fic; The Hookup (or the time everyone thought Rachel was selling pot)
Title: The Hookup (or the time everyone thought Rachel was selling pot)
Fandom: Glee; Rachel & Quinn.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee because-- well many reasons.
A/N: Beta’d by the wonderfulspentayearinla . A prompt from the glee_fluff_meme but I don’t know where it is right now. Once I find it, I’ll link it, deal? Deal.
//
Everything, this whole mess-- it all started with a random comment heard out of context in the hallway.
“Want some Grade-A shit?...go to Berry, she'll hook you up!"
Kurt is leaning against his locker, picking at his nails while waiting for Mercedes to finish putting away her chemistry book when the comment is made, somehow it floats above all the other static and noise as two jocks walk by. The petite boy looks over to his friend, brow arching in a mixture of confusion and question.
“Mercedes, is living in this restrictive, oppressive little town finally getting to me and I’ve gone crazy, or did I really just hear what I think I did?”
“Nah, I heard… something too. “The black girl closes her locker door slowly. “It sounded like they were saying Rachel was-- but that ain’t even possible.”
Kurt pushes off the cool metal. “It doesn’t seem likely. Hook you up means a very certain thing, darling, and the way they used it would lead one to believe it’s a reference to drugs but this is Rachel Berry we’re talking about.”
“Right.” Mercedes nods.
“I suppose it could be taken in a sexual context, she’s become quite the harlot having been with most of the Glee club.”
Mercedes gives Kurt a grin. “Don’t let Quinn hear you say that about her girlfriend.”
“Oh please.” Kurt says while rolling his eyes. “I would claw her eyes out in any head bitch contest she wanted to have.”
That gets a laugh out of the heavy set girl and when the two are about to head to their next class, they stop dead in their tracks. The hallway is starting to clear of bodies and they can clearly see Rachel standing at the end of the hall with a jock in front of her. They can’t tell what exactly the item is but they definitely see her exchange something with the lean boy for cash.
“So maybe not prostitution, but she’s peddling something.”
“Where would she even get anything to sell, I know home girl don‘t have any connections.” Mercedes questions, watching as the jock walks away and Rachel quickly turns the opposite way, disappearing around the corner.
“We should see if Mrs. Schuester is working here again.” Kurt shakes his head. “But I seriously don’t know, `cedes, we’re going to need to do some investigating.”
When the bell rings, Kurt grabs Mercedes by the arm and starts to pull them down the hall.
“Ugh, she’s made us late for fourth period.” The petite boy’s strides are long. “This is what I get for wasting any thought process on Rachel Berry and whatever dimwitted plot she’s cooked up.”
//
“Rachel’s not selling drugs, you guys.”
Finn says without a doubt before shoveling macaroni and cheese into his mouth. He’s sitting at a lunch table with Artie and Brittany, who look more than a little grossed out at how the taller boy just inhales food.
“Yes but, Kurt said he took a vow to never spread around gossip he hadn’t witnessed with his own eyes after that thing about Puck and Mr. Schuester in the hotel hot tub at last year’s nationals. Him and Mercedes heard what the jocks said, they saw them give Rachel money for something.” Artie fixes his glasses, straightening them on his face. “As far as the evidence goes right now, it holds a strong case for what they’re claiming.”
“But drugs, Artie? Maybe she’s give uh-- gives them vocal lessons or something.”
Brittany leans back in her chair, hand reaching across her midsection to hold onto her other arm. “Maybe they’re paying her to dress better. I would, her cat sweater creeps me out.”
“It could be vocal lessons.” Artie shrugs.
“And the owl one. And the turtle one. And the one with the crazy stripes on it.”
“But why would she be doing it in secret? And if the other jocks could really sing, she’d already have bullied them into glee club.” Artie nods with certainty.
“I guess…” Finn trails off as he looks past the boy in the wheelchair to see the brunette in question standing in one of the back corners of the cafeteria. He’s about to wave her over when all of a sudden one of the guys from the football team, James, walks up to her and they start whispering. “Why would she be talking to James?”
“Say what now?” Artie arches a brow.
