(no subject)
Title: A Different Kind Of Loss
Fandom: SVU
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them
A/N: This is just my view on what would have happened if Olivia had been shot instead of Alex.
Normally her reaction time was quicker. But this time was different. Alex was with them. And for once, her first thought wasn’t safety. At least not her own. It was Alex’s. She’d remained upright just a second too long, turning on her heel to make sure Alex had dropped to the ground.
She could feel the blue eyes staring at her as Alex lay on her stomach, panting softly, eyes wide with fear. Time seemed to slow. She was sure she was just getting ready to drop to the ground when the bullet caught her in the shoulder.
Her body jerked backwards and she felt herself slam against the concrete.
The car passed by but all she could hear was the heavy beating of her heart.
Alex felt helpless as she watched her lover fall. She heard the scream rip from her throat before she could stop it. “OLIVIA!”
She pushed herself upright just enough to crawl on her hands and knees towards Olivia, the rest of the world a blur around her.
She swallowed hard, reaching out a shaky hand. The blood was warm, sticky against her fingers. She pressed her palm down over the wound, her other hand coming up to increase the pressure.
“Olivia.” She whispered, struggling to push the tears back.
Olivia saw her lips move. She knew she’d said her name. She’d watched those perfect lips form her name so many times before. She didn’t think she deserved a voice that sweet murmuring her name, but it had, on countless occasions. She swallowed hard, realizing that somewhere in the past-how long had it even been?- she’d started feeling numb. She was sure Alex’s hands were on her shoulder-soft, slender, gentle hands that had caressed her skin in the middle of the night-but she couldn’t feel them.
Alex saw the dark eyes clouding over, the life in them dimming as she watched helplessly and her hands pressed harder against the wound. This was all her fault. If she’d just given up the case, none of this would have happened.
She choked back the tears. “I’m so sorry, Liv.” She murmured.
Olivia really wished she could hear what Alex was saying. She wanted to tell her that it was okay, that she was okay. Because she was, in a way. Alex was okay and that was what really mattered to her. She felt her lips moving, trying to form the words to tell her, but she knew no sound was coming out. Still, she tried, using what little energy she had. She had to let Alex know it was going to be okay.
Alex swallowed hard. “Shh…Baby…” She leaned down closer, gazing into Olivia’s eyes. “Everything will be okay.”
The word slipped in through her clouded thoughts and Olivia tried to smile. Alex knew. It was going to be okay.
Alex could feel Elliot looking at her as she leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Olivia’s sweating forehead. Her lips lingered for a long moment before she pulled back and gazed into those eyes again. The eyes that were still rapidly dimming. The eyes she had gazed into so many times before, that she had seen such an incredible future in, a future she’d longed to be a part of.
The shrill blare of the sirens was the next thing to break through Olivia’s thoughts. She could hang on. She could do this. For Alex.
----
Olivia woke up in the hospital. The first thing she heard was the sound of the heart monitor, letting the world know that yes, she was alive.
The next thing she heard was Elliot’s voice. “Hey, partner.” And she knew then that something was wrong.
One person was allowed in the room. One. It should have been Alex. Even Elliot knew it should have been Alex.
At first, she was sure Alex had been killed, that the car had turned around, that Alex had been shot while trying to save her life. And for a split second, she hated herself for being the cause of her death.
But Elliot told her. He told her everything. Alex had been whisked away, smuggled into Witness Protection until they said so.
Olivia had no idea who ‘they’ were, but she did know that she hated them for taking away Alex without even letting her say goodbye.
----
The letter came a few days later:
Dear Olivia,
I wish I'd gotten to say goodbye. I'm not even supposed to be writing this letter. I had to make them promise me they'd keep me informed on your condition. But I had to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I'd just turned back when everyone told me to, when you told me to, none of this would have happened. It's my fault you were shot and now I can't even be there to take care of you, to help you heal. I know the team will give you all of their support and I know you're strong enough to get through it all. But I just wish I could be there instead of here, feeling so useless. I feel like that should have been me, lying there on the pavement. It was me they were after, me they were aiming for and it was you that they shot. It doesn't make any sense and it's not fair. I fought for fairness and justice and I found out that when it matters most, life is never fair. I can still feel your blood on my hands no matter how many times I wash them. I feel like Lady Macbeth. Take that as you will.
I don't know how long I'll be gone or if I'll ever be able to return. I just needed to tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you. I'm not going to ask you to wait for me because I want you to be happy, to find someone that brings that smile to your lips on a daily basis since I can't. I'll always love you, no matter where life takes us. Take care of my mother for me. She didn't take my leaving too well. I know she loves you and I know you'd been getting closer to her lately. You need a mother and she needs a daughter. Be strong together. I love you. So much.
