for: rhole
From: thursday_kat
Title: Dwell
Rating: R
Summary: Sasuke might be far away but that doesn’t stop Naruto from thinking about him. It doesn’t stop the dreams either.
Warnings: None
A/N: I hope this story fits the prompt well enough. It was fun, if somewhat difficult, to write.
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
<><><>
The dreams begin almost immediately, even before he’s aware of them. Injured and out of his mind, he relives the fight at the Valley of the End, over and over again in feverish Technicolor.
Slowly, as he emerges from the haze, the dreams begin to take on slightly skewed hues. Somehow his words are more meaningful, his attacks are stronger and Sasuke’s, weaker. Naruto knows that these things aren’t real, no matter how much he might wish that they were, and every time he wakes, his surroundings remind him that he can’t change what has happened. Naruto knows what he has to do and he knows that he has it within himself to get the job done. He just has to train until he is powerful enough to channel all of his hopes and dreams and beliefs into a surefire way to bring Sasuke home.
He doesn’t talk about these dreams, not to anyone, though some days keeping silent is difficult. He doesn’t like secrets but this is somehow different. This is something that is solely his to hold close to his heart. Because it is Sasuke and even though Sakura grieves, even though he feels bad excluding her, he is unwilling to share.
Nearly every night, the dream returns. The Valley is the same, the smell of the earth and the water, the howl of the wind and the churning chakra that flows from both of them, all of it just as it was that day. The fight is the same too and the angry words that Sasuke tossed at him pierce him just as easily. But in his dreams Sasuke isn’t the half crazed winged creature that he has become thanks to Orochimaru’s deviousness. Instead, he still looks like the old Sasuke, the real one that Naruto had finally been able to call rival and friend.
These days, Naruto wakes with a curse on his lips for Orochimaru and the whole damn Uchiha clan. He curses Sasuke too, for not caring enough about the bond they had built together, though blood and sweat and tears, to resist the lure of Orochimaru’s theoretical power.
When Jiraiya takes him away from Konoha, to learn and to forget, Naruto makes sure that Sasuke comes with him even if it’s only in his mind. Life goes on, as it does, and Sasuke’s existence is a niggling stone in his brain that almost every experience treads upon. Every experience he has he holds up to the Sasuke in his mind and judges his progress accordingly. He will get stronger, strong enough that Sasuke won’t be able to leave him behind again. There is no room for doubt, there can’t be because no matter what the rumors that float amongst the trees whisper, he is going to bring Sasuke back.
Naruto is sure that Sasuke will figure it out, that he will realize that Orochimaru holds nothing but himself sacred. Sasuke is smarter than Naruto; surely he is smart enough to figure these things out.
On the long path that Naruto and Jiraiya walk, the rumors begin to whisper louder, a hushed murmur of words just barely able to be understood. All Naruto can hear is Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. He chases the words as if they are the boy, the man, himself. In between bouts of sparring and nights spent practicing stealth, Jiraiya tries to talk him out of his foolishness. Jiraiya is tainted by his relationship with Orochimaru, Naruto knows this, and Jiraiya cannot see and cannot understand how important, how vital, it is to Naruto that he brings Sasuke back.
There are innumerable parts of his life that Naruto defines by Sasuke. That is how he has wound their lives together. If he removes the thread that is Sasuke, what happens to the rest?
So Naruto trains and trains and at night, in his bed or curled up half hidden in the forest, he dreams of Sasuke.
Slowly, as the months slip by, as he figures things out, gets stronger, tougher, the dream begins to change, to morph into something else entirely.
<><><>
They are at the Valley of the End, once more facing one another. The dream always begins the same, at the same exact moment in time. The fight is still there, the fury and the stark brutality of it and the angry, biting words, but slowly small details begin to shift. There was a moment, the briefest sliver of time, when they had been standing, facing one another, that Naruto thought, had hoped, that Sasuke would change his mind.
It is here that the first changes begin. Instead of lashing out, Sasuke tells him that he is special; that the bond they have formed is more important than anything that Orochimaru has to offer. In these dreams they hug, tighter than Naruto has every hugged or been hugged before.
When he wakes up he is happy in the few seconds it takes before the real world intrudes. Then the room shifts and he is once more hundreds of miles away from Orochimaru’s compound. The lie of the dream leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, for all the joy it brought him in dreaming it.
Despite that, Naruto is content with these dreams. Jiraiya doesn’t let up, not on training, not on lecturing, not on laziness or borrowing Naruto’s money either. Naruto doesn’t tell him about the dream. He knows already where Jiraiya stands on the subject of Sasuke. Too many unflattering comparisons have been made between the Sannin and Team 7 for Naruto’s comfort. He will not let Sasuke walk the same path Orochimaru did, and nothing Jiraiya says will change that.
There are nights he doesn’t dream about the Valley of the End. On these nights his dreams are formless, hazy, and he wakes with a hollow feeling in his stomach.
One night, in a city far from the borders of the Fire Country, Naruto and Jiraiya are creeping through back alleys. Jiraiya is looking for someone and though his reasons are vague and unsatisfactory Naruto has little choice but tag along.
In one of the innumerable back alleys they traverse, dark and reeking of trash, Naruto catches a glimpse of bodies pressed together. It isn’t anything he hasn’t seen before; a country that trains it’s children to kill can hardly keep the secrets of sex from them after all. There is something about the woman that causes him to pause and it is only on a second glance that he notices the woman isn’t a woman at all but a man.
Naruto has heard rumors about some of the shinobi but he’s never cared enough to pay attention. Now he is fascinated, casting a backwards glance as they move on past the couple. Jiraiya must think that he’s shocked because he shoots Naruto a bemused smile before hurrying him along.
It wasn’t shock that made Naruto stop but rather the image of the two pressed together in the dark. He has seen men and women together before and it never sent the shock of longing down through his stomach. Suddenly, he has a name for the hollow feeling that follows in the wake of those hazy, vague dreams.