The taller boy just points to where Rachel is and Artie and Brittany quickly turn.
“Can James sing?” Artie asks.
Finn shakes his head ‘no’.
“Definitely not vocal lessons.”
“Yeah, and she still has that ugly sweater on.” Brittany agrees.
The trio continues to watch for another thirty seconds or so before Rachel’s deal is done and the short brunette is slinking out of the cafeteria.
“We should follow her.” Finn says, already standing.
“Maybe we shouldn’t.” Artie starts. “What Rachel does is Rachel’s business and we shouldn’t snoop around in it.”
“I’m in too.” Brittany says, pulling out Artie’s wheelchair, pushing him while following behind Finn.
The wheel chaired boy looks perplexed but doesn’t argue. They move quickly and by the time they exit the cafeteria, they catch a glimpse of Rachel turning down a hallway. When they come barreling around said corner, they almost get caught. The short brunette is standing at her locker, putting in papers and the trio has to quickly backtrack and wait. Finn peaks around the corner to see Rachel looking around slightly paranoid for a moment before closing her locker and starting down the hallway again.
“She’s up to something.” Finn says.
They end up following her down three more hallways before she slips into the choir room.
“The choir room?”
“Maybe she sells to Mr. Schue too. Men who suffer mid-life crisis` often turn to medications and drugs to help the process.” Artie nods in agreement with himself.
Brittany pushes Artie towards the door. “My dad dressed up like Batman.”
“Are you sure that wasn’t just for a Halloween?” Artie asks.
Brittany looks deep in thought over the question but they all promptly lose the ability to form coherent thoughts and sentences when they peak inside the window of the door to see Rachel and Quinn making out quite passionately.
“So… maybe she’s selling to Quinn.” Finn says absently, eyes locked on the two girls.
“I don’t think selling is what she does with Quinn.” Artie answers back just as memorized.
Brittany wets her lips with her tongue, watching her two friends. “I’m-- I’m gonna go find S.”
“Yeah, I need to talk to Tina about something.” Artie agrees.
When the two of them disappear down the hall, Finn is left standing there by himself watching them leave. He looks disheartened for a second, turning back to Rachel and Quinn and then the empty hallway again. Finally, he pulls his DS from his back pocket and unpauses his game.
Walking down the hall, he seems a bit happier when he gets three stars at the end of a Super Mario level.
//
They corner Rachel in the student parking lot waiting against the fence, knowing that Quinn wouldn’t be coming for another ten minutes or so.
“We want in.”
The short brunette jumps slightly, turning to face Puck, with his raised brows and easy grin. Standing next to him is Santana, with her perpetual sneer and cocked out hip.
“Excuse me?” Rachel says with confusion, clutching her books to her chest. “You would like in what, exactly?”
“The game you’re running, you know, with the stuff you’ve been selling to the guys on the team.” Puck says, hinting.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Noah.”
Santana takes a threatening step forward. “Cut the shit, Berry. We know you’ve been selling homework and papers to the Mckinley upper crust and we know you’ve been making fat stacks of cash. We want in.”
“How do you know that?” Rachel asks, brows furrowing in concern.
“Beat it out of one of your customers.” Puck nods.
“Noah, you can’t just go around hitting people!”
“Whoa, I didn’t hit anyone, she’s the one punching people.“ Puck says, pointing to the latina next to him.
“Whatever, I didn’t even break skin.” Santana scoffs.
“I need to go back inside. I uh-- I’ve seem to have forgotten something imperative for studying tonight in my locker.” Right when Rachel starts to move, Santana places a hand against the short brunette’s shoulder and pins her to the fence.
“Calm down, alright? We’re not here to rat on you or anything.” The latina looks to Puck before back to Rachel. “We want to be your muscle.”
“My what?”
“Your muscle. You split some of the profits with us and we make sure none of your customers get out of line or get any bright ideas.” Santana offers, taking her hand away from Rachel.
The short brunette straightens her shoulders. “I’m going to politely decline your offer. I have no need for any muscle.”
