Star Wars: There Is Another - Chapter One
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Dark thematic elements, language (in some chapters), reference to amputation (Luke's hand)
Chapter One: Nightmares
Author's Note: Any/all feedback is greatly appreciated!
Prologue | Chapter One (below cut) |
That boy is our only hope.
No. There is another…
--
The dreams were getting worse, more vivid, and more grotesque. Leia was at his side, again, clutching his good hand and muttering comfortingly, although she was half-asleep. He could feel her elevated pulse, and although his mind was racing with the wisps of the dreams still swirling around in his brain, he could hear himself tell her, “I’m fine, Leia. Please, go back to bed” until she finally gave in.
Leia quietly watched him as he readjusted himself, still muttering incoherently as he brought his right hand across his chest and attempted to fall back asleep. She had gotten used to the cycle by now, but his screams as he awoke would never stop startling her to her very core. Although Luke had not spoken much since she had rescued him from Cloud City, she knew that he had lost more than just his hand that day. She could just… feel it. As if everything within him had been readjusted, moved around by some outside force, and every day was more time for him to try and put himself back together.
In the meantime, he was uncharacteristically cold. He flinched when people touched him, and Leia remembered the piercing feeling she had experienced the one time he had managed to look her in the eye. She had demanded it of him, sternly ordered him to look at her, to tell her to her face how he was feeling. He had looked up, and that was all she had needed to know.
She sighed now, and ran her hands down her face. Luke was probably asleep again, but she wanted to stay awake a bit longer to be sure. She glanced outside her bedroom window and watched the darkness outside. The medical base had been their source of refuge all this time, but it was starting to feel like a prison. Although space was always moving around her, she felt stagnant. She had to be sturdy. She had to hold her place here, with Luke. But for now, she could look outside and think about what was to come: she hadn’t heard from Lando since he’d left, and Han…
“No,” she muttered angrily, “he’ll be all right. He has to be.”
She sighed again and watched as a shooting star darted across distant space and vanished.
Leia was determined not to get ahead of herself. She had to think about Luke first before she could even begin to start thinking about Han. Her hands shook every time she thought about him, about Darth Vader shoving him into the carbonite chamber, the fear behind his eyes as he told her, “I know.” But no, Luke was her first priority now. He had to be. She could not stop to think about anything else for too long.
She looked about her room: it was small and smelled like rust. It was full of Alliance communications, papers and letters that had been given to her, as well as some charts from the Falcon that she pored over in her spare time. The Alliance felt so distant now. They were as scattered as the maps and papers on her floor, and she had been too tired, too stressed to even try to pick them up again.
Luke screamed from his bed again, and Leia jumped up with a start. As she ran into his room, she noticed that he was clutching his new hand in his sleep. His tunic was drenched in sweat, and he was sobbing. Leia closed her eyes. It was time to handle things. She brought her hands down to her sides and flexed them three times. She raised her chin ever so slightly, and ran with purpose and confidence.
“Luke!” she said, calmly taking him again by the hand trying to wake him. “Luke! Luke! It’s okay, it’s all right. Wake up, it’s just a dream. Luke, Luke-”
“Degobah-Vader-I’ll never join-Leia, please…”
“Luke, it’s all right. You’re in the hospital, you’re safe. You’re going to be all right.”
“Leia! Please…” he was moaning in his sleep, whimpering and trembling. Leia could feel his fear flowing through her as she clutched his hand. The connection unnerved her, but she knew she could not let go. Images of Darth Vader shrouded in mist swam before her eyes, flashes of red and blue, and a razor pain through her right wrist…
The two of them screamed in agony and Leia let go of Luke’s hand. She fell to the floor and slid across its slick surface, clutching her own hand and gasping for breath. Luke awoke with a start, sweat spilling from his forehead.
“L-leia,” he panted. He swallowed dryly and leaned over to look at her as she curled up on the floor in phantom pain. “Leia, I-I’m so sorry.”
Leia said nothing. She took several deep breaths, still rubbing her wrist and shaking with fear that was not entirely hers. The more she rubbed her wrist, the more the pain began to dissipate, until the fear seemed to flow away from her and she was left with the awareness of the room around her, quiet, still, except for Luke and his nightmares.
“Luke,” she said, and rose cautiously to give him a hug. Luke welcomed her embrace, but as Leia held him close, she felt the anxiety seeping back into her body. As she broke apart, it vanished. She brought her hand to his face.
“Are you all right?” she asked, attempting to ignore the pricks of fear and pain that were flowing through her hand.
“No,” Luke said quietly. “No… something is wrong, Leia. I can’t sleep.”
“What is it? Maybe if you would tell me, it would make things easier for you.”
“I can’t,” he said, turning away from her. “I couldn’t do that to you.”
“I’m not asking you to; I’m telling you. Please, Luke. You need help. Something is wrong, more than just your hand. I-I can feel it.”
Luke looked at her, astonished. His grey-green eyes were lackluster, filled with fatigue, but Leia sensed the understanding within them. She forced eye contact. He had to understand.
“Ever since you-since we rescued you I have just felt…something. I can’t explain it, but something is changing, Luke, and I feel that I must know what it is…and that you already do.”
It was Luke’s turn to make her understand. He spoke slowly. Each word was vital.
“I was supposed to become a Jedi, like my father before me. I was being trained by a great master named Yoda. But I failed. I couldn’t stop Vader. And I couldn’t protect you and Han.”
Leia slowly rose from the floor and moved to stead herself at the edge of Luke’s bed.
“A Jedi?” she asked incredulously. Luke nodded, staring at the floor. “I thought that the Jedi religion had been destroyed in the Clone Wars.”
Luke could not speak.
“You’re the last one…” she said quietly. “I don’t believe it.”
“No, Leia,” Luke said. He was not entirely sure why he was saying it, but he knew within him that it was true, it was all true: “You are.”
Leia’s eyes widened. She stared at Luke, fear pulsing through her. It was impossible, yet somehow… he was right. She knew: she looked into Luke’s calm, knowing eyes and understood that he was right. And she knew he would say no more.
“No,” she said. “That’s impossible. I-” she laughed despite herself, and shook her head bitterly. “I-I know,” she said. “I don’t understand, but I know.”
“Then you understand why you must become who I can’t be, Leia.” Luke slid forward towards her, clenching his fists. “I failed. I couldn’t do it.” He realized as he spoke that he was crying. “I’ll never be a Jedi.”
He curled up into a fetal position, his hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his skin. Leia was too alarmed to react. She watched helplessly as he sobbed into his knees, pounding his fists on his bed in anguish.
“No,” she whispered. She had wanted to yell at him, to get him to stop crying, to stop telling her what she needed to hear, but she could not manage to open her mouth again. Luke’s sobs filled the hospital room, and his anguish hollowed within her.
At last, Luke exhausted himself and managed to curl up on his side. Leia stood up cautiously and began to back away. She wanted to run, but something held her back. She watched Luke drift back to sleep and as she finally managed to let herself return to bed, she heard him whisper, “There is another…”
“No,” she hissed again, clasping her hands against her face. She would not deal with this now. She shut the door and scrambled onto her bed, wrapping her arms around her knees. She looked out the window at the stars outside and listened and felt for Luke’s calmness as he eventually drifted off to sleep. She would ignore the fact that her heart was racing not out of fear but out of excitement, and think about her duties tomorrow.