<><><>
That night he dreams the same dream, the Valley of the End dream and at the point where Sasuke usually agrees to return home he instead stares at Naruto, dark eyes hot and confused. The earth seems to be tipping beneath their feet because they are slowly falling towards one another. With a jolt, Naruto wakes, that same funny, hollow feeling in his gut. In the dark of the small room they’ve let nothing is moving. Jiraiya sleeps quietly, far enough away that Naruto can’t properly see him.
Curling on his side Naruto hugs the fading memory of the dream to him, cherishing that brief moment of contact that was almost completely without violence. This new dream rewrites itself over the original, further distorting it. He wants to hold onto the original but he cannot deny the seductive quality of the new dream.
One day, many months later, he wakes to find his pajamas damp, his erection still raging. As he slips past Jiraiya and heads towards the bathroom he sees that Jiraiya’s eyes are open.
Jiraiya, surprisingly enough, says nothing, only that Naruto is growing up and he gives him a few books with racy titles and large breasted women on the covers. Naruto scoffs and jokes but inside he hopes that he wasn’t calling Sasuke’s name. The books stay buried at the bottom of his pack
<><><>
They are standing at the Valley of the End and the sound of the waterfall is a continuous roar that overwhelms everything. Sasuke is standing an arms length away, staring at Naruto, his face grave. Naruto knows that his expression is a reflection of Sasuke’s own.
“I will stop you,” he tells Sasuke, and he means it too. He will do anything to stop him from leaving, from breaking the only bond Naruto cares about at the moment.
“Try it.” The words are severe but Sasuke’s expression hasn’t changed except for a tightness between his brows that Naruto wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t replayed this scene a hundred times over in his head.
Reaching out, he grabs Sasuke’s shirt but instead of throwing him, he pulls him in close and presses his mouth against Sasuke’s. As far as a kiss goes, it is tame, juvenile even.
Sasuke shoves at him, pushes back with all his might and Naruto, frightened that he’ll succeed and unwilling to take the risk, mashes their mouths together even harder.
It is a kiss reminiscent of the incident in class, bruised lips and teeth that knock. It reminds Naruto of being a child. It makes things worse.
This time when Sasuke pushes him away he succeeds and in the blink of an eye they are back to where they had been. Only this time there is no Kyuubi, no curse seal, just Naruto and Sasuke as they have been ever since they were put into the same team, dishing out blows and insults.
Dodging a powerful Katon, Naruto advances.
<><><>
The dreams don’t progress beyond that point, not quickly, and Naruto doesn’t wake very often to find that he has come in his sleep. It is a small relief, in a world that offers him few.
Jiraiya is at the bar, flirting shamelessly with a waitress far too young and beautiful for the likes of the old man. Naruto eats his curry and slurps his tea and tries not to pay any attention to the travesty going on across the room.
Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Naruto thinks that he sees someone. Turning fast enough to rattle the plates on the table, he is just in time to see a familiar dark head disappear down the hallway towards the kitchen.
Shoving away from the table, Naruto pursues without thought. It has to be Sasuke; the height is right, the hair is right, even the gait, the way the man held his body; all of it speaks of Sasuke.
Jiraiya shouts his name but Naruto ignores him, shoving through the curtain that blocks the kitchen from the bar. He weaves past a waitress and the cook who seems about to ask him to return to the bar but he waves them off. The man is not there but the door on the other side of the kitchen is just swinging closed.
Rough hands grab him the moment he is out the door and the shove him against the rough wood of the building. For the space of a heartbeat, Naruto freezes, suddenly tumbled from the real world into the world of his dream. The sensation is gone as quickly as it came and Naruto realizes that the man he was following was not Sasuke at all. Up close, there is no resemblance at all.
A frightening grin splits the imposters face. It barely registers in Naruto’s mind. He is already fighting back. Whoever the man is, whatever he wants, he hasn’t done his homework. Naruto barely breaks a sweat putting the man down and out on the ground.
Jiraiya is standing in the doorway when Naruto stands up. “Riff raff,” is all he says before turning and heading down the alley towards the street.
Naruto looks at the man, wondering who he is and which group he is working for. There should be no one out looking for him; Jiraiya himself said that Akatsuki needed time before they could come after the fox. Maybe the old toad was wrong.
Kneeling down, Naruto searches through the man’s pockets. There is no information on him at all though there is a small tattoo on the inside of his left elbow. It didn’t look Naruto had seen before but he memorizes the image before dragging the unconscious man further down into the alley and hiding him amongst the rubbish.
More alert than he had been, Naruto makes his way out of the alley. Jiraiya is waiting for him in front of a confectionary shop across the street. He turns to leave the moment Naruto emerges from the alley. Naruto tags along behind him. Now that the adrenaline from the fight is fading, he feels restless and angry. Restless because it had been the ultimate tease; thinking that he was going to be able to see Sasuke for the first time in over a year and angry because he had fallen for something he should have been able to see through. Jiraiya is constantly nagging him to use his head before he jumped into things.
They walk back to their room in silence. Jiraiya begins to pack immediately and Naruto, sighing to himself, follows suit.
<><><>
The dreams are still changing, just as the seasons do. Even though they are pushing southwards, winter is nipping a their heels. Jiraiya is on yet another trail, trying to dig up any information he can on the Akatsuki.
Pulling his cloak tighter, Naruto curls up as small as he possibly can on his bedroll. They are neck deep in unfriendly territory and Jiraiya insists on no fire.
Between the cold and the threat from ambush, Naruto doesn’t sleep deeply. Every time he drowses he finds himself back at the Valley of the End, smack dap in the middle of the dream, at that one point where he thought he might be changing Sasuke’s mind. Every time he drops off he dreams that he and Sasuke are embracing, bodies touching from feet to head. Naruto has his face tucked into the warmth of Sasuke’s neck and they are just holding each other. Dream Sasuke has a satisfied look on his face, as though he has just been well kissed, but the dream offers up none of the juicy bits.