“Come on, Rach, you could use us.” Puck starts. “Look how easy it was to get information out of one of your guys. We got it just like that. Think about what if one of them gets caught, how fast are they going to sell you out?”
Rachel’s eyes widen in the slightest, biting her lip. “You think they’d do that?”
“They wouldn’t if you hired us, we’d keep any of the morons you sell schoolwork to quiet, no problem.” Santana nods in agreement with herself.
“How? You aren’t going to go around just beating up people, are you?”
Puck grins. “Nah, of course not. We’d just let them know that it’d be in their best interest to keep their mouths closed about where they’re getting all these great grades from.”
“And if someone needs to be punched in the face, well we just do what needs to be done.” Santana adds.
Rachel looks like she is thinking everything over, looking between Puck and Santana.
“Can I think about it over night?” Rachel asks.
“No.” The latina responds instantly.
The short brunette huffs. “I guess you’re hired then but Quinn is going to be coming any minute now so we’ll talk terms and wages and what your services detail exactly, tomorrow.”
Santana looks like she’s about to disagree again but Puck nudges her with his shoulder, giving her a certain kind of look before turning his attention back onto Rachel. ‘Sounds good, Berry. We'll talk to you tomorrow before school.”
Rachel watches the two walk away, heading further into the student parking lot.
Santana punches Puck in the shoulder. “Don’t ever tell me to be quiet again, Puckerman.”
“Chill out woman, I just nudged you.”
Puck rubs at his shoulder with irritation all over his face when Santana punches him again.
//
“Uh wow, Rach, it’s really beautiful.”
Rachel beams, standing there watching Quinn as the blonde is sitting on the bed and holding up a gold necklace in her hands.
“Do you really, honestly like it?” The short brunette asks, excitement drenching her tone.
“Yes.” Quinn pauses for a moment, looking at her girlfriend with suspicion. “But how did you pay for this?
“I saved for it.”
“You saved for it?” Quinn asks, dubious.
Rachel nods. “Yes, I did.”
“Berry, you suck at saving money.”
“I most certainly do not.” Rachel looks offended, stomping her foot slightly.
“Yeah, you do.” Quinn laughs. “Babe, your dads had to ban you from online shopping after buying that ugly dress.”
“That ugly dress?” Rachel’s jaw drops. “That ugly dress was worn by Rose Laurens in the original French production of Les Miserables and the price wouldn’t have been so high if it weren’t for the imprudent person trying to outbid me.”
“Sure.” Quinn humors.
“You know what, I want the necklace back. You can’t have it anymore.”
Rachel goes to grab the piece of jewelry from the blonde but Quinn pulls the necklace to her chest. “Get out of here, you can’t take it back.”
“You don’t get to mock me and get gifts, give it back.” The short brunette whines out, reaching for it again.
“Nope, it’s mine.”
Quinn taunts causing Rachel to growl out and lunge forward, jumping on top of the blonde. Rachel starts tickling Quinn’s sides mercilessly. ‘Stop!’ and ‘Rach, I’m gonna pee myself’ get mixed in with laughter as the blonde tries to free herself from being trapped against the bed but the brunette doesn’t let up for another twenty seconds before finally falling limp against her girlfriend, the side of her face resting against the blonde’s shoulder and her lips relaxing close against Quinn’s neck.
“I really do like the necklace.” Quinn says, wrapping her arms around Rachel’s lithe frame.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” The blonde places a kiss against Rachel’s forehead. “Just tell me you didn’t spend a fortune on it.”
Rachel smiles slightly. “I got a very good deal on it. I saw it and thought of you. I really wanted to get it for you.”
“It’s beautiful, thank you.”
“Beautiful like you.“ The brunette says lightly, snuggling in closer to Quinn and closing her eyes and no one says anything for a good five minutes.
“Hey, Rach.” Quinn finally breaks the silence.
“Mhm?”
“What were you talking about with Puck and Santana?”
Rachel opens her eyes. “What?”
“I saw them walking away when I was leaving the main building. You guys were talking right?” Quinn starts running a hand through Rachel’s hair.
“They just wanted some help on a class assignment is all.”
