The Declaration of Potterist Independence
Well, you might as well find out now (if you haven't already) that I have no life. As such, a friend and I wrote a Harry Potter Declaration of Independence that more or less follows the set-up of the one for the United States.
Because it pwns so bad, I'm public-posting it. Woot!
The Declaration of Potterist Independence
By Jamie and Amber
Declaration of Independence
We, the fans of a certain boy wizard by the name of Harry Potter, would like to express our complaints to a seemingly older and wiser generation of muggles who have yet to be captivated by the world of imagination to which Harry belongs. You tease and make fun of us, but you truly cannot know the magic that lies within the wizarding world until you read the books.
We believe that the way we are treated should be changed immediately. Many Harry Potter supporters (not fanatics) feel as though they are treated poorly. We comprise a significant portion of the population, and being made fun of just generally makes us feel sad. Having a portion of the population being all depressed is not pleasant for morale. Should things continue this way, our emotional state will go downhill and we will be forced to drag everyone along with us. That is not a threat, it is simply the truth. True, hardcore Harry Potter fanatics, on the other hand, are rarely treated poorly as few will endeavor to get near enough to speak to them.
The complaints we have to offer are frankly too long to list, so only a brief summary shall be provided:
• We are not too old for Harry Potter. This is a terrible way to make fun of us, because it only makes the speaker look stupid. Two Harry Potter enthusiasts were told that they were too old for Harry Potter by someone only a few years older than they were. The insult should have ended here, but the person talking was determined to prove his idiocy. He proceeded to tell the two that the Harry Potter books were too difficult for him to read. It is simply astounding that one could get to eighth grade and not be able to read as simple a book as Harry Potter. The Harry Potter books were written for children and adults alike. They were not targeted for a specific audience, and are neither age nor gender exclusive.
• We do not care if you think that Harry Potter sucks. We have heard those three words from countless amounts of people. Simply walking through school past a crowd of people who are well aware of the fact that you are fond of Harry Potter is enough to earn you the absolute pleasure of hearing “Harry Potter sucks!” at least once. What makes the day all the more enjoyable is if the Harry Potter devotee happens to have worn a Harry Potter shirt that day. In this case, the teasing and ridicule can be heard even if the person is not in the presence of those who have heard of their interest in the boy wizard.
• We do not think that Harry Potter is a real person. Completely and utterly random people have walked up to us and informed us that Harry Potter is “not real.” For some strange reason, many people are under the impression that Harry Potter is more than a fictional character. We are asked such questions as, “Do you want to marry Harry Potter?” and “If Harry Potter were real, would you go out with him?” First of all, Harry Potter is not real, and asking this question simply means that the speaker is more obsessed than they think we are, because they are creating their own hypothetical situations questioning whether or not Harry Potter does truly exist. Most of these questions are irrelevant and annoying and only make the speaker sound stupid.
• We do not think that Harry and Hermione should hook up! Under no circumstances do we promote incest. To believe such a thing would be DELUSIONAL, mainly because the hints were anvil-sized. We get asked numerous questions about whether or not Harry and Hermione should go out and whether or not we are angry with Hermione going out with Ron. While we do not promote incest, we also do not promote yucky-ness. We also do not endorse abusive relationships. Because Ron appears to be exhibiting “jealous and possessive behavior” we do not believe that things would work out between him and Hermione. While R/Hr is not as DELUSIONAL as H/Hr, we think it would be absolutely peachy is Hermione and Draco put all differences aside and just got married right then are there. That is because D/Hr pwns you all. This is a matter for another time, but the message is that we do not appreciate being bothered by your DELUSIONAL ideas that we, for some reason, support H/Hr.
• We do not know the outcome of future Harry Potter books. Although we would like to believe we possessed such talents as only the seemingly great Sybil Trelawney could ever attain, we do not know what is going to happen in the seventh book. We are constantly asked, “Is Harry Potter going to die in the next book?” or “Does Harry Potter believe in God?” The words, “I don’t know!” have been so overly abused in such situations that responding at all has become pointless and lost all appeal. JK Rowling is a mysterious lady and we like it that way, although we would like to hack into her brain and know what she is thinking at any random point in the day.
• We do, in fact, know more about Harry Potter than you do. As much as you would like to believe that you know more about a certain boy wizard than we do, we would like to bluntly inform you that you are and always will be completely incorrect in that assumption. We are all-knowing when it comes to Harry Potter trivia. Thinking that you know more than we do is simply a waste of our time, but we are forced to continue the conversation with you, because we would not want to send you away with a false sense of intelligence. Asking us questions, waiting for the answer, and telling us we are wrong is just as lame, and you should stop immediately. We would also like to inform the general public that Harry Potter is not 16 years old, he is 25. He was born July 31, 1980. Just because you have seen the movies once does not make you an expert. Having seen the movies and not read the books makes you even less informed than if you had done neither, so shut up.
All we would like to ask is that you do not mock what you do not understand. If you have not read the books, it is really not that hard to pick one up and just start reading. Who knows? You might get hooked. Know what? Forget this politeness; no, all that has completely gone out the window. Shut up and leave us alone, or we will be forced to AK you in the back. If you do not know what that means, you really should not be reading this and you are much stupider than you look, which is saying something. Fin.