The next day, as he and Jiraiya slog through rough terrain in pounding sleet, he tries to recall the sensation of being held so closely by another but the feeling won’t come. It leaves him feeling bereft and cranky and he spends an hour arguing with Jiraiya just because he can. It’s the same old arguments, well worn by this point on the road, but they offer up some measure of comfortable distraction.
Every day he learns more and every week some technique, some idea that seemed so far beyond him clicks into place. He hopes that what he is learning will let him beat Sasuke, the next time they meet. It has to, he knows that bone deep. He will have to best Sasuke if he has any hope of bringing him home.
Two nights further down the road they come across a small cottage in the woods. It is old and barely standing but it offers some respite from the cold and the elements. Naruto takes first watch, hunkered down in a tree some ten meters from the cabin.
The watch is quiet, boring, exactly the sort of thing that Naruto hates. He’d rather be out, taking down the bad guys, than sitting and watching and waiting. Just because it is part and parcel of being a ninja doesn’t mean that he has to like it. As his eyes scan the surrounding area his thoughts, as always, begin to stray to Sasuke.
He wonders what Sasuke is doing, holed up in Orochimaru’s compound. He wonders if Orochimaru has given him the power he was so desperate for. Naruto hopes not because he doesn’t want to think too deeply about what that would imply.
Later, after he and Jiraiya have switched places and he is once more curled up against the cold, as Sasuke’s face is swimming out of the darkness at him, the faintest of bird calls pulls him, heart racing, from his sleep.
He’s barely thrown the covers off before four ninja are on him. There is no time to wonder where Jiraiya is or what he’s doing, there is just time to focus and fight. Unlike the man in the alley, these nin know what they are doing and they seem to know a little bit about Naruto’s fighting techniques as well. Fortunately for him, all of their information seems to be old because it takes him far less time to subdue them than it would have even a few months ago.
Jiraiya enters the hut just as Naruto is taking down the last of the four. The other three are being detained by his clones who are tying them up tight. Naruto checks to see if they have the same tattoo as the man from the alley but there arms are clear of the mark.
“Who are they?” Naruto asks Jiraiya as they work together to bind the last unknown ninja.
“A small, select group from a small corner of Earth Country. They believe that sacrificing you will bring back their leader. They’ve been chasing after you for months now.”
“How’s that possible?” Naruto stared down at the four men, suddenly feeling bad for them. Not about the sacrificing part - that seemed crazy to him - but because they seemed so desperate.
He knew what that desperation felt like; felt it whenever he thought about getting Sasuke home again. Left to his own devices, he would be chasing after Sasuke just as doggedly.
“The rumors are growing. Pack up, it’s time to move on.”
<><><>
The Valley of the End again, once more facing one another. Naruto leans in to press against Sasuke and Sasuke, instead of fighting it, leans right back in to Naruto. He is just a little bit taller than Naruto, enough so that Naruto feels like he has to look up, just a little bit, to look Sasuke in the eyes. Sasuke’s skin is pale, smooth and Naruto can’t help but run his mouth over the curve of Sasuke’s jaw.
Sasuke growls - the noise sounds funny so close to Naruto’s ear - and holds onto Naruto while dropping to his knees, simultaneously taking them both to the ground. It is a quick change of position and Naruto spends a moment disoriented. Sasuke’s face above his blocks out the sky.
Soon it blocks out everything else as he leans down and kisses Naruto hard on the mouth, taking control of the situation. As he pulls away moments later the expression on his face implies that he thinks he’s won a round of some sort. Naruto can’t let such insolence pass so he shoves his hands into Sasuke’s hair and pulls his mouth back down, his kiss no more gentle than Sasuke’s was.
They grapple like this for what seems like forever, kiss after kiss after languid kiss and Naruto is pleased by the hardness that is pressing against his own erection. Sitting up, so that Sasuke is straddling his lap, Naruto pushes his hips up while pulling Sasuke’s down toward his own. The friction is wonderful, better than anything Naruto has ever felt. He groans into Sasuke’s mouth.
Sasuke reacts by biting Naruto’s lips and grinding back. It doesn’t take long before they are panting, hands scrabbling under shirts to make contact with overly warm skin. Naruto watches, dazed, as Sasuke tips his head back and comes with a great shuddering sigh. That is all he needs to come himself, though he is far from quiet. Even in his dreams, that doesn’t change.
He wakes to find the sheets twisted around him, pyjamas wet and sticky. Groaning, he rolls over and buries his head in the pillow. The dreams are tortuous and he’s not so sure that they aren’t driving him mad.
<><><>
Still traveling, mile after mile, the days blur into sameness. Jiraiya talks and lectures and Naruto listens or doesn’t, depending on the topic at hand. They work on one technique after another and on the nights that he doesn’t dream about Sasuke, he is running through exercises in his head. The rasengan is improving as is his control over the Kyuubi. It is slow work but he only has to think about Sasuke, about his promises to Sakura, and his goals snap back into focus.
They are once again on the trail of some mysterious stranger that Jiraiya believes has vital information regarding the movements of the Akatsuki. Naruto is sick of hearing about them, he really is, and he hates that they are always somehow standing between him and his goals.
There has only been one more attempt on Naruto’s life since the cottage in the woods. Jiraiya, for all that he seems completely incapable of blending in, has taught Naruto a lot about slipping through towns like ghosts. If any one is chasing them, they are having to work hard to keep up.
A figure suddenly slips from the woods ahead of them. The person is small and fully cloaked. Jiraiya stops and raises a hand and the person raises theirs in return. From behind Jiraiya, Naruto watches as a young boy uncovers his face. He is no one that Naruto has ever seen. Cautious, Jiraiya maintains a distance that Naruto finds foolish. As a powerful ninja, surely this brat shouldn’t worry Jiraiya at all.
