[Fanfic:]arc: Road to Insanity
Title: Road to Insanity
Author: smirkingcat
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,073
Summary: It's Potters fault! It always is and it always will be.
Content/Warning(s): none
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
I also have no rights to phineas and ferb songs! it belongs to disney co. ect.
this is a crossover with phineas and ferb episode season 3 episode 12 from min 2:22 to 4:40 the original text (that I listened to and typed after my meager listening skills) can be found here and here is a link to most of the scene even if the beginning I choose is missing- it's more fun after you watched it- I promise that!
Notes: this was born out of a crazy moment i had whilst watching the episode: road to danville of phineas and ferb- and the whole thing was just screaming in my mind so I put it down. it was tons of fun- really- i know it is a little bit ridiculous but never mind that, it's just for fun, that's all i cared and wanted to do with this one. 2nd thing earned to be hilarious, at least that is what i have been thinking whilst writing this - but be aware there might be more, because i quite like chatty!harry
this story was written in nov.2014 and it is the first part of an arc that will start with it and that will be the playground for my overcrazy, cracky and very fluffy little plotbunnies
Why? Why, and why again? Every fucking time he was assigned to help the aurors to figure something out, he would end up with Potter. And every fucking time, that stupid git would get them into trouble, just like today. Trouble he had to get both of them out of, because for obvious reasons it was not an option to let the savior die on a mission with him. It was too bad, really. And for the life of himself he couldn't figure out how that idiot managed to get through four years of training or had even stayed alive this long. Bloody stupid, fucking idiot!
_____
"I guess it is summer and we are in the desert, but I- I fell like it is unseasonably warm. I feel warm, do you feel warm?" Potter chatted on.
Yes, they were in the desert. Potter's observation skills were still marvelous in noting the obvious. But at the same time, Potter fails to state why they were in this bloody desert, in the middle of nowhere. Because then super- auror Potter would have to admit that it was his fault. And his fault alone! He had told that stupid dumbass to not touch anything over and over again. He tells him that every time the enter a house and every time he sees Potters arm move, and still that twat was not able to keep his hands next to his body and thus get them into some sort of trouble all over again.
_____
"And why do we always see cow skulls in the desert? And why do we only see the skull? Did the body die somewhere else? I mean, it makes no sense, but still it's there, you see?" was the next thing he heard as he toned back in to Potter's ongoing chat.
He would not have to wander, by foot, through the desert, had Potter managed to achieve a tiny little bit of self-control whilst growing up. But no, of course he had not. And now they were stranded in the desert without wands because he had lost his as he had been grabbing Potter and he had no idea where Potters wand was, but he knew that the stupid nitwit didn't have it with him.
He rolled his eyes as he realized Potter was still talking.
_____
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I talking too much for you? Fine, I'll be quiet. I can shut up! I don't have to talk all the time, it's not like I have to fill the space. If you want silence, I'll give you silence. You watch- and it's going to be deafening. Mark my words!"Potter declared at the sight of Draco's tiny facial gesture.
Really who could blame him for that gesture? Potter was being so overdramatic most of the time. But yes, the silence would be very welcome here in the heat of the desert. In fact, silence from Potter would be welcomed by him everywhere. The two of them would not be missed for the next three days, since the established time for the assignment would run till Thursday evening. The portkey was set for nine o'clock. But by then either, the thirst or Potters talking would have probably killed him. He was not sure, which one would do the job faster, but he dared to make an educated guess, that the thirst he would be able to bare.
_____
"Why do they say mark my words? I mean they- they just mean listen to my words. Why don't just say listen to my words?" Potter spoke again, sounding as if really wondering about such an inane phrase, only used by cruds anyway.
