FIC: A Person of Interest (PG-13)
Title: A Person of Interest
Type: Fic
Age-Range Category: Three
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Severus Snape, canon characters, original characters; various implied pairings
Author: iulia_linnea
Rating: PG-13
Click to View [Warning(s)]None.
Note(s): I had a lot of fun exploring Severus' post (first)-war life and early teaching career at Hogwarts, and I think he enjoyed (most) of the process, too!
Summary: The Ministry's not actually interested in Severus anymore, but that doesn't mean that no one is.
"I don't speak to Aurors, anymore, Headmaster. Why are they here?"
"Professor Snape," began Dumbledore, but the older of the two Aurors present in the Headmaster's office rose and extended a hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Snape," he said.
Severus glanced down at the man's hand and then back up to his face. It was plump and devoid of any lines save laugh lines. His hair was a pleasing pepper-speckled red. He reminded Severus of a portly bird. He did not look anything at all like an Auror, no matter his robes.
"You don't look like an Auror."
"And there's that 'outside voice' that you would have lost in training," the Auror replied, smiling. His hand remained extended.
At the clearing of Dumbledore's throat, Severus snapped, "What's your name?" as he took the man's hand. He shook it once and released it. "That is part of an introduction."
"So it is, so it is. I'm Bradshaw, Bernard Bradshaw, and this," Bradshaw told him, turning to the younger Auror, "is Mary Babbling."
Auror Babbling did not offer Severus a hand to shake and appeared, for all her youth, as though she were an old apple-headed doll which had dried out long ago. Her lips were pressed so tightly together that they looked fused. Severus nodded at her.
"Auror Babbling," continued Bradshaw, "is recently arrived from Cairo."
"Hence the tan."
The three men looked at her. Babbling was hardly that, and Severus couldn't credit her with any sort of a sense of humour, and yet . . . .
"She casts a mean sunblocking charm," said Bradshaw, turning a bit pink about the ears.
"What's brought you back home, Auror Babbling?" asked Dumbledore.
"I attended-and completed my early training at, I might add-the New Alexandria School of Enlightenment. I've not returned from anywhere. I make my home in Cairo."
"Mary."
"Bernard."
Auror Bradshaw turned from Auror Babbling to Severus. "To come to the point of the thing."
Severus inclined his head at Bradshaw. "Yes?"
"We've a pair of rough chaps running illicit magiceuticals between Cairo and Hogsmeade, and-"
"Hogsmeade?" interrupted Severus. "Hogsmeade."
"They're what I'd call 'student friendly', Snape," Babbling began.
"Professor Snape."
Severus turned to Dumbledore in surprise at the man's defence of his title.
"I beg your pardon?"
"You'd do better to beg Professor Snape's pardon, Miss Babbling," Dumbledore replied.
"Then you should-"
This time, it was Auror Bradshaw who interrupted. "That's enough, Mary. If you don't offer respect, you won't receive it. Wait in the antechamber."
"This is my case, Brad-"
"OUT!"
Her eyes widening, Babbling stalked out.
"And don't touch anything!" Bradshaw called after her.
Wham!
"Well," said Dumbledore, passing his bowl of Sherbert Lemons to Bradshaw as the Auror took a seat, "she is quite young."
Severus waved away the offered sweets.
"She's older than she looks, Headmaster, and she's rude as hell! I am sorry, Professor Snape."
"That makes you the only Auror to have ever offered me an apology, Auror Bradshaw."
"Do call me Bernard."
"I hope you'll call me Albus," said Albus, looking at Severus with an expectant air.
"Severus," said Severus.
"Good!" Bernard clapped his hands together. "That little snot's father," he continued, jerking his head at the office door, "is well placed in Egyptian magical government. She didn't even attend the Novitiate, you know. Got her training with them."
"Do you refer to the New Alexandrian contingent of-"
"No, I do not!"
"Bernard?" Albus said.
"Forgive me. I don't consider what passes for junior training enough to allow transfers into the service. Our trainees have to complete assessment at the Novitiate before entering proper Auror training. Babbling was simply transferred in after a 'stint' of instruction by the Justinian Honour Guards!"
Severus saw the look of surprise flash across Albus' face and was intrigued. "I don't understand."
Bradshaw grinned at him. "I know that must have hurt a smart one like you to say. No, no," he continued, holding up his hands in a placating manner, "I mean no offence. It's just that this situation is highly irregular and I don't care for that woman."
"Because her training is incomplete?" Severus asked.
"Because she gives me chills that I do not enjoy."
Albus pressed his lips together and did not smile at Bernard.
Severus turned to the Auror. "'Student-friendly' potions?"
"Yes," said Bernard. "Someone with a Hogsmeade connection is smuggling into the country, into Hogsmeade, in particular, such potions. They're not yet being traded, but they will be. Babbling, er, Auror Babbling believes that Hogsmeade is merely the entry point, and that the draughts are meant for distribution all over the British Isles. She believes that they are meant to be, at some point in the future, a distraction."