The two stare at one another for a moment or two before finally, the boy breaks out into a wide smile and nearly runs to Jiraiya. Naruto watches with something like jealousy curling in his chest as Jiraiya embraces the boy in a bear hug. They speak quickly, in a tongue that Naruto is only just beginning to get an ear for. The conversation seems to go on forever and Naruto tries to remember to pay attention, to learn, but he’s too distracted by all the feelings rushing through his body and he’s having trouble concentrating.
He wants time to go faster, he wants to grow up now, so that he can go and find Sasuke and grab him in a hug just like the kid is hugging Jiraiya. He wants that, wants that from Sasuke so bad it leaves a burning sensation in his throat. It’s not going to be easy, he can admit that now, but he will bring Sasuke back and once he’s safely ensconced in Konoha, maybe he can work on making his dreams a reality.
Jiraiya calls his name, beckoning him over, and Naruto goes, happily greeting the child in his own language. It turns out that he’s from a village Jiraiya has helped in the past, and they are offering warm beds and food for the night. Winter is dragging on and on and every opportunity to sleep inside is a blessing not to be passed by.
The village is small and poor but the people seem happy and Jiraiya is welcomed like a hero. Naruto, by association, is as well and though he only knows the most basic of phrases in their language, they are gracious.
That evening, after a long supper with a handful of village elders, Naruto finds himself seated with a young girl, only a few years older than himself. She smiles and giggles at him, touches his hands and arms with gentle, fluttering hands. He’s never had a girl flirt with him like this and Naruto finds himself blushing at her attentions, rubbing his hand through his hair when she embarrasses him.
When she walks him back to the home of his hosts he finds that he is torn between this real life woman in front of him and the Sasuke that haunts his dreams. He is nearly fifteen, no one would bat an eye if they snuck off into the dark together. They walk in silence, her hand curled around his arm, the darkness a living, breathing thing around them. Every footstep sounds like a whisper and every whisper is the same; they all murmur Sasuke’s name.
At the door she leans in and kisses Naruto on the mouth. Her lips are warm and soft and part of his brain tells him that this is what it would be like to kiss Sakura, the swell of breasts against his chest, the hair that curls softly against his cheek. I should like this, he tells himself, this is what I should want. But saying it doesn’t make it true and after a few kisses he sets her back, smiling self - consciously at her. He is happy to see that she doesn’t seem offended by his reluctance. She gives him a brief hug before disappearing back into the darkness.
In the dark of the small washroom, as the inhabitants of the house sleep around him, Naruto works himself to a quick and dirty orgasm. It doesn’t take much - a few images pulled from his dreams and he is biting back a groan lest he wake the others through the thin walls. He rarely has wet dreams any more, his body seems able to deal with the barrage of imagery now that they dream has become a fixture in his life, but he doesn’t know if the events of the evening will raise things to a fevered pitch. He’d rather avoid the embarrassment, if possible.
By the time he crawls into bed he is tired and somehow both sated and frustrated.
<><><>
The dream again, the same Valley, the same players, the same positions. Except this time the dream begins at the point where Naruto and Sasuke are already half naked, curled into one another. Sasuke has his hands fisted in Naruto’s hair and Naruto has his hand down Sasuke’s pants, running his fingers over the firmness of Sasuke’s erection. He is pulling wordless noises from the other boy and he is grinning wildly as he nibbles on Sasuke’s collarbone.
For the briefest of moments, Sasuke loses control and lets out a breathy, undignified whimper. Naruto laughs, happily and is rewarded by being shoved back, roughly, until he is on his back on the ground. Sasuke looms over him, his dark eyes flashing as his hands worm their way into Naruto’s pants. It doesn’t take long before Naruto is squirming on the ground, gasping for air as the assault shows no signs of stopping.
Reaching up, Naruto drags Sasuke down for a kiss, beginning his own assault on Sasuke’s already weakened defenses. Though he is half out of his head with pleasure, he gives the kiss everything he’s got. Somehow he manages to slip a free hand back into Sasuke’s shorts and, between the kisses and the rough friction of Sasuke’s hand, Naruto is coming far too soon.
In the dream, Sasuke follows him, his orgasm just as intense. Afterwards, they lay together, hands clasped as they stare at the drifting clouds.
<><><>
They leave the village at dawn and for the first time in months there is the hint of spring in the air. They continue southwards, trekking their way closer and closer to Konoha as they go. It will take a few months yet and Naruto knows that they will stop a dozen times between here and there. Jiraiya has a plan, though he doesn’t often share it with Naruto, but Naruto knows that the biggest thing Jiraiya has given him is time. Time to grow up. Time to see the truth about Sasuke. Time to further define his way of the ninja. Ultimately, he has been given time to become comfortable with himself and the man he is becoming.
Naruto knows, deep down, that the time is almost up. They have been on the road for nearly three years now. They have gone from one end of the world to the other, digging out secrets that might help them win the war that looms on the horizon. There have been a few skirmishes but Naruto has come out of them stronger and more knowledgeable.
In his heart, Naruto knows that it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do at the time, as much as it hurt to leave. And now they are going back, every step taking them closer to home. Naruto is excited to see everyone again, to hear all of their stories and to compare the progress they’ve all made. He is looking forward to getting ramen with Iruka and playing with Konohamaru and sparring with Lee. But, most of all, he is looking forward to beginning the real journey, the one that will take him to Sasuke. The one that will bring Sasuke back to him.
Because he has made a promise to himself, one that is slightly different from the one he made to Sakura. He wants a chance at what he has in his dreams and he is willing to do almost anything to get there.
Smiling to himself, Naruto hurries to walk alongside Jiraiya, striking up one of their many well worn debates. For the few months that remain he is going to work like he’s never worked before. He has promises to keep and there’s no way he’s going back on his word.
