dont worry, frank, this will be my only post today
its entirely too early to be awake for someone who was up well past 5 am. i was thinking about
It seems so crazy, but I'm really thinking about leaving UF, at least for this year. I just don't feel that there's anything there for me anymore. I mean, my friends, obviously, but that's all.
Lately I just haven't been happy with anything in my life at all. I need to really focus on what exactly is going to make me happy and ignore what will make my parents or friends or academic advisers happy.
I cannot see myself being happy at all if I went to UF again this fall. I would sign up for classes that may seem useful at first, but then I'll change my mind and suddenly panic at the uselessness of my classes and all the time and effort I put into them. I think this summer biology fiasco proves that I can no longer deal with taking classes without some type of purpose involved.
My current goal (though from past experience, we all know there's a 99.9% chance it will change within the next 4 minutes) is to be a math teacher. I think this goal is fairly realiastic, and I"ve had this goal many times. Well I looked into math ed at UF and found out their program really sucks. In fact, it barely even exists. There's not actually a way to get certified in math ed at UF at all. I had heard from someone to look into education programs at UNF, so I did and found out their ed school really is aewsome. They have a bachelor's degree specifically for high school math education, so I wouldn't have to worry about taking a bunch of pointless advanced calc classes to get a math degree and then wonder if I can fit in a secondary ed minor, which is what I'd have to do at UF. So I read all up on that and it really sounds cool. But I'm pretty sure its too late to get into UNF for fall, if thats what I want to do. But I don't really want to do that anyway... it could work out perfectly: I could take fall off from school to work and save up money and see if I still want to do this math ed thing. If so, I can still apply to UNF for spring. And if I've changed my mind again and still am not sure, at least I won't have wasted my time.
I know a lot of people will think that this is just nuts. I can tell you right now that my parents will think I"m giving up or taking the easy way out or wasting my potential. I'm sure they'll think that UNF is a step down from UF. I'm sure all they'll really care about is how it will look and what they'll tell the relatives at Thanksgiving when they ask how school's going. But none of that matters to me...
all I want to do is figure out what to do with my life, and then do it, and to just simply be happy the whole time.
is that so much to ask?
This is my life, and my decision, and my education, and my time and effort. Shouldn't I be the one in charge here???
I know that ultimately I am in charge. No one will actually physically stop me from withdrawing from a semester or applying to UNF. But I just know that most people won't support it. They'll all just be disappointed in me, especially my parents, and lets face it, thats the worst thing in the world. "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." And I don't want to hear "Well its your life, so we wont stop you." I want to hear "whatever you want to do, we support you." I wish everyone would just support this and have faith in me to live my life the way I think I should.
I just think I will be totally restless until I come up with a permanent goal for the future. I mean, I know any goal could change. I could stick with math ed for 10 years and then randomly decide to go to law school or something. But I just need something to be able to work toward now without wondering when the next time I"ll change my mind will be. I just don't think I should take any more classes without being certain that I need them.
.
i want each and every one of you to read every last word and give me your honest opinion, no matter what it may be.
It seems so crazy, but I'm really thinking about leaving UF, at least for this year. I just don't feel that there's anything there for me anymore. I mean, my friends, obviously, but that's all.
Lately I just haven't been happy with anything in my life at all. I need to really focus on what exactly is going to make me happy and ignore what will make my parents or friends or academic advisers happy.
I cannot see myself being happy at all if I went to UF again this fall. I would sign up for classes that may seem useful at first, but then I'll change my mind and suddenly panic at the uselessness of my classes and all the time and effort I put into them. I think this summer biology fiasco proves that I can no longer deal with taking classes without some type of purpose involved.
My current goal (though from past experience, we all know there's a 99.9% chance it will change within the next 4 minutes) is to be a math teacher. I think this goal is fairly realiastic, and I"ve had this goal many times. Well I looked into math ed at UF and found out their program really sucks. In fact, it barely even exists. There's not actually a way to get certified in math ed at UF at all. I had heard from someone to look into education programs at UNF, so I did and found out their ed school really is aewsome. They have a bachelor's degree specifically for high school math education, so I wouldn't have to worry about taking a bunch of pointless advanced calc classes to get a math degree and then wonder if I can fit in a secondary ed minor, which is what I'd have to do at UF. So I read all up on that and it really sounds cool. But I'm pretty sure its too late to get into UNF for fall, if thats what I want to do. But I don't really want to do that anyway... it could work out perfectly: I could take fall off from school to work and save up money and see if I still want to do this math ed thing. If so, I can still apply to UNF for spring. And if I've changed my mind again and still am not sure, at least I won't have wasted my time.
I know a lot of people will think that this is just nuts. I can tell you right now that my parents will think I"m giving up or taking the easy way out or wasting my potential. I'm sure they'll think that UNF is a step down from UF. I'm sure all they'll really care about is how it will look and what they'll tell the relatives at Thanksgiving when they ask how school's going. But none of that matters to me...
all I want to do is figure out what to do with my life, and then do it, and to just simply be happy the whole time.
is that so much to ask?
This is my life, and my decision, and my education, and my time and effort. Shouldn't I be the one in charge here???
I know that ultimately I am in charge. No one will actually physically stop me from withdrawing from a semester or applying to UNF. But I just know that most people won't support it. They'll all just be disappointed in me, especially my parents, and lets face it, thats the worst thing in the world. "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." And I don't want to hear "Well its your life, so we wont stop you." I want to hear "whatever you want to do, we support you." I wish everyone would just support this and have faith in me to live my life the way I think I should.
I just think I will be totally restless until I come up with a permanent goal for the future. I mean, I know any goal could change. I could stick with math ed for 10 years and then randomly decide to go to law school or something. But I just need something to be able to work toward now without wondering when the next time I"ll change my mind will be. I just don't think I should take any more classes without being certain that I need them.
.
i want each and every one of you to read every last word and give me your honest opinion, no matter what it may be.