For: akalillyn

[sne_mod2]

For: akalillyn
Title: Take Two
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Naruto finds inventive ways to teach his new genin team.
Warnings: See rating
A/N: I can't really do angst so I went for a little humour instead, and tried to squeeze in a few of your kinks, I hope you enjoy akalillyn! Thank you to X and Y for the beta and title ♥
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.

Take Two

AKA How to Ninja in the Night

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn. - Albert Einstein

“Sensei? Naruto-sensei?!” Naruto felt a smack across his cheek and blinked his eyes open to see the blurry lines of a twelve year old genin standing before him, blocking out the sun and emanating righteous anger.

“…Masao… girls slap, boys punch… and don’t hit your sensei!” Naruto received a kick to his ribs from Kiyori, the only female member of his team, for that particular remark.

Najato moved to join the other two, looming over Naruto as he sat slumped at the base of a tree in their training grounds. Naruto eyed all three of them blearily, they had synchronised their movements and now stood with their hands on their little people hips wearing identical expressions of irritation.

It had been their fourth training session together. Things hadn’t gone as well as Naruto had expected. He had done Kakashi’s ‘come get the bells while I act super cool and suave’ teamwork lesson, with a little Uzumaki flourish of his own added. That is, he had tied all three up and ate their lunch in front of them and then told them to use teamwork skills to escape their bindings. He’d fallen asleep listening to their bickering though. It was all very well to form wonderful team bonds through assorted insults and threats, but Naruto had enough of that from Sakura. He had stopped listening after Kiyori started prattling on about Najato, the best Hyuuga to ever Hyuuga.

Naruto squinted at Najato who returned his gaze calmly. Trust Naruto to have that one child prodigy, whose mental stability was to be questioned at all times, on his team. He knew all the types; this one was a cross between Neji and Gaara.

“We had to get stuck with the loser teacher,” Masao huffed. His face scrunched up and his mouth twisted in an unhappy line. “Wish we’d gotten that Uchiha, lesser of two evils and all that.”

Naruto was instantly on his feet, his brows furrowed and tension filled the lines of his shoulders. These children were his now, to protect and teach and they had damn well like him (because respecting him had long become a thing of the distant past).

“What do you brats want Uchiha for?! His Chidori is a little bit of sparkly glitter compared to my Rasengan!”

Their faces took on deadpan expressions and they turned away to collect their equipment.

He and Sasuke were the only ones left out of the rookie nine to take on genin teams. Everyone was moving on and up quickly. Sai had returned to ANBU, with Neji who was rising fast in the ranks, and Sakura was a fully qualified medicnin now. Naruto had always been behind because of the years he’d been set back while training with Jiraiya. His one consolation was that Sasuke was stuck at the bottom with him. Years of being Orochimaru’s plaything… and then Akatsuki’s… and then Madara’s … before finally having a light bulb go off in that thick skull of his and switching sides during the war meant Sasuke was just as behind as he was.

The idea of Sasuke babysitting was laughable of course, and he hadn’t looked too happy when assigned to his team. But then, when did Sasuke ever look happy?

Naruto was determined to show his own team what a good deal they had gotten with him as their teacher.

“Tomorrow! Seven AM! Sharp!” He yelled at their retreating backs. Najato lifted his arm in indication that they had heard and they continued walking quickly away.

Naruto’s shoulders slumped. He would just have to do better.

*

Reconnaissance

Naruto handed out a pair of binoculars to each mini-person of his team. They all had expressions of grim determination plastered over their mini-faces. Naruto had explained the details of their mission in his hushed grown up tone and they were fully prepared for their S- class mission.

He might have failed to mention that the ‘S’ in S-class mission stood for ‘Spying on Team Sasuke’.

One at a time, they stepped forward to have their faces slicked with grease. Naruto straightened Masao’s collar and ruffled his hair. He beamed at the three of them. They were going to be his legend; they would all succeed him in being Hokage one day. Naruto’s expectations may have been a little absurd, but there were only so many times a ninja could have the demon he housed rip his body apart and piece it together again before he went ever so slightly loopy.

Naruto eyed Najato. The boy gave him Sasuke-vibes and he still hadn’t probed him enough to find out exactly what his tragic angsty past was. Naruto was determined to be more prepared than Kakashi; Najato was not allowed anywhere near the Valley of the End with a friend that he hated and that was final.

“Okay! Team Naruto!”

“I thought we were Team Rasengan?”

“What happened to Team Twelve?”

“Just shut up and listen!” Naruto debriefed the team again and once more for good measure since Kiyori wasn’t listening. She was simultaneously trying to adjust her stuffed bra and bat her eyelashes at Najato. The déjà vu in this team was beginning to grate on his nerves. He had mentioned Kiyori’s behaviour to Sakura. Sakura had given him a black eye for even insinuating she hadn’t always been the epitome of female empowerment.

He had them trek half way across the forest on the outskirts of Konoha. Within ten minutes Masao was whining for water, with dramatic theatrics about dying of thirst and telling his parents on Naruto if he became dehydrated. Naruto ignored him and speculated on the punishment for misplacing one of his teammates.

Kiyori babbled at Najato, who walked a little faster than usual, attempting to keep her out of hearing range and therefore setting the pace for their hike. It was amusing to see his team interact like this. He briefly superimposed Team 7 as miniatures on the image in front of him. Naruto wondered if he had always been so amazingly good looking. And when on earth Sakura had grown into that forehead of hers. Sasuke’s eyes were softer and filled in love, but that was more likely due to Naruto’s imagination taking the piss rather than any true reflection on who Sasuke had been.

They arrived at their destination in record time. Towards the end of the trip, they’d begun running because Najato appeared to have developed an allergic reaction to Kiyori. Naruto couldn’t see what his problem was. She was pretty for a twelve year old and the boy could do much worse. Like the skank on Sasuke’s team. She wore skirts like most people wore belts. Naruto made a mental note to give Kiyori Najato’s address in exchange for her lunch.

