All Comes Down
All Comes Down
Rated pretty smutty
Jared Padalecki / Chad Michael Murray
Written by daysoflo
Graphic by buhfly
Huge, enormous thanks to ink-stain for being a truly wonderful beta.
All Comes Down
Jared goes home for his birthday, trades LA for San Antonio and goes home to barbecues and heavy, stifling heat, home cooked meals and lazy evenings on the porch.
He sleeps in his old room and wears thread-bare shorts and t-shirts from high school with the sleeves cut off. His hair hangs in his eyes and clings to the back of his neck and he breaths fast and hard, pulling the thick air into his lungs. His mama fixes his favorite meals and washes his laundry and fusses over him and doesn’t say anything when he rolls his eyes at her comments about how thin he’s getting. He plays with the dogs and helps his daddy in the garage. He talks to Jensen every day, usually after dinner when the sun’s hanging low in the sky and the yards and streets are busy with summer sounds and laughing children. He sleeps naked with the fan blowing air in his face and wakes up sweating, sheets sticking to every inch of him, soaked and heavy. He showers and doesn’t bother to towel off before getting dressed. He doesn’t think about Vancouver and the show, and he doesn’t think about the movie he left to come home or the reasons why, and he doesn’t let his mama talk him out of going back.
He doesn’t call Chad or think about him or answer his mama when she asks about him.
*
When Chad and Jared meet, Chad is every asshole Jared ever knew in high school. He walks like he owns the goddamn world and has something bitchy to say any time Jared looks his way. There is nothing Jared likes about him. Their third day on set together they get into a fight. Jared punches Chad right in his pretty mouth and Chad goes after him, throwing Jared to the ground. They roll around like a couple of assholes, getting in a punch here and there but mostly it's just an excuse to get out all the energy that’s been building since Jared came to LA.
They get tired and lay on the cement flooring of the empty soundstage, breathing heavy and loud. After a while Jared gets up and holds a hand out to Chad and Chad just looks at it for a minute before taking it and pulling himself up.
They don’t talk about it again and from there on out, it’s cool, like they have an understanding. They hang out on set, playing video games and throwing insults back and forth. They hang out at Chad’s apartment and talk about football and basketball, about people they’d like to work with and what it’s like living in LA, and they score beer and drink until they’re passed out together on the sofa.
They wake up cotton-mouthed and smelling stale and they fight over who gets first shower. They eat cereal standing up in Chad’s kitchen and Jared throws Frosted Flakes at Chad when he talks around a mouthful of food. They drive to set together and hang out and talk up the extras and flirt. They go out and get into trouble together and Jared wakes up more often than not on Chad’s sofa. Jared wakes up one morning thinking he might not hate Chad after all.
*
Jared calls his mama every Sunday night and she asks about LA and if he’s eating right and whether he wants her to send him anything. She asks about the people he works with and if he’s made any friends and he tells her about Chad. She says she’s happy for him and hopes to meet him and says it just the way she did when he was in high school and going out with his buddies, wanting to know who her baby was hanging out with.
He hangs up the phone and there’s a knock on the door. It’s Chad with food and beer and Jared grins wide and says, “About damn time.”
They eat Chinese out of the takeout boxes, Jared at one end of the sofa, Chad leaning against the arm of the other end, legs stretched out, feet pressed up against Jared’s thigh.
The TV’s on mute, a South Park rerun glaring bright and sharp and the radio’s on low, some alternative rock station that Chad insists on listening to.
“Best.” Chad says, swallowing a mouthful of beer and raising an eyebrow.
“Best?” Jared grabs Chad’s beer, too tired to get up and get another. “Hang on.” He swallows and thinks and says, “Right before I left home, this girl I knew in high school. Her name was Missy, and she had this reputation, you know?” Jared rests his head against the back of the sofa cuts his eyes to Chad. Jared thinks about that night, about running into Missy at the drive in, and following her back to her tiny one-bedroom apartment. “I’ve never fucked around so many times in one night, man, it wasn’t anything like anything.” Jared’s hard just thinking about that night.
It should be embarrassing, sitting next to Chad with his dick pushing against the seam of his jeans but in the short time it’s been he’s come to think of Chad as someone he’s known forever and it seems natural.
Jared doesn’t look away, doesn’t flinch, doesn’t hide. He shifts lower against the couch, thighs spreading to ease the pressure some. He presses his palm to the front of his jeans and lifts his hips up, just slightly.
Chad’s watching him, all lazy and amused, a half smile on his lips that sort of does things to Jared, makes the heat and blood rush to his face. It’s a knowing smile.
Chad is slow and unhurried, pressure-free, when he says “Want some help with that?”
Heat rushes to Jared’s face but it’s not embarrassment. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t move either, and Chad takes that for what it is - as much of an invitation as he’s gonna get.
Chad shifts, closes the distance separating them and the he’s sitting next to Jared, thigh pressed hot and firm against Jared’s. His fingers are sure and unhurried when he works the buttons on Jared’s jeans open and Jared doesn’t know why, but he’s holding his breath.
Chad gets the fly open and works his hand into Jared’s underwear, fingers brushing Jared, just barely.
“Fuck,” he hisses out, just an exhalation and Chad’s lips curve, not a smile but close, satisfied. His fingers curl around the length of Jared’s dick, hand firm and warm. Jared’s been jerked off by another guy before, his buddy in high school and he’s always loved it best for the sureness and confidence and none of the clumsy fumbling he gets from girls.
Jared feels hot and ruffled, like his skin doesn’t fit right. He’s hyper aware of everything, the way Chad’s thigh is pressed to his, the damp puff of breath against his cheek, the catch of Chad’s fingernail against his dick.
Jared can’t focus on much else besides the fucking perfect stroke of Chad’s hand but he pushes a hand into Chad’s lap, just to see if this is having any effect on Chad.
A sudden rush of heat pools in his belly when his hand closes over Chad’s dick, hot and hard and pushing against Jared’s palm.
“Yeah,” Jared breathes. He’s close, too fucking close and all he needs is for Chad to just keep going, just a little bit.
Chad’s head tips forward and their foreheads are touching, leaning against each other for support. Jared opens his eyes and all he sees is Chad’s mouth, pink and wet, lips parted just enough to catch a glimpse of tongue.
“Faster,” Jared mutters and the words skitter across Chad’s cheek, it’s how close they are. Jared rubs at Chad’s dick, hopes it’s doing something for him because he can’t get his shit together enough right now and he promises, if there’s ever a next time, he’ll fucking make it up to him.
Chad’s fingers dig into Jared’s thigh as his hand on Jared’s dick twists suddenly and Jared breathes hard to keep from passing out and comes all over Chad’s fingers and his own boxers.
It takes Jared a couple seconds of making sure he’s not blind before he’s kneeling over Chad, straddling a thigh, and working Chad’s jeans open.
“Yeah, fuck, c’mon,” Chad says, head falling back. Chad’s hand folds over Jared’s hand Jared just shoves him out of the way, wraps his fingers around Chad’s cock and works him with quick strokes of his fist.
It takes Chad not two minutes to come and then he’s laying back on the couch, panting, an arm over his eyes. Jared wipes his hand on his ruined jeans and reaches for Chad’s beer.
He thumbs the mute button on the remote and Family Guy is on. They watch in silence and then Jared says, “Don’t be weird tomorrow.”
Chad doesn’t say anything.
*
“You’re being weird,” Jared says when he sees Chad on set the next day because Chad is being a jackass and Jared fucking knew it.
“What would you say,” Chad says, pushing up into Jared’s space, eyes bright and hard, “if I said I wanted to blow you.”
Jared hits the wall. He’s breathless, like he just got sucker punched. He says nothing. Chad’s shoulders are tense, preparing for a fight.
“What would you say?” Chad says again and he’s got that defensive look in his eyes and that stubborn set to his mouth, like he’s daring Jared to tell the truth.