All he cared about was the book, he would not be finishing tonight because he was here instead of the hotel he should be at. Resting from another satisfying day of work as a curse-breaker and enjoying his time alone. But then Potter happened, again. And like with all their other overnight assignments messing his night routine up once again. At least this time there was no chance of Potter getting drunk next to him, whilst trying to make him drunk. He thought that even the stupidest of aurors would have figured out by now, that he can hold his liquor quite well. Growing up with Blaise and Theo had made sure of that. One needs to be able to hold ones liquor next to them, or they would milk all the secrets you have out of you. He had learned that the hard way in third year, and since then never gotten drunk around anyone. He was entitled to one occasionally happening pity night at home, on his own. That was nobody else's business.
_____
"Hey, look, I just discovered I can do a wandless heating charm. Damn, damn, damn-, but no, really, never managed that before!" Potter told him excitedly but sounding even dumber than all the chitchat he did before.
Potter could be so insane sometimes. A heating charm, in the desert, at nearly midday! How thick could Mister Boy-who-lived-Twice get? Or was it just that the man was simply stupid beyond help? But again, he choose not to dignify such behavior beyond the roll of his eyes. Even with all his knowledge about magic and potions he was sure there was no cure for the other man. How could Potters friends stand him? Since he had to work with the git he always had been wondering about that. How were they not driven to insanity by his behavior? Or were they simply joking about him, when he was not there? That would actually explain a lot, but at the same time, that thought made something in him uncomfortable. Potter cared about his friends, the git himself had told him so about thousand times already. He sighted, it had been a stupid mistake, that made Potter realize that he could listen and work at the same time. Since then the stupid auror refused to keep quiet on their assignments.
______
"I mean, he is just a clerk, for heavens' sakes. He can work anywhere, but still he expects her to just pack up and move to Italy. I mean seriously, she cannot abandon the team like that. She is the lead chaser!"
Potter started to rant about the boyfriend of one of his friends or whatever. In the end the promised silence had not even lasted half an hour. Why could Potter not just shut UP? Why was that stupid idiot thinking he would be interested in this kind of conversation? Or in any Conversation at all? The where in the middle of nowhere, with no chance for help. Why could they not talk about that for a change? Right, because then Mister-I-have- to-touch-everything would maybe notice his own fucking rookie mistake! Every bloody time! How did Potter get any auror- work done? How was he not struck down by those dark wizards that are out to kill him? It did not seem so hard to him, since Potter would do most of the work himself. A stupid jelly-legs-hex was probably all one would need to finish the job no one seems to be capable to do. And how hard could that really be?
_______
"I was sure it would grow back, the Healer at St. Mungos told me the same, but it never did. See, can't move my pinky one little bit- it's a fact." the words kept flowing out of Potter's mouth.
Telling him stuff he really did not need to hear. Why, in all that was right would he be interested in Potter's pinky finger? He just wanted to get out of here, nothing more, nothing less. And he could not foresee any solution that would solemnly depend on the movement of Potters pinky finger. He was fairly certain, that such an solution did not exist.
_________
"You don't communicate, you know that? You don't share, I mean I know nothing about your private life. You are very closed off. Closed, that's you!" Potter said in an accusing tone.
What was the hero of the Wizarding World expecting? After the war, it had been difficult enough to get out of the papers. But now not even the Ministry rumor mill found him interesting anymore. He was, for all intents and purposes, boring. Never stepping out of line, never causing trouble even while working for a Weasley. Never spreading or listening to rumors himself.
All the rumors he knew, he had learned during his assignments with the aurors, which meant Potter, because only the Dark Lord Vanquisher could babysit him, of course. Evil Death Eater that he had been.
But he was comfortable with his life now. His mother was save, his home was save. And if he was honest, he liked being a curse breaker. It was surprisingly exciting but also interesting and sometimes fun. It was a challenge, but he was good at it. Really, really good at it. Even under pressure. And Weasley had acknowledged that fact and had presented him the most interesting cases now and a lot of the overnight assignments. But for them he would argue that he got them because Weasley himself would not want to leave his wife and his daughter alone for so many nights again. Veelers with children could be even more frightening, he guessed.
The only downside was that the really interesting cases came with aurors as an attachment, and that meant Potter for him.
