fanfiction

[smithsassistant]

Ok here is my first attempt to write fan fiction and to post it online. Any constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged. Be gentle with me though as it is my first time lol. It will not be the best but it was worth a shot. Here it goes.

Comments

[x_mog]

Wow.

It's really well written. I'd suggest the paragraphs be just a little better spaced? The big chunks are kinda hard on the eyes. ^.^

The only mistake I see?

I use Tenseiga to kill easily them and watch as Izayoi revives.

I think you got them and easily switched? I think you might have meant "To kill them easily."

Otherwise it's really good. An enjoyable read. :D (And now I want to go dig that movie out and watch it...)

[smithsassistant]

Thank you for the suggestions and I am glad that you liked it. I am bad when it comes to paragraphs I know. I almost always make them too big. I will fix that one sentence as that is not how I wanted to word that anyway. I will wait to see other people's comments on it to see if they see anything else that needs work and also what they thought of the story.

[x_mog]

I think you did a great job. Just little mistakes. I'm impressed. You said this is your first one too, didn't you? In which case I'm double impressed. :D

[smithsassistant]

Oh my I feel my head swelling as I read this LOL. Yea it is my first one actually. I did some writing but nothing like this. I am very happy that I have done well for the first fic I have written. Now I will do more since I have the courage to do so now.

[phoenix_truth]

I'm so sorry! I forgot to leave a comment here letting you know I had read it! ^_^;; For a first time one shot, this is pretty good. I'd follow MOG's advice, too. I think you should keep at it, and always remember to improve upon what you've already got, which is nothing to sniff at! ^_~ *hands out gold star*

[smithsassistant]

Awww thank you very much. I am glad my fic is well received. I will definitely stick with it and do more. I just have to wait till something hits me. I am thinking of doing one involving L and Watari celebrating Christmas. I will work on it as soon as I can.