Jared doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what’s going on here, doesn’t know what a half-drunk hand job means to Chad but Jared just wants it to mean that he and Chad are friends and occasionally Jared can get a blinding orgasm from the deal every now and then.
“You wouldn’t,” Jared says because fuck, he doesn’t know what to think. Chad doesn’t especially strike him as the kind of guy who’d go around offering to blow dudes, even if he does have a mouth that was made for cocksucking.
Chad takes that as a dare and Jared’s not sure if he meant it as one or not. But Chad’s on his knees before Jared can stop to think about what they’re doing. He doesn’t do any of that teasing, tentative shit that drives Jared up a goddamn wall, just opens his mouth and takes Jared in.
Chad’s mouth is hot and wet and he makes a low sort of growl when Jared tangles his fingers in his hair. In that moment, Jared cares only about coming in Chad’s mouth. He lets his head fall back against the wall with a thud and Chad’s fingers tighten on his hips, and Jared doesn’t know whether to hope for bruises or not.
Chad’s hair slides through Jared’s fingers, slick with gel. He tightens his hold reflexively, pulls just slightly, just to see and Chad sucks harder. His eyes dart up, watching, and there’s a bright flush on his cheeks, a wild look in his eyes and Jared bites down on a groan because fuck, Chad gets off on sucking dick and Jared is going to fucking own him for this.
Jared’s close, hips moving, trying to fuck Chad’s mouth. Chad gives up trying to hold him still, just wraps a hand around Jared’s dick and lets him. Jared’s mouth falls open and before he can warn Chad he comes, eyes closed and his hands in Chad’s hair.
Chad’s making strangled sounds but he doesn’t pull off, swallows it out and sits back, wiping a hand over his mouth. Jared looks down at him, smirking, because yeah, Chad loves this. He’s panting hard, running his tongue over his lower lip and pressing the heel of his hand against the front of his jeans. Jared gets his shit together enough to pull Chad up against him and his breath is hot against Jared’s throat when he presses his face there, rubbing against Jared’s thigh and making low, growling noises. Jared puts a hand to Chad’s chest, pushes him enough and gets them turned around so Chad’s leaning against the wall, and before he can talk himself out of it, Jared’s on his knees.
He gets Chad’s jeans undone and one hand in his underwear and there’s musky heat in his face. Chad’s hand rests on his shoulder and that’s encouragement enough for Jared. His breath shudders in his chest and he opens his mouth and touches his tongue to Chad’s dick. Chad makes a gasping noise and Jared groans a little when Chad’s fingers touch Jared’s his cheek. He takes the head of Chad’s dick between his lips and lets it rest there, getting used to the feeling and taste of Chad in his mouth.
Jared is fucking awful but Chad talks him through it and says encouraging things like “yeah, baby, like that” and it’s so hot Jared’s hard again.
Chad warns him right before he comes and Jared pulls off barely in time. Chad comes all over Jared’s shirt and just laughs when Jared insists he buy him a new one.
*
They keep it a secret because they have too much to lose. They don’t talk about it and they don’t make promises and Chad fucks extras and Jared gets drunk and takes home a couple of girls and they order take out and play video games and watch basketball. On set they hang out like before, goading each other and trading stories about home. They live in each other’s pockets. Chad spends the night at Jared’s on the weekends. They catch a Lakers game and go out to eat. Neither of them has been in LA long. They still don’t know many people and are both just waiting to see what a Hollywood life looks like. It’s easier to feel that things are going to be okay when Jared’s at Chad’s apartment, watching Sports Center with Chad pressed up against his side. They fuck around, but not always. Some nights it’s just them on the sofa with a movie or video game and the reassurance of someone else.
*
Their first kiss is an accident, after a week of hurried hand jobs and drunken blowjobs and it’s the two of them at Chad’s apartment one night when his roommate is out
They’re fucking around, talking shit and acting like boys, and Jared doesn’t think anything of it until they’re wrestling around, grabbing at each other. Chad’s calling him bitch and pussy and Jared grits out, that’s it, and tackles him to the floor. When they finally run out of breath and energy Chad’s sitting on Jared’s chest, grinning in his face and laughing.
Jared says, “Get off me asshole,” and Chad laughs harder when Jared throws him off, and they roll around some more and it happens without Jared thinking about it. Jared’s got Chad pinned to the rug with Chad’s hands over his head and they’re pressed hip to hip, chest to chest. Chad’s breathing loudly, eyes glinting and amused and Jared wants to wipe that cocky look off his face. He leans forward and his mouth comes down over Chad’s and opens and their tongues touch. Chad exhales sharply into Jared’s mouth and kisses him back, lips and tongue and teeth. Jared’s hips move, grind down hard and sharp against Chad’s and Chad gets a leg up over Jared’s hip, pressing them close.
They make out until Jared’s lips feel swollen and bruised, stopping only to eat and then, Chad’s slapping Jared on the ass and hollering at him to make him his dinner, and Jared’s using some off-color words about Chad’s mother and the whole thing starts up again.
*
The summer comes and Jared goes home for a week. He doesn’t realize how homesick he was until he gets home and falls back into summer in Texas. His mama makes chicken and cornbread and he drinks sweet tea by the gallon and falls asleep listening to his daddy go on and on about James Madison football.
Three days in, Chad shows up.
Jared’s fresh out of the shower, hair damp and dripping down his back and when his mama calls up to him he goes downstairs, wearing only jeans. It’s too damn hot for anything else.
Chad’s leaning against the doorjamb, already sweating and Jared grins, feels it building somewhere deep in his gut.
“I was bored,” Chad says, shrugging and wraps an arm around Jared. Jared doesn’t admit that he’s damn glad to see him.
Chad stays for four days. He charms the pants off Jared’s mama and wins Jared’s daddy over by talking cars and Megan just stares wide-eyed and stupid whenever Chad says anything.
Jared’s birthday, twenty - nothing to fuss over, rolls around while Chad’s still in San Antonio. Jared’s parents make a big deal just like always. His mama bakes him a cake and they open presents and sing Happy Birthday loudly and off-key.
Later, they go out, just for a drive, Chad saying that he wants to see where Jared went in high school to “get it on.” Jared lifts an eyebrow and rolls his eyes. But they go to a spot that used to be where they went on Friday nights after football games, a secluded spot twenty-miles from the house in a turnoff hidden by weeds and trees.
The air-conditioner is going full blast and the classic country station is filtering in through the rusty speakers.
Chad hands Jared a box, wrapped in Barbie wrapping paper. “It’s all we had at home,” Chad says, grinning wide.
Jared rips away the paper and opens the box. It’s a random assortment of things Jared’s only seen in the porn shop off the old highway, when he and his buddies snuck in through the back in high school. There’s a cock ring, and flavored lube and a whip and Jared doesn’t know whether to laugh or throw the box at Chad’s stupid laughing head.
“I don’t know what half this shit is,” Jared says, picking through it. Pocket pussy? What the fuck? He looks at Chad and Chad’s face is turning red he’s laughing so hard.
“You are fucked up,” Jared swears and tosses the box in the backseat.
“C’mere,” Chad says, trying to catch his breath. He pulls Jared across the seat and straddles him, fingers tangling in Jared’s hair.
“Want me to give you your real present?” Chad says, low and dirty.
“Fuck yeah,” Jared groans, already pushing at Chad’s head, hips lifting off the seat.
*
Life in LA is fast. Jared goes back and the season starts up again and it’s a lot of the same. Jared gets a new place, closer to Chad’s. Nothing changes, really. They get noticed now, when they go out to eat and it’s pretty cool. Fame has its perks and Jared hopes he never gets used to random girls offering to blow him or free drinks coming his way as long as he wants them.
Life slows a little when Chad gets his show. He shows up at Jared’s apartment to share the news and after, Jared’s on his belly, eyes closed and Chad’s sitting on the floor against the sofa and says, yeah, in North Carolina and Jared says, oh, cool man and they leave it at that.
Jared doesn’t know what else to say.