You like?
Because it pwns so bad, I'm public-posting it. Woot!
The Declaration of Potterist Independence
By Jamie and Amber
Declaration of Independence
We, the fans of a certain boy wizard by the name of Harry Potter, would like to express our complaints to a seemingly older and wiser generation of muggles who have yet to be captivated by the world of imagination to which Harry belongs. You tease and make fun of us, but you truly cannot know the magic that lies within the wizarding world until you read the books.
We believe that the way we are treated should be changed immediately. Many Harry Potter supporters (not fanatics) feel as though they are treated poorly. We comprise a significant portion of the population, and being made fun of just generally makes us feel sad. Having a portion of the population being all depressed is not pleasant for morale. Should things continue this way, our emotional state will go downhill and we will be forced to drag everyone along with us. That is not a threat, it is simply the truth. True, hardcore Harry Potter fanatics, on the other hand, are rarely treated poorly as few will endeavor to get near enough to speak to them.
The complaints we have to offer are frankly too long to list, so only a brief summary shall be provided:
• We are not too old for Harry Potter. This is a terrible way to make fun of us, because it only makes the speaker look stupid. Two Harry Potter enthusiasts were told that they were too old for Harry Potter by someone only a few years older than they were. The insult should have ended here, but the person talking was determined to prove his idiocy. He proceeded to tell the two that the Harry Potter books were too difficult for him to read. It is simply astounding that one could get to eighth grade and not be able to read as simple a book as Harry Potter. The Harry Potter books were written for children and adults alike. They were not targeted for a specific audience, and are neither age nor gender exclusive.
• We do not care if you think that Harry Potter sucks. We have heard those three words from countless amounts of people. Simply walking through school past a crowd of people who are well aware of the fact that you are fond of Harry Potter is enough to earn you the absolute pleasure of hearing “Harry Potter sucks!” at least once. What makes the day all the more enjoyable is if the Harry Potter devotee happens to have worn a Harry Potter shirt that day. In this case, the teasing and ridicule can be heard even if the person is not in the presence of those who have heard of their interest in the boy wizard.
• We do not think that Harry Potter is a real person. Completely and utterly random people have walked up to us and informed us that Harry Potter is “not real.” For some strange reason, many people are under the impression that Harry Potter is more than a fictional character. We are asked such questions as, “Do you want to marry Harry Potter?” and “If Harry Potter were real, would you go out with him?” First of all, Harry Potter is not real, and asking this question simply means that the speaker is more obsessed than they think we are, because they are creating their own hypothetical situations questioning whether or not Harry Potter does truly exist. Most of these questions are irrelevant and annoying and only make the speaker sound stupid.
• We do not think that Harry and Hermione should hook up! Under no circumstances do we promote incest. To believe such a thing would be DELUSIONAL, mainly because the hints were anvil-sized. We get asked numerous questions about whether or not Harry and Hermione should go out and whether or not we are angry with Hermione going out with Ron. While we do not promote incest, we also do not promote yucky-ness. We also do not endorse abusive relationships. Because Ron appears to be exhibiting “jealous and possessive behavior” we do not believe that things would work out between him and Hermione. While R/Hr is not as DELUSIONAL as H/Hr, we think it would be absolutely peachy is Hermione and Draco put all differences aside and just got married right then are there. That is because D/Hr pwns you all. This is a matter for another time, but the message is that we do not appreciate being bothered by your DELUSIONAL ideas that we, for some reason, support H/Hr.
• We do not know the outcome of future Harry Potter books. Although we would like to believe we possessed such talents as only the seemingly great Sybil Trelawney could ever attain, we do not know what is going to happen in the seventh book. We are constantly asked, “Is Harry Potter going to die in the next book?” or “Does Harry Potter believe in God?” The words, “I don’t know!” have been so overly abused in such situations that responding at all has become pointless and lost all appeal. JK Rowling is a mysterious lady and we like it that way, although we would like to hack into her brain and know what she is thinking at any random point in the day.
• We do, in fact, know more about Harry Potter than you do. As much as you would like to believe that you know more about a certain boy wizard than we do, we would like to bluntly inform you that you are and always will be completely incorrect in that assumption. We are all-knowing when it comes to Harry Potter trivia. Thinking that you know more than we do is simply a waste of our time, but we are forced to continue the conversation with you, because we would not want to send you away with a false sense of intelligence. Asking us questions, waiting for the answer, and telling us we are wrong is just as lame, and you should stop immediately. We would also like to inform the general public that Harry Potter is not 16 years old, he is 25. He was born July 31, 1980. Just because you have seen the movies once does not make you an expert. Having seen the movies and not read the books makes you even less informed than if you had done neither, so shut up.
All we would like to ask is that you do not mock what you do not understand. If you have not read the books, it is really not that hard to pick one up and just start reading. Who knows? You might get hooked. Know what? Forget this politeness; no, all that has completely gone out the window. Shut up and leave us alone, or we will be forced to AK you in the back. If you do not know what that means, you really should not be reading this and you are much stupider than you look, which is saying something. Fin.
You like?