Just the way I'm feeling 🎼
So it turns out I get a lot of thinking time now with all the dog walking and the walking to & from the car etc - whether that's a good or bad thing who knows.
So I'm feeling better than I did the last couple of days. Went to see Ouija with Colin & Danny last night at the cinema and then we had a couple of games of pool so that was nice and took my mind off things. Also took Molly for a walk and some guy on his bike was oncoming down the hill fell off about 3 times. Looked a bit dodgy... as i got closer he fell off again and the bike came down on top of him and he just laid there. He did move an arm so I was convinced he wasn't dead and carried on... felt a bit bad though but then as I got over the brow of the hill another cyclist was coming so I thought maybe he would stop.
So anyway, I'm still all hung up on Joseph. I mean I just can't fathom it out. I really can't. Everything was perfect one day and then not the next. I want to know what happened in between. He says it was not something I did or did not do. So the only explanations are then that:
A) his ex has come back and he still has feelings for him and he's confused and he wants to make that work
B) he never really fancied me at all and was trying to let me down gently by not growing a pair and telling me the truth
C) he fancied me... but not my 'curves' which he didn't realise I had until we cuddled up on his sofa
I don't know which option fits best. But it's driving me mental. Before we went on our date I knew how stunning he looked and we'd been speaking for months so I knew he was a lovely thoughtful guy. I wondered why on earth he'd be interested in a guy like me... and thought maybe I've finally found someone who actually cares about personality over looks. But that said I went to the date with no expectations. I was nervous because I thought he'd not like me like that and of course I'd have been disappointed but I'd have got over it and moved on. But because he gave me signs that he did like me... he was conversant, not eager to get away, looked at me a LOT, smiling, when we went for a drink he was sat facing me (but next to me) and our arms and hands were brushing and he invited me back to his for a second date. I had lots of nice texts continue after that. He still thought I was gorgeous even after we met! Then the 2nd date was lovely, cuddles and kisses on his sofa... the only other thing it could be from that night is that my mum called to check on me and I said I would leave soon. And so sort of got up shortly after to start putting his trainers on etc as he said he fancied a milkshake but at that point I felt like he was maybe implying it was time for me to go home but I don't really remember. But monday's messages were a bit more sporadic and less involved followed by the big bomb drop on Tuesday. So maybe Monday was the day the ex came back and Tuesday was D-Day... or maybe Monday was the day he decided I'm not the one and the whole ex thing is just a story... I really don't know.
So we kind of had a conversation last night on what's app and he was replying with an x on the end most of the night. I've sent him a message which he's not read yet and he's not been online on there since last night. I really hope he would want to at least stay friends as he was a really nice guy and I've really enjoyed chatting to him for the last couple of months. Just a shame to lose that opportunity. If he hadn't have given me all those signals after the first date and just let me down then I'd have been in a MUCH better place right now :(