*
Chad goes to Wilmington. He calls Jared sometimes, at three in the morning. Jared always answers the phone, groggy and sleepy, and they talk for a little while until Jared falls asleep or Chad has to be on set.
Jared fucks around. He meets girls around LA who like his dimples and big smile. He takes them back to their place and pretends he has every intention of calling them.
He gets a couple of movies and spends time at home, and when the summer rolls around, Chad’s back in LA and it’s the same old song. Chad’s at Jared’s whenever he’s not filming, and they slip right back into sharing breath and space, swapping insults and blowjobs like it’s no big thing.
They fuck for the first time in Jared’s bare apartment with the dogs yapping in the kitchen and the track of a video game looping loud and obnoxious.
It’s frantic and fast and Jared is glad that Chad’s obviously done this before because Jared’s at a loss. Chad is breathing heavy and hard and his mouth is everywhere and Jared thinks he might lose it.
When Chad rolls him to his stomach, his fingers on Jared’s hip are gentle and his voice is low. Jared turns to look at him, to watch Chad roll a condom on and reach for the lotion by the bed and when Chad stops, catches Jared watching, his smile is all Chad and none of the cocky shit that Jared hates. His finger is cool and startles Jared when it touches him there, and Chad smiles but doesn’t say anything, just bends to press an awkward, open-mouthed kiss to the small of Jared’s back. His hand on Jared’s hip holds him steady as his finger slides around and slips in and Jared loses his breath on a sudden rush. It’s slow and steady, pushing in and Jared forces himself to breathe so they can get to the good part. At least he hopes it’s good and not as fucking scary as he fears.
His hips shift against the bedspread because Chad’s finger’s going deeper, just barely grazing something that sparks heat in Jared’s belly and makes his palms itch, and his mouth opens on a plea but he bites his lip and moves his hips back into Chad’s hand and hopes that’s enough. Chad’s humming, his finger moving in and out and he says quietly, conversationally, “I’m going to fuck you so good,” and Jared presses his face into the pillow to stifle the sounds that come out of his mouth because he is not drunk enough to make an ass out of himself and not worry about it later.
“Fucking do it already,” Jared grits out. He’s trying to get a hand under him so he can wrap it around his dick and ease a little of the tension and the need to come right now.
“Patience, baby,” Chad teases and Jared snaps his teeth and growls and pushes back at Chad’s hand because he doesn’t have all damn night.
Chad pulls back enough to slip a second finger in and heat shoots up Jared’s spine. His fingers curl in the sheets and he concentrates on relaxing and acting as though Chad’s not getting to him with the slow slide of his fingers in Jared’s ass.
There’s the sound of foil and Jared thinks finally, and waits as Chad rolls the condom on and then there’s blunt hot pressure and Jared starts to panic, thinking he might be hyperventilating. Chad slides in and the pain is fierce but Jared concentrates on the press of Chad’s belly against his lower back. He makes a strangled, surprised noise when Chad folds himself along the length of Jared’s back, lips pressed to the back of Jared’s neck, hips moving in a slow, steady pace. The angle is nice, better, and Chad’s hitting everything that makes Jared’s toes curl. Chad opens his mouth over Jared’s skin and grazes his teeth against Jared’s shoulder, follows it with his tongue and Jared’s mouth opens wordlessly against the pillow. Chad’s hips move faster, deeper, pushing against places that make lights flash and pop behind Jared’s eyelids.
Jared needs to move. “Let me up,” he whispers, pushing back. Chad pulls out and lets Jared get on his knees, hands propped on the pillows.
“Fuck,” Chad mutters and Jared turns to look at him, grinning big and dirty. Chad’s hands on Jared’s hips hold him steady as Chad slides back in with a low growl.
Chad fucks him hard, slowing down when Jared starts to get frantic and he spits, “Goddamn it, stupid fucking FUCK,” and Chad slams back in laughing low, and Jared growls, “I hate you you cocky fuck.” Chad reaches around, wraps a hand around Jared’s dick and Jared comes all over Chad’s fingers and the sheets. Chad comes minutes later, pulling out and throwing the condom on the floor to come all over Jared’s ass.
*
Jared turns twenty-one in LA. Chad shows up at his apartment with balloons and a cake and party hats and Jared’s laughing so hard he’s wheezing. Chad just stands there, grinning big, and then he’s moving forward and Jared’s backing up until Chad’s holding him against the wall with his hips. They kiss, loud and messy and lewd, Chad’s hands in Jared’s hair, Jared palming Chad’s jaw and moving his hips.
Jared wants to fuck but Chad has other plans and he pulls away. He’s hard and Jared reaches for him but Chad just bats his hand away.
“We’re going out,” is all Chad will say except to mention that Jared might want to change clothes.
They go to a bar just because Jared finally can and it’s cool and all to be there with Chad, hanging out and drinking beer but Jared’s uncomfortably aware that Chad got him worked up and left him hanging. He’s on his third beer and only half listening to conversations around him.
He catches Chad talking up a girl, not much older than Jared, and Chad looks over and the look he gives him is enough to make Jared want to grab his wrist and drag him into the bathroom but Chad just smiles and lifts his chin in a c’mere gesture. Jared goes.
Her name is Molly. She’s not Chad’s type but Chad’s eyeing Jared like he knows he nailed this one on the head. She’s all honey and cherry blossoms and her smile reminds Jared of home. She smells like spring air and fresh flowers and she speaks with the barest hint of a southern accent.
She’s the type of good girl that Jared’s always loved, just to see what kinds of things he can get her to do.
She wishes Jared a happy birthday and buys him a drink.
They take her back to her place and fuck her several times. She gives good head and does anything they ask, and they indulge her when she breathlessly suggests they kiss. They leave her asleep and naked under a pile of used blankets and stumble out of her apartment at five, as the city’s waking up.
*
Chad gets famous real quick and his life is all over the magazines.
Jared reads all about Chad and Sophia and listens to Chad talk about how great she is and Jared wonders if he can vomit without Chad hearing.
“You’ve seen the show, man, she’s fucking hot,” Chad says and Jared rolls his eyes. It’s three in the morning because Chad has an early call time and always ignores the time difference between the two of them. Jared’s tired. He’s supposed to be sleeping, damn it, he has to work tomorrow but they don’t talk as often these days and Jared thinks it’s okay to admit to himself that he misses Chad a fuck of a lot.
He half-listens to Chad go on about Sophia and the sex and how Jared would like her and Jared burrows deeper into pillows. He flings the blankets off him and kicks his legs open, feeling desperate and needy all of a sudden for reasons he’d never say out loud.
“Hey, you there?” Chad’s voice is low and quiet, rough with sleep and Jared closes his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Jared mutters, voice catching in his throat. “Keep talking.”
Chad switches to football and asks if Jared’s been watching the Colts get their asses handed to them this season.
Jared doesn’t say anything but he sighs a little as he slips his fingers inside his boxers and groans low when they touch the warm skin of his dick. He fists his dick and bites his lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises.
He gets into it and then he’s just seconds away, hips moving off the mattress. He’s trying not to make too much noise but he doesn’t think it Chad’s paying attention anyway. He’s back to talking about Sophia which Jared tries to shut out but then Chad says, “We should, the three of us. You know?” Chad’s using the sex voice and that’s all it takes, Jared comes all over himself.
It takes Jared a minute to realize he’s just been played and then he growls low into the phone, “You bitch” and Chad’s laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world.
*
Jared doesn’t know if it’s luck or a goddamn curse when he gets House of Wax and finds out Chad’s got it too. They talk about sharing a place and Jared rolls his eyes because Sophia’s gonna fucking hate that. But they get to Australia and it’s nothing like home and Jared likes it alright but he’s glad to have something familiar there, even if it’s Chad, even if he hasn’t figured out what the hell it means that he’s glad for that.
They’re exhausted and beat at the end of every day and Jared goes to Chad’s anyway, to play video games and shoot the shit. Most nights Jared listens to Sophia get angry and in Chad’s face. She storms out one night, yells that she’ll be at a hotel and Jared watches Chad drink his beer, an unreadable look on his face.