“You three all have a class together?” Quinn asks.
“Well, no. Noah and I do, Santana was just there because she was getting a ride.” Rachel says, her lips tensing into a thin line afterwards.
“I hope you didn’t just give him the answers.”
“Of course not.” Rachel tilts her head, looking up at her girlfriend. “We decided that it would take hard work for them.”
//
It’s afternoon the next day and Rachel freezes in the door of the choir room when she sees Mr. Schuester waiting there for her, with the rest of the Glee club sitting in chairs and not saying anything. The short brunette looks over to Santana quickly who looks a mixture of bored and pissed and just rolls her eyes and then she looks to Quinn who just looks angry.
“What’s going on?”
“Rachel.” Mr Schuester starts slowly, placing a hand on her arm and leading her over to a chair set opposite of the rest of the glee club. “We have something we want to talk to you about.”
“Is this about the note I left Kurt about his constant droning about solos that could, I guess technically be construed as a death threat? He knows I was only half serious.” Rachel nods in agreement with herself.
“No, it’s not about that Rachel but now that you bring it up, you really need to dial it down a notch. You’re lucky Kurt didn’t press charges.”
Kurt looks to Mercedes pursing his lips.
“We want to talk to you about your… recent activities.” Mr. Schuester takes a few steps back as Rachel sits down.
“What are you talking about?” Rachel plays dumb.
Quinn let’s out ragged exhale, fixing her girlfriend with a glare. “They think you’re selling drugs.”
“What!”
Rachel’s shriek is piercing (and on key) and it causes everyone in the room to wince and let out a collective groan.
“How could you all think that I would stoop so low as to distribute illegal substances to my fellow schoolmates?” Rachel says sounding heavy affronted.
“We saw you in the hallway, you were handing that beefcake something and he gave you cash.” Mercedes throws out with as much attitude as possible.
“Yeah.” Finn nods. “And we saw you in the cafeteria doing the same thing with James.”
Brittany leans into Santana’s shoulder. “And that sweater is awful.”
Rachel looks down at her sweater before her attention is pulled to Quinn.
“How are you getting the money, Rachel? How did you buy that necklace?”
“I’m not selling drugs. Really, you guys.” The short brunette huffs.
“Then tell us what’s going on, the club is worried about you. That’s all this is. We don’t want to see you make a bad decision, Rachel.” Mr. Schuester says painfully earnest.
Rachel doesn’t say anything for a moment, seemingly weighing her opinions. “Okay, so I have been selling product to the football players of Mckinley.”
“Knew it.” Kurt says smug.
“But that product is homework and essays, not drugs.”
Mr. Schuester looks confused, along with everyone else except Santana and Puck. “Why would you be selling homework and essays?”
“I needed the money.” Rachel responds automatically.
“For what?” Quinn watches the short brunette with narrowed eyes.
“Barbra Streisand.”
“Say what now?” Artie asks.
Rachel sighs. “I need the money in order to be the top bidder in a war to win a dinner date with Barbra herself. My dads were un-cooperating, having cut off my credit card so I was forced to find alternative means of making money so that I could bring Barbra Streisand to Lima, impressing her with my talent. I also had plans to convince her to take the job as director for the club.” Rachel turns to Mr. Schuester who looks like he doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry Mr. Schue but I’m sure Barbra would love to have you as an assistant director.”
It’s silent when Rachel finishes.
“You are batshit insane.” Santana finally comments.
“I-- well..” Mr Schuester struggles. “Regardless of why you needed the money, you need to stop selling homework to kids.”
Rachel pouts. “But it’s not hurting anyone, if anything, I’m boosting the overall grading of Mckinley. We’ll get a bigger budget next year.”
“No more deals around the school, Rachel, no more.”
“Fine.” The short brunette says sullenly. “Can we please start practice now?”
“Yes. Go have a seat with the rest of the club and I’ll get the sheet music for regional’s.”
//
It’s a week later that they recruit Artie (Santana is extremely against it but he works cheap) to launch www.divaqualityschoolwork.com so that she doesn’t have to deal around school anymore.
