It Came About So Suddenly
It Came About So Suddenly
Yunho/Jaejoong; some Yunho-focus.
PG-13
Angst, Fluff, AU.
3,214 words.
You’re everything to me, and even if I have to give up all I have, I’ll do it, if only to be with you just a little while longer.
Dong Bang Shin Ki! Dong Bang Shin Ki!
They bow, and the cheers grow impossibly louder.
Dong Bang Shin Ki yongwonhi! Dong Bang Shin Ki yongwonhi!
Yunho hears Jaejoong murmur into his microphone, voice husky, “Thank you, all of you, for being with us so long. Saranghae, Cassiopeia!”
-----
Backstage, Yunho searches for Jaejoong and finally finds him in the bathroom, coughing into a tissue as he’s holding onto a sink.
Biting his bottom lip, he walks over and asks softly, “Are you sure you’re all right?”
Jaejoong straightens, and wiping his mouth quickly, replies, “Yes. It was just another coughing fit.” He looks away, but not before Yunho sees the slight tinge of blood on his lips.
He sighs and pretends not to notice. “Let’s go then,” he says with forced cheerfulness and a fake smile. “Everyone’s waiting to go home.”
Jaejoong nods slightly, and Yunho takes his hand, not seeing the depressed expression on his face.
-----
Months after Dong Bang Shin Ki disbands, their performances, songs, music videos, are still playing in Korea.
“Were we really that popular?” Yoochun wonders as Hug’s music video plays in a Dong Bang Shin Ki special on TV. He’s lounging on the sofa, relaxing.
“I guess so,” Junsu replies as he’s staring at the him in 2004 with a mixture of dislike and horror. “I never realized how horrible my hair was back then,” he mutters.
Yunho laughs. “I thought it fit your ‘cute’ image very well, Junsu-yah,” he teases. He watches in amusement as Junsu blushes and mumbles things under his breath, things like “chubby cheeks” and “crooked teeth.”
“Yeah, I did have rather chubby cheeks back then, didn’t I?” he muses.
“You were adorable with them!” Jaejoong exclaims, making them chuckle. He continues to ramble on, saying, “The cheeks made you look like a cute teddy bear! It was so cute; I think it was a pity you lost them. And your crooked teeth, now, that was-.” His voice broke off.
Yunho watches in shock as Jaejoong’s hands go up to cover his mouth as he begins to cough forcefully. He rushes over to where Jaejoong sits, back bent as he’s hacking into his tissue.
“No,” Jaejoong gasps. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Yunho asks, unsure what to do as he’s shuddering in such a horrible way.
“Don’t,” he tries to say, “touch me.”
“Why?” Yunho asks, stunned.
“Because,” Jaejoong gasps out as his lungs fight for air, “there’s nothing you can do. It’ll pass in a while. Just go and do whatever you have to do.”
Yunho’s hands clench into fists. There’s nothing he hated more than to be told to leave someone alone when it’s so obvious he needs help. “No,” he says harshly. “I’ll stay right here.” He glances at the others who are standing there, looking shocked. “Get some water,” he commands them, not directing the command to any particular person.
As they each go get something, Yunho rubs Jaejoong’s back, futilely trying to ease the pain of the fit. After a while, Jaejoong’s body stops shaking, and he stops coughing, finally able to breathe again. Yunho lifts a glass of water to his lips, whispering, “Drink. It’ll help soothe your throat.”
Jaejoong gulps down the entire glass, saying with a hoarse voice, “Thanks.”
Yunho shakes his head wordlessly, barely managing to say, “No problem.”
“Where are the others?” It’s obvious that Jaejoong is making a huge effort to talk.
“Inside their rooms. You scared them away,” Yunho laughs a bit hysterically.
They sit there for a while longer, when Yunho abruptly says, “You’re seeing a doctor as soon as I can make an appointment.”
Jaejoong sighs. “Fine.”
Yunho whispers as he’s helping Jaejoong up, “You’re finally giving in to seeing a doctor? I thought you didn’t want to go.”
“I didn’t.” Jaejoong smiles wearily. “But this time, it was a lot more intense than before. I think I should go check it out before it gets any worse.”
Yunho exhales in relief, and he kisses Jaejoong, ignoring the slight metallic taste to his lips. “Thank god.”
-----
“How’s Jaejoong-hyung?” Junsu’s hesitant voice breaks into Yunho thoughts.
He sighs and smiles a bit bitterly. “He’s okay, I guess. He’s been better.”
“I thought he got better,” Junsu whispers. “He hasn’t been coughing as much before, when we were preparing for our last concert.”