Albus nodded. "How did she come by this information?"
"That's just it, Albus. She won't say, and the higher ups won't force her to. She's been assigned to me, or rather, I've been assigned to her, to 'investigate' this matter-but she won't tell me a blessed thing!"
"You've brought a sample of the potion or potions, I take it, Bernard?"
"Yes, Severus. I want to know what I'm dealing with-and when I invoked your name, Albus, no one seemed eager to turn down such 'help'."
"How nice to discover I'm still a figure of some influence," Albus said.
"Not modest at all," Severus retorted.
Bernard straightened in his chair. "Did you mean to say that out loud?"
"Worry not, Bernard. Severus and I are direct with one another. Have you tried the same thing with Auror Babbling?"
"I came right out and accused her of having had special treatment in her training and poor investigative skills. I was not at all professional. Got a lecture on respect for it-it's entirely my fault that she won't speak to me. It burns."
"What does?" asked Severus.
"My own stupidity."
Albus smiled. "You're not far from retirement, are you? Weren't you on desk duty?"
"That's just it! I was. I was due to retire in four bloody months!"
"And now you're stuck with a case."
"That's right, Severus, and that one," Bernard said, pointing at the door, "until this mess has been cleaned up."
"You don't know how the 'magiceuticals' are getting in? You have no idea who's doing it? Or of the larger plan?"
"The higher ups may have some knowledge of it, but I cannot get Babbling to utter one word about it. I did initially try professionalism and courtesy, but she's made it plain as plain that she doesn't want my help."
"But no one else will work with an outsider." Severus clasped his hands. "You don't actually want me for my Potions expertise, do you?"
"Ah, well," said Bernard, his ears reddening. "I thought, perhaps . . . ."
"Albus."
"I know, Severus. I do know." Albus turned to Bernard. "You have no right to bring this trouble to my Potions master, no matter his own history."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. Our laboratory wizards won't touch the samples. They said they'd 'put us in the queue', put us in the queue, Albus!"
Severus frowned at Albus.
"To be put in the queue is to be ignored. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement is well supplied with staff in its laboratories. Aurors Bradshaw and Babbling have been frozen out."
"Because Babbling's got special treatment due to her father?" asked Severus.
"Oh, well, and because I was put on desk duty due to an unfortunate circumstance." Bernard turned a ruddy shade. "I turned my wand on my squad after being Imperio'd. I'm no longer trusted in the field."
Severus swallowed. "Death Eaters?"
"The very same." Bernard looked away. "It was a mercy I didn't kill anyone."
"This is a steaming pile of giant shite, er shit, isn't it?"
Albus looked at Severus over steepled fingers. "Yes, I believe that it is."
~*~
Severus had worked hard to avoid the DMLE's attention since being released into Dumbledore's custody and coming to teach at Hogwarts after the Dark Lord's fall. He'd kept his head down, stayed out of everyone's way, learned how to deal with his students with professional remove, and swallowed his grief while waiting, waiting to be of use to Lily's son. It hadn't made for much of an existence, not at first, but five years on, he'd begun to feel something akin to peace, something akin to purpose-he'd even begun his own Potions-related researches. And he could look the other professors in the eyes now.
I belong here, now. If I become involved in this, it might draw attention. It might threaten the safety of my position here. I don't want to risk that.
Of course, he wasn't standing in Hogwarts anymore. He found himself, under a glamour he often employed to avoid notice in public, about to enter Borgin and Burkes. Burke had never cared for Severus, no matter that his mother came from a pureblood family, but Mr. Borgin had always liked him in spite of his paternal heritage. Severus would not think why.
No, I do not want to think why, he thought, and then entered the shop.
"Ah, an old employee. And how are you, Snape?"
Mr. Borgin wore a charm that enabled him to see past all glamours. "I'm well, sir. And you? Still discreet?"
"We are alone." Borgin removed the pince-nez from the bridge of his nose and gave the lenses a wipe. "Why are you here? You work at the school now. You're 'legitimate'."
"I want to know why Mary Babbling is in Scotland investigating illegal potions smuggling."
Borgin replaced his pince-nez and looked at Severus in apparent amusement. "That would be the 'young' Mary Babbling, Auror by Appointment, out of Cairo?"
"Yes."
"Doesn't exist-she's an entirely invented persona."
"I thought as much. Is she part of the smuggling?"
"No, I don't use her. Tell me, were you followed?"
"Only so far," Severus assured Borgin. "Thank you for speaking to me."
"You won't speak of my business, of course, so I would never dream of speaking of yours."
Severus refused to remember to what Borgin alluded. His Death Eating was behind him, but he knew he'd never truly purge himself completely of it. He did, however, regret taking Mr. Borgin so deeply into his confidence during his time of employment with the man and his partner.