“Why?” and Jared thinks, why are you with her if you can’t be bothered to be with her but just leaves it at “why” and Chad shrugs.
“I don’t know,” he says flatly and Jared thinks of calling him out but it’s clear that it’s not just a bullshit Chad answer: he really doesn’t know. So Jared drops it and lets Chad crawl over him where he’s sitting on the couch, straddling his hips. His hand tangles in Jared’s hair and Jared lets him but opens his mouth to clarify. “Shut up,” Chad mutters and closes his mouth over Jared’s and Jared kisses back because he can’t think of a reason why he shouldn’t.
*
Jared goes back to LA, to a role that doesn’t really feel his anymore and waits around for something better.
*
Chad gets married and Jared goes to the wedding because if nothing else, Chad’s his friend.
The reception is a glitzy Hollywood affair and Chad is gone on champagne and whatever’s in the flask he’s been sneaking sips from all night. He corners Jared outside the bathroom and Jared puts an arm around him and tugs him inside to splash water in his face.
Jared straightens Chad’s tie and looks at him and says, “Congratulations,” as an afterthought.
Chad grins, a watery, boozy smile and when he wraps his arms around Jared, face in Jared’s shoulder, Jared hugs him back.
Later, when the reception’s dead, Jared goes out, drinks seven beers and lets a stranger blow him against the wall of a seedy bar.
*
Jared hears about it first from Chad, which is good, all things considered. “She left,” Chad says around a mouthful of something and Jared doesn’t know what to say to that. He thinks good, but he’s not that much of an asshole so all he says is, “I’m sorry, man.”
It’s all over the tabloids. The separation, and later the annulment, and most importantly, the fact that Chad is a cheater. He takes it in stride, runs a hand over his head and shrugs and smiles that cocky I don’t give a shit grin and Jared doesn’t believe him but he lets him do it anyway.
He’s in Vancouver filming and he’s so tired he can’t think straight but he flies to North Carolina anyway for the weekend just to see for himself.
They fuck because that’s what they do, and Chad just pushed him against the wall when he tried to talk about it. They fuck on the floor, in the kitchen, on the couch and in the shower, and never once talk about what Jared wants to talk about.
He leaves, feeling hung over and groggy though he doesn’t remember drinking anything.
*
“I’m not a faggot,” Chad has said repeatedly and of all the possible reasons, Jared thinks it’s why he married Sophia, to prove something.
The annulment is finalized and Chad lets Jared fuck him.
They’re in LA for a weekend, on break from their respective shows, Jared’s need to get out of Vancouver propelling him down to a city he hates. They drink too much and talk too loud and Chad’s being a regular bitch so Jared pins him face down on the carpet, breath hot against Chad’s neck and says, “Listen. I get it, I get everything’s fucked up good right now but you need to cut this shit cause you’re acting like a goddamned pussy. Got it?”
Chad’s breath is coming hard and fast and he doesn’t say anything just nods, nose pressed to the floor. “Good,” Jared says and falls to lie next to him where they share breath and Chad opens his eyes to look hard and steady at Jared. When he moves that inch and kisses the breath out of Jared, Jared goes with it and gives Chad whatever it is he’s looking for because Jared needs it too though he’d sooner light himself on fire than say it out loud.
They do it there, on the floor, television on mute and empty takeout boxes scattered around them. Jared fumbles around looking for lube and when he doesn’t find any he sticks his fingers in Chad’s mouth and mutters, “Suck ‘em good,” low and dirty and Chad growls and bites at Jared’s skin.
Jared watches Chad’s face, his eyes pressed shut, cheeks red, mouth open and when he circles and presses, Chad’s hips lift and Jared thinks, fuck yeah. It’s a minute, maybe less, and Jared’s rolling a condom on and urging Chad to his knees, back arched, one hand braced on the coffee table. Jared tries to say something, noise trying to push its way out but it’s caught, stuttered in his chest and he gasps for air as he pushes all the way in. Chad’s head falls forward and Jared grazes his teeth against the back of his neck and thrusts harder.
When Jared comes, he pulls out, flips Chad over and wraps his lips around Chad’s cock. He sucks with Chad’s hands in his hair, holding him, breathing through his nose and swallows Chad’s come.
They fall asleep right there on the floor.
*
Jared goes back to work. Chad calls and Jared doesn’t pick up but he knows Chad and Chad is a persistent little bitch.
“What?” Jared growls into the phone. It’s two am. He doesn’t bother turning on the lights.
“Hello to you, too, asshole,” Chad says and it just pisses Jared off more.
“Fuck you,” Jared says and feels like throwing his phone against the wall just to hear it smash into a million pieces.
“What do you fucking want from me?” Chad’s not yelling. He sounds a little defeated. Jared is not going to feel sorry for him. He’s not.
“I don’t know,” Jared says and means it. He doesn’t know what he wants from Chad, what he wants out of this whole crazy ride.
*
Vancouver is worlds away from LA and Jared’s so busy he barely has time for anything. He and Jensen go out and get wasted every now and then and there were a couple drunken blowjobs but Jensen’s got a thing with some guy that’s got him tore up enough to be a real pain to be around when things start getting too serious and Jared’s head just isn’t in it.
But they’re friends and Jared needs that when it feels everything else is sort of slipping away. Jensen is nothing like Chad in all the best ways. They hang out and talk and it might be the thing that Jared missed most about not being in one place for very long, on one project.
Jared wishes he hadn’t gotten drunk that night and let it slip about Chad but Jensen reciprocated and Jared thinks that they make quite a pair, fucked up about relationships they have no control over.
*
Jared’s napping. It’s a Texas thing, because every time he comes home he naps, in his parents bed like when he was little or on the sofa to the sounds of his mama fixing dinner, or on the sun porch with the radio on and the leaves rustling every now and then. He’s in the yard in the hammock, swinging and trying to sleep and failing, when his mama appears at the screen door.
“Jared, honey, you have a visitor.” She disappears back into the kitchen before Jared can ask who it is. Jared feels the weight of the heat on him and moves slowly, throws his legs over the side of the hammock and feels like he’s moving through quicksand.
“You’re getting old, man,” and Jared’s head snaps up because Chad’s standing behind the screen door, in Jared’s kitchen, in his mama’s kitchen and he’s looking at Jared like he has every right to be standing there.
Jared stands up but doesn’t move because yeah, Chad’s his friend, or was at one point, but Jared’s not sure what Chad’s doing here or why he looks like he doesn’t plan on going anywhere.
“What are you doing here?” Jared asks and it comes out sleepy-sounding and heavy.
Chad pushes open the screen door and steps outside and he’s wearing jeans with holes in the knees and flip flops and a plain t-shirt. His hair is getting long again, growing out from the buzz cut and Jared will always think Chad looks best like this, without the Hollywood and the glitz, just himself, unapologetic. He looks like home, like Jared feels when he comes back to San Antonio and his mama and daddy, even for a few days without the armor and the façade, just him and home.
“Happy Birthday,” Chad says. Jared doesn’t say anything because he’s not really sure what to say.
Jared shuffles out of his flip flops to feel the cool grass against his toes, just to have a distraction. Chad’s watching him, hands in his pockets, cool as anything. Jared doesn’t remember a time when he could look at Chad and not want to touch him. Jared has always had a thing for Chad’s hair, and the smooth skin on the inside of his wrist and even before all the fucking around and everything else, he liked that Chad would let him touch.
Jared doesn’t know what he’s waiting for. It’s not an apology or explanation because he knows he won’t get either. It might be a promise which would be stupid because he’s not likely to get that either. Whatever it is, Jared hates waiting. He might be as stubborn as his daddy but he’s not above giving in if it means they can get past this distance that Jared hates.
He steps forward and pulls Chad against him, wrapping his arms around him in the kind of full-body hug that Chad always gives best.
Jared will concede that he doesn’t hate that Chad is here and leave it at that.
