Taken from Anson
I somehow doubt Theodore Geisel came up with this himself-- although if he had, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street would be a more interesting read. To say nothing of Hop on Pop....
The Dr. Seuss Purity Test
Have you done it on a boat? No.
Have you done it with a goat? Not as of the moment.
Have you done it in a bed? Many times.
Have you done it with the dead? Regardless of the stories you might hear in the Boston coroner's office... no.
Have you done it in the ass? *brow arch* What do you think?
Have you done it, high on grass? That would be illegal.
Have you done it in the car? Always a tricky manuever, that. Especially in cars with manual transmission.
Have you simply gone too far? Of course not.
Have you done it on the beach? Yes, and I don't advise it.
Have you done it with the teach? Yes, and I do advise that.
Have you done it on your back? Yes.
Have you done it strapped to a rack? Oh please. "Racks" are so fifteenth-century.
Have you done it in a box? No, although I have done it with a few squares.
Have you done it with a fox? See 'goat.'
Have you done it in a tree? No. That sounds uncomfortable. And somewhat risky.
Have you done it with more than three? Yes.
Have you done it in the rain? No.
Have you done it for the pain? For the pain? No.
Have you done it 'tween the tits? Of course not. What sort of degenerate do you take me for?
Have you done it wearing mitts? Gloves, yes. I don't wear mittens.
Have you done it packed in rubber? I'd want a definition of 'packed' before I answer that, but... yes, I think.
Have you done it undercover? *starts laughing* Yes.
Have you done it on a perch? Do I look like a bird?
Have you done it in a church? Yes. Just racking up the sins, I am.
Have you done it with a virgin? Yes, though as a general rule I don't care to.
Have you done it with a surgeon? Oh yes.
Have you done it with ropes and chains? Yes.
Have you done it while insane? I quibble over that word as applied to myself.
Have you done it on the stage? Backstage, yes. Onstage, the closest has been kisses.
Have you done it underage? Yesss.
Have you done it with all your friends? Certainly not. Some of my friends are women.
Have you done it in both ends? "Both"? What a limited quiz this is.
Have you done it with your dog? I don't own a dog.
Have you done it on a log? Didn't they already ask about trees?
Have you done it under clamps? Mmm. Yes.
Have you done it with the lamps? ....I'm not sure I'm familiar with this one.
Have you done it for all to see? If by 'all' you mean a decently large group, then yes.
Have you ever had VD? That's what condoms are for, children.
Have you done it on Mother's couch? There is no way I would ever have graced that paisley monstrosity with my naked form.
Have you done it in your mouth? *sigh* Of course.
Have you done it while on tape? Yes.
Have you done it out of shape? No.
Have you done it on live TV? No.
Have you done it whilst you pee? No.
Have you done it in the gym? God bless the YMCA.
Have you done it on a whim? Yes.
Have you done it on a dare? Yes.
Do you really think we care? Logic would say that you wouldn't be asking otherwise.
The Dr. Seuss Purity Test
Have you done it on a boat? No.
Have you done it with a goat? Not as of the moment.
Have you done it in a bed? Many times.
Have you done it with the dead? Regardless of the stories you might hear in the Boston coroner's office... no.
Have you done it in the ass? *brow arch* What do you think?
Have you done it, high on grass? That would be illegal.
Have you done it in the car? Always a tricky manuever, that. Especially in cars with manual transmission.
Have you simply gone too far? Of course not.
Have you done it on the beach? Yes, and I don't advise it.
Have you done it with the teach? Yes, and I do advise that.
Have you done it on your back? Yes.
Have you done it strapped to a rack? Oh please. "Racks" are so fifteenth-century.
Have you done it in a box? No, although I have done it with a few squares.
Have you done it with a fox? See 'goat.'
Have you done it in a tree? No. That sounds uncomfortable. And somewhat risky.
Have you done it with more than three? Yes.
Have you done it in the rain? No.
Have you done it for the pain? For the pain? No.
Have you done it 'tween the tits? Of course not. What sort of degenerate do you take me for?
Have you done it wearing mitts? Gloves, yes. I don't wear mittens.
Have you done it packed in rubber? I'd want a definition of 'packed' before I answer that, but... yes, I think.
Have you done it undercover? *starts laughing* Yes.
Have you done it on a perch? Do I look like a bird?
Have you done it in a church? Yes. Just racking up the sins, I am.
Have you done it with a virgin? Yes, though as a general rule I don't care to.
Have you done it with a surgeon? Oh yes.
Have you done it with ropes and chains? Yes.
Have you done it while insane? I quibble over that word as applied to myself.
Have you done it on the stage? Backstage, yes. Onstage, the closest has been kisses.
Have you done it underage? Yesss.
Have you done it with all your friends? Certainly not. Some of my friends are women.
Have you done it in both ends? "Both"? What a limited quiz this is.
Have you done it with your dog? I don't own a dog.
Have you done it on a log? Didn't they already ask about trees?
Have you done it under clamps? Mmm. Yes.
Have you done it with the lamps? ....I'm not sure I'm familiar with this one.
Have you done it for all to see? If by 'all' you mean a decently large group, then yes.
Have you ever had VD? That's what condoms are for, children.
Have you done it on Mother's couch? There is no way I would ever have graced that paisley monstrosity with my naked form.
Have you done it in your mouth? *sigh* Of course.
Have you done it while on tape? Yes.
Have you done it out of shape? No.
Have you done it on live TV? No.
Have you done it whilst you pee? No.
Have you done it in the gym? God bless the YMCA.
Have you done it on a whim? Yes.
Have you done it on a dare? Yes.
Do you really think we care? Logic would say that you wouldn't be asking otherwise.