"How is Mr. Burke?"
"Still a bastard. Still wishing that you were our brewer. The ones who came after you," he said, and shook his head.
"But you're not importing anything? No ingredients, no-"
"Oh, I'm always importing ingredients, Snape, but not brewed elixirs. One likes to know what one is selling."
"Then why-"
"Shh!"
"Oh, it's you. Come for a job, have you?"
"Caractacus, you know better. This one's a professor now."
"Well, send one of your better brewers to us at the end of the year. Our current 'help' destroys more cauldrons than he fills." With that, Mr. Burke disappeared into the claustrophobic dustiness of the back of the shop.
Severus did not miss it. "I don't miss him," he said, of Mr. Burke.
Borgin issued a phlegmy cough. "No one else will, either."
"What can you tell me," began Severus, before Borgin interrupted him.
"What can you give me? Have you brought anything?"
Prepared for this, Severus nodded, and reached into his robes.
Borgin raised his eyebrows.
Severus avoided the old man's gaze out of habit and removed a small red box from his robes. Placing it on the counter in between them, he said, "It's gold, it's pretty, it's cursed."
"Oh, and a nasty curse at that." Borgin peered at the bracelet with a magical scope. "Yes, very nasty. I love it."
"In exchange for some answers, it's yours."
"To business, then!" Borgin said, with so much cheer that he almost cracked a smile.
Severus did not, and he made certain to remain just out of arm's reach of his old employer.
~*~
"-doesn't know who it might be, but he thinks it's more than likely, and I quote, 'doxie doodle'."
He and Albus were walking towards the Black Lake that evening. It was peaceful. Severus, concerned about what was yet another "test" by the DMLE, wanted to think about anything other than their latest mystery.
"I don't know that it's a test, Severus."
Severus started and stopped. "You weren't even making eye contact."
"It doesn't take a Legilimens to know that you're worried."
Albus walked on, and Severus followed him. "I'm tired of this, Albus. I've done nothing to raise anyone's concern in over five years!"
"Well, it doesn't please some parents, the idea of a reformed Death Eater teaching their children."
Severus snorted, thinking about his Slytherins' parents. "And it does please others. I'm glad he's dead!"
Albus turned to gaze at Severus, his expression grim. He said nothing.
"Yes, I know. I know you believe that he'll return. That's why I'm here."
Moving off again, Albus replied, "Not entirely."
Severus assumed that Albus's vague yet seemingly pointed reply had to do with Lily's son, so he made no comment about it. Instead, he asked, "What the hell are we going to do about 'Auror Babbling'?"
"Find out who she is, for a start," Albus replied, "and then . . . ."
~*~
"I don't have time for some long and involved bullshit about a plot involving wizarding Britain's children and illicit magiceuticals, Filius. I need to figure this out immediately. I have classes to teach and a Quidditch Cup to win!"
"Your Slytherins will win or lose the Cup on their own, Severus."
"You know very well that we don't cheat!"
"Calm down and stop looking for insults or you shall surely find them." Filius flourished his wand in the direction of a teapot, which began to buzz, grow black and yellow stripes, and take to the air as wings and antennae and legs sprouted from its body. "Ah, good. Now we'll have honey!"
"You couldn't just spoon it in?"
"Where's the fun in that, Severus?" Filius cast a duplication charm, and suddenly, seven or eight, Severus couldn't count them fast enough to know for sure, portly, buzzing pots appeared, infusing the room with sweet, tea-scented goodness.
"Are you expecting friends?"
"Oh, indeed, my Firsties. Behold!" Filius flicked his wand at his classroom's door, which opened to admit the shortest Charms students that Severus had ever seen.
"They seem smaller every year," he said.
Filius chuckled. "Not to me. I'll see you at dinner, and we'll finish our discussion after it. Staffroom?"
"Thank you."
Filius gave him a nod and turned to his students. "Welcome! Conjure a cup and call a bee pot. The tea is excellent, and today, we're going to enjoy ourselves a great deal!"
The children looked fat of cheek and fresh of scrub, thought Severus, shaking his head at his ridiculous turn of phrase but forgiving it because it was almost impossible to maintain a frown in Filius' orbit. The man was made of cheer.
~*~
The first time that the DMLE had sent Aurors to interfere with his peace, Albus had stayed out of it. Severus had been questioned, observed, followed, and goaded until finally Flitwick, as Severus had known him then, had turned the corridor into a stone slide of slipping armour and shrieking Aurors.
"So much for training," the levitating Flitwick had told Severus, who for discretion's sake had clung to a partially transformed bannister rather than fly.