Naruto had his team dig shallow trench to lie in and wait in anticipation of their enemy. Masao talked non-stop the entire time until Kiyori threatened his man-bits with a kunai.

Three pairs of tiny eyes swivelled to glare at him when Sasuke’s team arrived at their training grounds. It was typical of Sasuke to have his little elite team training as far away from the rest of Konoha as possible. Naruto wasn’t entirely certain that Sasuke wasn’t training them to be mini-Sasukes who would all go bat-shit crazy, pop hand-wings and babble about their equally insane brothers. It’d explain why they were all the way out here. And their fashion sense.

Najato had actually activated his freaky Byakugan; these kids were so unnecessarily hostile.

“We’re going to observe their training regime. If you think Uchiha would make a better teacher…” Naruto spread his arms and they nodded in understanding. Naruto didn’t have a shred of doubt that they would be all over him after watching Sasuke train his team. Like moths to a flame, he told himself.

Naruto settled in between Masao and Najato to keep them from squabbling and they observed in silence. Najato soon took on a look of absurd concentration when he caught sight of one of the mini-Sasuke’s. From what Naruto could make out they bore a striking resemblance to each other.

“That’s Najato’s twin brother,” Kiyori whispered to Masao. “He’s the one that got selected for the main house.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, he could smell Hyuuga feud from a mile away.

Naruto took in his former teammate, his best friend, rival, brother, (just about any other pseudo-bond that he and Sasuke shared… except maybe uncle). Naruto always gave himself a mental pat on the back every time he saw Sasuke in his jounin uniform. He associated it with belonging to Konoha, belonging to Naruto. But really, as long as there wasn’t a purple belt wrapped around Sasuke’s waist or red cloud cloak, Naruto was one happy bunny.

Sasuke’s eyes flickered to where Naruto and his team lay hidden. Naruto didn’t expect that Sasuke wouldn’t sense them. Sasuke’s mouth twitched, in what could have been a smile, what could have been an unpleasant smell--one couldn’t tell the difference with Sasuke’s facial expressions--before looking away.

Naruto gleefully observed the shocked expressions of his height-challenged team. Their eyes became wider and wider as Sasuke’s training session commenced. It wasn’t essentially Sasuke’s regime they took issue with; it was more to do with the fact that within twenty minutes Sasuke had made each one of his mini-Sasukes cry. Masao had edged closer to Naruto, seeking protection, and Naruto magnanimously patted each boy on either side of him on the head. Najato stiffened and swapped places with Kiyori.

*

Enemy Sabotage

Naruto had blacked out all the D-rank crap he’d had to do as a genin. He’d taken the memories, tied it up in a little box and sat it next to the one pink one labelled ‘Sakura rejection number…’ and opposite the larger black one labelled ‘Sasuke tries to kill me number …’.

He didn’t understand how Kakashi had put up with them for that long. But the other man was an eccentric old coot. The voices in Kakashi’s head, talking in porn dialogue, probably kept him entertained.

Naruto recalled stories of Sakura threatening to strangle her little team and Naruto having to calm her down, make her some hot chocolate and then wander off to warn the little brats that ticking off Sakura wasn’t a brilliant idea. They had all left a little starry-eyed after he explained her ridiculous strength.

Naruto’s team was definitely more difficult than Sakura’s though. He didn’t have the heart to cower them into submission the way Sakura and Sasuke had. And the midgets took advantage of that.

Masao kicked him in the shin upon receiving their latest mission. Crazy cat lady’s cat had had kittens and they had run away (with very good reason). Naruto winced and glowered at Iruka, who was still behind the mission desk. Iruka was trying to be sympathetic and relate to Naruto’s plight, but he wasn’t doing much to mask his amusement.

“C’mon Iruka-sensei, I know you’ve got a C-rank mission tucked away somewhere, I’ll even take B, they can handle it!” Naruto glanced at his team appraisingly. Kiyori was babbling fawningly at Najato in one ear, while Masao caused a commotion about some slight in the other. They had… potential.

“Sorry Naruto, you know I would…”

“But I’m your favourite!” Naruto narrowed his eyes. “What did you give Sasuke?!”

Iruka pursed his lips. “That’s classified information.”

Naruto didn’t particularly like playing by the rules. And even though he was trying to stick to the proverbial book as much as possible, Kakashi’s teaching took a forefront to Iruka’s when he decided for a little straying from the path which lead to Teacher of the Year. Naruto decided that today’s training would heavily involve the ‘look and learn’ approach. Naruto rounded up all the kittens from their bizarre hiding places in record time and then had each team member return them to the loving bosom of the crazy cat lady.

Then he dragged them all off for more lessons in stalking Team Dickhead. Knowing what was ahead of them, they were all a bit more reluctant. Sasuke had gone all unstable Uchiha on his team last time; Naruto could already see the little wheels of hero worship whirling in Najato’s mind.

This time, however, he planned his lesson to be a little more hands on.

Hands on meant that instead of having his team simply watching Team Angst to escalate their appreciation for Uzumaki Naruto Sensei, teacher extraordinaire, they would be learning to retrieve valuables from the enemy.

Valuables like mini-Sasukes’ lunches, weaponry and, if they were lucky, their pocket money (Naruto fully intended to make them return it, if he didn’t use it for ramen first).

*

Naruto thought fondly back to the times when Jiraiya would skip out on paying the bill, leaving Naruto on his genin wage to pay for numerable questionable services. And all the times Kakashi had mysteriously disappeared as a meal came to the end. Well, Naruto figured it was tradition now and as he scanned the menu, he planned his escape route. He and Team Naruto sat at Koko’s sushi restaurant anticipating a pleasant meal and wholesome fun after a long training session on chakra balance. Naruto had always hated the mundane basics, but he understood that he couldn’t make them all future mini-Hokages if they couldn’t do simple things like walk up trees.

He eyed them happily; they were coming along very well. It didn’t matter that Masao’s depth perception meant he spent more time walking into trees than up them. Nor the fact that Najato seemed determined to stare his tree into lying down flat to walk along. Though Naruto truly felt Kiyori could defeat her tree by nagging it to death. They had decided to be difficult and Naruto had been one very short fuse away from hanging them upside down and sitting down to lecture them until sundown about the importance of ninja conduct.