“That was him hiding it from you guys.” Yunho finally looks up into Junsu’s anxious eyes. “He didn’t want you worrying about him.”
“But we’re friends!” Junsu cries, agitated. “We’re supposed to worry about him!”
“I would think we’re closer than that, hyung.” Changmin’s dry voice comes from the doorway. “More like family.”
“I know, I know,” Yunho says, resigned. “But if he really doesn’t want you guys knowing, I can’t exactly say ‘no’, now, can I?”
Silence falls over them, until Changmin breaks it, quietly asking, “You’ll keep us informed, right? Even if Jaejoong-hyung tells you not to?”
“Of course. Like you said, we’re family, and family has the right to know.” Yunho says softly.
-----
He sits by quietly as the doctor examines Jaejoong’s throat, occasionally peering inside and pressing places on his throat. It’s been a week since he last coughed, but Jaejoong’s voice has been getting scratchier lately.
The doctor shakes his head, and says, “I’m not quite sure what is it you have, Kim-shii. We might need an X-ray test to really find out.”
“Is… that a bad thing?” he asks, afraid.
The doctor looks at him, shrugging. “I don’t know, Jung-shii. It may be a good or bad thing, depending on what happens.” He turns to talk to Jaejoong. “We can have the test now, if you would like. It’s not going to take long, only around fifteen minutes.”
Jaejoong glances at him before nodding, openly apprehensive.
“Then would you please follow me? Jung-shii, I’m afraid you’re going to have to stay here. We’ll be out shortly.” The doctor shows the way to Jaejoong, and they exit, leaving Yunho alone.
-----
Throat tumor.
He laughs weakly. “You’re kidding, right?” He grabs hold of the table in front of him, trying to steady himself.
The doctor shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Jung-shii. But I’m not,” he says regretfully.
“Does Jaejoong know yet?”
“No. I thought it would be best for you to tell him yourself.”
-----
He fumbles his way out of the doctor’s room, dizzy. The doctor must be lying to him; there’s no way Jaejoong would ever get a throat tumor.
“Yunho?” He hears Jaejoong’s soft voice in front of him.
He blinks and sees Jaejoong’s face looking uncertain. “Are you okay?” Jaejoong asks.
He laughs feebly. “As okay as I’ll ever be.”
“So…” Jaejoong draws out that word. “What did he say?”
He doesn’t want to be the one telling this to him. He really doesn’t.
“Throat tumor,” he hears himself say. “The doctor said you’re going to need surgery fast, before it spreads.”
Through the haze in his mind, Yunho hears Jaejoong’s laugh, the laugh that had always delighted him.
“What a joke, Yunho-yah. It was a good one, though.” He sees Jaejoong smiling at him. “Now what did the doctor really say?”
He continues to gaze at him, not smiling, and Jaejoong’s smile finally slips off his face, leaving behind only panic.
“You’re… serious?”
He nods, and he says, hesitantly, “He also said that after the surgery, your voice will be changed. It’ll never be the same again. You… won’t be able to sing, ever again.”
Jaejoong’s eyes grow wide, and he starts to shake. “No…” he whispers. “Not my voice. Anything but my voice.”
He grasps Jaejoong’s shoulders, afraid of the mixture of horror and disbelief and hysteria on his face.
“Jaejoong?” he calls, alarmed. Jaejoong’s attention seems to be on something in side his mind, something Yunho couldn’t guess at.
Jaejoong snaps back to reality, and he looks at Yunho’s face, eyes wild. “I’m not giving up my voice. Dong Bang Shin Ki may have disbanded, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving singing.”
“But you have to!” Yunho shakes Jaejoong slightly. “If you don’t, then the cancerous cells will spread to the rest of your body, and you might die.”
Jaejoong laughs uncontrollably. “So? I rather die with my voice than live without it.”
Yunho falls silent. “Then what about me?” he whispers brokenly. “Would you give me up?”
Jaejoong’s eyes fill with tears as he hears the pain in Yunho’s voice. “Why must you make me choose?” he asks, agonized.
His hands drop from Jaejoong’s shoulders, and he turns away, refusing to look at him. “You still have around two weeks to choose,” he says, forcing a smile onto his face. “Until then, the doctor said to talk less.”
“Come on, let’s go home.”
-----
A book thumps onto the table. “Here,” Changmin says brusquely. “Read it.”
“What is it?” Yunho asks, rubbing his eyes tiredly.
“Look at the cover.”
He glances at the title. “A book on tumors?” he asks incredulously. “You want me to read something like this?”
“It’s up to you really,” Changmin says. “I just thought you might want to know more about tumors since it concerns Jaejoong-hyung.”