The Aurors had found themselves swirling down the stonework as if in a drain and been expelled just outside of the school's gates. The DMLE's response had been Howling. Severus and Filius, as he'd been instructed to call the Charms professor after the incident, had laughed to hear it-and it had been a wonderful moment. It was the first time since coming to teach at the school that Severus had felt welcome there again.
"Well, not entirely by the students," Severus murmured, pleased at the progress he had made with them. He entered the Staffroom. "Hello, Professor."
Minerva McGonagall nodded. "Good evening, Professor Snape."
Filius entered behind Severus and moved to sit with McGonagall by the fire. "Pull up another chair, Severus. Minerva's had an idea."
"You told her?"
"It involves the students, so yes, I did."
"Where is Professor Sprout?"
"Busy with some ingredient collecting, but she's onboard, Severus," Filius told him. "Minerva?"
"Unless you have a problem with it, Professor Snape," said Professor McGonagall, "I'm going to call you Severus, and you're going to call me Minerva."
"I, er, I have no problem with it, Professor."
"'Minerva'," prompted Filius.
"Oh, Minerva," Severus said.
"Right, then here's the situation as I understand it," said Minerva. "The Ministry is not actually interested in you anymore, Severus. Albus has confirmed that, and Auror Bernard Bradshaw is exactly who he claims to be. There is nothing in his history to make him view you as an enemy. This is not the doing of the Ministry."
"But how could this Babbling woman," Severus began, stopping short as Minerva snorted. "What?"
"She's a taciturn tart, and no mistake."
Filius coughed. "What makes you say that?"
Severus wanted to know the same.
"Anti-sagging charms."
Filius coloured.
"Albus had me show her to a room, and she threw off her robes. She dresses in a uniform at least two sizes too small for her, and she's pinched everywhere you look at her! Anti-sagging charms. Trying to look twenty-four instead of the, oh, I should say, seventy-four that she is. Witches ought to allow themselves to age gracefully."
Filius laughed. "Or employ better anti-sagging charms?"
Minerva pursed her lips.
"What does that have to do-"
"What I mean to say, Severus, is that-"
Filius jumped up and began to pace. "Her hair isn't coloured black. That's a charm. Her skin isn't quite so pale. Another charm. One to cover drink, I believe, the effects of it. And she's very tall, but there's some variant of a Notice-Me-Not upon her that makes one not notice quite how tall. Yes, she's definitely attempting to be incognito."
"All right," said Severus. "She's not who she says she is."
The Staffroom door opened. "No, for there is no Auror Mary Babbling, at least, not since she died several years ago."
"Do you mean to tell us that there was a Babbling?"
"Yes." Albus Summoned a chair and joined them as Filius also sat.
"Where is Bernard?" Severus asked Albus.
"He's sleeping in the Infirmary. He prefers cots it seems."
"And 'Babbling'?"
"Oh, that one is locked in. I don't trust her."
"Minerva," said Albus, an edge to his voice.
"She won't notice. She fell right asleep."
"And did you help her with that?" asked Filius.
"I merely offered her some shortbread." Minerva smoothed her features. "Special shortbread."
"'Special'." Severus' nose twitched as he tried not to smile.
"I am tired of people interfering with the management of this school and its teachers," said Minerva, as if that excused the dosing of an Auror and guest of Hogwarts.
As far as Severus was concerned, it did, but he wasn't impartial. "What is your idea, Minerva? About our present situation?"
He missed it when she began to speak as he found himself considering his use of "our" instead of "my." The others were acting as if the present mystery was their problem, too, and that confused him. He had not, before that very moment, been in the habit of thinking about himself as being part of the staff. He happened to teach there, but he wasn't-
"-everus? Severus, are you listening?" he realised that Minerva was saying.
Albus smiled at him. "That's all right, Minerva."
"Yes," agreed Filius. "I think our Severus has finally realised that he's among friends."
Oh, Severus thought, friends.
The door opened with a bang!
"Sorry! I did try to muffle it."
"That's quite all right, Pomona," said Minerva.
"Indeed, Professor Sprout."
"Would you stop being such a lump? It's Pomona." With that, Pomona launched into such an entertaining story of ingredient collection that they all forgot, for a time, their mysterious guest.
~*~
When Severus returned to the Slytherin Common Room, it was to find the usual chaos and disorder. That pleased him. In his day, it was a quiet, menacing room. Everyone had been afraid. Severus watched the happier children under his care and felt content.
"Is there a plot afoot?" asked Michael Bulstrode. "We know you've been spending time with the other Heads."
"It's nothing bad, is it?"
Severus regarded Wilhelmina Wiggins-Thorne, a very short Firstie with no Potions aptitude at all, but a girl destined for greatness on the Quidditch pitch.
"Oh, please, Professor Snape. Say there's nothing wrong!"
"Shh, silly," her elder sister, Wendy told her.
"There is nothing afoot about which any of us need to be concerned."
"So," said Bulstrode, "something's afoot?"