He’d relented though. They’d all looked rather blue in the face from the concentration it took to mould their chakra and thread it through their bodies. Naruto couldn’t remember it being this hard though; he recalled being able to do it perfectly, on the first try, and better than Sasuke.

Their food arrived and Naruto somehow worked his way into an eating competition with Masao. Najato vaguely twitched near his food and Kiyori fiddled with her salad. Naruto sighed. Sometime in between the base of a tree and the top twigs, Kiyori had managed to confess her undying love for Najato. Najato had pretended not to hear her and Masao had fallen out of the tree laughing. Things were a little awkward now, but Naruto was positive that with his gentle wisdom and guidance, he would be able to help them through this traumatic period in their lives.

Najato excused himself and Naruto nodded at him in concern.

It took approximately ten minutes for Naruto to register that the loud noises he was hearing wasn’t Masao trying to chomp his way through five square meals in a single bite. Rather, it was the commotion from outside.

There appeared to be two Najatos outside engaged in a fight, both with their Byakugan activated, arms poised in the graceful style that was the trademark of Hyuuga. Naruto could identify Najato by the seal on his forehead. Villagers walked by, some stopping briefly to watch in interest, others continuing on with their tasks.

“Twin. Brother. Main. House,” Kiyori gritted out, finally snapping at Masao who had been talking at her with his mouth full about how he couldn’t quite put his finger on who the other guy was.

Naruto really didn’t need to hear anything more than that. He’d dealt with Neji’s branch house family and destiny crap for years. Sorting out the Hyuuga elders was one of the first things on Naruto’s Rokudaime to-do list. If the damn clan would stop popping out twins, it'd make everything simpler.

Naruto debated the pros and cons of stepping in. The Hyuugas were such a passive-aggressive clan that seeing them physically fighting among themselves was unheard of. The last he had seen was Hinata get pummelled by Neji, who had thoroughly learned his lesson and doted on Hinata like no other. They now enjoyed an odd relationship that Naruto didn’t want to delve into the mechanics of. Naruto figured if he let the twins fight it out, they would get out all their tortured feelings over the injustice of whatever their issues were and then go have a friendly spar and maybe a picnic afterwards.

It was eerily silent with how the two were fighting; they were obviously trying to do the pinpointing of chakra hotspots but hadn’t really perfected the art of it and were mostly just poking at each other.

Within a few swings of fluid movement, Najato had the corner of his mouth bleeding from a particularly well aimed punch.

“Naruto-sensei… aren’t you going to stop them?” Kiyori gazed at his placid expression in confusion.

“Go Najato! Kick the impostor’s ass!” Masao yelled. Naruto rolled his eyes and cuffed him across the back of the head.

“No, you see, these two need to work out their problems,” Naruto began, “They can form their bonds and gain a deeper understanding of each other.” Naruto nodded wisely.

Masao gave him a look the spoke much of just how cracked he thought his teacher was. Kiyori just looked more confused and worried. Naruto thought that it would be best if he let the two carry on until they got tired and got out all their anger. Then he could explain to that them everything would change when he was Hokage. The Hyuuga elders wouldn’t be able to cling to their status quo, the twins just had to sit tight for another month or so. Tsunade was bound to crack sooner or later; he’d been reciting his inauguration speech to her as she slept for subliminal messaging purposes.

Naruto was in the middle of rehearsing his lecture on bonds and the benefits of the occasional manly hug when the tingle of chakra alerted his senses.

Sasuke stood between the two boys, tall and dignified with a sneer plastered over his face. His stance was relaxed and his eyes sharp as he gazed at Naruto.

“Is this what you call teaching?” Sasuke turned to Najato whose stare flickered between hero-worship and indifference. “Get lost.”

Naruto stiffened at the words and started towards them. “I was handling it just fine, Sasuke!”

Naruto’s hands curled into fists as Sasuke turned his back. Sasuke clasped the other twin by the shoulder, squeezing briefly. “Let’s go, Fuyu.”

Najato bared his teeth in an oddly animalistic gesture; Naruto reached out to him but was left with his hand grasping at air.

*

The little people were annoyed with him again. They were all having prepubescent issues. Naruto was pretty sure Masao had begun having wet dreams what with all the random personal questions he was asking followed by his blushes and the occasional looks he directed at Kiyori, and sometimes even Najato. The boy appeared to want to hump anything with two legs and a scowl for him. Getting off on rejection couldn’t be healthy. Kiyori was still mooning over Najato, and Najato had taken to sitting with his fingers linked together, glaring moodily into the distance ala Sasuke. Naruto had already tried to have a sit down chat with the boy, where he had appeared randomly at Najato’s window ala Kakashi and tried to be all knowing. Najato had assumed he was a burglar and aimed numerous kunai at his privates. And possibly continued to do so even after he realised it was just Naruto.

They were again spying on Team Arrogant. Naruto felt that Najato perhaps needed to see a bit more of his twin; if he wanted to be better than him then he needed to know what the other was learning, to give him the added incentive to work hard. Hyuuga were all about natural talent, Naruto wanted to instil in his team the merits that Gai-sensei had always lived by.

They were in the trees because his team could do that now. Naruto chose to ignore the fact that half way through walking up the trees, the team had ended up having to climb the rest of the way.

Team Socially Inept arrived on time as usual. As was habit by now, Sasuke’s eyes pinpointed exactly where Naruto crouched, hidden. It irritated Naruto that Sasuke didn’t put up that much of a fuss knowing that Team Naruto was watching his team train. That he was that confident in his abilities to train his genin that he felt no sense of competition from Naruto’s.

Sasuke lead his team to a nearby lake and proceeded to walk to the centre of it, he turned and gave his team a coolly appraising look. One of the mini-Sasuke’s stuck their foot into the water, their chakra desperately flaring trying to support the body weight above the water.

