Things have changed...
So since my last post, it turns out my thoughts weren't I'll-conceived.
Because 2 months after that post he broke my heart. It's a good job I forgot my password for this as I'm pretty sure this would have been full of depressive posts for me to read back...
So A lot has happened in between. I met a psycho who washed my passport, had an amazing holiday in cancun, fast forward fast forward... stop!
October 20th. The day I met up with Joseph. Had a lovely lovely first date. The trains were shit so rather than me meeting him at Leicester Square, he came to Waterloo. Eventually found him... we started out with a walk along the Thames (south bank) then we crossed the river and walked up to Leicester Square and found a restaurant called Joe's. We had a lovely meal. Then we went for a walk up to Buckingham palace, through the parks followed by a drink in Planet Hollywood. Literally sat facing each other, smiling, lots of positive feedback, hugged him (and kiss on the cheek) and then left feeling absolutely on top of the world. We even made plans for a second date on Saturday evening at his flat!
So Friday came, he was still referring to me as "gorgeous" and using the heart smiley etc. I was on cloud 9. So then Friday evening came and found out he had been taken to hospital due to a seizure. I must admit I was very dubious about this and thought he was trying to fob me off to cancel the 2nd date but I said I'd go visit him and he was very receptive to the idea. I ended up seeing him on Sunday as he got released from hospital Saturday evening but he needed to get home and get sorted out. So I went to see him Sunday afternoon. Drove up to Collingdale - sun shining - sunglasses on. As i got closer, the nerves set in of seeing him again. I got there and he came down from his flat to meet me. I was so happy to see him. So I must admit I was very nervous. So we ordered pizza. Then we watched some tv. Then we watched a couple of films, had some cuddles, some kisses and I thought it was really nice! Then I left and took him to a milkshake shop on my way. Dropped him back afterwards. He gave me a nice kiss and a smile afterwards. Everything seemed amazing. And it didn't seem at all fake.
So then Monday his replies were a bit more sporadic... but still had hearts and stuff so I didn't really worry too much. Then we came to Tuesday. No messages all day. He'd read both messages but not replied. Then I got a message apologising for not replying all day. Basically saying he'd been out with mates all day and that his ex was back on the scene causing problems and that he thinks it's best we don't see each other anymore basically!!! But that he wants to be friends. He tried using the "coz its not fair on you" line but we all know that basically means he has no bollocks and he just wanted to let me down gently. But I don't get it. I really don't get it. How can someone so genuinely kiss you and then in the next breath completely and utterly change.
It has completely and utterly messed my brain up. We were chatting for a couple of months but during that time I hadn't got my hopes up too much as I thought he was stunning but I'm not. I thought I haven't got a chance. So to have 2 dates, kisses, cuddles and nice texts *after* meeting, i thought maybe things were going well after all and then BAM. Sods fucking law. Can't actually believe it. Can I not just have a bit of happiness please?? Considering I met him twice it has really really really messed me up coz it got my hopes up so high. I really thought things might go somewhere. I'm such a TWAT. I can't eat properly, not sleeping properly, just feel so fucking miserable and numb it's not even funny. Life just isn't fucking fair :( I'm a nice guy and I guess it's right what they say, nice guys finish last.
So I messaged him last night and got a few replies. Haven't heard from him today. So I guess he doesn't want to be friends and I wasn't what he was expecting and didn't fancy me after all. Oh well byeeeeeeeee!