[020] Second Chances [Private // Unhackable]
Jushirou Ukitake. I think I remember some of the fuss they made of disowning him the first week I was in Bellcius. That was such a long time ago now...it's strange to think of Kambei being there as well, even though I'm pretty sure I never crossed paths with either of them. They're both not the kind of people you'd easily forget.
I keep telling myself it doesn't matter. Traitors don't deserve any sympathy, especially not from the people they decieved, but I wonder what turned him into the kind of person he is. His distance from the crew makes perfect sense now, but all the times I spoke to him he was always so friendly and I never got the impression that it wasn't his real self I was speaking to. Is he really just that kind of person? But it makes me wonder...
I'm not like that, am I?
He must just be a good actor. Better than anyone I've ever met, to treat us all like friends and still plot behind our backs. We're nothing alike. My betrayl was a mistake - a stupid decision. His was deliberate. I could never be like that. I wish we knew more about his motives. Even in Kanna I've never felt as exposed as we are now. Feels like we're just waiting for that guillitine to drop, but I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. Never start something you don't intend to finish; the ship is still in pieces, and Kambei is here. Gorobei. Katsu. This is where I'm supposed to be, risks or not.
But Toshirou...
...Shichiroji told me that the reason Kambei is able to give out those second chances to the people who betray him is because he's still looking for his own. Like I'm still looking for mine. As much as I don't like it, I can understand why he left. If Jushirou is the only person who can teach him how to keep his powers under control - to stop him from being a risk to himself and anyone else...
I got a very close and personal look at that dragon. I don't know anything about magic, but it seemed alive to me, and it didn't seem to like going into that pipe. If he'd lost control of it there we really would have been done for.
Like I told Kambei, when you're faced with a bad decision, always make the choice you'll regret the least. It's usually not the easiest path, but at least you won't have as much trouble living with yourself later. If he'd stayed he might have become a danger to us all, and missed his chance to learn how to take control of that power he has. Can I really blame him for that?
...
Maybe it'll be easier to think when I'm not so tired. And hungry. I hope the kitchen has rice.