"Is it your desire, Michael, to find yourself in Auror training upon leaving school?"
"What? No! I'm not going to be an-"
"Then don't trouble yourself about it. Don't stir up trouble, either."
"Yes, sir."
"An announcement," Severus said, raising his voice to be heard. The room fell silent. "Several of you requested to remain at the school over the hols."
Those students were ones with "reformed" former something or others, Death Eaters or otherwise, who did not wish to hear any more about how they had all failed. The pureblood prejudices had not died with the Dark Lord; many of the more "political" parents had simply turned to the next generation, looking to them to fix their own messes, to champion their own agenda. Severus was relieved to discover how many of his Slytherins had refused to obey them. As for the less confident students, academics could protect them, at least, during holidays.
"Everyone who requested 'additional instruction' over the hols has been given permission to remain at Hogwarts for that purpose."
A cheer went up around the room.
"Do not set off a firework charm in this room!" Severus insisted, flicking his wand at a relieved and jubilant Fourth Year before joining some older students by the fire.
"Did you hear, Professor Snape?" Maisie Darke asked, passing him a magazine. "Maximus might not play Seeker for the Fitchburg Finches at the Quidditch World Cup! He's had an injury."
"The Americans won't permit him to sit it out. They'll Heal him," asserted Hamish Simpson.
Severus scanned the article that Darke had been reading. "It says here that it was curse damage. They might not be able to Heal him."
"Oh, but they must be lying!" someone exclaimed, joining the conversation. "It's all gamesmanship! I think . . . ."
It was hours before Severus achieved his bedchamber.
~*~
"That is a sound plan. Perhaps you should take a moment to go over it with the fair Minerva alone . . . ."
An old sot of a lord, sitting in a plush, throne-like chair before a roaring fire hung in an elaborate frame over Severus' bed. His name was Herbert, and he was a berk. Severus would have removed him from the wall, but for some reason lost to time, the portrait was permanently affixed.
"You're such a pervert."
"And you," replied Portrait Herbert, "are unforgivably boring. Would it hurt you, do you imagine, to have a little fun? To get a leg even a little over some wench or other? Boring."
"Goodnight, good lord. Goodnight."
"Was it?" asked Herbert. "You entered smiling."
Severus pulled off his robes.
"Sweet Circe and Merlin together!"
"They were not contemporaries as you well know, Herbert."
"With a weapon like that, who cares?"
"Herbert, I'm for bed."
"That is what I have been trying to tell you for some great long time."
"Goodnight, Herbert."
Severus snapped his fingers and the candle went out as he slid into bed. Herbert's sniggering was the only response he received from the portrait.
I've had worse company, he told himself, but not aloud. He had no desire to hear what his lusty, undersexed portrait might make of such a statement.
His last thought before dropping off to sleep was potentially problem solving.
Perhaps I could have an artist add a "wench" to Herbert's portrait.
~*~
"Pomona?"
"In here!"
Severus found Pomona just inside Greenhouse Three, adjusting some sort of watering charm.
"Shit! Sorry, dear," Pomona said, hastily ending the sudden shower that had drenched the both of them.
Severus cast a drying charm.
"Thank you. Tweaking the moisture content is a tricky business. Now then, did you need something?"
"I was curious about just what Minerva puts in her special shortbread."
"Oh," said Pomona, chuckling, "nothing harmful. That Babbling, whoever she is, can safely sleep until our guest arrives. Albus insisted Minerva have Babbling moved to the Infirmary to monitor, and didn't that annoy Poppy!"
"Why?" asked Severus.
"She's quite taken with that Bernard Bradshaw is why. 'Prefers a cot', oh, yes, especially when it's full of nurse!"
"I'll just avoid the Infirmary," Severus said, but Pomona had wandered off, laughing all the way.
~*~
It was a free period, so Severus took a walk to the thestral stables.
Wendy Wiggins-Thorne, Seventh Year and sister of Wilhelmina, was there before him. She was feeding chunks of raw meat to a foal and crying.
"Miss Wiggins-Thorne."
"Oh! Professor Snape, I didn't-"
"Mean to be skipping Divination?" he asked gently.
She looked down. "Well, yes, I did. It's a stupid class."
"Is that why you're . . . disturbed?"
"No, no, I'm worried about Willy. My grandmother wants to take her away. She says my parents have gone soft, have forgot their duty to our blood."
Severus' chilled to hear it. "I see."
"We don't have much money anymore, you see," continued Wendy. "Grandmother will pay, will buy my sister from our parents so that she can 'raise her right'. I'm a lost cause, you see."
"You're seeing the Hurst boy," Severus said.
"Yes, Muggleborn Hufflepuff that he is, Grandmother doesn't accept him. She's threatened to curse me if we wed, and Mother, well, she says I can't come home until I give him up-but if I can't come home, how can I protect Willy?"