Yunho couldn’t think of anything to say. “Thank you,” he finally manages, full of gratitude.
“Sure, anytime. And stop giving me that puppy dog look, it’s creeping me out,” Changmin says, rolling his eyes as he leaves.
-----
“Hey there, Jaejoong-ah. You’re going to get a cold from sitting out here without a jacket,” Yunho says softly as he steps onto the balcony of their apartment.
Jaejoong looks over his shoulder and smiles, looking completely content. “It’s fine, actually. It isn’t that cold.” He pats the place next to him, silently asking Yunho to join him.
Easing down next to him, Yunho asks, “What are you doing out here? I thought you would be sleeping.”
“I’m waiting for the sunrise,” Jaejoong murmurs. “It’s been quite a long time since I’ve seen one.”
“But we still have hours to go before the sun actually rises!” Yunho exclaims. “Why don’t you just sleep and wake up early?”
“It won’t be the same then, now, would it?” Jaejoong closes his eyes and tilts back his head to lean against the wall.
He laughs through his nose, completely used to Jaejoong’s eccentric thoughts. “I guess not,” he admits. “All the same, I think I might as well join you.”
Jaejoong flashes a quick smile as he places his head onto Yunho’s shoulder. “You’re really warm,” he murmurs.
“Then come closer,” Yunho invites, arms opening. Jaejoong settles into Yunho’s arms, shifting until he finds a comfortable place.
Hours pass while they talk of random topics, everything except the subject they have been avoiding for the past one and a half weeks. Jaejoong ends up falling asleep, to Yunho’s amusement, and Yunho simply sits there, fingers running through Jaejoong’s hair, or trailing over his features.
The sun finally lights up the sky with all its shades of red, pink, purple, and orange, and Yunho wakes Jaejoong with a gentle kiss. “It’s time,” he says simply.
They’re silent as they look on, quietly appreciating the colors mixing together to form beautiful hues. Yunho, in particular, loves the way Jaejoong’s skin glows in the sunlight.
Jaejoong, not noticing Yunho staring at him, says softly, “I finally decided.”
Not needing him to elaborate, Yunho slightly stiffens. “Which one did you choose?” he asks.
“I’ve been thinking of it constantly over these past days. I’ve thought of everything, from what I would miss to what I wouldn’t miss.” He sounds far away, lost in his thoughts.
“I realized two things after thinking so long. If I decide to have the surgery, I wouldn’t be able to sing, but at least I wouldn’t have to be afraid of dying early, right?” Jaejoong smiles up at Yunho. “But if I don’t get the surgery, I’ll still be able to sing, at the expense of knowing that I’ll leave you earlier than I might want.
“I was torn in half for the past week. Part of me was screaming for me to save my voice, but the other part was quietly asking, ‘Do you really want to leave Yunho?’ It all came down to that.” Jaejoong’s fingers has been idly playing with Yunho’s shirt, and now they tighten, showing his rising agitation.
Yunho couldn’t speak, the only thing he could do is listen, listen to everything Jaejoong has to say.
“I finally chose to not leave you. It was a hard decision, and I think part of me will always not like it, but… I think it’ll be a very small part of me.” Jaejoong’s eyes, as they finally look up at Yunho, are filled with tears. He smiles tremulously.
“Are you sure?” Yunho whispers.
“I’m very sure. I don’t know how death feels like, but I’m pretty certain that it won’t feel good without you.”
Yunho feels his eyes slowly fill with tears, and he whispers, voice hoarse, “Oh, Jaejoong.”
“Don’t ‘Oh, Jaejoong’ me. Just say you love me, and I’ll be happy.” Jaejoong’s eyes, through their tears, smile at him.
“I love you,” Yunho murmurs. “More than you’ll ever know.”
-----
He’s thrusting gently inside him, when he finally realizes that he’ll never hear Jaejoong’s voice the same way ever again. It’ll be different. He’ll never sing Dong Bang Shin Ki’s songs the same way he did when they first recorded it.
“Louder,” Yunho almost sobs. “Louder, Jaejoong-ah!” He thrusts harder and faster, almost making Jaejoong scream at the pleasure flooding him.
“I can’t,” Jaejoong gasps. “I shouldn’t strain my throat remember?”
“But I need to hear you,” he pants. “This will be the last time I’ll hear you like this.” His fingers move to tweak Jaejoong’s nipples, making Jaejoong writhe underneath him.
Jaejoong moans louder as Yunho continues to thrust inside him. Both of them eventually come, and when Yunho collapses on top of him, he wraps his arm around him. “I may sound different, Yunho-yah, but it’ll always be the same person,” he says gently.