Every purchased term paper comes with video recording of Rachel singing musical numbers from Rent.
End.
Fandom: Glee; Rachel & Quinn.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee because-- well many reasons.
A/N: Beta’d by the wonderfulspentayearinla . A prompt from the glee_fluff_meme but I don’t know where it is right now. Once I find it, I’ll link it, deal? Deal.
//
Everything, this whole mess-- it all started with a random comment heard out of context in the hallway.
“Want some Grade-A shit?...go to Berry, she'll hook you up!"
Kurt is leaning against his locker, picking at his nails while waiting for Mercedes to finish putting away her chemistry book when the comment is made, somehow it floats above all the other static and noise as two jocks walk by. The petite boy looks over to his friend, brow arching in a mixture of confusion and question.
“Mercedes, is living in this restrictive, oppressive little town finally getting to me and I’ve gone crazy, or did I really just hear what I think I did?”
“Nah, I heard… something too. “The black girl closes her locker door slowly. “It sounded like they were saying Rachel was-- but that ain’t even possible.”
Kurt pushes off the cool metal. “It doesn’t seem likely. Hook you up means a very certain thing, darling, and the way they used it would lead one to believe it’s a reference to drugs but this is Rachel Berry we’re talking about.”
“Right.” Mercedes nods.
“I suppose it could be taken in a sexual context, she’s become quite the harlot having been with most of the Glee club.”
Mercedes gives Kurt a grin. “Don’t let Quinn hear you say that about her girlfriend.”
“Oh please.” Kurt says while rolling his eyes. “I would claw her eyes out in any head bitch contest she wanted to have.”
That gets a laugh out of the heavy set girl and when the two are about to head to their next class, they stop dead in their tracks. The hallway is starting to clear of bodies and they can clearly see Rachel standing at the end of the hall with a jock in front of her. They can’t tell what exactly the item is but they definitely see her exchange something with the lean boy for cash.
“So maybe not prostitution, but she’s peddling something.”
“Where would she even get anything to sell, I know home girl don‘t have any connections.” Mercedes questions, watching as the jock walks away and Rachel quickly turns the opposite way, disappearing around the corner.
“We should see if Mrs. Schuester is working here again.” Kurt shakes his head. “But I seriously don’t know, `cedes, we’re going to need to do some investigating.”
When the bell rings, Kurt grabs Mercedes by the arm and starts to pull them down the hall.
“Ugh, she’s made us late for fourth period.” The petite boy’s strides are long. “This is what I get for wasting any thought process on Rachel Berry and whatever dimwitted plot she’s cooked up.”
//
“Rachel’s not selling drugs, you guys.”
Finn says without a doubt before shoveling macaroni and cheese into his mouth. He’s sitting at a lunch table with Artie and Brittany, who look more than a little grossed out at how the taller boy just inhales food.
“Yes but, Kurt said he took a vow to never spread around gossip he hadn’t witnessed with his own eyes after that thing about Puck and Mr. Schuester in the hotel hot tub at last year’s nationals. Him and Mercedes heard what the jocks said, they saw them give Rachel money for something.” Artie fixes his glasses, straightening them on his face. “As far as the evidence goes right now, it holds a strong case for what they’re claiming.”
“But drugs, Artie? Maybe she’s give uh-- gives them vocal lessons or something.”
Brittany leans back in her chair, hand reaching across her midsection to hold onto her other arm. “Maybe they’re paying her to dress better. I would, her cat sweater creeps me out.”
“It could be vocal lessons.” Artie shrugs.
“And the owl one. And the turtle one. And the one with the crazy stripes on it.”
“But why would she be doing it in secret? And if the other jocks could really sing, she’d already have bullied them into glee club.” Artie nods with certainty.
“I guess…” Finn trails off as he looks past the boy in the wheelchair to see the brunette in question standing in one of the back corners of the cafeteria. He’s about to wave her over when all of a sudden one of the guys from the football team, James, walks up to her and they start whispering. “Why would she be talking to James?”
“Say what now?” Artie arches a brow.
The taller boy just points to where Rachel is and Artie and Brittany quickly turn.
