still lurk there in the corner of my mind all the time, which sometimes feels just a bit disturbing. And so that's why I needed to write down my thoughts about all this here.
I think I'll start with Cross. I started dgm with watching the anime, and then later I switched to the manga. The first time Cross appeared in the anime was very early, and when I saw him, I thought that he was cool. Not cool as in normal cool, but somehow different. And he felt strangely familiar. I think I thought that I always wanted a character like him, but couldn't really make up one that was exactly the way I wanted it. And then there he was, with the spitting image of that character. So, I wanted to know more about Cross, to see if he really had all that I wanted in a character like him. Unfortunately, he was really neglected, even in the manga, and I started to think that all he had was just a cool character design, and nothing else, so I started to get angry, but I still hoped that he would have more role. I stopped reading dgm for about half a year, and when I picked it up again, I was very happy to see him having an active role in the story, and even now, he just about fills the expectations I've had of him. I know, there are plenty characters in cartoons, comic, books, movies, whatevers who are the kind of type like Cross, but to me, he just feels really personal for some reason. Maybe because even though he is a lazy asshole who doesn't really care about anything, and he would rather spend his time with women, cigars and alcohol, he is still is, or supposed to be, a holy man, and this contrast is very interesting to see. And you can see sometimes that he does care about things, just in his own way. This, combined with his character design is just something that I find familiar and personal. It's really hard to put all this psychological stuff into words, since I'm not one, ( I mean psychologist) but I'm still interested for a degree in things like that, so I'm just speculating in my own way. Another reason for this could be that, if I wasn't the way I am, so basically if I was another person, I would be someone like Cross. It's not because 'omg i want to be someone cool and different so badly', and I'm aware of the way I really am, in this day and age, and I don't want to change that, besides, I couldn't even change it even if I wanted to, because I'm me and that's totally fine. I think I've been through all this 'I want to be cool and different' whining since I left puberty and all that shit that came with that, and what I'm trying to explain now is different than that. I don't really know how to really explain this, and I know all this sounds pretty ridiculous, but I just know I would be someone like that. Not here, not now, but I just...know. Stupid enough? Yes. So these could be some reasons that I'm shympatysing with him this much.
And now, Miranda. I was also introduced to her when I was still watching the anime. The first time I saw her, I instantly thought that she was so different. I mean, she could have been just a random woman on the street, and yet she still had a strange feeling about her. And, in my opinion, she is a character who fits into the world of dgm more than most of the cast. She wasn't pretty when she was first introduces, we could even say she was ugly, but it wasn't bothering at all. It was mostly because of her depression anyway. So, even though she totally looked like a common woman with no distinguishing features, she still felt special somehow. She has this little backstory that most people can relate to, but I don't like her just because of that. She also freaks out and cries a lot, and normally, that would annoy the hell out of me, but with her it doesn't feel that way, because in Miranda's case, these things seem very honest and real, and not just some fake worrying. Plus, sometimes it's shown in a funny way. I remember I felt kind of strange when her Innocence was activated in a normal way for the first time, and she turned back the time for Allen and co. healing their injuries. She looked and felt kind of like a real saint from the medieval times. You know, for some reason, I was always really interested in the stories of these saints in the medieval era. How they felt they had a burden to carry, how they had so much faith, how they had visions, how they were still kind and caring with people, and how most of them died a horrible death. Not necessarily the totally real truth, but I just feel something mystical and strange when I read and hear about these things. And maybe Miranda just made me think of these kind of people. Her weapon, time record, is also more like a burden than a weapon. She can only use it for real fighting in very special situations, and it's mostly for protecting others. When she uses it, it seems like she takes the pain instead of others, and she usually talks about being an exorcist is the only choice for her to live her life, and these things are also kind of saint like. And even though she has this saint aura, she still feels human, too, and not just some kind of otherwordly nonhuman presence. And, even though she isn't intended to be a really pretty woman, these kind of inner things make her prettier than most characters, or at least for me. But I don't think that her character design isn't pretty, it's just different, and besides, there are times when Hoshino draws not only Miranda, but, for example, Cross in a way that I don't like it. And I don't know. Miranda is just so lovable for me. Sometimes I feel like she just needs some big hugging and stuff. She is just someone who is really caring, kind of motherly even, and this gives her a strong feeling, but she still has a weak side too, and all this feels so honest in her case.
And their relationship is something I would really like to see. Their personalities are so different, yet, I feel there is something that connects them. Maybe that kind of holy stuff, or something else, I don't know. I feel they could have a kind of bond that very few characters could have, and it would give a kind of feeling that I really like. They say opposites attract anyway. And a relationship between two people who are like Cross and Miranda isn't only just complicated, which makes it very enjoyable and interesting for me, but don't forget having a sense of humor too. I know I might have sounded way too serious in such a stupid matter as this one I'm writing about in this post, but just imagine all the fun situations these two could get into. It would be totally amusing, and this, combined with a bit more serious side of their relationship is just something that would be amazing and would entertain me to no end in many kind of ways. Maybe the two of them appear a bit different in my head than how they really are in dgm, but that just because they feel so personal that I think I can think up some things for them, but not making them totally ooc either.
You know, honestly, I like obsessing over things this much. It just makes me hyper and energetic inside, which is a good thing because I feel active this way. And even though I feel comfortable of doing things that are not related to them, and talking about other stuff, they still lurk there in the corner of my mind all the time, which sometimes feels just a bit disturbing. And so that's why I needed to write down my thoughts about all this here.