Yunho nods, and tears he didn’t know were in his eyes fall onto the pillow, leaving splotches of dampness.
-----
“Hyung.”
Jaejoong turns at someone calling him, and he smiles. “Yes?”
Yoochun’s leaning against the kitchen counter when Jaejoong’s preparing breakfast. “Sing,” he says.
“Sing what?” Jaejoong asks, surprised at the sudden request.
“Anything. Just sing something before you have to leave for surgery.”
“…Well then. You have to sing with me, if I sing.” Jaejoong says softly.
“I’ll definitely sing,” Yoochun chuckles. “Why don’t we get everyone else before you start?”
Jaejoong laughs and nods, and Yoochun quickly leaves to find the rest of them. He stares down at his fingers as soon as he’s alone, knowing this will be the last time he’ll be able to sing with everyone and make the same sort of harmony they’ve always been able to do. He’s really going to miss it.
The lyrics to Your Love Is All I Need play through his head, suddenly seeming so true.
He starts to sing, knowing that as soon as the rest of them hear, they’ll chime in. Your love is all I need, because of you, I’m able to fight against pain. Baby, I’m not afraid of what will come tomorrow, if we’re together. Always believe in me.
Yoochun’s voice suddenly becomes apparent as he sings his verse, Because we’re together.
During each repetitive day, you’re the sun that revolves around me, Yunho sings, his voice enormously improved from when their second album had first come out.
I hope all of my dreams do not change tomorrow, including your feelings. Changmin’s voice, always apparent when he sings, is noticeably softer, gentler than usual.
The feeling of love, I wasn’t sure of it at first, so I didn’t trust it. Junsu, like usual, sings impeccably, even when his eyes threaten to tear.
Their voices come together for the chorus. Your love is all I need, because of you, I’m able to fight against pain. Baby, I’m not afraid of what will come tomorrow, if we’re together. Always believe in me.
-----
“Why is it taking so long?” Yunho complains outside the surgery room. “It’s been almost three hours!”
“Calm down, hyung,” Changmin says. “Surgeries are always long. It’s not like you’ve never had one,” he dryly comments.
He turns to glare at him. “I know that. It just seems longer than usual, that’s all.”
“I’m going to go get something to drink,” Yoochun says as he stands up to stretch. “Anyone want anything?”
“Hm… some juice?” Junsu asks.
“Coffee, please,” Changmin requests.
“Coffee, juice… anything for you, hyung?” Yoochun asks.
Yunho shakes his head wordlessly. He’s staring at the lit up sign near the top of the doors, wondering when it’ll ever turn off.
“Suit yourself,” Yoochun shrugs.
-----
The lights finally turn off, and after an exhausting five hour wait outside the surgery room, Yunho is anxious to see Jaejoong. The doors open, and nurses wheel the bed out to the open.
“Did the surgery go well?” Yunho blurts out to the first doctor he sees.
“Yes,” the doctor replies, pulling off his mask. Sighs are heard around the room, and he smiles slightly at the relief emanating from them. “I heard he used to be a well-known singer?”
Yunho’s mouth quirks slightly upward. “Yes,” he says softly. “He was.”
“Then I regret we had to perform this surgery on him. I’m sure he had a beautiful voice.”
He chuckles, and says, “He did. If you have a daughter, ask her about Youngwoong Jaejoong. I’m pretty sure she has heard of him.”
“He was Youngwoong Jaejoong?” the doctor asks in surprise. “Then… you guys must be Dong Bang Shin Ki!”
“We are.”
The doctor, for the first time, really looks at them. They look tired, exhausted, everything a person looks like after waiting for five hours for someone to come out of surgery, but he sees that confidence, that slight aura of someone who has known bigger things around them.
He sighs. “I’m sure all of you are anxious to see him. He’s put in room 751. The anesthesia should fade away in around half an hour.”
-----
Yunho’s holding onto Jaejoong’s hand as his eyes slowly start to flutter open. “Hey there,” he says softly. “How are you feeling?”
Before he answers, Jaejoong’s other hand pat his throat, feeling for the bandage. Finding it, his jaw clenches for a moment, and his eyes squeeze shut. He exhales, and he whispers, “Okay.”
Yunho’s hand unconsciously squeezes Jaejoong’s hand harder. His voice sounds harsher, deeper; completely different from the lyrical sound he used to have.
“That’s great,” Yunho manages to say, blinking back tears. “Everyone else is anxious to see you too, so I’ll let them talk to you.” He moves slightly to the left, giving room to the other three so they’ll be able to see Jaejoong.
Jaejoong’s eyes soften, and as he entangles his fingers with Yunho’s, he says, louder, to Changmin, Yoochun, Junsu, “Hello there.”