_________
"So I never touched a Mackled Malaclaw again. Actually that's not quite true. There was this one time in.. uh, uh, look Draco, did you see that shimmering. Wards. Wards mean wizards, we are found." Harry bounced excitingly up and down right in front of the wards.
Yes, he saw the wards. He, unlike someone else in this desert, was not an imbecile after all.
"But they are made to not only keep muggles but wizards out as well, Potter." he replied. "Besides, without wands we will not be able to get in anyways" he answered in greater detail. His voice was raspy and he really needed something to drink soon. And he could feel that the sunburn he was getting would manage to keep him in bed for a few days. Never mind that he was dressed in black as usual and sweating like a pig. He felt disgusting! This was all Harry fucking Potter's fault! He must have that noted.
"Well, I just did my first wandless and silent heating charm, but wards setting or unsetting - I could do that even before I finished training" the till now completely useless auror said with a broad grin.
"Then maybe, you should try and for once get us out of the mess you created by yourself!" he demanded in a harsh tone.
And really it took Potter only instants, till the wards fell away. It was not quite a city, they encountered, but wizarding nomads in tents were to him just as welcome as any and every other city too.
What he and Potter had both failed to take into account- on his side he would blame the sunburn, that was getting to him already, for Potter he accounted it as his usual stupid acting before thinking behavior- was that unmanteling the wards of someone else seldom was taken like a peace offering. Although, if the look on Potters face was anything to go by, he was not too worried. Surprised, but not worried.
Seconds later, as he felt the wards coming up again he started to understand why.
Well, at least they had a chance to find a way back home now. So he would surely not die because of thirst. Now he could only hope that Potter would not visit him, when he would be kept in St. Mungos because of his sunburn. Because that could kill him, and he knew of Potters obstinate thinking well enough after listening to story after story after story. It was Potters fault so he deserved his silence! He would demand it! He promised that to himself. But first they needed to get out of the desert, and for that, they would have to pacify that angry looking wizard first, he guessed. But yes, they were closer to a way back home, and hopefully to a way to his wand! Stupid fucking Potters fault- all of it!
Author: smirkingcat
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,073
Summary: It's Potters fault! It always is and it always will be.
Content/Warning(s): none
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
I also have no rights to phineas and ferb songs! it belongs to disney co. ect.
this is a crossover with phineas and ferb episode season 3 episode 12 from min 2:22 to 4:40 the original text (that I listened to and typed after my meager listening skills) can be found here and here is a link to most of the scene even if the beginning I choose is missing- it's more fun after you watched it- I promise that!
Notes: this was born out of a crazy moment i had whilst watching the episode: road to danville of phineas and ferb- and the whole thing was just screaming in my mind so I put it down. it was tons of fun- really- i know it is a little bit ridiculous but never mind that, it's just for fun, that's all i cared and wanted to do with this one. 2nd thing earned to be hilarious, at least that is what i have been thinking whilst writing this - but be aware there might be more, because i quite like chatty!harry
this story was written in nov.2014 and it is the first part of an arc that will start with it and that will be the playground for my overcrazy, cracky and very fluffy little plotbunnies
Why? Why, and why again? Every fucking time he was assigned to help the aurors to figure something out, he would end up with Potter. And every fucking time, that stupid git would get them into trouble, just like today. Trouble he had to get both of them out of, because for obvious reasons it was not an option to let the savior die on a mission with him. It was too bad, really. And for the life of himself he couldn't figure out how that idiot managed to get through four years of training or had even stayed alive this long. Bloody stupid, fucking idiot!
_____
"I guess it is summer and we are in the desert, but I- I fell like it is unseasonably warm. I feel warm, do you feel warm?" Potter chatted on.
Yes, they were in the desert. Potter's observation skills were still marvelous in noting the obvious. But at the same time, Potter fails to state why they were in this bloody desert, in the middle of nowhere. Because then super- auror Potter would have to admit that it was his fault. And his fault alone! He had told that stupid dumbass to not touch anything over and over again. He tells him that every time the enter a house and every time he sees Potters arm move, and still that twat was not able to keep his hands next to his body and thus get them into some sort of trouble all over again.