Always,
Alex
Fandom: SVU
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them
A/N: This is just my view on what would have happened if Olivia had been shot instead of Alex.
Normally her reaction time was quicker. But this time was different. Alex was with them. And for once, her first thought wasn’t safety. At least not her own. It was Alex’s. She’d remained upright just a second too long, turning on her heel to make sure Alex had dropped to the ground.
She could feel the blue eyes staring at her as Alex lay on her stomach, panting softly, eyes wide with fear. Time seemed to slow. She was sure she was just getting ready to drop to the ground when the bullet caught her in the shoulder.
Her body jerked backwards and she felt herself slam against the concrete.
The car passed by but all she could hear was the heavy beating of her heart.
Alex felt helpless as she watched her lover fall. She heard the scream rip from her throat before she could stop it. “OLIVIA!”
She pushed herself upright just enough to crawl on her hands and knees towards Olivia, the rest of the world a blur around her.
She swallowed hard, reaching out a shaky hand. The blood was warm, sticky against her fingers. She pressed her palm down over the wound, her other hand coming up to increase the pressure.
“Olivia.” She whispered, struggling to push the tears back.
Olivia saw her lips move. She knew she’d said her name. She’d watched those perfect lips form her name so many times before. She didn’t think she deserved a voice that sweet murmuring her name, but it had, on countless occasions. She swallowed hard, realizing that somewhere in the past-how long had it even been?- she’d started feeling numb. She was sure Alex’s hands were on her shoulder-soft, slender, gentle hands that had caressed her skin in the middle of the night-but she couldn’t feel them.
Alex saw the dark eyes clouding over, the life in them dimming as she watched helplessly and her hands pressed harder against the wound. This was all her fault. If she’d just given up the case, none of this would have happened.
She choked back the tears. “I’m so sorry, Liv.” She murmured.
Olivia really wished she could hear what Alex was saying. She wanted to tell her that it was okay, that she was okay. Because she was, in a way. Alex was okay and that was what really mattered to her. She felt her lips moving, trying to form the words to tell her, but she knew no sound was coming out. Still, she tried, using what little energy she had. She had to let Alex know it was going to be okay.
Alex swallowed hard. “Shh…Baby…” She leaned down closer, gazing into Olivia’s eyes. “Everything will be okay.”
The word slipped in through her clouded thoughts and Olivia tried to smile. Alex knew. It was going to be okay.
Alex could feel Elliot looking at her as she leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Olivia’s sweating forehead. Her lips lingered for a long moment before she pulled back and gazed into those eyes again. The eyes that were still rapidly dimming. The eyes she had gazed into so many times before, that she had seen such an incredible future in, a future she’d longed to be a part of.
The shrill blare of the sirens was the next thing to break through Olivia’s thoughts. She could hang on. She could do this. For Alex.
----
Olivia woke up in the hospital. The first thing she heard was the sound of the heart monitor, letting the world know that yes, she was alive.
The next thing she heard was Elliot’s voice. “Hey, partner.” And she knew then that something was wrong.
One person was allowed in the room. One. It should have been Alex. Even Elliot knew it should have been Alex.
At first, she was sure Alex had been killed, that the car had turned around, that Alex had been shot while trying to save her life. And for a split second, she hated herself for being the cause of her death.
But Elliot told her. He told her everything. Alex had been whisked away, smuggled into Witness Protection until they said so.
Olivia had no idea who ‘they’ were, but she did know that she hated them for taking away Alex without even letting her say goodbye.
----
The letter came a few days later:
Dear Olivia,
I wish I'd gotten to say goodbye. I'm not even supposed to be writing this letter. I had to make them promise me they'd keep me informed on your condition. But I had to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I'd just turned back when everyone told me to, when you told me to, none of this would have happened. It's my fault you were shot and now I can't even be there to take care of you, to help you heal. I know the team will give you all of their support and I know you're strong enough to get through it all. But I just wish I could be there instead of here, feeling so useless. I feel like that should have been me, lying there on the pavement. It was me they were after, me they were aiming for and it was you that they shot. It doesn't make any sense and it's not fair. I fought for fairness and justice and I found out that when it matters most, life is never fair. I can still feel your blood on my hands no matter how many times I wash them. I feel like Lady Macbeth. Take that as you will.
I don't know how long I'll be gone or if I'll ever be able to return. I just needed to tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you. I'm not going to ask you to wait for me because I want you to be happy, to find someone that brings that smile to your lips on a daily basis since I can't. I'll always love you, no matter where life takes us. Take care of my mother for me. She didn't take my leaving too well. I know she loves you and I know you'd been getting closer to her lately. You need a mother and she needs a daughter. Be strong together. I love you. So much.
Always,
Alex