Yunho/Jaejoong; some Yunho-focus.
PG-13
Angst, Fluff, AU.
3,214 words.
You’re everything to me, and even if I have to give up all I have, I’ll do it, if only to be with you just a little while longer.
Dong Bang Shin Ki! Dong Bang Shin Ki!
They bow, and the cheers grow impossibly louder.
Dong Bang Shin Ki yongwonhi! Dong Bang Shin Ki yongwonhi!
Yunho hears Jaejoong murmur into his microphone, voice husky, “Thank you, all of you, for being with us so long. Saranghae, Cassiopeia!”
-----
Backstage, Yunho searches for Jaejoong and finally finds him in the bathroom, coughing into a tissue as he’s holding onto a sink.
Biting his bottom lip, he walks over and asks softly, “Are you sure you’re all right?”
Jaejoong straightens, and wiping his mouth quickly, replies, “Yes. It was just another coughing fit.” He looks away, but not before Yunho sees the slight tinge of blood on his lips.
He sighs and pretends not to notice. “Let’s go then,” he says with forced cheerfulness and a fake smile. “Everyone’s waiting to go home.”
Jaejoong nods slightly, and Yunho takes his hand, not seeing the depressed expression on his face.
-----
Months after Dong Bang Shin Ki disbands, their performances, songs, music videos, are still playing in Korea.
“Were we really that popular?” Yoochun wonders as Hug’s music video plays in a Dong Bang Shin Ki special on TV. He’s lounging on the sofa, relaxing.
“I guess so,” Junsu replies as he’s staring at the him in 2004 with a mixture of dislike and horror. “I never realized how horrible my hair was back then,” he mutters.
Yunho laughs. “I thought it fit your ‘cute’ image very well, Junsu-yah,” he teases. He watches in amusement as Junsu blushes and mumbles things under his breath, things like “chubby cheeks” and “crooked teeth.”
“Yeah, I did have rather chubby cheeks back then, didn’t I?” he muses.
“You were adorable with them!” Jaejoong exclaims, making them chuckle. He continues to ramble on, saying, “The cheeks made you look like a cute teddy bear! It was so cute; I think it was a pity you lost them. And your crooked teeth, now, that was-.” His voice broke off.
Yunho watches in shock as Jaejoong’s hands go up to cover his mouth as he begins to cough forcefully. He rushes over to where Jaejoong sits, back bent as he’s hacking into his tissue.
“No,” Jaejoong gasps. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Yunho asks, unsure what to do as he’s shuddering in such a horrible way.
“Don’t,” he tries to say, “touch me.”
“Why?” Yunho asks, stunned.
“Because,” Jaejoong gasps out as his lungs fight for air, “there’s nothing you can do. It’ll pass in a while. Just go and do whatever you have to do.”
Yunho’s hands clench into fists. There’s nothing he hated more than to be told to leave someone alone when it’s so obvious he needs help. “No,” he says harshly. “I’ll stay right here.” He glances at the others who are standing there, looking shocked. “Get some water,” he commands them, not directing the command to any particular person.
As they each go get something, Yunho rubs Jaejoong’s back, futilely trying to ease the pain of the fit. After a while, Jaejoong’s body stops shaking, and he stops coughing, finally able to breathe again. Yunho lifts a glass of water to his lips, whispering, “Drink. It’ll help soothe your throat.”
Jaejoong gulps down the entire glass, saying with a hoarse voice, “Thanks.”
Yunho shakes his head wordlessly, barely managing to say, “No problem.”
“Where are the others?” It’s obvious that Jaejoong is making a huge effort to talk.
“Inside their rooms. You scared them away,” Yunho laughs a bit hysterically.
They sit there for a while longer, when Yunho abruptly says, “You’re seeing a doctor as soon as I can make an appointment.”
Jaejoong sighs. “Fine.”
Yunho whispers as he’s helping Jaejoong up, “You’re finally giving in to seeing a doctor? I thought you didn’t want to go.”
“I didn’t.” Jaejoong smiles wearily. “But this time, it was a lot more intense than before. I think I should go check it out before it gets any worse.”
Yunho exhales in relief, and he kisses Jaejoong, ignoring the slight metallic taste to his lips. “Thank god.”
-----
“How’s Jaejoong-hyung?” Junsu’s hesitant voice breaks into Yunho thoughts.
He sighs and smiles a bit bitterly. “He’s okay, I guess. He’s been better.”
“I thought he got better,” Junsu whispers. “He hasn’t been coughing as much before, when we were preparing for our last concert.”
“That was him hiding it from you guys.” Yunho finally looks up into Junsu’s anxious eyes. “He didn’t want you worrying about him.”