Naruto once again had three tiny pairs of eyes trained on him expressing remarkable hatred.

“We just learnt how to do trees and Sasuke-sensei’s team are onto water?!”

Naruto cast a quick look back at Sasuke on the lake; he was looking directly back at Naruto, an eyebrow hitched up and a smirk playing across his features. Naruto wanted to punch him for no reason. But then he’d never needed many excuses for wanting to hit Sasuke.

“Well, this is exactly why we’re here!” He started off, glaring at them in turn. “You’ve all been slacking! And then your classmates have started to surpass you, are you just going to let them?”

They all looked sulky, and shook their heads. Kids were so easy.

“Right!” Naruto clapped his hands and shot them his best inspiring grin before turning back to Team Broody.

All three of Sasuke’s students were now standing in the water at various levels. Fuyu had made the most headway and was the only one who didn’t look like the effort to stand there was costing him an arm and a leg. The other boy was emerged to his shoulders with a face like thunder. Masao was silently laughing at him and only stopped after repeated kicks in the ankle from the rest of his team.

Naruto’s eyes passed over Sasuke who was speaking lowly about the amount of chakra required in balance to the depth of the water. He still felt urges to drag Sasuke off by the hair and yell ‘I’m taking you home now!’ Some habits died hard. His kids were getting restless beside him, but Naruto knew that if he just put them through this mind-numbing boredom, they’d have renewed energy to work harder to surpass their classmates. It also had the added bonus of Sasuke spewing all the technical stuff; it’d all sound familiar to them when Naruto had them try it out themselves.

“Uh… Sasuke-sensei? I don’t think Saya knows how to swim…” Naruto quickly looked back to the kids, the two boys were there, and alarming bubbles were forming where the girl had stood.

Sasuke immediately allowed himself to sink into the water; Naruto couldn’t make out anything after his head disappeared beneath the surface.

Moments later he resurfaced, hair flattened and the girl Saya in his arms. He walked back over the surface of the water and laid her down. Naruto saw her peek her eyes open before squeezing them shut again. Sasuke hadn’t missed this either.

“Takanori, resuscitate Saya.” Naruto almost laughed as the girl’s eyes popped open again and she pushed herself away with loud exclamations of being fine.

Sasuke instructed his team to return to their practise. He removed his jounin vest, peeled off the undershirt, and then placed them out to dry. Naruto swallowed uncomfortably suddenly seeing so much of Sasuke. Wet droplets clung to his frame and the ends of his hair and Naruto found himself shifting in his position to get a closer look.

“Naruto-sensei… you’re crushing my foot…” Masao whined, pushing at the offending limb.

Naruto broke his concentration to pat him on the head before turning back to the scene.

Naruto watched the rest of the training session with morbid fascination. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Sasuke half naked before. He had just never really appreciated the way water droplets moved down his body in slow motion. As the team progressed in their training, Sasuke inevitably got soaked and Naruto couldn’t tear his eyes away.

Naruto breathed deep, closed his eyes and tried not to think about how uncomfortable his pants now were. He turned to instruct his team for their next session and found they had all snuck away while he’d been distracted. Naruto hit his head back against the tree trunk and refused to acknowledge his nether regions.

*

Naruto had always known that his feelings for Sasuke sometimes, slightly, just a tad, leaned towards the homosexual side. It was inevitable, of course. One didn’t spend four very long years thinking ‘Must bring Sasuke home!’ without leading to the unavoidable fantasy of what they would do afterwards. It had started out innocent, when Sasuke came back… Naruto dreamed that he would hug Sasuke, they’d spar, laugh amicably over lunch and Sasuke would admire how amazing Naruto’s skills were, and confess how he felt far too inferior to compete with Naruto. Then he’d started to linger on the hug thought for a little while longer. Imagining what it would feel like to hold Sasuke close and feel the relief wash over him, with the comfort that he could never ever leave (because in Naruto’s fantasy, handcuffs were involved).

Then thoughts of sparring got boring. And Naruto was a horny teenager who frequently tried to kid himself that the dark eyes he imagined watching him while he jerked off to the thought of someone simply touching him were in fact green and not smoky dark.

But Naruto had never had to face his more than friendly feelings for Sasuke. Because Sasuke had allowed one hug, and followed it with a swift punch to the face. He hadn’t punched Sakura when she had touched him though, just stood there awkwardly while she cried. Naruto comforted himself with the fact that Sai had received a broken wrist and a kunai aimed at his jugular for attempting to join in with the reunion.

And it was with these repressed urges that Naruto woke with his right hand shoved in his boxers, his body slick and his mouth dry. Apparently he had not replayed water curving a path down Sasuke’s nipples when he was conscious enough; it had seeped into his dreams where Sasuke had been a little more naked and a little more welcoming. Naruto shuddered and tried to kid himself that it was because the image of Sasuke, happy to be horny and naked, disturbed him rather than his body protesting because it had been so very close to an orgasm.

Naruto wouldn’t have been as annoyed if it hadn’t been a week since the Sasuke-the-stripper incident and his hand hadn’t been waking him with a happy jerk of his wrist every morning.

Naruto wondered what it was about the idea of water moving in lazy trails down Sasuke’s body that excited his libido. He decided that in order to fully submerge his head in denial again, he’d have to test out whether it was just Sasuke plus water that equated to a hard on, or if it could be anyone plus water.

This was why he was currently nursing the remains of his brain from Sakura’s punch for drenching her with a bucket of water and then looking down at his pants for some sort of confirmation. Naruto’s quick reflexes were the only thing that saved him as she began targeting his little Naruto. Everyone seemed to have a grudge against his penis lately.

He crawled for safety and eventually managed to make an escape, with Sakura ranting and raving and looking nothing short of a pink drowned rat.

Naruto wasn’t to be deterred. If Sakura, his childhood love, the lady of the Hokage tower and the future mother of his children (because Naruto liked to play happy families in his head) didn’t do it for him, then he’d have to address the gender issue he’d been having difficulty coming to terms with.