Title: Dwell
Rating: R
Summary: Sasuke might be far away but that doesn’t stop Naruto from thinking about him. It doesn’t stop the dreams either.
Warnings: None
A/N: I hope this story fits the prompt well enough. It was fun, if somewhat difficult, to write.
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
<><><>
The dreams begin almost immediately, even before he’s aware of them. Injured and out of his mind, he relives the fight at the Valley of the End, over and over again in feverish Technicolor.
Slowly, as he emerges from the haze, the dreams begin to take on slightly skewed hues. Somehow his words are more meaningful, his attacks are stronger and Sasuke’s, weaker. Naruto knows that these things aren’t real, no matter how much he might wish that they were, and every time he wakes, his surroundings remind him that he can’t change what has happened. Naruto knows what he has to do and he knows that he has it within himself to get the job done. He just has to train until he is powerful enough to channel all of his hopes and dreams and beliefs into a surefire way to bring Sasuke home.
He doesn’t talk about these dreams, not to anyone, though some days keeping silent is difficult. He doesn’t like secrets but this is somehow different. This is something that is solely his to hold close to his heart. Because it is Sasuke and even though Sakura grieves, even though he feels bad excluding her, he is unwilling to share.
Nearly every night, the dream returns. The Valley is the same, the smell of the earth and the water, the howl of the wind and the churning chakra that flows from both of them, all of it just as it was that day. The fight is the same too and the angry words that Sasuke tossed at him pierce him just as easily. But in his dreams Sasuke isn’t the half crazed winged creature that he has become thanks to Orochimaru’s deviousness. Instead, he still looks like the old Sasuke, the real one that Naruto had finally been able to call rival and friend.
These days, Naruto wakes with a curse on his lips for Orochimaru and the whole damn Uchiha clan. He curses Sasuke too, for not caring enough about the bond they had built together, though blood and sweat and tears, to resist the lure of Orochimaru’s theoretical power.
When Jiraiya takes him away from Konoha, to learn and to forget, Naruto makes sure that Sasuke comes with him even if it’s only in his mind. Life goes on, as it does, and Sasuke’s existence is a niggling stone in his brain that almost every experience treads upon. Every experience he has he holds up to the Sasuke in his mind and judges his progress accordingly. He will get stronger, strong enough that Sasuke won’t be able to leave him behind again. There is no room for doubt, there can’t be because no matter what the rumors that float amongst the trees whisper, he is going to bring Sasuke back.
Naruto is sure that Sasuke will figure it out, that he will realize that Orochimaru holds nothing but himself sacred. Sasuke is smarter than Naruto; surely he is smart enough to figure these things out.
On the long path that Naruto and Jiraiya walk, the rumors begin to whisper louder, a hushed murmur of words just barely able to be understood. All Naruto can hear is Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. He chases the words as if they are the boy, the man, himself. In between bouts of sparring and nights spent practicing stealth, Jiraiya tries to talk him out of his foolishness. Jiraiya is tainted by his relationship with Orochimaru, Naruto knows this, and Jiraiya cannot see and cannot understand how important, how vital, it is to Naruto that he brings Sasuke back.
There are innumerable parts of his life that Naruto defines by Sasuke. That is how he has wound their lives together. If he removes the thread that is Sasuke, what happens to the rest?
So Naruto trains and trains and at night, in his bed or curled up half hidden in the forest, he dreams of Sasuke.
Slowly, as the months slip by, as he figures things out, gets stronger, tougher, the dream begins to change, to morph into something else entirely.
<><><>
They are at the Valley of the End, once more facing one another. The dream always begins the same, at the same exact moment in time. The fight is still there, the fury and the stark brutality of it and the angry, biting words, but slowly small details begin to shift. There was a moment, the briefest sliver of time, when they had been standing, facing one another, that Naruto thought, had hoped, that Sasuke would change his mind.
It is here that the first changes begin. Instead of lashing out, Sasuke tells him that he is special; that the bond they have formed is more important than anything that Orochimaru has to offer. In these dreams they hug, tighter than Naruto has every hugged or been hugged before.
When he wakes up he is happy in the few seconds it takes before the real world intrudes. Then the room shifts and he is once more hundreds of miles away from Orochimaru’s compound. The lie of the dream leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, for all the joy it brought him in dreaming it.
Despite that, Naruto is content with these dreams. Jiraiya doesn’t let up, not on training, not on lecturing, not on laziness or borrowing Naruto’s money either. Naruto doesn’t tell him about the dream. He knows already where Jiraiya stands on the subject of Sasuke. Too many unflattering comparisons have been made between the Sannin and Team 7 for Naruto’s comfort. He will not let Sasuke walk the same path Orochimaru did, and nothing Jiraiya says will change that.
There are nights he doesn’t dream about the Valley of the End. On these nights his dreams are formless, hazy, and he wakes with a hollow feeling in his stomach.
One night, in a city far from the borders of the Fire Country, Naruto and Jiraiya are creeping through back alleys. Jiraiya is looking for someone and though his reasons are vague and unsatisfactory Naruto has little choice but tag along.
In one of the innumerable back alleys they traverse, dark and reeking of trash, Naruto catches a glimpse of bodies pressed together. It isn’t anything he hasn’t seen before; a country that trains it’s children to kill can hardly keep the secrets of sex from them after all. There is something about the woman that causes him to pause and it is only on a second glance that he notices the woman isn’t a woman at all but a man.
Naruto has heard rumors about some of the shinobi but he’s never cared enough to pay attention. Now he is fascinated, casting a backwards glance as they move on past the couple. Jiraiya must think that he’s shocked because he shoots Naruto a bemused smile before hurrying him along.
It wasn’t shock that made Naruto stop but rather the image of the two pressed together in the dark. He has seen men and women together before and it never sent the shock of longing down through his stomach. Suddenly, he has a name for the hollow feeling that follows in the wake of those hazy, vague dreams.