“Can James sing?” Artie asks.
Finn shakes his head ‘no’.
“Definitely not vocal lessons.”
“Yeah, and she still has that ugly sweater on.” Brittany agrees.
The trio continues to watch for another thirty seconds or so before Rachel’s deal is done and the short brunette is slinking out of the cafeteria.
“We should follow her.” Finn says, already standing.
“Maybe we shouldn’t.” Artie starts. “What Rachel does is Rachel’s business and we shouldn’t snoop around in it.”
“I’m in too.” Brittany says, pulling out Artie’s wheelchair, pushing him while following behind Finn.
The wheel chaired boy looks perplexed but doesn’t argue. They move quickly and by the time they exit the cafeteria, they catch a glimpse of Rachel turning down a hallway. When they come barreling around said corner, they almost get caught. The short brunette is standing at her locker, putting in papers and the trio has to quickly backtrack and wait. Finn peaks around the corner to see Rachel looking around slightly paranoid for a moment before closing her locker and starting down the hallway again.
“She’s up to something.” Finn says.
They end up following her down three more hallways before she slips into the choir room.
“The choir room?”
“Maybe she sells to Mr. Schue too. Men who suffer mid-life crisis` often turn to medications and drugs to help the process.” Artie nods in agreement with himself.
Brittany pushes Artie towards the door. “My dad dressed up like Batman.”
“Are you sure that wasn’t just for a Halloween?” Artie asks.
Brittany looks deep in thought over the question but they all promptly lose the ability to form coherent thoughts and sentences when they peak inside the window of the door to see Rachel and Quinn making out quite passionately.
“So… maybe she’s selling to Quinn.” Finn says absently, eyes locked on the two girls.
“I don’t think selling is what she does with Quinn.” Artie answers back just as memorized.
Brittany wets her lips with her tongue, watching her two friends. “I’m-- I’m gonna go find S.”
“Yeah, I need to talk to Tina about something.” Artie agrees.
When the two of them disappear down the hall, Finn is left standing there by himself watching them leave. He looks disheartened for a second, turning back to Rachel and Quinn and then the empty hallway again. Finally, he pulls his DS from his back pocket and unpauses his game.
Walking down the hall, he seems a bit happier when he gets three stars at the end of a Super Mario level.
//
They corner Rachel in the student parking lot waiting against the fence, knowing that Quinn wouldn’t be coming for another ten minutes or so.
“We want in.”
The short brunette jumps slightly, turning to face Puck, with his raised brows and easy grin. Standing next to him is Santana, with her perpetual sneer and cocked out hip.
“Excuse me?” Rachel says with confusion, clutching her books to her chest. “You would like in what, exactly?”
“The game you’re running, you know, with the stuff you’ve been selling to the guys on the team.” Puck says, hinting.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Noah.”
Santana takes a threatening step forward. “Cut the shit, Berry. We know you’ve been selling homework and papers to the Mckinley upper crust and we know you’ve been making fat stacks of cash. We want in.”
“How do you know that?” Rachel asks, brows furrowing in concern.
“Beat it out of one of your customers.” Puck nods.
“Noah, you can’t just go around hitting people!”
“Whoa, I didn’t hit anyone, she’s the one punching people.“ Puck says, pointing to the latina next to him.
“Whatever, I didn’t even break skin.” Santana scoffs.
“I need to go back inside. I uh-- I’ve seem to have forgotten something imperative for studying tonight in my locker.” Right when Rachel starts to move, Santana places a hand against the short brunette’s shoulder and pins her to the fence.
“Calm down, alright? We’re not here to rat on you or anything.” The latina looks to Puck before back to Rachel. “We want to be your muscle.”
“My what?”
“Your muscle. You split some of the profits with us and we make sure none of your customers get out of line or get any bright ideas.” Santana offers, taking her hand away from Rachel.
The short brunette straightens her shoulders. “I’m going to politely decline your offer. I have no need for any muscle.”
“Come on, Rach, you could use us.” Puck starts. “Look how easy it was to get information out of one of your guys. We got it just like that. Think about what if one of them gets caught, how fast are they going to sell you out?”