"Leave protecting your sister to me, Wendy," Severus said, his tone harsh to consider the danger the child was in.
"But Profess-"
"I assure you, Wilhelmina will not come to harm. As far as you are concerned, I may have an answer. Borgin and Burkes is in need of a brewer of unquestioning disposition. From experience, I know that they pay well. Both Borgin and Burke are purists, but neither of them cares more about 'principle' than profit. You would be able to support yourself by working for them. If you can stomach the thought of it, I shall vouch for y-"
Hugging. Why did it have to be hugging?
"Thank you, Professor Snape! Oh, thank you! Yes, I would appreciate that so much, sir." Wendy released Severus and beamed at him. "You're the best, Professor! I'm going to go tell Willy!"
Off ran Wendy, having shoved her oilskin pouch full of meat into Severus' hands. He felt a nuzzle and looked down to find not one but two skeletal foals nudging the bag.
"Here you are," he told one, flat-handing a large meat cube before it. "Hey!" he exclaimed.
The second foal, having snatched the bag away from him, trotted off towards its dam, whose hollow gaze somehow held within it a warning to him not to approach. Severus heeded it.
~*~
"Albus, have you completed your tests?"
"I hope you're not offended, Severus."
"I thought it odd that you wanted to do it, but-"
"Water." Albus looked at him from over the cauldron sitting on his desk. "The phials contain nothing but water."
Severus took a moment to consider matters.
"Well?" prompted Albus.
"An Auror by special appointment who is not an Auror, nor even the young woman she purports to be, arranges to investigate the nonexistent smuggling of illicit magiceuticals aimed at children, which she asserts is being done to cause a 'distraction'. This distraction is to provide cover for some other nefarious event or act, but she can't or won't tell us what that event or act might be."
Albus nodded. "Yet the very magiceutical distraction is water, which implies there is no distraction, or rather, nothing under investigation that would require one."
"That's right," said Severus. "The distraction is the distraction. Babbling is most likely not even an Auror, but she did want access to Hogwarts. Why she wanted it is more important than how she managed to achieve it, but I expect that if we discover how she managed to get here, it would provide us with a clue as to what she wants to do here."
"Babbling's still sleeping," Albus told him, "and I've invited the relevant official."
"You really invited a Ministerial accountant?"
"Oh, no, Severus," said Albus. "Minerva was on the right track, I feel, but that would have occasioned comment. No, I went directly to Gringotts. The goblins in charge of the Ministry's Galleons will be much more useful to us. They account for every Knut, and they can keep a secret."
"As well as a paper trail," said Severus.
Albus beamed at him. "Exactly."
~*~
Tea was interesting in the extreme because it featured the presence of the only female goblin that Severus had ever met. She wore a black suit and tie. She had spectacles. Her hair was drawn up into a tight bun of salt-and-pepper braids. She was unremarkably like every other goblin Severus had seen save for her feminine form-well, that and the knife that kept her braids neatly in place. Male goblins traditionally did not adorn themselves with weaponry.
"I see you're looking at my 'hair pin'," the goblin said. "My braids have a mind of their own, you see."
Severus did not see, but he answered, "I see, Ms. . . . ?"
"Breakbone," the goblin replied.
"Welcome to Hogwarts, Ms. Break-"
"Just Breakbone," she interrupted. "It's usually enough."
Female goblins had been the warriors before Merlin had ended the wars between goblins and wizards. Severus knew quite well that bone breaking had never been enough for them.
"Do you enjoy your work for the bank, Breakbone?" he asked.
"Severus Snape, I do not engage in small talk, and I do not care to wait." She opened the leather folder she carried and spread various forms out before them on its surface.
It was a nicely charmed object, Severus thought, admiring its stable flotation. "What are these?"
"Expense reports. Budgets. All proof that no Galleons were released for the salary or travel of an 'Auror Babbling'. She is not an Auror. The DMLE has spent nothing on her in any way. She is not here legally for any official purpose. Under the laws governing the protection of Hogwarts, she is in your power as an intruder. Do with her whatever you like."
"Thank you for this," Severus said, gathering the paperwork.
"Of course," said Breakbone, closing her folder, "if you'd like me to deal with her, I do possess the authority to do so." She patted the knife in her braids.
"That won't be necessary, Account Guardian Breakbone," Auror Bradshaw said, entering the room before Minerva, who grinned to see their goblin guest.
"Minerva McGonagall," Breakbone said, upon seeing her. "You look just as expected given your financial record keeping."
"And that's a bonny hair pin, lass," Minerva replied.
"Babbling is an imposter. No one would notice if she were to disappear."
In response to Breakbone's implied suggestion, Minerva merely replied, "I'd hoped to hear that, thank you. Thank you for coming."
With another nod, Breakbone said, "I shall look forward to your next budget with pleasure," and then left them.