Rated pretty smutty
Jared Padalecki / Chad Michael Murray
Written by daysoflo
Graphic by buhfly
Huge, enormous thanks to ink-stain for being a truly wonderful beta.
All Comes Down
Jared goes home for his birthday, trades LA for San Antonio and goes home to barbecues and heavy, stifling heat, home cooked meals and lazy evenings on the porch.
He sleeps in his old room and wears thread-bare shorts and t-shirts from high school with the sleeves cut off. His hair hangs in his eyes and clings to the back of his neck and he breaths fast and hard, pulling the thick air into his lungs. His mama fixes his favorite meals and washes his laundry and fusses over him and doesn’t say anything when he rolls his eyes at her comments about how thin he’s getting. He plays with the dogs and helps his daddy in the garage. He talks to Jensen every day, usually after dinner when the sun’s hanging low in the sky and the yards and streets are busy with summer sounds and laughing children. He sleeps naked with the fan blowing air in his face and wakes up sweating, sheets sticking to every inch of him, soaked and heavy. He showers and doesn’t bother to towel off before getting dressed. He doesn’t think about Vancouver and the show, and he doesn’t think about the movie he left to come home or the reasons why, and he doesn’t let his mama talk him out of going back.
He doesn’t call Chad or think about him or answer his mama when she asks about him.
*
When Chad and Jared meet, Chad is every asshole Jared ever knew in high school. He walks like he owns the goddamn world and has something bitchy to say any time Jared looks his way. There is nothing Jared likes about him. Their third day on set together they get into a fight. Jared punches Chad right in his pretty mouth and Chad goes after him, throwing Jared to the ground. They roll around like a couple of assholes, getting in a punch here and there but mostly it's just an excuse to get out all the energy that’s been building since Jared came to LA.
They get tired and lay on the cement flooring of the empty soundstage, breathing heavy and loud. After a while Jared gets up and holds a hand out to Chad and Chad just looks at it for a minute before taking it and pulling himself up.
They don’t talk about it again and from there on out, it’s cool, like they have an understanding. They hang out on set, playing video games and throwing insults back and forth. They hang out at Chad’s apartment and talk about football and basketball, about people they’d like to work with and what it’s like living in LA, and they score beer and drink until they’re passed out together on the sofa.
They wake up cotton-mouthed and smelling stale and they fight over who gets first shower. They eat cereal standing up in Chad’s kitchen and Jared throws Frosted Flakes at Chad when he talks around a mouthful of food. They drive to set together and hang out and talk up the extras and flirt. They go out and get into trouble together and Jared wakes up more often than not on Chad’s sofa. Jared wakes up one morning thinking he might not hate Chad after all.
*
Jared calls his mama every Sunday night and she asks about LA and if he’s eating right and whether he wants her to send him anything. She asks about the people he works with and if he’s made any friends and he tells her about Chad. She says she’s happy for him and hopes to meet him and says it just the way she did when he was in high school and going out with his buddies, wanting to know who her baby was hanging out with.
He hangs up the phone and there’s a knock on the door. It’s Chad with food and beer and Jared grins wide and says, “About damn time.”
They eat Chinese out of the takeout boxes, Jared at one end of the sofa, Chad leaning against the arm of the other end, legs stretched out, feet pressed up against Jared’s thigh.
The TV’s on mute, a South Park rerun glaring bright and sharp and the radio’s on low, some alternative rock station that Chad insists on listening to.
“Best.” Chad says, swallowing a mouthful of beer and raising an eyebrow.
“Best?” Jared grabs Chad’s beer, too tired to get up and get another. “Hang on.” He swallows and thinks and says, “Right before I left home, this girl I knew in high school. Her name was Missy, and she had this reputation, you know?” Jared rests his head against the back of the sofa cuts his eyes to Chad. Jared thinks about that night, about running into Missy at the drive in, and following her back to her tiny one-bedroom apartment. “I’ve never fucked around so many times in one night, man, it wasn’t anything like anything.” Jared’s hard just thinking about that night.
It should be embarrassing, sitting next to Chad with his dick pushing against the seam of his jeans but in the short time it’s been he’s come to think of Chad as someone he’s known forever and it seems natural.
Jared doesn’t look away, doesn’t flinch, doesn’t hide. He shifts lower against the couch, thighs spreading to ease the pressure some. He presses his palm to the front of his jeans and lifts his hips up, just slightly.
Chad’s watching him, all lazy and amused, a half smile on his lips that sort of does things to Jared, makes the heat and blood rush to his face. It’s a knowing smile.
Chad is slow and unhurried, pressure-free, when he says “Want some help with that?”
Heat rushes to Jared’s face but it’s not embarrassment. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t move either, and Chad takes that for what it is - as much of an invitation as he’s gonna get.
Chad shifts, closes the distance separating them and the he’s sitting next to Jared, thigh pressed hot and firm against Jared’s. His fingers are sure and unhurried when he works the buttons on Jared’s jeans open and Jared doesn’t know why, but he’s holding his breath.
Chad gets the fly open and works his hand into Jared’s underwear, fingers brushing Jared, just barely.
“Fuck,” he hisses out, just an exhalation and Chad’s lips curve, not a smile but close, satisfied. His fingers curl around the length of Jared’s dick, hand firm and warm. Jared’s been jerked off by another guy before, his buddy in high school and he’s always loved it best for the sureness and confidence and none of the clumsy fumbling he gets from girls.
Jared feels hot and ruffled, like his skin doesn’t fit right. He’s hyper aware of everything, the way Chad’s thigh is pressed to his, the damp puff of breath against his cheek, the catch of Chad’s fingernail against his dick.
Jared can’t focus on much else besides the fucking perfect stroke of Chad’s hand but he pushes a hand into Chad’s lap, just to see if this is having any effect on Chad.
A sudden rush of heat pools in his belly when his hand closes over Chad’s dick, hot and hard and pushing against Jared’s palm.
“Yeah,” Jared breathes. He’s close, too fucking close and all he needs is for Chad to just keep going, just a little bit.
Chad’s head tips forward and their foreheads are touching, leaning against each other for support. Jared opens his eyes and all he sees is Chad’s mouth, pink and wet, lips parted just enough to catch a glimpse of tongue.
“Faster,” Jared mutters and the words skitter across Chad’s cheek, it’s how close they are. Jared rubs at Chad’s dick, hopes it’s doing something for him because he can’t get his shit together enough right now and he promises, if there’s ever a next time, he’ll fucking make it up to him.
Chad’s fingers dig into Jared’s thigh as his hand on Jared’s dick twists suddenly and Jared breathes hard to keep from passing out and comes all over Chad’s fingers and his own boxers.
It takes Jared a couple seconds of making sure he’s not blind before he’s kneeling over Chad, straddling a thigh, and working Chad’s jeans open.
“Yeah, fuck, c’mon,” Chad says, head falling back. Chad’s hand folds over Jared’s hand Jared just shoves him out of the way, wraps his fingers around Chad’s cock and works him with quick strokes of his fist.
It takes Chad not two minutes to come and then he’s laying back on the couch, panting, an arm over his eyes. Jared wipes his hand on his ruined jeans and reaches for Chad’s beer.
He thumbs the mute button on the remote and Family Guy is on. They watch in silence and then Jared says, “Don’t be weird tomorrow.”
Chad doesn’t say anything.
*
“You’re being weird,” Jared says when he sees Chad on set the next day because Chad is being a jackass and Jared fucking knew it.
“What would you say,” Chad says, pushing up into Jared’s space, eyes bright and hard, “if I said I wanted to blow you.”
Jared hits the wall. He’s breathless, like he just got sucker punched. He says nothing. Chad’s shoulders are tense, preparing for a fight.
“What would you say?” Chad says again and he’s got that defensive look in his eyes and that stubborn set to his mouth, like he’s daring Jared to tell the truth.