He located the other member of his old team, Sai, at his apartment and dragged him to the bathhouse. Sai took Naruto’s odd behaviour calmly enough and went along with it. Naruto figured he hadn’t been spending enough time with the other emotionally stunted idiot life had blessed him with and this was as good a time as any to rectify that.

“Naruto-kun.”

Naruto tried not to flinch with every word Sai spoke. Because apparently Sai figured every time they exchanged words, a little body contact was in order. Naruto didn’t know what nonsense he’d been reading but he wished the man would skip to the chapter on understanding body language. Then he would be able to deduce that Naruto sitting as far away as possible, with his legs pulled up and eyes searching for his weapons pouch meant that touching wasn’t a good idea.

“What would you like to talk about?” Sai’s eyes were closed in that disturbing smile of his where no one could quite figure out what direction he was looking in.

Naruto wanted to reply with ‘Just shut up and be naked’, but even Sai would find Naruto’s antics odd so he forced a grin instead. “Nothing, nothing, just thinking about, you know… our…bonds?”

“Bonds?” Naruto couldn’t believe Sai perked up at the word. Sai had already had far too creepy an interest with his and Sasuke’s bonds, which involved sometimes watching them spar with a peaceful smile on his face and assorted other things Naruto was unwilling to face.

Naruto licked his lips and tried not to back away to the other side of the pool. Steam from the hot water rose in wisps around them and the humid air was unyielding in the face of Naruto’s embarrassment.

“Yeah, I just figured we should spend some time together since I haven’t seen you much since our last mission…” Naruto was ashamed to admit that he hadn’t really noticed the lack of interaction he’d had with Sai lately. He’d been too caught up with his kids. And Sasuke (which, to be fair, wasn’t out of the ordinary).

“Hmm, your penis-” Naruto clamped his hand over Sai’s mouth before he could speak further. Lately Sai had taken to greeting Naruto with observations of ‘Oh, your penis is sad/happy/angry/confused (etc) today’.

Naruto released him and gave him a warning look before settling back into the water, his hands shielding his dick from Sai’s inquisitive looks. Naruto glared at Sai through narrow eyes. He had the same colouring as Sasuke, and if he squinted hard enough, the image in front of him could blur enough to be mistaken for Sasuke. Except Sai was paper-white pale, and Sasuke didn’t know how to smile.

They sat in silence for about an hour. Sai found the silence peaceful and relaxing; Naruto found it stressful and disturbing. Naruto would observe Sai’s frame and then habitually turn, check on his non-existent erection before turning back and trying to look nonchalant.

Eventually he gave up. Sai, entirely naked, wet and that creepy smile did very little to light his fire, so to speak.

Naruto considered finding Kakashi after the failure of his experimentation, but Kakashi would be useless. As time went on, the man tended to get even more cryptic. Naruto figured it all translated to ‘Leave me alone, porn time’. Thoughts of Kakashi reminded him that he was well over three hours late for meeting with his team.

*

Naruto rocked back and forth on his heels. He was fidgeting with the zipper of his jounin vest and chewing on his lower lip. He had been whistling earlier but Tsunade had thrown a shoe in the direction of his head to shut him up, or kill him, judging from the large dent in the wall next to his head.

The genin teachers were all gathered in her office to begin the preliminary nominations of genin for the chuunin exams. She was going on and on about the proper procedures as if all these jounin standing hadn’t gone through the chuunin exams themselves, events they were not likely not to forget. Then again, maybe he’d been the only one eaten by a giant snake. Naruto looked her over and realised how tired she looked. Since Shizune’s almost-passing, she had been more vigilant about her duties; her indulgence for booze and gambling had decreased dramatically. Naruto found it hilarious that Shizune manipulated the old woman into doing her work by continuously guilt-tripping her about her brief death. Not very ethical, but it got the job done.

Around the room, Naruto could identify which jounin teachers he already knew. There was Lee who, for some reason, had brought Gai-sensei along with him. They stood up front, occasionally fist pumping the air and engaging in hugs. Lee was on his third genin team. He made a good teacher, even if all his students ended up with bowl hair cuts and, what Naruto feared, would go on to have green spandex fetishes.

There was also Ino. She made a surprisingly good teacher, with her bossy attitude that had all her students falling into line, particularly the boys; nothing like a pair of perky breasts to get prepubescent boys wrapped around a finger.

Then there was Temari who was visiting Konoha. Her genin had already been nominated. She was there to oversee the process as an emissary from Suna and to make sure things didn’t fuck up the way they had the last time Konoha had hosted the chuunin exams. Granted there weren’t any psychopaths who felt snubbed for being passed over for Hokage on the loose recently so she was mostly there for show. Though no one had pointed out the part Sand had played to her as of yet. Every time a comment hinting at it had been made the nin found themselves blown out the window by some mysterious wind from an unknown source.

And of course, Sasuke. The cocky bastard was leaning against the door at the back, looking as uninterested as Naruto felt. Naruto knew he couldn’t in good faith nominate his kids, and that the mini-Sasukes weren’t up to standard yet either. It was all very well for Ino and Lee and the rest of the jounin, they’d had theirs for much longer, some of whom had already tried for the exams and failed. Naruto couldn’t believe they still used that poor excuse for a first exam where there were no correct answers and cheating without being caught was the way to pass. Of course, it was a good way to test ninja skills, but really, what kind of moral standards did that set for his impressionable kids? Naruto blew out his breath and crossed his arms. The mini-Hokages had better not let him down when their turn did come.

“Nominations!” Tsunade barked. He scowled at the old hag for being so rough around the edges.

One by one, the jounin called out nominations for their teams. Some declined and they were quickly followed by the next teacher. It finally came out to Naruto’s turn. He had a whole speech prepared about how his team wasn’t ready yet but everyone could bet that they would be soon and they’d wipe the floor with all the other students. As he opened his mouth to give such a speech, he caught Sasuke’s eye, who raised his eyebrow. Naruto felt he could see a challenge glinting in those eyes, but it could be mistaken for derisiveness.