Rachel’s eyes widen in the slightest, biting her lip. “You think they’d do that?”
“They wouldn’t if you hired us, we’d keep any of the morons you sell schoolwork to quiet, no problem.” Santana nods in agreement with herself.
“How? You aren’t going to go around just beating up people, are you?”
Puck grins. “Nah, of course not. We’d just let them know that it’d be in their best interest to keep their mouths closed about where they’re getting all these great grades from.”
“And if someone needs to be punched in the face, well we just do what needs to be done.” Santana adds.
Rachel looks like she is thinking everything over, looking between Puck and Santana.
“Can I think about it over night?” Rachel asks.
“No.” The latina responds instantly.
The short brunette huffs. “I guess you’re hired then but Quinn is going to be coming any minute now so we’ll talk terms and wages and what your services detail exactly, tomorrow.”
Santana looks like she’s about to disagree again but Puck nudges her with his shoulder, giving her a certain kind of look before turning his attention back onto Rachel. ‘Sounds good, Berry. We'll talk to you tomorrow before school.”
Rachel watches the two walk away, heading further into the student parking lot.
Santana punches Puck in the shoulder. “Don’t ever tell me to be quiet again, Puckerman.”
“Chill out woman, I just nudged you.”
Puck rubs at his shoulder with irritation all over his face when Santana punches him again.
//
“Uh wow, Rach, it’s really beautiful.”
Rachel beams, standing there watching Quinn as the blonde is sitting on the bed and holding up a gold necklace in her hands.
“Do you really, honestly like it?” The short brunette asks, excitement drenching her tone.
“Yes.” Quinn pauses for a moment, looking at her girlfriend with suspicion. “But how did you pay for this?
“I saved for it.”
“You saved for it?” Quinn asks, dubious.
Rachel nods. “Yes, I did.”
“Berry, you suck at saving money.”
“I most certainly do not.” Rachel looks offended, stomping her foot slightly.
“Yeah, you do.” Quinn laughs. “Babe, your dads had to ban you from online shopping after buying that ugly dress.”
“That ugly dress?” Rachel’s jaw drops. “That ugly dress was worn by Rose Laurens in the original French production of Les Miserables and the price wouldn’t have been so high if it weren’t for the imprudent person trying to outbid me.”
“Sure.” Quinn humors.
“You know what, I want the necklace back. You can’t have it anymore.”
Rachel goes to grab the piece of jewelry from the blonde but Quinn pulls the necklace to her chest. “Get out of here, you can’t take it back.”
“You don’t get to mock me and get gifts, give it back.” The short brunette whines out, reaching for it again.
“Nope, it’s mine.”
Quinn taunts causing Rachel to growl out and lunge forward, jumping on top of the blonde. Rachel starts tickling Quinn’s sides mercilessly. ‘Stop!’ and ‘Rach, I’m gonna pee myself’ get mixed in with laughter as the blonde tries to free herself from being trapped against the bed but the brunette doesn’t let up for another twenty seconds before finally falling limp against her girlfriend, the side of her face resting against the blonde’s shoulder and her lips relaxing close against Quinn’s neck.
“I really do like the necklace.” Quinn says, wrapping her arms around Rachel’s lithe frame.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” The blonde places a kiss against Rachel’s forehead. “Just tell me you didn’t spend a fortune on it.”
Rachel smiles slightly. “I got a very good deal on it. I saw it and thought of you. I really wanted to get it for you.”
“It’s beautiful, thank you.”
“Beautiful like you.“ The brunette says lightly, snuggling in closer to Quinn and closing her eyes and no one says anything for a good five minutes.
“Hey, Rach.” Quinn finally breaks the silence.
“Mhm?”
“What were you talking about with Puck and Santana?”
Rachel opens her eyes. “What?”
“I saw them walking away when I was leaving the main building. You guys were talking right?” Quinn starts running a hand through Rachel’s hair.
“They just wanted some help on a class assignment is all.”
“You three all have a class together?” Quinn asks.