Jared doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what’s going on here, doesn’t know what a half-drunk hand job means to Chad but Jared just wants it to mean that he and Chad are friends and occasionally Jared can get a blinding orgasm from the deal every now and then.
“You wouldn’t,” Jared says because fuck, he doesn’t know what to think. Chad doesn’t especially strike him as the kind of guy who’d go around offering to blow dudes, even if he does have a mouth that was made for cocksucking.
Chad takes that as a dare and Jared’s not sure if he meant it as one or not. But Chad’s on his knees before Jared can stop to think about what they’re doing. He doesn’t do any of that teasing, tentative shit that drives Jared up a goddamn wall, just opens his mouth and takes Jared in.
Chad’s mouth is hot and wet and he makes a low sort of growl when Jared tangles his fingers in his hair. In that moment, Jared cares only about coming in Chad’s mouth. He lets his head fall back against the wall with a thud and Chad’s fingers tighten on his hips, and Jared doesn’t know whether to hope for bruises or not.
Chad’s hair slides through Jared’s fingers, slick with gel. He tightens his hold reflexively, pulls just slightly, just to see and Chad sucks harder. His eyes dart up, watching, and there’s a bright flush on his cheeks, a wild look in his eyes and Jared bites down on a groan because fuck, Chad gets off on sucking dick and Jared is going to fucking own him for this.
Jared’s close, hips moving, trying to fuck Chad’s mouth. Chad gives up trying to hold him still, just wraps a hand around Jared’s dick and lets him. Jared’s mouth falls open and before he can warn Chad he comes, eyes closed and his hands in Chad’s hair.
Chad’s making strangled sounds but he doesn’t pull off, swallows it out and sits back, wiping a hand over his mouth. Jared looks down at him, smirking, because yeah, Chad loves this. He’s panting hard, running his tongue over his lower lip and pressing the heel of his hand against the front of his jeans. Jared gets his shit together enough to pull Chad up against him and his breath is hot against Jared’s throat when he presses his face there, rubbing against Jared’s thigh and making low, growling noises. Jared puts a hand to Chad’s chest, pushes him enough and gets them turned around so Chad’s leaning against the wall, and before he can talk himself out of it, Jared’s on his knees.
He gets Chad’s jeans undone and one hand in his underwear and there’s musky heat in his face. Chad’s hand rests on his shoulder and that’s encouragement enough for Jared. His breath shudders in his chest and he opens his mouth and touches his tongue to Chad’s dick. Chad makes a gasping noise and Jared groans a little when Chad’s fingers touch Jared’s his cheek. He takes the head of Chad’s dick between his lips and lets it rest there, getting used to the feeling and taste of Chad in his mouth.
Jared is fucking awful but Chad talks him through it and says encouraging things like “yeah, baby, like that” and it’s so hot Jared’s hard again.
Chad warns him right before he comes and Jared pulls off barely in time. Chad comes all over Jared’s shirt and just laughs when Jared insists he buy him a new one.
*
They keep it a secret because they have too much to lose. They don’t talk about it and they don’t make promises and Chad fucks extras and Jared gets drunk and takes home a couple of girls and they order take out and play video games and watch basketball. On set they hang out like before, goading each other and trading stories about home. They live in each other’s pockets. Chad spends the night at Jared’s on the weekends. They catch a Lakers game and go out to eat. Neither of them has been in LA long. They still don’t know many people and are both just waiting to see what a Hollywood life looks like. It’s easier to feel that things are going to be okay when Jared’s at Chad’s apartment, watching Sports Center with Chad pressed up against his side. They fuck around, but not always. Some nights it’s just them on the sofa with a movie or video game and the reassurance of someone else.
*
Their first kiss is an accident, after a week of hurried hand jobs and drunken blowjobs and it’s the two of them at Chad’s apartment one night when his roommate is out
They’re fucking around, talking shit and acting like boys, and Jared doesn’t think anything of it until they’re wrestling around, grabbing at each other. Chad’s calling him bitch and pussy and Jared grits out, that’s it, and tackles him to the floor. When they finally run out of breath and energy Chad’s sitting on Jared’s chest, grinning in his face and laughing.
Jared says, “Get off me asshole,” and Chad laughs harder when Jared throws him off, and they roll around some more and it happens without Jared thinking about it. Jared’s got Chad pinned to the rug with Chad’s hands over his head and they’re pressed hip to hip, chest to chest. Chad’s breathing loudly, eyes glinting and amused and Jared wants to wipe that cocky look off his face. He leans forward and his mouth comes down over Chad’s and opens and their tongues touch. Chad exhales sharply into Jared’s mouth and kisses him back, lips and tongue and teeth. Jared’s hips move, grind down hard and sharp against Chad’s and Chad gets a leg up over Jared’s hip, pressing them close.
They make out until Jared’s lips feel swollen and bruised, stopping only to eat and then, Chad’s slapping Jared on the ass and hollering at him to make him his dinner, and Jared’s using some off-color words about Chad’s mother and the whole thing starts up again.
*
The summer comes and Jared goes home for a week. He doesn’t realize how homesick he was until he gets home and falls back into summer in Texas. His mama makes chicken and cornbread and he drinks sweet tea by the gallon and falls asleep listening to his daddy go on and on about James Madison football.
Three days in, Chad shows up.
Jared’s fresh out of the shower, hair damp and dripping down his back and when his mama calls up to him he goes downstairs, wearing only jeans. It’s too damn hot for anything else.
Chad’s leaning against the doorjamb, already sweating and Jared grins, feels it building somewhere deep in his gut.
“I was bored,” Chad says, shrugging and wraps an arm around Jared. Jared doesn’t admit that he’s damn glad to see him.
Chad stays for four days. He charms the pants off Jared’s mama and wins Jared’s daddy over by talking cars and Megan just stares wide-eyed and stupid whenever Chad says anything.
Jared’s birthday, twenty - nothing to fuss over, rolls around while Chad’s still in San Antonio. Jared’s parents make a big deal just like always. His mama bakes him a cake and they open presents and sing Happy Birthday loudly and off-key.
Later, they go out, just for a drive, Chad saying that he wants to see where Jared went in high school to “get it on.” Jared lifts an eyebrow and rolls his eyes. But they go to a spot that used to be where they went on Friday nights after football games, a secluded spot twenty-miles from the house in a turnoff hidden by weeds and trees.
The air-conditioner is going full blast and the classic country station is filtering in through the rusty speakers.
Chad hands Jared a box, wrapped in Barbie wrapping paper. “It’s all we had at home,” Chad says, grinning wide.
Jared rips away the paper and opens the box. It’s a random assortment of things Jared’s only seen in the porn shop off the old highway, when he and his buddies snuck in through the back in high school. There’s a cock ring, and flavored lube and a whip and Jared doesn’t know whether to laugh or throw the box at Chad’s stupid laughing head.
“I don’t know what half this shit is,” Jared says, picking through it. Pocket pussy? What the fuck? He looks at Chad and Chad’s face is turning red he’s laughing so hard.
“You are fucked up,” Jared swears and tosses the box in the backseat.
“C’mere,” Chad says, trying to catch his breath. He pulls Jared across the seat and straddles him, fingers tangling in Jared’s hair.
“Want me to give you your real present?” Chad says, low and dirty.
“Fuck yeah,” Jared groans, already pushing at Chad’s head, hips lifting off the seat.
*
Life in LA is fast. Jared goes back and the season starts up again and it’s a lot of the same. Jared gets a new place, closer to Chad’s. Nothing changes, really. They get noticed now, when they go out to eat and it’s pretty cool. Fame has its perks and Jared hopes he never gets used to random girls offering to blow him or free drinks coming his way as long as he wants them.
Life slows a little when Chad gets his show. He shows up at Jared’s apartment to share the news and after, Jared’s on his belly, eyes closed and Chad’s sitting on the floor against the sofa and says, yeah, in North Carolina and Jared says, oh, cool man and they leave it at that.
Jared doesn’t know what else to say.