“But we’re friends!” Junsu cries, agitated. “We’re supposed to worry about him!”
“I would think we’re closer than that, hyung.” Changmin’s dry voice comes from the doorway. “More like family.”
“I know, I know,” Yunho says, resigned. “But if he really doesn’t want you guys knowing, I can’t exactly say ‘no’, now, can I?”
Silence falls over them, until Changmin breaks it, quietly asking, “You’ll keep us informed, right? Even if Jaejoong-hyung tells you not to?”
“Of course. Like you said, we’re family, and family has the right to know.” Yunho says softly.
-----
He sits by quietly as the doctor examines Jaejoong’s throat, occasionally peering inside and pressing places on his throat. It’s been a week since he last coughed, but Jaejoong’s voice has been getting scratchier lately.
The doctor shakes his head, and says, “I’m not quite sure what is it you have, Kim-shii. We might need an X-ray test to really find out.”
“Is… that a bad thing?” he asks, afraid.
The doctor looks at him, shrugging. “I don’t know, Jung-shii. It may be a good or bad thing, depending on what happens.” He turns to talk to Jaejoong. “We can have the test now, if you would like. It’s not going to take long, only around fifteen minutes.”
Jaejoong glances at him before nodding, openly apprehensive.
“Then would you please follow me? Jung-shii, I’m afraid you’re going to have to stay here. We’ll be out shortly.” The doctor shows the way to Jaejoong, and they exit, leaving Yunho alone.
-----
Throat tumor.
He laughs weakly. “You’re kidding, right?” He grabs hold of the table in front of him, trying to steady himself.
The doctor shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Jung-shii. But I’m not,” he says regretfully.
“Does Jaejoong know yet?”
“No. I thought it would be best for you to tell him yourself.”
-----
He fumbles his way out of the doctor’s room, dizzy. The doctor must be lying to him; there’s no way Jaejoong would ever get a throat tumor.
“Yunho?” He hears Jaejoong’s soft voice in front of him.
He blinks and sees Jaejoong’s face looking uncertain. “Are you okay?” Jaejoong asks.
He laughs feebly. “As okay as I’ll ever be.”
“So…” Jaejoong draws out that word. “What did he say?”
He doesn’t want to be the one telling this to him. He really doesn’t.
“Throat tumor,” he hears himself say. “The doctor said you’re going to need surgery fast, before it spreads.”
Through the haze in his mind, Yunho hears Jaejoong’s laugh, the laugh that had always delighted him.
“What a joke, Yunho-yah. It was a good one, though.” He sees Jaejoong smiling at him. “Now what did the doctor really say?”
He continues to gaze at him, not smiling, and Jaejoong’s smile finally slips off his face, leaving behind only panic.
“You’re… serious?”
He nods, and he says, hesitantly, “He also said that after the surgery, your voice will be changed. It’ll never be the same again. You… won’t be able to sing, ever again.”
Jaejoong’s eyes grow wide, and he starts to shake. “No…” he whispers. “Not my voice. Anything but my voice.”
He grasps Jaejoong’s shoulders, afraid of the mixture of horror and disbelief and hysteria on his face.
“Jaejoong?” he calls, alarmed. Jaejoong’s attention seems to be on something in side his mind, something Yunho couldn’t guess at.
Jaejoong snaps back to reality, and he looks at Yunho’s face, eyes wild. “I’m not giving up my voice. Dong Bang Shin Ki may have disbanded, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving singing.”
“But you have to!” Yunho shakes Jaejoong slightly. “If you don’t, then the cancerous cells will spread to the rest of your body, and you might die.”
Jaejoong laughs uncontrollably. “So? I rather die with my voice than live without it.”
Yunho falls silent. “Then what about me?” he whispers brokenly. “Would you give me up?”
Jaejoong’s eyes fill with tears as he hears the pain in Yunho’s voice. “Why must you make me choose?” he asks, agonized.
His hands drop from Jaejoong’s shoulders, and he turns away, refusing to look at him. “You still have around two weeks to choose,” he says, forcing a smile onto his face. “Until then, the doctor said to talk less.”
“Come on, let’s go home.”
-----
A book thumps onto the table. “Here,” Changmin says brusquely. “Read it.”
“What is it?” Yunho asks, rubbing his eyes tiredly.
“Look at the cover.”
He glances at the title. “A book on tumors?” he asks incredulously. “You want me to read something like this?”
“It’s up to you really,” Changmin says. “I just thought you might want to know more about tumors since it concerns Jaejoong-hyung.”
Yunho couldn’t think of anything to say. “Thank you,” he finally manages, full of gratitude.