“I nominate all three of my team!”

Tsunade threw her other shoe at Naruto. He barely ducked in time; it left another crater in the wall on the other side of his head. Naruto noted it had been chakra-enhanced this time and cringed.

The other jounin smirked at Naruto’s antics, and he glowered. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, lip curled, and Naruto felt the undeniable urge to punch him, with an additional need to kiss him. He balked at what his rationality had led him to.

“My Hyuuga is still better than his,” Naruto muttered, consoling himself.

*

Naruto had anticipated that this would happen. He had tried very hard not to think about it and immersed himself in an incredible amount of denial. Because Sasuke was like his brother and Naruto wasn’t into the incest thing. Though Naruto thought that perhaps he should be happy that his blood wasn’t all Sharingan happy, otherwise he probably would have met the same sticky end that the rest of Sasuke’s family had.

But he really shouldn’t be thinking about Itachi and his mental stability as it was hypocritical, especially when he currently had his hand down his pants (very much consciously this time) trying to beat off some frustration and only getting increasingly frustrated because the thought of just anyone’s boobs, cock, ass only made his dick soft and the thought of Sasuke all smirking and naked had him harder than a brick wall.

The Sasuke in his head lifted an eyebrow, much like he had earlier in the day in Tsunade’s office, all cocky and sneering, and Naruto’s dick twitched. Naruto figured he might need to get his head checked out if this was what turned him on. But going up to Sakura and asking for a head examination for his sexual perversions would likely leave him with further brain damage.

He turned on his side in bed and panted against the pillow, his hand pumping himself in quick efficient strokes. Naruto kept his eyes open because if he closed them, his mind supplied him with the image of Sasuke’s hands on him, stroking him, muttering words and gasping in his ear, breath hot against Naruto’s neck.

Naruto’s cheeks reddened partly with his administrations but mostly because his thoughts embarrassed him. He’d done this in the past before, jerking off to thoughts of Sasuke. But he’d told himself that it was normal when his thoughts for four years straight had been SasukeSasukeSasuke; having him appear in his fantasies was a natural reaction to his one-track mind state, it made sense, really.

It really disturbed Naruto that he stayed hard even when he thought about Sasuke as a girl. Sasuke the chick had pretty pert breasts and slim hips, but she had that same lip curl and look of irritation. Naruto sighed lustily; he was doomed.

Naruto’s eyes slid shut as he neared completion, his hand working frantically and his boxers rubbing pleasantly against the head of his cock, providing much needed friction. He groaned as Sasuke in his mind curved against his back, hands pushing away Naruto’s and pushing his own hardness into the cleft of his ass.

His alarm went as he arched and spilled into his hands, warm stickiness cooling quickly on his skin. The alarm wasn’t his wake up one; it was the one that signified that if he turned up too late for a meeting with his team, they would all barge into his apartment unannounced and proceed to give him an earful. An earful meant that Masao would watch his T.V. and raid his fridge, Kiyori would lecture him about promptness, and Najato would glare at everything in the vicinity with his Hyuuga eyes turned on full blast. Naruto wasn’t often late, it was just in the recent weeks he’d been dealing with morning wood, and starting the day with a cold shower left him understandably sulky.

Like clockwork, his front door was pushed open. Their ninja skills may have needed a little pruning, but they had their house-breaking skills down pat. He climbed out of bed, tossing away his boxers and pulling on a fresh pair along with his jounin pants before opening his bedroom door, one hand rubbing his eye and a large fake yawn stretching his mouth. Naruto trusted that he looked the picture of someone just waking up from a good night’s sleep, and definitely not someone who had woken four hours earlier tossing and turning and attempting to jerk off to images of things that didn’t look like Sasuke. Naruto really hoped they bought it.

Kiyori and Masao stood there looking worried.

“Where’s Najato?” Naruto asked, dropping all pretence.

“He got into another fight with Fuyu-kun,” Kiyori replied moving forward to pull at Naruto’s hand. He allowed her to drag him forward a few steps, her eyes quickly filling with tears. Masao was subdued and stood shuffling his feet.

“Where is he?” Naruto repeated.

“At the training grounds on the far side,” Masao mumbled.

Naruto nodded. “Stay here,” he said. He looked them both in the eye until they nodded their assent before he turned and exited through his living room window.

*

Naruto arrived a few seconds before Sasuke did. They both leapt into action, intercepting the numerous kunai being thrown.

Naruto moved to stand in front of Najato who had several cuts on his arms and face, fresh and dried blood mingling through his torn shirt. His mouth was set in a dangerous line. Naruto’s heart twisted at the sight of his student. His own expression mirrored Najato’s when he turned to face Fuyu. However, Sasuke stood in front of him in a wary stance, sheltering his own student in much the same way.

“Fuyu, leave,” Sasuke spoke to the boy but with his face still turned towards Naruto. Naruto narrowed his eyes at Sasuke’s student as he emerged from behind his teacher, his face betraying nothing. Fuyu nodded at Sasuke before moving to stand by his other teammates, not actually leaving.

“Can’t you control your students, Naruto?”

“What about yours, Sasuke?!” Naruto shot an angry look at Fuyu who was being fussed over by the other two mini-Sasukes.

Masao and Kiyori arrived and Naruto resisted the need to turn around and yell at them about following orders from their superiors.

“Keep your students away from mine.”

Naruto turned and nodded at Najato to join the rest of his team before walking forward and punching Sasuke in the face.

Sasuke had moved back just in time so that the impact wasn’t as hard as Naruto would have wanted. But it did the job, making Naruto briefly feel better before he was dodging kunai and Sasuke was wiping blood from the corner of his mouth, every facial feature expressing his distaste.

Naruto had his feet knocked out from under him and he fell to ground, before twisting away from the punch to the stomach that soon followed. Naruto jumped up and they twisted in a flurry of punches and kicks before Naruto gained the upper hand and moved close, intending for another more satisfying punch to the face. Except the corner of Sasuke’s mouth was still bleeding and Naruto found himself kissing the spot.