_____
"And why do we always see cow skulls in the desert? And why do we only see the skull? Did the body die somewhere else? I mean, it makes no sense, but still it's there, you see?" was the next thing he heard as he toned back in to Potter's ongoing chat.
He would not have to wander, by foot, through the desert, had Potter managed to achieve a tiny little bit of self-control whilst growing up. But no, of course he had not. And now they were stranded in the desert without wands because he had lost his as he had been grabbing Potter and he had no idea where Potters wand was, but he knew that the stupid nitwit didn't have it with him.
He rolled his eyes as he realized Potter was still talking.
_____
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I talking too much for you? Fine, I'll be quiet. I can shut up! I don't have to talk all the time, it's not like I have to fill the space. If you want silence, I'll give you silence. You watch- and it's going to be deafening. Mark my words!"Potter declared at the sight of Draco's tiny facial gesture.
Really who could blame him for that gesture? Potter was being so overdramatic most of the time. But yes, the silence would be very welcome here in the heat of the desert. In fact, silence from Potter would be welcomed by him everywhere. The two of them would not be missed for the next three days, since the established time for the assignment would run till Thursday evening. The portkey was set for nine o'clock. But by then either, the thirst or Potters talking would have probably killed him. He was not sure, which one would do the job faster, but he dared to make an educated guess, that the thirst he would be able to bare.
_____
"Why do they say mark my words? I mean they- they just mean listen to my words. Why don't just say listen to my words?" Potter spoke again, sounding as if really wondering about such an inane phrase, only used by cruds anyway.
All he cared about was the book, he would not be finishing tonight because he was here instead of the hotel he should be at. Resting from another satisfying day of work as a curse-breaker and enjoying his time alone. But then Potter happened, again. And like with all their other overnight assignments messing his night routine up once again. At least this time there was no chance of Potter getting drunk next to him, whilst trying to make him drunk. He thought that even the stupidest of aurors would have figured out by now, that he can hold his liquor quite well. Growing up with Blaise and Theo had made sure of that. One needs to be able to hold ones liquor next to them, or they would milk all the secrets you have out of you. He had learned that the hard way in third year, and since then never gotten drunk around anyone. He was entitled to one occasionally happening pity night at home, on his own. That was nobody else's business.
_____
"Hey, look, I just discovered I can do a wandless heating charm. Damn, damn, damn-, but no, really, never managed that before!" Potter told him excitedly but sounding even dumber than all the chitchat he did before.
Potter could be so insane sometimes. A heating charm, in the desert, at nearly midday! How thick could Mister Boy-who-lived-Twice get? Or was it just that the man was simply stupid beyond help? But again, he choose not to dignify such behavior beyond the roll of his eyes. Even with all his knowledge about magic and potions he was sure there was no cure for the other man. How could Potters friends stand him? Since he had to work with the git he always had been wondering about that. How were they not driven to insanity by his behavior? Or were they simply joking about him, when he was not there? That would actually explain a lot, but at the same time, that thought made something in him uncomfortable. Potter cared about his friends, the git himself had told him so about thousand times already. He sighted, it had been a stupid mistake, that made Potter realize that he could listen and work at the same time. Since then the stupid auror refused to keep quiet on their assignments.
______
"I mean, he is just a clerk, for heavens' sakes. He can work anywhere, but still he expects her to just pack up and move to Italy. I mean seriously, she cannot abandon the team like that. She is the lead chaser!"
Potter started to rant about the boyfriend of one of his friends or whatever. In the end the promised silence had not even lasted half an hour. Why could Potter not just shut UP? Why was that stupid idiot thinking he would be interested in this kind of conversation? Or in any Conversation at all? The where in the middle of nowhere, with no chance for help. Why could they not talk about that for a change? Right, because then Mister-I-have- to-touch-everything would maybe notice his own fucking rookie mistake! Every bloody time! How did Potter get any auror- work done? How was he not struck down by those dark wizards that are out to kill him? It did not seem so hard to him, since Potter would do most of the work himself. A stupid jelly-legs-hex was probably all one would need to finish the job no one seems to be capable to do. And how hard could that really be?