"Well, you heard her. We can do what we want with the imposter."
"Minerva," Bradshaw said, "I thought the plan was to let Breakbone's department take Babbling in hand for misappropriation of funds."
"She can't," Severus said, handing the papers to the Auror. "There's been no appropriation of funds. She paid her own way here. Her falsified orders are the sole concern of the DMLE."
"Her what?"
"Her orders, Auror Bradshaw," Minerva said. "Did you actually see her orders? Did you actually speak to a superior about this situation?"
Bernard coloured. "She handed me her orders, but before I could read them, she started telling me about the mission-with great urgency, I might add. She insisted we leave for Hogwarts at once!"
Severus furrowed his brow. "Didn't you tell us yesterday that the 'higher ups' wouldn't discuss this matter with you, that they'd essentially left you to get on with it with Babbling?"
"Well, I sent a message to-"
"Are you telling us," Minerva interrupted, "that your only communication with your superiors about this mission was through written messages?"
"Well, er, no, I don't-"
Severus caught Bernard by the shoulders. "Look at me, please." It wasn't actually a request, of course, and soon, Severus was scanning the Auror's mind.
The desk in Bernard's office was massive and filled with reports. The walls seemed almost to embrace the edges of the desk, they were so close, and the window, the tiny, green glass window, did nothing to dispel the bureaucratic gloom of the room. A spotty mail clerk entered with inkstained robes and handed a box to Bernard. He tossed it aside, pulled out a newspaper in the boy's wake, and began to read.
Bernard's lunches were lavish; he spent a lot of time in the canteen. The apple-cheeked and large-bosomed witch who served him his meals appeared to service him in other, more intimate ways after hours. Severus coughed and sped through those mental images.
"Severus?" Minerva asked.
Filius' voice filtered into Severus' mind. "Leave him be. He's not hurting him."
Pressing on, Severus found a moment in which Bernard tripped over the package, which brought it to his notice again. He opened it. Smoke, thick and purple, poured out of it, and for a moment, Severus could perceive nothing more-and then Bernard was complaining to himself about the "higher ups," their instructions that he was to work with Babbling, and his bitterness to learn that she'd not actually "earned" her place.
"'It's a sad day when a well-trained Auror loses his place to paperwork over an attack, and such as she gets special treatment in every aspect of her career. She's some rich bastard's child! So what? What's that to'-"
Severus stopped speaking.
Bernard shook Severus' arms from his shoulders. "That was . . . I said those things. I was that angry. It's like he," he said, indicating Severus, "was there."
"I was there, Bernard, in your mind and reading your lips."
"My lips?"
"Legilimency isn't exactly mind reading."
"And I'm not an Occlumens," Bernard told Severus. "What else did you see?"
Severus frowned. "Something Dark, Dark and powerful-Babbling came out of a box you received: she's a conjured being."
~*~
Severus stood over the cot that had lately held the supposed Auror and daughter of privilege, the youthful yet old and "de-sagged" Mary Babbling. On it, in a neat pile, was a mound of sand. The sand was in mid-transformation, moving from sand to glass to light but frozen by Poppy's time-slowing spell. In the immediate vicinity of the cot, everyone's breath could be seen in puffs.
"Better a chill than the heat of a blast," Severus said. "This wasn't about magiceuticals."
"No," Albus agreed, from beside him. "Someone wanted to destroy the school."
"At least, the Infirmary."
Severus turned to Poppy. "Is there something you want to tell us?"
"It's the Quidditch World Cup this year, Severus."
"Yes, I know. My students talk of nothing else."
"You know the players are checked and rechecked for cheating magics and magiceuticals?"
"Everyone knows that, Poppy," said Severus.
"Ah, I believe I understand," said Albus.
"You should," Poppy told him. "I did tell you about it months ago."
"Congratulations!"
"Thank you, Minerva," Poppy replied. "It was an honour to be selected."
"Selected for what?" asked Filius.
"I'm one of the testers-for the authorised potions. It's forbidden for such tests to be performed in country. As per the rules, to ensure that no one is taking unfair advantage in the form of special elixirs and the like, an outside, trusted entity, organisation, brewer, or Healer is tasked with ensuring that the players' potions are clean."
"And the players' blood is tested repeatedly, isn't it?"
"Yes, Filius," answered Albus, "and well in advance of the game. Poppy," he continued, turning to her. "You must just be finishing up your first samples of the players' blood."
"I actually finished ahead of schedule, Albus. I sent the results yesterday."
Pomona, who'd joined them, coughed delicately. "When was that, then? Because-"
"Shut it, Pomona," Poppy said, her tone threateningly sweet.
Severus noted that Bernard was once again taking on a lobster-like hue.
"Well, no harm done," said Albus, drawing his wand. "Poppy, I'm just going to borrow this bed pan."