*
Chad goes to Wilmington. He calls Jared sometimes, at three in the morning. Jared always answers the phone, groggy and sleepy, and they talk for a little while until Jared falls asleep or Chad has to be on set.
Jared fucks around. He meets girls around LA who like his dimples and big smile. He takes them back to their place and pretends he has every intention of calling them.
He gets a couple of movies and spends time at home, and when the summer rolls around, Chad’s back in LA and it’s the same old song. Chad’s at Jared’s whenever he’s not filming, and they slip right back into sharing breath and space, swapping insults and blowjobs like it’s no big thing.
They fuck for the first time in Jared’s bare apartment with the dogs yapping in the kitchen and the track of a video game looping loud and obnoxious.
It’s frantic and fast and Jared is glad that Chad’s obviously done this before because Jared’s at a loss. Chad is breathing heavy and hard and his mouth is everywhere and Jared thinks he might lose it.
When Chad rolls him to his stomach, his fingers on Jared’s hip are gentle and his voice is low. Jared turns to look at him, to watch Chad roll a condom on and reach for the lotion by the bed and when Chad stops, catches Jared watching, his smile is all Chad and none of the cocky shit that Jared hates. His finger is cool and startles Jared when it touches him there, and Chad smiles but doesn’t say anything, just bends to press an awkward, open-mouthed kiss to the small of Jared’s back. His hand on Jared’s hip holds him steady as his finger slides around and slips in and Jared loses his breath on a sudden rush. It’s slow and steady, pushing in and Jared forces himself to breathe so they can get to the good part. At least he hopes it’s good and not as fucking scary as he fears.
His hips shift against the bedspread because Chad’s finger’s going deeper, just barely grazing something that sparks heat in Jared’s belly and makes his palms itch, and his mouth opens on a plea but he bites his lip and moves his hips back into Chad’s hand and hopes that’s enough. Chad’s humming, his finger moving in and out and he says quietly, conversationally, “I’m going to fuck you so good,” and Jared presses his face into the pillow to stifle the sounds that come out of his mouth because he is not drunk enough to make an ass out of himself and not worry about it later.
“Fucking do it already,” Jared grits out. He’s trying to get a hand under him so he can wrap it around his dick and ease a little of the tension and the need to come right now.
“Patience, baby,” Chad teases and Jared snaps his teeth and growls and pushes back at Chad’s hand because he doesn’t have all damn night.
Chad pulls back enough to slip a second finger in and heat shoots up Jared’s spine. His fingers curl in the sheets and he concentrates on relaxing and acting as though Chad’s not getting to him with the slow slide of his fingers in Jared’s ass.
There’s the sound of foil and Jared thinks finally, and waits as Chad rolls the condom on and then there’s blunt hot pressure and Jared starts to panic, thinking he might be hyperventilating. Chad slides in and the pain is fierce but Jared concentrates on the press of Chad’s belly against his lower back. He makes a strangled, surprised noise when Chad folds himself along the length of Jared’s back, lips pressed to the back of Jared’s neck, hips moving in a slow, steady pace. The angle is nice, better, and Chad’s hitting everything that makes Jared’s toes curl. Chad opens his mouth over Jared’s skin and grazes his teeth against Jared’s shoulder, follows it with his tongue and Jared’s mouth opens wordlessly against the pillow. Chad’s hips move faster, deeper, pushing against places that make lights flash and pop behind Jared’s eyelids.
Jared needs to move. “Let me up,” he whispers, pushing back. Chad pulls out and lets Jared get on his knees, hands propped on the pillows.
“Fuck,” Chad mutters and Jared turns to look at him, grinning big and dirty. Chad’s hands on Jared’s hips hold him steady as Chad slides back in with a low growl.
Chad fucks him hard, slowing down when Jared starts to get frantic and he spits, “Goddamn it, stupid fucking FUCK,” and Chad slams back in laughing low, and Jared growls, “I hate you you cocky fuck.” Chad reaches around, wraps a hand around Jared’s dick and Jared comes all over Chad’s fingers and the sheets. Chad comes minutes later, pulling out and throwing the condom on the floor to come all over Jared’s ass.
*
Jared turns twenty-one in LA. Chad shows up at his apartment with balloons and a cake and party hats and Jared’s laughing so hard he’s wheezing. Chad just stands there, grinning big, and then he’s moving forward and Jared’s backing up until Chad’s holding him against the wall with his hips. They kiss, loud and messy and lewd, Chad’s hands in Jared’s hair, Jared palming Chad’s jaw and moving his hips.
Jared wants to fuck but Chad has other plans and he pulls away. He’s hard and Jared reaches for him but Chad just bats his hand away.
“We’re going out,” is all Chad will say except to mention that Jared might want to change clothes.
They go to a bar just because Jared finally can and it’s cool and all to be there with Chad, hanging out and drinking beer but Jared’s uncomfortably aware that Chad got him worked up and left him hanging. He’s on his third beer and only half listening to conversations around him.
He catches Chad talking up a girl, not much older than Jared, and Chad looks over and the look he gives him is enough to make Jared want to grab his wrist and drag him into the bathroom but Chad just smiles and lifts his chin in a c’mere gesture. Jared goes.
Her name is Molly. She’s not Chad’s type but Chad’s eyeing Jared like he knows he nailed this one on the head. She’s all honey and cherry blossoms and her smile reminds Jared of home. She smells like spring air and fresh flowers and she speaks with the barest hint of a southern accent.
She’s the type of good girl that Jared’s always loved, just to see what kinds of things he can get her to do.
She wishes Jared a happy birthday and buys him a drink.
They take her back to her place and fuck her several times. She gives good head and does anything they ask, and they indulge her when she breathlessly suggests they kiss. They leave her asleep and naked under a pile of used blankets and stumble out of her apartment at five, as the city’s waking up.
*
Chad gets famous real quick and his life is all over the magazines.
Jared reads all about Chad and Sophia and listens to Chad talk about how great she is and Jared wonders if he can vomit without Chad hearing.
“You’ve seen the show, man, she’s fucking hot,” Chad says and Jared rolls his eyes. It’s three in the morning because Chad has an early call time and always ignores the time difference between the two of them. Jared’s tired. He’s supposed to be sleeping, damn it, he has to work tomorrow but they don’t talk as often these days and Jared thinks it’s okay to admit to himself that he misses Chad a fuck of a lot.
He half-listens to Chad go on about Sophia and the sex and how Jared would like her and Jared burrows deeper into pillows. He flings the blankets off him and kicks his legs open, feeling desperate and needy all of a sudden for reasons he’d never say out loud.
“Hey, you there?” Chad’s voice is low and quiet, rough with sleep and Jared closes his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Jared mutters, voice catching in his throat. “Keep talking.”
Chad switches to football and asks if Jared’s been watching the Colts get their asses handed to them this season.
Jared doesn’t say anything but he sighs a little as he slips his fingers inside his boxers and groans low when they touch the warm skin of his dick. He fists his dick and bites his lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises.
He gets into it and then he’s just seconds away, hips moving off the mattress. He’s trying not to make too much noise but he doesn’t think it Chad’s paying attention anyway. He’s back to talking about Sophia which Jared tries to shut out but then Chad says, “We should, the three of us. You know?” Chad’s using the sex voice and that’s all it takes, Jared comes all over himself.
It takes Jared a minute to realize he’s just been played and then he growls low into the phone, “You bitch” and Chad’s laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world.
*
Jared doesn’t know if it’s luck or a goddamn curse when he gets House of Wax and finds out Chad’s got it too. They talk about sharing a place and Jared rolls his eyes because Sophia’s gonna fucking hate that. But they get to Australia and it’s nothing like home and Jared likes it alright but he’s glad to have something familiar there, even if it’s Chad, even if he hasn’t figured out what the hell it means that he’s glad for that.
They’re exhausted and beat at the end of every day and Jared goes to Chad’s anyway, to play video games and shoot the shit. Most nights Jared listens to Sophia get angry and in Chad’s face. She storms out one night, yells that she’ll be at a hotel and Jared watches Chad drink his beer, an unreadable look on his face.