“Sure, anytime. And stop giving me that puppy dog look, it’s creeping me out,” Changmin says, rolling his eyes as he leaves.
-----
“Hey there, Jaejoong-ah. You’re going to get a cold from sitting out here without a jacket,” Yunho says softly as he steps onto the balcony of their apartment.
Jaejoong looks over his shoulder and smiles, looking completely content. “It’s fine, actually. It isn’t that cold.” He pats the place next to him, silently asking Yunho to join him.
Easing down next to him, Yunho asks, “What are you doing out here? I thought you would be sleeping.”
“I’m waiting for the sunrise,” Jaejoong murmurs. “It’s been quite a long time since I’ve seen one.”
“But we still have hours to go before the sun actually rises!” Yunho exclaims. “Why don’t you just sleep and wake up early?”
“It won’t be the same then, now, would it?” Jaejoong closes his eyes and tilts back his head to lean against the wall.
He laughs through his nose, completely used to Jaejoong’s eccentric thoughts. “I guess not,” he admits. “All the same, I think I might as well join you.”
Jaejoong flashes a quick smile as he places his head onto Yunho’s shoulder. “You’re really warm,” he murmurs.
“Then come closer,” Yunho invites, arms opening. Jaejoong settles into Yunho’s arms, shifting until he finds a comfortable place.
Hours pass while they talk of random topics, everything except the subject they have been avoiding for the past one and a half weeks. Jaejoong ends up falling asleep, to Yunho’s amusement, and Yunho simply sits there, fingers running through Jaejoong’s hair, or trailing over his features.
The sun finally lights up the sky with all its shades of red, pink, purple, and orange, and Yunho wakes Jaejoong with a gentle kiss. “It’s time,” he says simply.
They’re silent as they look on, quietly appreciating the colors mixing together to form beautiful hues. Yunho, in particular, loves the way Jaejoong’s skin glows in the sunlight.
Jaejoong, not noticing Yunho staring at him, says softly, “I finally decided.”
Not needing him to elaborate, Yunho slightly stiffens. “Which one did you choose?” he asks.
“I’ve been thinking of it constantly over these past days. I’ve thought of everything, from what I would miss to what I wouldn’t miss.” He sounds far away, lost in his thoughts.
“I realized two things after thinking so long. If I decide to have the surgery, I wouldn’t be able to sing, but at least I wouldn’t have to be afraid of dying early, right?” Jaejoong smiles up at Yunho. “But if I don’t get the surgery, I’ll still be able to sing, at the expense of knowing that I’ll leave you earlier than I might want.
“I was torn in half for the past week. Part of me was screaming for me to save my voice, but the other part was quietly asking, ‘Do you really want to leave Yunho?’ It all came down to that.” Jaejoong’s fingers has been idly playing with Yunho’s shirt, and now they tighten, showing his rising agitation.
Yunho couldn’t speak, the only thing he could do is listen, listen to everything Jaejoong has to say.
“I finally chose to not leave you. It was a hard decision, and I think part of me will always not like it, but… I think it’ll be a very small part of me.” Jaejoong’s eyes, as they finally look up at Yunho, are filled with tears. He smiles tremulously.
“Are you sure?” Yunho whispers.
“I’m very sure. I don’t know how death feels like, but I’m pretty certain that it won’t feel good without you.”
Yunho feels his eyes slowly fill with tears, and he whispers, voice hoarse, “Oh, Jaejoong.”
“Don’t ‘Oh, Jaejoong’ me. Just say you love me, and I’ll be happy.” Jaejoong’s eyes, through their tears, smile at him.
“I love you,” Yunho murmurs. “More than you’ll ever know.”
-----
He’s thrusting gently inside him, when he finally realizes that he’ll never hear Jaejoong’s voice the same way ever again. It’ll be different. He’ll never sing Dong Bang Shin Ki’s songs the same way he did when they first recorded it.
“Louder,” Yunho almost sobs. “Louder, Jaejoong-ah!” He thrusts harder and faster, almost making Jaejoong scream at the pleasure flooding him.
“I can’t,” Jaejoong gasps. “I shouldn’t strain my throat remember?”
“But I need to hear you,” he pants. “This will be the last time I’ll hear you like this.” His fingers move to tweak Jaejoong’s nipples, making Jaejoong writhe underneath him.
Jaejoong moans louder as Yunho continues to thrust inside him. Both of them eventually come, and when Yunho collapses on top of him, he wraps his arm around him. “I may sound different, Yunho-yah, but it’ll always be the same person,” he says gently.
Yunho nods, and tears he didn’t know were in his eyes fall onto the pillow, leaving splotches of dampness.