<><><>
That night he dreams the same dream, the Valley of the End dream and at the point where Sasuke usually agrees to return home he instead stares at Naruto, dark eyes hot and confused. The earth seems to be tipping beneath their feet because they are slowly falling towards one another. With a jolt, Naruto wakes, that same funny, hollow feeling in his gut. In the dark of the small room they’ve let nothing is moving. Jiraiya sleeps quietly, far enough away that Naruto can’t properly see him.
Curling on his side Naruto hugs the fading memory of the dream to him, cherishing that brief moment of contact that was almost completely without violence. This new dream rewrites itself over the original, further distorting it. He wants to hold onto the original but he cannot deny the seductive quality of the new dream.
One day, many months later, he wakes to find his pajamas damp, his erection still raging. As he slips past Jiraiya and heads towards the bathroom he sees that Jiraiya’s eyes are open.
Jiraiya, surprisingly enough, says nothing, only that Naruto is growing up and he gives him a few books with racy titles and large breasted women on the covers. Naruto scoffs and jokes but inside he hopes that he wasn’t calling Sasuke’s name. The books stay buried at the bottom of his pack
<><><>
They are standing at the Valley of the End and the sound of the waterfall is a continuous roar that overwhelms everything. Sasuke is standing an arms length away, staring at Naruto, his face grave. Naruto knows that his expression is a reflection of Sasuke’s own.
“I will stop you,” he tells Sasuke, and he means it too. He will do anything to stop him from leaving, from breaking the only bond Naruto cares about at the moment.
“Try it.” The words are severe but Sasuke’s expression hasn’t changed except for a tightness between his brows that Naruto wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t replayed this scene a hundred times over in his head.
Reaching out, he grabs Sasuke’s shirt but instead of throwing him, he pulls him in close and presses his mouth against Sasuke’s. As far as a kiss goes, it is tame, juvenile even.
Sasuke shoves at him, pushes back with all his might and Naruto, frightened that he’ll succeed and unwilling to take the risk, mashes their mouths together even harder.
It is a kiss reminiscent of the incident in class, bruised lips and teeth that knock. It reminds Naruto of being a child. It makes things worse.
This time when Sasuke pushes him away he succeeds and in the blink of an eye they are back to where they had been. Only this time there is no Kyuubi, no curse seal, just Naruto and Sasuke as they have been ever since they were put into the same team, dishing out blows and insults.
Dodging a powerful Katon, Naruto advances.
<><><>
The dreams don’t progress beyond that point, not quickly, and Naruto doesn’t wake very often to find that he has come in his sleep. It is a small relief, in a world that offers him few.
Jiraiya is at the bar, flirting shamelessly with a waitress far too young and beautiful for the likes of the old man. Naruto eats his curry and slurps his tea and tries not to pay any attention to the travesty going on across the room.
Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Naruto thinks that he sees someone. Turning fast enough to rattle the plates on the table, he is just in time to see a familiar dark head disappear down the hallway towards the kitchen.
Shoving away from the table, Naruto pursues without thought. It has to be Sasuke; the height is right, the hair is right, even the gait, the way the man held his body; all of it speaks of Sasuke.
Jiraiya shouts his name but Naruto ignores him, shoving through the curtain that blocks the kitchen from the bar. He weaves past a waitress and the cook who seems about to ask him to return to the bar but he waves them off. The man is not there but the door on the other side of the kitchen is just swinging closed.
Rough hands grab him the moment he is out the door and the shove him against the rough wood of the building. For the space of a heartbeat, Naruto freezes, suddenly tumbled from the real world into the world of his dream. The sensation is gone as quickly as it came and Naruto realizes that the man he was following was not Sasuke at all. Up close, there is no resemblance at all.
A frightening grin splits the imposters face. It barely registers in Naruto’s mind. He is already fighting back. Whoever the man is, whatever he wants, he hasn’t done his homework. Naruto barely breaks a sweat putting the man down and out on the ground.
Jiraiya is standing in the doorway when Naruto stands up. “Riff raff,” is all he says before turning and heading down the alley towards the street.
Naruto looks at the man, wondering who he is and which group he is working for. There should be no one out looking for him; Jiraiya himself said that Akatsuki needed time before they could come after the fox. Maybe the old toad was wrong.
Kneeling down, Naruto searches through the man’s pockets. There is no information on him at all though there is a small tattoo on the inside of his left elbow. It didn’t look Naruto had seen before but he memorizes the image before dragging the unconscious man further down into the alley and hiding him amongst the rubbish.
More alert than he had been, Naruto makes his way out of the alley. Jiraiya is waiting for him in front of a confectionary shop across the street. He turns to leave the moment Naruto emerges from the alley. Naruto tags along behind him. Now that the adrenaline from the fight is fading, he feels restless and angry. Restless because it had been the ultimate tease; thinking that he was going to be able to see Sasuke for the first time in over a year and angry because he had fallen for something he should have been able to see through. Jiraiya is constantly nagging him to use his head before he jumped into things.
They walk back to their room in silence. Jiraiya begins to pack immediately and Naruto, sighing to himself, follows suit.
<><><>
The dreams are still changing, just as the seasons do. Even though they are pushing southwards, winter is nipping a their heels. Jiraiya is on yet another trail, trying to dig up any information he can on the Akatsuki.
Pulling his cloak tighter, Naruto curls up as small as he possibly can on his bedroll. They are neck deep in unfriendly territory and Jiraiya insists on no fire.
Between the cold and the threat from ambush, Naruto doesn’t sleep deeply. Every time he drowses he finds himself back at the Valley of the End, smack dap in the middle of the dream, at that one point where he thought he might be changing Sasuke’s mind. Every time he drops off he dreams that he and Sasuke are embracing, bodies touching from feet to head. Naruto has his face tucked into the warmth of Sasuke’s neck and they are just holding each other. Dream Sasuke has a satisfied look on his face, as though he has just been well kissed, but the dream offers up none of the juicy bits.