_______
"I was sure it would grow back, the Healer at St. Mungos told me the same, but it never did. See, can't move my pinky one little bit- it's a fact." the words kept flowing out of Potter's mouth.
Telling him stuff he really did not need to hear. Why, in all that was right would he be interested in Potter's pinky finger? He just wanted to get out of here, nothing more, nothing less. And he could not foresee any solution that would solemnly depend on the movement of Potters pinky finger. He was fairly certain, that such an solution did not exist.
_________
"You don't communicate, you know that? You don't share, I mean I know nothing about your private life. You are very closed off. Closed, that's you!" Potter said in an accusing tone.
What was the hero of the Wizarding World expecting? After the war, it had been difficult enough to get out of the papers. But now not even the Ministry rumor mill found him interesting anymore. He was, for all intents and purposes, boring. Never stepping out of line, never causing trouble even while working for a Weasley. Never spreading or listening to rumors himself.
All the rumors he knew, he had learned during his assignments with the aurors, which meant Potter, because only the Dark Lord Vanquisher could babysit him, of course. Evil Death Eater that he had been.
But he was comfortable with his life now. His mother was save, his home was save. And if he was honest, he liked being a curse breaker. It was surprisingly exciting but also interesting and sometimes fun. It was a challenge, but he was good at it. Really, really good at it. Even under pressure. And Weasley had acknowledged that fact and had presented him the most interesting cases now and a lot of the overnight assignments. But for them he would argue that he got them because Weasley himself would not want to leave his wife and his daughter alone for so many nights again. Veelers with children could be even more frightening, he guessed.
The only downside was that the really interesting cases came with aurors as an attachment, and that meant Potter for him.
_________
"So I never touched a Mackled Malaclaw again. Actually that's not quite true. There was this one time in.. uh, uh, look Draco, did you see that shimmering. Wards. Wards mean wizards, we are found." Harry bounced excitingly up and down right in front of the wards.
Yes, he saw the wards. He, unlike someone else in this desert, was not an imbecile after all.
"But they are made to not only keep muggles but wizards out as well, Potter." he replied. "Besides, without wands we will not be able to get in anyways" he answered in greater detail. His voice was raspy and he really needed something to drink soon. And he could feel that the sunburn he was getting would manage to keep him in bed for a few days. Never mind that he was dressed in black as usual and sweating like a pig. He felt disgusting! This was all Harry fucking Potter's fault! He must have that noted.
"Well, I just did my first wandless and silent heating charm, but wards setting or unsetting - I could do that even before I finished training" the till now completely useless auror said with a broad grin.
"Then maybe, you should try and for once get us out of the mess you created by yourself!" he demanded in a harsh tone.
And really it took Potter only instants, till the wards fell away. It was not quite a city, they encountered, but wizarding nomads in tents were to him just as welcome as any and every other city too.
What he and Potter had both failed to take into account- on his side he would blame the sunburn, that was getting to him already, for Potter he accounted it as his usual stupid acting before thinking behavior- was that unmanteling the wards of someone else seldom was taken like a peace offering. Although, if the look on Potters face was anything to go by, he was not too worried. Surprised, but not worried.
Seconds later, as he felt the wards coming up again he started to understand why.
Well, at least they had a chance to find a way back home now. So he would surely not die because of thirst. Now he could only hope that Potter would not visit him, when he would be kept in St. Mungos because of his sunburn. Because that could kill him, and he knew of Potters obstinate thinking well enough after listening to story after story after story. It was Potters fault so he deserved his silence! He would demand it! He promised that to himself. But first they needed to get out of the desert, and for that, they would have to pacify that angry looking wizard first, he guessed. But yes, they were closer to a way back home, and hopefully to a way to his wand! Stupid fucking Potters fault- all of it!