-----
“Hyung.”
Jaejoong turns at someone calling him, and he smiles. “Yes?”
Yoochun’s leaning against the kitchen counter when Jaejoong’s preparing breakfast. “Sing,” he says.
“Sing what?” Jaejoong asks, surprised at the sudden request.
“Anything. Just sing something before you have to leave for surgery.”
“…Well then. You have to sing with me, if I sing.” Jaejoong says softly.
“I’ll definitely sing,” Yoochun chuckles. “Why don’t we get everyone else before you start?”
Jaejoong laughs and nods, and Yoochun quickly leaves to find the rest of them. He stares down at his fingers as soon as he’s alone, knowing this will be the last time he’ll be able to sing with everyone and make the same sort of harmony they’ve always been able to do. He’s really going to miss it.
The lyrics to Your Love Is All I Need play through his head, suddenly seeming so true.
He starts to sing, knowing that as soon as the rest of them hear, they’ll chime in. Your love is all I need, because of you, I’m able to fight against pain. Baby, I’m not afraid of what will come tomorrow, if we’re together. Always believe in me.
Yoochun’s voice suddenly becomes apparent as he sings his verse, Because we’re together.
During each repetitive day, you’re the sun that revolves around me, Yunho sings, his voice enormously improved from when their second album had first come out.
I hope all of my dreams do not change tomorrow, including your feelings. Changmin’s voice, always apparent when he sings, is noticeably softer, gentler than usual.
The feeling of love, I wasn’t sure of it at first, so I didn’t trust it. Junsu, like usual, sings impeccably, even when his eyes threaten to tear.
Their voices come together for the chorus. Your love is all I need, because of you, I’m able to fight against pain. Baby, I’m not afraid of what will come tomorrow, if we’re together. Always believe in me.
-----
“Why is it taking so long?” Yunho complains outside the surgery room. “It’s been almost three hours!”
“Calm down, hyung,” Changmin says. “Surgeries are always long. It’s not like you’ve never had one,” he dryly comments.
He turns to glare at him. “I know that. It just seems longer than usual, that’s all.”
“I’m going to go get something to drink,” Yoochun says as he stands up to stretch. “Anyone want anything?”
“Hm… some juice?” Junsu asks.
“Coffee, please,” Changmin requests.
“Coffee, juice… anything for you, hyung?” Yoochun asks.
Yunho shakes his head wordlessly. He’s staring at the lit up sign near the top of the doors, wondering when it’ll ever turn off.
“Suit yourself,” Yoochun shrugs.
-----
The lights finally turn off, and after an exhausting five hour wait outside the surgery room, Yunho is anxious to see Jaejoong. The doors open, and nurses wheel the bed out to the open.
“Did the surgery go well?” Yunho blurts out to the first doctor he sees.
“Yes,” the doctor replies, pulling off his mask. Sighs are heard around the room, and he smiles slightly at the relief emanating from them. “I heard he used to be a well-known singer?”
Yunho’s mouth quirks slightly upward. “Yes,” he says softly. “He was.”
“Then I regret we had to perform this surgery on him. I’m sure he had a beautiful voice.”
He chuckles, and says, “He did. If you have a daughter, ask her about Youngwoong Jaejoong. I’m pretty sure she has heard of him.”
“He was Youngwoong Jaejoong?” the doctor asks in surprise. “Then… you guys must be Dong Bang Shin Ki!”
“We are.”
The doctor, for the first time, really looks at them. They look tired, exhausted, everything a person looks like after waiting for five hours for someone to come out of surgery, but he sees that confidence, that slight aura of someone who has known bigger things around them.
He sighs. “I’m sure all of you are anxious to see him. He’s put in room 751. The anesthesia should fade away in around half an hour.”
-----
Yunho’s holding onto Jaejoong’s hand as his eyes slowly start to flutter open. “Hey there,” he says softly. “How are you feeling?”
Before he answers, Jaejoong’s other hand pat his throat, feeling for the bandage. Finding it, his jaw clenches for a moment, and his eyes squeeze shut. He exhales, and he whispers, “Okay.”
Yunho’s hand unconsciously squeezes Jaejoong’s hand harder. His voice sounds harsher, deeper; completely different from the lyrical sound he used to have.
“That’s great,” Yunho manages to say, blinking back tears. “Everyone else is anxious to see you too, so I’ll let them talk to you.” He moves slightly to the left, giving room to the other three so they’ll be able to see Jaejoong.
Jaejoong’s eyes soften, and as he entangles his fingers with Yunho’s, he says, louder, to Changmin, Yoochun, Junsu, “Hello there.”