The next day, as he and Jiraiya slog through rough terrain in pounding sleet, he tries to recall the sensation of being held so closely by another but the feeling won’t come. It leaves him feeling bereft and cranky and he spends an hour arguing with Jiraiya just because he can. It’s the same old arguments, well worn by this point on the road, but they offer up some measure of comfortable distraction.
Every day he learns more and every week some technique, some idea that seemed so far beyond him clicks into place. He hopes that what he is learning will let him beat Sasuke, the next time they meet. It has to, he knows that bone deep. He will have to best Sasuke if he has any hope of bringing him home.
Two nights further down the road they come across a small cottage in the woods. It is old and barely standing but it offers some respite from the cold and the elements. Naruto takes first watch, hunkered down in a tree some ten meters from the cabin.
The watch is quiet, boring, exactly the sort of thing that Naruto hates. He’d rather be out, taking down the bad guys, than sitting and watching and waiting. Just because it is part and parcel of being a ninja doesn’t mean that he has to like it. As his eyes scan the surrounding area his thoughts, as always, begin to stray to Sasuke.
He wonders what Sasuke is doing, holed up in Orochimaru’s compound. He wonders if Orochimaru has given him the power he was so desperate for. Naruto hopes not because he doesn’t want to think too deeply about what that would imply.
Later, after he and Jiraiya have switched places and he is once more curled up against the cold, as Sasuke’s face is swimming out of the darkness at him, the faintest of bird calls pulls him, heart racing, from his sleep.
He’s barely thrown the covers off before four ninja are on him. There is no time to wonder where Jiraiya is or what he’s doing, there is just time to focus and fight. Unlike the man in the alley, these nin know what they are doing and they seem to know a little bit about Naruto’s fighting techniques as well. Fortunately for him, all of their information seems to be old because it takes him far less time to subdue them than it would have even a few months ago.
Jiraiya enters the hut just as Naruto is taking down the last of the four. The other three are being detained by his clones who are tying them up tight. Naruto checks to see if they have the same tattoo as the man from the alley but there arms are clear of the mark.
“Who are they?” Naruto asks Jiraiya as they work together to bind the last unknown ninja.
“A small, select group from a small corner of Earth Country. They believe that sacrificing you will bring back their leader. They’ve been chasing after you for months now.”
“How’s that possible?” Naruto stared down at the four men, suddenly feeling bad for them. Not about the sacrificing part - that seemed crazy to him - but because they seemed so desperate.
He knew what that desperation felt like; felt it whenever he thought about getting Sasuke home again. Left to his own devices, he would be chasing after Sasuke just as doggedly.
“The rumors are growing. Pack up, it’s time to move on.”
<><><>
The Valley of the End again, once more facing one another. Naruto leans in to press against Sasuke and Sasuke, instead of fighting it, leans right back in to Naruto. He is just a little bit taller than Naruto, enough so that Naruto feels like he has to look up, just a little bit, to look Sasuke in the eyes. Sasuke’s skin is pale, smooth and Naruto can’t help but run his mouth over the curve of Sasuke’s jaw.
Sasuke growls - the noise sounds funny so close to Naruto’s ear - and holds onto Naruto while dropping to his knees, simultaneously taking them both to the ground. It is a quick change of position and Naruto spends a moment disoriented. Sasuke’s face above his blocks out the sky.
Soon it blocks out everything else as he leans down and kisses Naruto hard on the mouth, taking control of the situation. As he pulls away moments later the expression on his face implies that he thinks he’s won a round of some sort. Naruto can’t let such insolence pass so he shoves his hands into Sasuke’s hair and pulls his mouth back down, his kiss no more gentle than Sasuke’s was.
They grapple like this for what seems like forever, kiss after kiss after languid kiss and Naruto is pleased by the hardness that is pressing against his own erection. Sitting up, so that Sasuke is straddling his lap, Naruto pushes his hips up while pulling Sasuke’s down toward his own. The friction is wonderful, better than anything Naruto has ever felt. He groans into Sasuke’s mouth.
Sasuke reacts by biting Naruto’s lips and grinding back. It doesn’t take long before they are panting, hands scrabbling under shirts to make contact with overly warm skin. Naruto watches, dazed, as Sasuke tips his head back and comes with a great shuddering sigh. That is all he needs to come himself, though he is far from quiet. Even in his dreams, that doesn’t change.
He wakes to find the sheets twisted around him, pyjamas wet and sticky. Groaning, he rolls over and buries his head in the pillow. The dreams are tortuous and he’s not so sure that they aren’t driving him mad.
<><><>
Still traveling, mile after mile, the days blur into sameness. Jiraiya talks and lectures and Naruto listens or doesn’t, depending on the topic at hand. They work on one technique after another and on the nights that he doesn’t dream about Sasuke, he is running through exercises in his head. The rasengan is improving as is his control over the Kyuubi. It is slow work but he only has to think about Sasuke, about his promises to Sakura, and his goals snap back into focus.
They are once again on the trail of some mysterious stranger that Jiraiya believes has vital information regarding the movements of the Akatsuki. Naruto is sick of hearing about them, he really is, and he hates that they are always somehow standing between him and his goals.
There has only been one more attempt on Naruto’s life since the cottage in the woods. Jiraiya, for all that he seems completely incapable of blending in, has taught Naruto a lot about slipping through towns like ghosts. If any one is chasing them, they are having to work hard to keep up.
A figure suddenly slips from the woods ahead of them. The person is small and fully cloaked. Jiraiya stops and raises a hand and the person raises theirs in return. From behind Jiraiya, Naruto watches as a young boy uncovers his face. He is no one that Naruto has ever seen. Cautious, Jiraiya maintains a distance that Naruto finds foolish. As a powerful ninja, surely this brat shouldn’t worry Jiraiya at all.