“Why?” and Jared thinks, why are you with her if you can’t be bothered to be with her but just leaves it at “why” and Chad shrugs.
“I don’t know,” he says flatly and Jared thinks of calling him out but it’s clear that it’s not just a bullshit Chad answer: he really doesn’t know. So Jared drops it and lets Chad crawl over him where he’s sitting on the couch, straddling his hips. His hand tangles in Jared’s hair and Jared lets him but opens his mouth to clarify. “Shut up,” Chad mutters and closes his mouth over Jared’s and Jared kisses back because he can’t think of a reason why he shouldn’t.
*
Jared goes back to LA, to a role that doesn’t really feel his anymore and waits around for something better.
*
Chad gets married and Jared goes to the wedding because if nothing else, Chad’s his friend.
The reception is a glitzy Hollywood affair and Chad is gone on champagne and whatever’s in the flask he’s been sneaking sips from all night. He corners Jared outside the bathroom and Jared puts an arm around him and tugs him inside to splash water in his face.
Jared straightens Chad’s tie and looks at him and says, “Congratulations,” as an afterthought.
Chad grins, a watery, boozy smile and when he wraps his arms around Jared, face in Jared’s shoulder, Jared hugs him back.
Later, when the reception’s dead, Jared goes out, drinks seven beers and lets a stranger blow him against the wall of a seedy bar.
*
Jared hears about it first from Chad, which is good, all things considered. “She left,” Chad says around a mouthful of something and Jared doesn’t know what to say to that. He thinks good, but he’s not that much of an asshole so all he says is, “I’m sorry, man.”
It’s all over the tabloids. The separation, and later the annulment, and most importantly, the fact that Chad is a cheater. He takes it in stride, runs a hand over his head and shrugs and smiles that cocky I don’t give a shit grin and Jared doesn’t believe him but he lets him do it anyway.
He’s in Vancouver filming and he’s so tired he can’t think straight but he flies to North Carolina anyway for the weekend just to see for himself.
They fuck because that’s what they do, and Chad just pushed him against the wall when he tried to talk about it. They fuck on the floor, in the kitchen, on the couch and in the shower, and never once talk about what Jared wants to talk about.
He leaves, feeling hung over and groggy though he doesn’t remember drinking anything.
*
“I’m not a faggot,” Chad has said repeatedly and of all the possible reasons, Jared thinks it’s why he married Sophia, to prove something.
The annulment is finalized and Chad lets Jared fuck him.
They’re in LA for a weekend, on break from their respective shows, Jared’s need to get out of Vancouver propelling him down to a city he hates. They drink too much and talk too loud and Chad’s being a regular bitch so Jared pins him face down on the carpet, breath hot against Chad’s neck and says, “Listen. I get it, I get everything’s fucked up good right now but you need to cut this shit cause you’re acting like a goddamned pussy. Got it?”
Chad’s breath is coming hard and fast and he doesn’t say anything just nods, nose pressed to the floor. “Good,” Jared says and falls to lie next to him where they share breath and Chad opens his eyes to look hard and steady at Jared. When he moves that inch and kisses the breath out of Jared, Jared goes with it and gives Chad whatever it is he’s looking for because Jared needs it too though he’d sooner light himself on fire than say it out loud.
They do it there, on the floor, television on mute and empty takeout boxes scattered around them. Jared fumbles around looking for lube and when he doesn’t find any he sticks his fingers in Chad’s mouth and mutters, “Suck ‘em good,” low and dirty and Chad growls and bites at Jared’s skin.
Jared watches Chad’s face, his eyes pressed shut, cheeks red, mouth open and when he circles and presses, Chad’s hips lift and Jared thinks, fuck yeah. It’s a minute, maybe less, and Jared’s rolling a condom on and urging Chad to his knees, back arched, one hand braced on the coffee table. Jared tries to say something, noise trying to push its way out but it’s caught, stuttered in his chest and he gasps for air as he pushes all the way in. Chad’s head falls forward and Jared grazes his teeth against the back of his neck and thrusts harder.
When Jared comes, he pulls out, flips Chad over and wraps his lips around Chad’s cock. He sucks with Chad’s hands in his hair, holding him, breathing through his nose and swallows Chad’s come.
They fall asleep right there on the floor.
*
Jared goes back to work. Chad calls and Jared doesn’t pick up but he knows Chad and Chad is a persistent little bitch.
“What?” Jared growls into the phone. It’s two am. He doesn’t bother turning on the lights.
“Hello to you, too, asshole,” Chad says and it just pisses Jared off more.
“Fuck you,” Jared says and feels like throwing his phone against the wall just to hear it smash into a million pieces.
“What do you fucking want from me?” Chad’s not yelling. He sounds a little defeated. Jared is not going to feel sorry for him. He’s not.
“I don’t know,” Jared says and means it. He doesn’t know what he wants from Chad, what he wants out of this whole crazy ride.
*
Vancouver is worlds away from LA and Jared’s so busy he barely has time for anything. He and Jensen go out and get wasted every now and then and there were a couple drunken blowjobs but Jensen’s got a thing with some guy that’s got him tore up enough to be a real pain to be around when things start getting too serious and Jared’s head just isn’t in it.
But they’re friends and Jared needs that when it feels everything else is sort of slipping away. Jensen is nothing like Chad in all the best ways. They hang out and talk and it might be the thing that Jared missed most about not being in one place for very long, on one project.
Jared wishes he hadn’t gotten drunk that night and let it slip about Chad but Jensen reciprocated and Jared thinks that they make quite a pair, fucked up about relationships they have no control over.
*
Jared’s napping. It’s a Texas thing, because every time he comes home he naps, in his parents bed like when he was little or on the sofa to the sounds of his mama fixing dinner, or on the sun porch with the radio on and the leaves rustling every now and then. He’s in the yard in the hammock, swinging and trying to sleep and failing, when his mama appears at the screen door.
“Jared, honey, you have a visitor.” She disappears back into the kitchen before Jared can ask who it is. Jared feels the weight of the heat on him and moves slowly, throws his legs over the side of the hammock and feels like he’s moving through quicksand.
“You’re getting old, man,” and Jared’s head snaps up because Chad’s standing behind the screen door, in Jared’s kitchen, in his mama’s kitchen and he’s looking at Jared like he has every right to be standing there.
Jared stands up but doesn’t move because yeah, Chad’s his friend, or was at one point, but Jared’s not sure what Chad’s doing here or why he looks like he doesn’t plan on going anywhere.
“What are you doing here?” Jared asks and it comes out sleepy-sounding and heavy.
Chad pushes open the screen door and steps outside and he’s wearing jeans with holes in the knees and flip flops and a plain t-shirt. His hair is getting long again, growing out from the buzz cut and Jared will always think Chad looks best like this, without the Hollywood and the glitz, just himself, unapologetic. He looks like home, like Jared feels when he comes back to San Antonio and his mama and daddy, even for a few days without the armor and the façade, just him and home.
“Happy Birthday,” Chad says. Jared doesn’t say anything because he’s not really sure what to say.
Jared shuffles out of his flip flops to feel the cool grass against his toes, just to have a distraction. Chad’s watching him, hands in his pockets, cool as anything. Jared doesn’t remember a time when he could look at Chad and not want to touch him. Jared has always had a thing for Chad’s hair, and the smooth skin on the inside of his wrist and even before all the fucking around and everything else, he liked that Chad would let him touch.
Jared doesn’t know what he’s waiting for. It’s not an apology or explanation because he knows he won’t get either. It might be a promise which would be stupid because he’s not likely to get that either. Whatever it is, Jared hates waiting. He might be as stubborn as his daddy but he’s not above giving in if it means they can get past this distance that Jared hates.
He steps forward and pulls Chad against him, wrapping his arms around him in the kind of full-body hug that Chad always gives best.
Jared will concede that he doesn’t hate that Chad is here and leave it at that.