Comments | smilegirl1416: Help!

smilegirl1416

Help!

May 04, 2006 19:27

Okay, so for creative writing we had to write a 5 page screen play. I think mine is six. We need to have it edited for tomorrow, except I don't know what to change. So I am going to post it on here and please please please please please edit it. It doesn't need to be perfect, but anything that sounds weird or any pieces you think don't fit, let ( Read more... )

Comments 6

bustercloud288 May 5 2006, 00:47:41 UTC

I would add a set up of time, place, and character descriptions in a paragraph before the play actually begins and I would use stage directions. Other than that, the play is very well written.

allies_kaput May 5 2006, 01:18:13 UTC

we're not allowed to use much stage directions, it has to be dialogue driven. Lame huh?

bustercloud288 May 5 2006, 02:24:02 UTC

that is like... what is the point of a script without stage directions?

jjj anonymous May 5 2006, 01:39:46 UTC

Elsie: AHHHHHH! You’re fifteen minutes late ( ... )

Re: jjj anonymous May 5 2006, 01:40:51 UTC

Elsie: That’s not just it. We can’t keep forgetting about our problems. There is something seriously wrong here. I think we are heading in two different directions here. I want to better my career and lifestyle. I have goals. I can’t keep living in fantasyland always dreaming but never doing ( ... )

Re: jjj anonymous May 5 2006, 01:41:05 UTC

Jeff: There was one thing you got wrong. I do have goals, and dreams. I was hoping to make tonight very special. So uhh, take this. It was meant for you anyway. I know you just broke up with me, but after getting the promotion tonight, I was going to propose. My dream, and the only one that really mattered, was to have someone like you in my life forever.

Elsie: I can’t take this.

Jeff: Yes, you can. I bought it for you, it was meant for you and if you change your mind, you’ll have it already. All right, I am going to go now. Think about it, please.

Elsie: I will.

Jeff: Oh, one more thing. Down.

Elsie: What?

Jeff: Your hair, down. You look like a different woman with your hair down, there’s no way they could see you like that, and not give you the promotion.

Elsie: Jeff, wait!

Jeff: Hmm?

Elsie: Thank you. I was stupid. Please forgive me. I love you.

Jeff: Is that a yes?

Elsie: That’s a yes.

Jeff: Come on, we are late for your dinner.

A little trite there at the end, but I guess the actors have to make that scene.