Naruto froze.

This wasn’t another one of his dreams or mid-morning idle thoughts. This was terrifyingly real.

Naruto felt the gathering of chakra directed at Sasuke’s left arm and the telltale sound of chirping birds. Naruto’s eyes widened and he managed to disengage from Sasuke before the Chidori had a chance to build and burn him to a crisp.

He stumbled back. Sasuke’s face was unreadable and the only thing he could think to do was run.

And he did, and told his team to do them same. They took one look at their teacher and obeyed.

“What are you running like that for?!” Naruto yelled at them, “Run like ninjas, damn it!”

*

Naruto hadn’t been avoiding Sasuke. Not seeing him for three weeks straight couldn’t be called avoiding; it was more like coincidental chances of fate.

Sakura had approached him after a week of his slightly unusual behaviour. She had told him if that he didn’t sort out whatever mess it was that was making Sasuke act like Itachi had died all over again, and having Sai constantly reading up and quoting crap about damaged bonds and sexual tension, she was going to get physical. The days when Sakura punching someone was a laughing matter were long gone.

Naruto had been able to avoid Sakura for two weeks after that too, and he’d been greeted with three of his teeth knocked loose and ominous words about what would happen to his balls if he ever did that again. Naruto wasn’t the wisest ninja, but he knew emasculation when he was threatened with it.

It was typical that the day he went to hunt Sasuke down, it rained. It had started off as a light drizzle, feathering his face and reminding him of that one image of Sasuke plus water that had gotten him into this mess.

One good thing had come from it though. His students seemed to have developed some respect for him and showed it with fewer ‘loser teacher’ comments and an increase in commands obeyed. They were a good team and worked well together. Once he’d shown them how to walk on water, he was God to them.

Naruto was hoping that Sasuke had forgotten the incident entirely, but that was wishful thinking. Geniuses were deranged and known for brooding on minor details like their best friend trying to kiss them. But then Sasuke wasn’t as predictable as Naruto made him out to be; he might have just ignored it altogether and was probably grateful he’d had a mini-vacation from Naruto and his team. That thought only served to anger Naruto further. He really didn’t need Sasuke thinking that no Naruto around was a good thing.

He found Sasuke sitting on the rooftop of Naruto’s apartment. His chin was held up on threaded fingers and he was glaring off into the distance. Naruto winced as he remembered Najato doing the exact same pose so frequently. Mentally unstable was not fashionable and not to be mirrored.

“What are you doing here?” Naruto landed lightly on the balls of his feet, bent so that his fingertips brushed the tiles as he steadied himself.

Sasuke looked up and Naruto wondered how he could have avoided him for three weeks. For all that the dark eyes were cool and uncaring, they were still Sasuke’s eyes meeting his.

The rain had dampened Sasuke’s hair, making it lie a little flatter and appear even darker. Naruto gulped as a trickle made its way down the column of Sasuke’s throat.

“Looking for you.”

Naruto had no response to that, he peered closer at Sasuke and could see a bruise blossoming high on his right cheek. Unfortunately for Sasuke, Sakura had long ago written him off as a lost cause and was more than happy to punch him into submission too. Though, Sasuke wouldn’t have caved that easily, and that he was here because he wanted to be.

Naruto sat down next to him on the wet tiles and they looked over Konoha through the slowly thickening rain.

Naruto moved his hand closer to Sasuke’s. Ten minutes passed and he moved it a little closer. His hand inched closer and closer to Sasuke’s in ten minute intervals, Naruto watching Sasuke’s face carefully out of the corner of his eye, ready to snatch it away in case Sasuke decided to imbed a kunai in it.

They sat there for an hour before Naruto’s hand touched Sasuke’s. When Sasuke didn’t pull away, Naruto took that as consent to have his naughty way and pushed aside all panic signals telling him to run for the hills. He turned to Sasuke who was watching him with light amusement, mouth curved up at one corner, and Naruto moved forward to kiss that tilt of lips.

It wasn’t a kiss so much as pushing his mouth against Sasuke’s, holding himself there for a moment whilst bracing himself to move away at the first sign of homicidal intent. Naruto pulled away from the smack of mouths, quickly looking at Sasuke’s face to asses his mood and if he was about to get another fist through his chest.

Sasuke had his eyes narrowed, but he pulled Naruto back to kiss him again. Naruto felt all the air rush at him at this first sign of reciprocation. He pushed Sasuke to lie back against the tiles while scrambling over him in an attempt to keep their mouths together.

“You’re an idiot, Naruto.”

Naruto acknowledged this with a hasty nod and kept kissing. Who knew how long this would last? Sasuke was bound to come to his senses sooner or later.

The rain had gotten heavier and Naruto’s t-shirt was soaked. Naruto figured if he could get Sasuke on top, he’d get to see rain wash over Sasuke in motion again and maybe Naruto would get to lick the trail of water around his nipples and down his stomach. Naruto kissed Sasuke harder at that thought, which went straight to his groin.

He grinded down on the body beneath him, kissing the almost dry lips of Sasuke and wondered how it was possible that they waited so long to do this. Mostly though, he wondered what had gotten into Sasuke for this to be okay behaviour.

Naruto’s fingers worked at Sasuke’s jounin vest, fumbling before pushing up the shirt beneath and touching the warm skin of his stomach.

“Aw, fuck, Sasuke!” Naruto growled when he was abruptly turned over, his head crashing painfully into the roof-tile. He glared up at his friend who looked entirely unconcerned.

He quieted though when Sasuke’s hips collided with his and ground down. Naruto let loose a moan that was louder than he would have liked. He looked around quickly, trying to ascertain if there was anyone in the area.

Naruto’s hands moved to grip the back of Sasuke’s shirt, moving quickly underneath to strip Sasuke of it.

It was too disturbingly like many of his dreams of late, Sasuke half naked, skin slowly getting soaked by the rain, warm and wet.

Except his now wet clothes were starting to make him uncomfortable and the tiles were digging into his bottom and he really wished Sasuke would stop just looking at him and get back to where they were.