The two stare at one another for a moment or two before finally, the boy breaks out into a wide smile and nearly runs to Jiraiya. Naruto watches with something like jealousy curling in his chest as Jiraiya embraces the boy in a bear hug. They speak quickly, in a tongue that Naruto is only just beginning to get an ear for. The conversation seems to go on forever and Naruto tries to remember to pay attention, to learn, but he’s too distracted by all the feelings rushing through his body and he’s having trouble concentrating.
He wants time to go faster, he wants to grow up now, so that he can go and find Sasuke and grab him in a hug just like the kid is hugging Jiraiya. He wants that, wants that from Sasuke so bad it leaves a burning sensation in his throat. It’s not going to be easy, he can admit that now, but he will bring Sasuke back and once he’s safely ensconced in Konoha, maybe he can work on making his dreams a reality.
Jiraiya calls his name, beckoning him over, and Naruto goes, happily greeting the child in his own language. It turns out that he’s from a village Jiraiya has helped in the past, and they are offering warm beds and food for the night. Winter is dragging on and on and every opportunity to sleep inside is a blessing not to be passed by.
The village is small and poor but the people seem happy and Jiraiya is welcomed like a hero. Naruto, by association, is as well and though he only knows the most basic of phrases in their language, they are gracious.
That evening, after a long supper with a handful of village elders, Naruto finds himself seated with a young girl, only a few years older than himself. She smiles and giggles at him, touches his hands and arms with gentle, fluttering hands. He’s never had a girl flirt with him like this and Naruto finds himself blushing at her attentions, rubbing his hand through his hair when she embarrasses him.
When she walks him back to the home of his hosts he finds that he is torn between this real life woman in front of him and the Sasuke that haunts his dreams. He is nearly fifteen, no one would bat an eye if they snuck off into the dark together. They walk in silence, her hand curled around his arm, the darkness a living, breathing thing around them. Every footstep sounds like a whisper and every whisper is the same; they all murmur Sasuke’s name.
At the door she leans in and kisses Naruto on the mouth. Her lips are warm and soft and part of his brain tells him that this is what it would be like to kiss Sakura, the swell of breasts against his chest, the hair that curls softly against his cheek. I should like this, he tells himself, this is what I should want. But saying it doesn’t make it true and after a few kisses he sets her back, smiling self - consciously at her. He is happy to see that she doesn’t seem offended by his reluctance. She gives him a brief hug before disappearing back into the darkness.
In the dark of the small washroom, as the inhabitants of the house sleep around him, Naruto works himself to a quick and dirty orgasm. It doesn’t take much - a few images pulled from his dreams and he is biting back a groan lest he wake the others through the thin walls. He rarely has wet dreams any more, his body seems able to deal with the barrage of imagery now that they dream has become a fixture in his life, but he doesn’t know if the events of the evening will raise things to a fevered pitch. He’d rather avoid the embarrassment, if possible.
By the time he crawls into bed he is tired and somehow both sated and frustrated.
<><><>
The dream again, the same Valley, the same players, the same positions. Except this time the dream begins at the point where Naruto and Sasuke are already half naked, curled into one another. Sasuke has his hands fisted in Naruto’s hair and Naruto has his hand down Sasuke’s pants, running his fingers over the firmness of Sasuke’s erection. He is pulling wordless noises from the other boy and he is grinning wildly as he nibbles on Sasuke’s collarbone.
For the briefest of moments, Sasuke loses control and lets out a breathy, undignified whimper. Naruto laughs, happily and is rewarded by being shoved back, roughly, until he is on his back on the ground. Sasuke looms over him, his dark eyes flashing as his hands worm their way into Naruto’s pants. It doesn’t take long before Naruto is squirming on the ground, gasping for air as the assault shows no signs of stopping.
Reaching up, Naruto drags Sasuke down for a kiss, beginning his own assault on Sasuke’s already weakened defenses. Though he is half out of his head with pleasure, he gives the kiss everything he’s got. Somehow he manages to slip a free hand back into Sasuke’s shorts and, between the kisses and the rough friction of Sasuke’s hand, Naruto is coming far too soon.
In the dream, Sasuke follows him, his orgasm just as intense. Afterwards, they lay together, hands clasped as they stare at the drifting clouds.
<><><>
They leave the village at dawn and for the first time in months there is the hint of spring in the air. They continue southwards, trekking their way closer and closer to Konoha as they go. It will take a few months yet and Naruto knows that they will stop a dozen times between here and there. Jiraiya has a plan, though he doesn’t often share it with Naruto, but Naruto knows that the biggest thing Jiraiya has given him is time. Time to grow up. Time to see the truth about Sasuke. Time to further define his way of the ninja. Ultimately, he has been given time to become comfortable with himself and the man he is becoming.
Naruto knows, deep down, that the time is almost up. They have been on the road for nearly three years now. They have gone from one end of the world to the other, digging out secrets that might help them win the war that looms on the horizon. There have been a few skirmishes but Naruto has come out of them stronger and more knowledgeable.
In his heart, Naruto knows that it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do at the time, as much as it hurt to leave. And now they are going back, every step taking them closer to home. Naruto is excited to see everyone again, to hear all of their stories and to compare the progress they’ve all made. He is looking forward to getting ramen with Iruka and playing with Konohamaru and sparring with Lee. But, most of all, he is looking forward to beginning the real journey, the one that will take him to Sasuke. The one that will bring Sasuke back to him.
Because he has made a promise to himself, one that is slightly different from the one he made to Sakura. He wants a chance at what he has in his dreams and he is willing to do almost anything to get there.
Smiling to himself, Naruto hurries to walk alongside Jiraiya, striking up one of their many well worn debates. For the few months that remain he is going to work like he’s never worked before. He has promises to keep and there’s no way he’s going back on his word.