“Well, no. Noah and I do, Santana was just there because she was getting a ride.” Rachel says, her lips tensing into a thin line afterwards.
“I hope you didn’t just give him the answers.”
“Of course not.” Rachel tilts her head, looking up at her girlfriend. “We decided that it would take hard work for them.”
//
It’s afternoon the next day and Rachel freezes in the door of the choir room when she sees Mr. Schuester waiting there for her, with the rest of the Glee club sitting in chairs and not saying anything. The short brunette looks over to Santana quickly who looks a mixture of bored and pissed and just rolls her eyes and then she looks to Quinn who just looks angry.
“What’s going on?”
“Rachel.” Mr Schuester starts slowly, placing a hand on her arm and leading her over to a chair set opposite of the rest of the glee club. “We have something we want to talk to you about.”
“Is this about the note I left Kurt about his constant droning about solos that could, I guess technically be construed as a death threat? He knows I was only half serious.” Rachel nods in agreement with herself.
“No, it’s not about that Rachel but now that you bring it up, you really need to dial it down a notch. You’re lucky Kurt didn’t press charges.”
Kurt looks to Mercedes pursing his lips.
“We want to talk to you about your… recent activities.” Mr. Schuester takes a few steps back as Rachel sits down.
“What are you talking about?” Rachel plays dumb.
Quinn let’s out ragged exhale, fixing her girlfriend with a glare. “They think you’re selling drugs.”
“What!”
Rachel’s shriek is piercing (and on key) and it causes everyone in the room to wince and let out a collective groan.
“How could you all think that I would stoop so low as to distribute illegal substances to my fellow schoolmates?” Rachel says sounding heavy affronted.
“We saw you in the hallway, you were handing that beefcake something and he gave you cash.” Mercedes throws out with as much attitude as possible.
“Yeah.” Finn nods. “And we saw you in the cafeteria doing the same thing with James.”
Brittany leans into Santana’s shoulder. “And that sweater is awful.”
Rachel looks down at her sweater before her attention is pulled to Quinn.
“How are you getting the money, Rachel? How did you buy that necklace?”
“I’m not selling drugs. Really, you guys.” The short brunette huffs.
“Then tell us what’s going on, the club is worried about you. That’s all this is. We don’t want to see you make a bad decision, Rachel.” Mr. Schuester says painfully earnest.
Rachel doesn’t say anything for a moment, seemingly weighing her opinions. “Okay, so I have been selling product to the football players of Mckinley.”
“Knew it.” Kurt says smug.
“But that product is homework and essays, not drugs.”
Mr. Schuester looks confused, along with everyone else except Santana and Puck. “Why would you be selling homework and essays?”
“I needed the money.” Rachel responds automatically.
“For what?” Quinn watches the short brunette with narrowed eyes.
“Barbra Streisand.”
“Say what now?” Artie asks.
Rachel sighs. “I need the money in order to be the top bidder in a war to win a dinner date with Barbra herself. My dads were un-cooperating, having cut off my credit card so I was forced to find alternative means of making money so that I could bring Barbra Streisand to Lima, impressing her with my talent. I also had plans to convince her to take the job as director for the club.” Rachel turns to Mr. Schuester who looks like he doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry Mr. Schue but I’m sure Barbra would love to have you as an assistant director.”
It’s silent when Rachel finishes.
“You are batshit insane.” Santana finally comments.
“I-- well..” Mr Schuester struggles. “Regardless of why you needed the money, you need to stop selling homework to kids.”
Rachel pouts. “But it’s not hurting anyone, if anything, I’m boosting the overall grading of Mckinley. We’ll get a bigger budget next year.”
“No more deals around the school, Rachel, no more.”
“Fine.” The short brunette says sullenly. “Can we please start practice now?”
“Yes. Go have a seat with the rest of the club and I’ll get the sheet music for regional’s.”
//
It’s a week later that they recruit Artie (Santana is extremely against it but he works cheap) to launch www.divaqualityschoolwork.com so that she doesn’t have to deal around school anymore.
Every purchased term paper comes with video recording of Rachel singing musical numbers from Rent.
End.