Naruto reached for Sasuke but was too late as Sasuke started to pick himself up.

“Sasuke-”

“We should stop.”

“But-”

“I’ll talk to you later.”

Naruto stared disbelievingly at Sasuke who had turned away to pull his shirt and vest back on. He shook his head to rid the distracting image of Sasuke’s nipples, hard and wet from the rain.

“Fine!” Naruto gritted out. He lay back on the tiles, pushed his hand into his pants and began stroking.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Naruto grinned, happy with the look of irritation on Sasuke’s face. “Oh, baby, yeah, that feels so good!” Naruto drew out his O’s in loud drawn out moans.

“Naruto…”

“Mm…yeah, just like that…!”

“Naruto!”

“Oh, give it to me harder!” Naruto pulled up his shirt so that his other hand could smooth up and down the length of his torso, “That feels so good.” Naruto tried not to laugh at the look of shock on Sasuke’s face.

Naruto licked his dry lips and arched into his hand, “I’m so close! Faster! Harder! Mmph!” Naruto found his mouth suddenly stuffed full of Sasuke’s shirt and Sasuke straddling his hips.

“You’re going to be quiet.”

Naruto nodded quickly, his eyes wide as Sasuke began jerking his hips into Naruto’s. He spat out the shirt and glared at Sasuke but otherwise made no comment. He pulled Sasuke’s mouth back down to his, pressing quick kisses to the stiff mouth, one arm circling Sasuke’s neck to keep him there.

Naruto pulled Sasuke beneath him and grinned down at him. Sasuke stared stonily back, his cheeks lightly flushed and his hips jerking to meet Naruto’s thrusts. Naruto reached down to release Sasuke and then released himself. He moaned long and low in Sasuke’s ear when they touched.

They moved against each other recklessly, Sasuke constantly pushing Naruto to lie on the tiles, which Naruto really wasn’t having any of. Eventually they slowly made their way across to the other side of Naruto’s roof over the course of fifteen minutes of moving frantically with quick grinds of their hips. Naruto came with Sasuke biting his ear and a hand palming him. Sasuke followed suit with a fisting of Naruto’s shirt and a hand tightening on his shoulder.

Naruto reached down to stroke Sasuke’s cheek and had his hand knocked away.

Naruto sneaked looks at Sasuke as they dressed. Every time Sasuke turned to glare at him, Naruto quickly looked away.

Naruto coughed and groped for something to say.

Before Sasuke could step off the roof, Naruto reached for his sleeve, tugging him back to place a kiss to his mouth.

“My Hyuuga is still better than yours.”

*

Epilogue

Masao was glad that he was on first watch. It meant that he could be as far away from those two Hyuuga freaks as possible. He didn’t have to sit there exasperated while they tried to stare each other into submission with their Byakugan activated, wasting unnecessary chakra. He wasn’t feeling left out. If he really wanted to, he could have pouted at Kiyori until she relented and gave him attention, but she was too busy trying to figure out how, at fourteen, Saya had procured breasts that rivalled the Godaime’s. Every time he attempted to initiate conversation, he’d get distracted by the way Kiyori’s head would tilt to the side, just so, eyes trained directly on Saya’s cleavage. Then he’d follow her line of sight and get completely lost. At chuunin level, he really couldn’t justify walking into trees.

Masao had been so excited about their first B-class mission. Naruto-sensei had promised them a real treat if this mission was successful. Masao only hoped it was something decent and not ramen noodles. Naruto-sensei was a bit funny in the head and thought ramen vouchers made amazing birthday presents.

He made himself comfortable in his position up in the tree, above where the rest of his team had camped. Masao really felt his luck had run out when they’d had to be paired with Sasuke-sensei’s team for this mission. They’d been told that if they wanted to take that particular mission for their first chuunin wage, it was pairing up or nothing.

It wasn’t fair that he’d had to spend the majority of the time trailing behind the twin backs of Najato and Fuyu who walked along side each other but with a fair amount of distance, both wary of attack from the other. Naruto-sensei had warned Najato that if there were any fights (that weren’t about manly bonds, in which case it was perfectly okay) then he’d do something unpleasant and Naruto-sensei’s pranks weren’t to be taken lightly. Sasuke-sensei merely had to glance at Fuyu, who apparently could read minds and got the message of his imminent punishment from one look; he had reacted by blanching and looking away.

Masao was jerked out of his petulant thoughts when he heard the crunching of leaves from below. He peered through the leaves, one hand going immediately to his weapons pouch, the other slipping a kunai from his sleeve. He paused when a clump of blond hair recognisable as his superior’s came into view. Masao shifted carefully to observe what his stupid teacher was up to. Naruto-sensei obviously wasn’t out to take a leak judging from his stance and poor attempt at sneakiness. While Naruto-sensei was without argument one of the best ninjas in the village, he was also the clumsiest.

Masao watched in mild fascination as his teacher crept closer to Sasuke-sensei’s tent, constantly furtively looking around. It figured that Naruto-sensei wouldn’t have the sense of mind to look up. Masao’s interest increased as Naruto-sensei crept closer. Kunai flashed through the parting in Sasuke-sensei’s tent. His teacher dodged every one of them, and then, finally getting close enough, Naruto slipped inside.

His fascination quickly turned into horror as the sounds from inside the tent stopped indicating that a fight was going on. The sounds of a struggle morphed into moans and grunts of the more intimate kind.

Heat exploded over his face, he lost his balance and quite nearly fell out of the tree. Masao landed on his feet though and he returned to his own tent where he roughly shook Fuyu awake for his turn on night watch. Then he wedged himself into his own sleeping bag with the pillow pulled around his ears. Masao yelped when he realised how close to Najato he was and backed away onto the other side.

“What’s your problem?” Najato mumbled in a voice thick with sleep.

“Naruto-sen-”

“Mm?”

“Sasuke-sen-”

By the time Masao managed to blurt out that their teachers were going at it like bunnies on speed, Najato had fallen back asleep.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen

The End