(Untitled)

[slowfolding]

I hate this journal, I hate this environment, and I hate that I wrote a post in my other more private journal saying that I wasn't going to undelete this because it makes me feel like I am the girl who cried wolf and has no convictions, and stupid shit like livejournal should not make me feel like that although it is probably true anyway

Comments

[bruised]

you know what? i understand. i understand the hating, the frustration of just feeling disgusting. and feeling like your written emotion has gone away and blaming it on pills. i used to write easily, but i lost it. i can't find how i used to do it anywhere. but i never thought of thinking my new pills were the reason. maybe.
i was wondering what happened to you. i wanted to email you but could not find your email address. i thought you deleted yourself and ran off somewhere for people that were part of the secret society and friends only journals...or something like that. i don't know...feeling very down today. i'm sorry. but happy to see you again.

[slowfolding]

don't apologize, robin. I feel like a wuss for blaming things like my attention span problems and my total and utter lack of creativity on my medications (my psychiatrist is a kind but implacable british woman who manages to remain totally unruffled about everything, and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to look her in the eye and say things like that without shrinking and falling under a table in embarrassment) but the writing thing, I swear, it was bad enough when I was severely messed up immediately before going on the pills, but the minute I started taking celexa, it just died. Died. Period. I'm not on the celexa anymore but there's still no more of a logical reason than that.

I do have another journal which is only for people who know me in real life. So it's nothing personal or elite, just a space where I can use my real name without twitching, you know what I mean?

[organelles]

i am very very glad that you are back.

[slowfolding]

thankyou, dear.

[winterstain]

Paragraph 1: pumpkin dear, I can feel this. i just want to walk away from lj & return to my manually archived journal at a 'personal' domain, but i just can't. what brings me back? i don't know.

paragraph 2: i just write nonsense. i don't know how to write anything else. i jsut read my friends' journals - i don't know how to respond. oh. (case in point..) post-secondary is exciting. good luck with the course selection. where have you decided to go to school? if you don't mind me asking? when i noticed your journal was deleted, something inside me deflated -- esp. since i didn't (don't) have your email. e - me? cashmeregloss.a.hotmailcom xx

[slowfolding]

I am going to UBC! Yikes. I don't know what posessed me to accept studentship at the biggest and most confusing university in the entire universe of BC, but I did. I think it had something to do with knowing that I was guaranteed admission as early as March, so I could get my life under control without having to wait until May. A secret, though - I wanted to go to UVic. The UVic info is coming now - they accepted me, too - and it kind of hurts. Heh.

[winterstain]

EEE! yay for UBC. I wanted to go to UBC but the campus scared l'il ol' then-seventeen-yr-old me. Heh. I was toying with U of A, but I couldn't bring myself to live in Edmonton. *shudder*

Go Pumpkin!! x_love

[thislittleboy]

thank you for writing this. it was something i very much needed to hear.

i hope that things get better for you. xo.

[patchworke]

Livejournal brings up the same feelings in
myself sometimes. And it almost seems like
just cutting it out would get rid of the
unnecessary diversions, but then I would miss
the friends list and the sort-of communication.

I'm glad you did mention something, I'd
wondered where you dissapeared to and realized
I didn't have an email address to question.