Breastfeeding Introduction - Adopt A Mom
I knew before I got pregnant that I would breastfeed. I was determined to make it happen. Taylor was born 9/17/07 at 4:03 AM at 34 weeks 5 days.
We had a rocky road in the beginning. Nothing about labor and delivery went as planned. I spent 8 months planning a natural, intervention free birth only to arrive at the hospital and be told that my child's lungs were not mature and that she would likely be transferred to another hospital with a more specialized NICU. I woke up on Sunday September 16, went to the bathroom, and when I stood up, my water broke. They weren't actively trying to stop my labor, but they were also doing nothing to encourage it - my doctor told me that the best case scenario would be for me to have 5 days of bed rest before delivering. I ended up with all the interventions I had been trying to avoid, confined to my bed, flat on my back, stadol, epidural, internal monitoring, and an episiotomy.
Miracle of miracles, she came out screaming after 4 hours of pushing and was able to room in with me right away. I had her at the breast within an hour of birth and she attempted to latch on and sucked for 20 minutes. We eventually moved from L&D to the regular floor.
Every time she stirred, I put her to the breast but we both grew more and more frustrated. She was unable to master the suck/swallow/breathe pattern and my nipples didn't really stick out enough for her to latch onto. When I did get her on, she'd fall off after 2 or 3 sucks. Feeding her was a long, frustrating process. By early afternoon, it had been 4 hours since she'd eaten and I wasn't able to wake her up. I had wonderful nurses who were quite happy to test her bloodsugar and stop mentioning supplementation and to let her sleep when the bloodtest came back within normal range. This happened again on day 2. Although the afternoon nurse and I butted heads. She was adamant about supplementing and I was more adamanent about NOT doing it. Her bloodsugar had already been tested and was fine, so I stuck to my guns and about an hour later she was up and trying to eat for me.
My milk started coming in early on day two and I woke up to a wet hospital gown. I was pumping off and on after delivery to help speed my milk coming in and in case her bloodsugar was low so that we'd have something to syringe feed her. After 3 or 4 requests from me, I was finally given a nipple shield. With the shield, she was a new baby. She fed better and longer, and I have to admit, I was reassured to be able to see the milk in the nipple shield when she fed.
Her bili rubin was elevated and she'd dropped 9 ounces from 6 lbs 10 ounces to 6 lbs 1 ounce when we were released from the hosptial. The following day, she was down another 2 ounces to 5 lbs 15 ounces and her bili levels were rising. We ended up on two bili lights, at home, and the doctor ordered us to start supplementing with expressed milk by offering .5 to 1 ounce after each feeding. I cried the whole time I offered the first supplement. We did choose to use a bottle for the supplement. The only redeeming aspect of this is that it encouraged me to nurse, nurse, nurse, and nurse some more. My goal was for her to refuse the supplement. Most of the time she'd either refuse it outright, or take one or two feeble sucks.
She was very sleepy during this time. For most of the first week, every feeding involved stripping her down to her diaper and having a damp washcloth nearby to keep her awake enough to take in a feeding. She spent 4 days on the bili lights at home. Her weight started to slowly creep back up.
By day 10 we were falling into a pattern. It wasn't easy and I was beginning to hate the nipple shield. Around day 6, at 11 PM on a Saturday night, I lost the damn thing and spent 1.5 hours driving around trying to find one. I ended up calling the hospital in tears begging for one. They came through for me. It never occured to me that one wasn't enough. Also, I worried about being able to wean her from it. I never stopped trying to latch her on without it, but we still always fell back to using it when she got frustrated for falling off the breast.
Day 10 she was acting a little different; running a low grade fever and acting more lethargic and sleepy than she had been. Her cheeck had a small dime sized red raised area just below her ear. Two hours later the whole side of her face was swollen. We ended up in the local Children's Hospital with a spinal tap, bloodwork, CT with contrast and a diagnosis: Staph infection in her parotid gland. I was still horribly hormonal and not handling the situation well, but the staff was extremely supportive of breastfeeding. As soon as I let them know that I was breastfeeding I had a Medela Lactina and storage bottles at my disposal. We were still offering the supplements and she was still below her birth weight but the weight was slowly creeping up.
After 4 days in the hospital we were released and she was back up to her birth weight. I celebrated by immediately stopping all supplementation and letting her start sleeping longer stretches at night. Two days after we were released from the hospital, I made an appointment with the IBCLC at my Peds office and we went in for our consultation. To my pleasant surprise, she was able to take a full feeding without the shield AND managed 2.5 ounces in about 12 minutes (by the weigh feed weigh method). I decided right then and there that if she was capable of feeding without it, we were done with it. The next few days were rough, but we perservered and that was the end of the nipple shield.
After about 72 hours of nursing, really nursing without the shield, I found my nipples were excruciatingly sore. I began to dread feedings. In between I was air drying, slathering on lanolin and praying that it wasn't thrush. DD was in the midst of finishing a course of heavy antibiotics and I was definately expecting the worst. I started doing a grapefruit seed extract rinse after each feeding, just in case. The pain peaked as quickly as it had started and feedings started to get easier.
It wasn't until about 6 weeks that I really felt good about breastfeeding. Until that point it was hard, it hurt, and I didn't feel that we were bonding. At 6 weeks, she started looking around and made eyecontact with me and for the first time, I really felt connected and in touch with her.
Today we hit 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding. It's been an emotional road. I can honestly say that the only thing about my whole birth experience that went as planned is breastfeeding. At this point, she's not showing signs of being ready for solids, so I anticpate being another 6-8 weeks of nursing alone before we start trying solids. My adopt_a_mom mentor has been a wonderful source of support and encouragement. She's always ready with positive reinforcement for every milestone we reach.
18 months - review of the last year.
Right around 6 months, Taylor decided that sleeping through the night, or even for more than 1.5 hours was for the birds, and that she just wasn't going to do it anymore. So much for that myth that solids make them sleep through the night. The next 6 months would be an up and down battle between her waking and nursing and me getting enough sleep to be functional. She's always bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6:45am and I just object.
I believe that before a year, infants need to be fed on demand at night. Once she hit a year, the sleep deprivation started getting to me. Around 14 months, I decided for sure that the only way to salvage my nursing relationship and my sanity would be to start nightweaning. The breaking point for me was rocking her to sleep, nursing, at 3 AM and telling her how much I hated nursing at that particular moment. Of course, I decided this during a period of 6 weeks of intermittent travel for the holidays. So I sucked it up for another month and starting jan 1, 2009, we started nightweaning.
I really believe that she was ready for the change. There were a few frustrations, but for the most part, the whole nightweaning process went way better than I ever imagined. Now at almost 19 months, I don't even get out of bed. If she wakes during the night, I simply remind her that "It's the middle of the night, you need to go back to sleep" and then turn over and go back to sleep. she does the same. One of the benefits to having her crib in our room still. Although at this point, I'm anxious to move and get her a room of her very own.
It's almost strange to be sitting here, so close to my goal of 2 years. It seemed so far away and so unattainable at so many moments.
ETA: While it's bittersweet to write this, Taylor has finally weaned, a few weeks after her 3rd birthday. I think we were both ready, although probably me more so than her. We found out just days before her birthday that we are expecting our 2nd child. While we were traveling to see my parents for 2.5 weeks to share the news, Taylor only asked twice to nurse. She had been down to 2 times per day - first thing in the morning and first thing after nap.
I'm so proud of both of us for sticking with it - including through having my gall bladder removed when she was about 32 months. I'm sad that it's done, but I'm also really, really excited to be thinking about embarking on a brand new nursing journey with a new little miracle.