They watched as Albus took the time-slowed exploding sand and Shrank it before placing it in the pan. He murmured something over it and flicked his wand. An unpleasant smell arose.
Coughing, Albus called, "Fawkes!" and then Vanished the nasty vapour arising from the pan.
The phoenix swooped into the Infirmary through an open window not long after. Albus pulled a glassy mass from the pan and tossed it to him.
"Fly high, my friend, fly fast."
With a vocalisation, Fawkes flew in a blur out of the window with everyone following him to it. They watched his progress with eagerness, and a moment or two later, gasped at the 'fireworks' that cascaded over the school in a brilliant, glittering display of colour and explosive spell work.
"Merlin, Albus!" Minerva exclaimed. "That would have destroyed more than the Infirmary!"
~*~
"It was a lot of trouble to go to, expensive trouble, too," Bernard said. He held out his glass for a refill, and Albus poured a generous measure of Ogden's Old into it. "Still, it was sloppy work, for all that."
"How do you mean?"
"She looked pulled into place," Severus said. "Minerva noted it-pulled into place, 'de-sagged'. Remember? Her clothing wasn't properly fitted?"
"Apple-faced, but youngish appearing. Odd, that."
"Yes, I see that now," Albus answered. "She did look like a pinched up apple, dry at the mouth, but . . . ."
"What is it, Albus?"
"Shoddy workmanship, Severus!" Albus exclaimed, Summoning a book and paging through it.
Bernard sat his glass down a bit too hard on the desk in front of him. "Shoddy? A created being, a set of several spells and techniques, shoddy?"
"Shoddy. The body work was one thing. Golems are easily constructed, but the features and little details," again, Albus drifted off into thought for a moment. "No, gentlemen, we're dealing with an amateur, and most likely, one who had to work quickly in order to set his plan into motion."
Minerva looked up, nibbling a piece of shortbread. "Why are you so certain this is a man at work? The supposed incompetence on display?"
"Goodness, dear lady," said Bernard, "surely you don't mean that."
"She does." Severus snorted at his own words. "Aurors won't come here?"
"Incomplete sensheshes from the Potions mash, er, master-we've had enough, I think," Minerva told them. "Soberius!"
"Oh, some warning!" Bernard protested, as everyone winced.
"Here it is! 'Abalard's Receipt for a Created Creature'." He moved his finger over the words and nodded. "This book is a third-rate hack of a wizard's compendium of a great deal of nonsense-and one or two useful if nefarious spells. Any idiot could order it. Many idiots do."
Minerva's gaze sharpened. "Albus, I wonder who knew Poppy's testing schedule."
"Or who was collecting the results," Bernard added.
"Or who made the choice of testers," said Severus.
"Yes," said Albus, "those people or that person would be interesting to know, but what I wonder is how Poppy received her samples and sent her results."
With a snort, Poppy started awake. "Ministry courier, owl post. Well, Ministry courier to the Three Broomsticks via the Floo Network, and then I just owl the results."
Severus yawned.
"You know, dear boy, this doesn't actually concern you. You should feel free to take yourself off to-no, I'm not dismissing you, Severus," Albus told him. "I'm merely pointing out that, since this has nothing to do with the Ministry interfering with the school, er, you, that you needn't worry about it. I'll keep you informed, but," and here Albus' eyes took on his customary and infuriating gleam, "don't you have a child-selling situation to work out?"
"What's that now?" Bernard demanded, appearing quite suddenly sober, indeed.
Thinking about it, Severus didn't truly wish to be involved in solving the riddle of the fake woman and exploding infirmary. Bernard wouldn't interfere with him, but if he, Severus were to become involved, the Ministry might once again take an interest in him.
"Join me for coffee, Bernard? I have a situation to resolve, and one with which you might safely help me."
"'Safely'?"
"It won't put off your retirement."
~*~
"You're the only Auror, save one, I've ever liked, you know."
"Given how we've got up your backside, Severus, I don't doubt it. Now, the house-elves make a fine pot of coffee, but if I drink anymore my back teeth will float out of my mouth. What's this issue of yours?"
Severus explained about Wilhelmina Wiggins-Thorne, his future would-be Quidditch Seeker and her blood-purist grandmother.
"The Thornes are a nasty lot, and no mistake. The Wigginses aren't much better, and that marriage was eyed with profound disfavour by the DMLE given the families' histories, but the Thornes . . . . Victoria Thorne was always a nasty piece of work. Had her hands in several unsavoury enterprises before she was wed."
"Yes." Severus could only agree having made it his business to know about wizarding Britain's "important" families. "So what am I to do?"
"Threaten young Willy's mother's business. She has partners, you know. Partners that, as it happens Severus, you know."
Bernard explained further to Severus' great surprise. "And you, about to retire?" he said, much to Bernard's amusement. "You're full of useful information."
"I'm older than I look, too, Severus. I've had a long career of gathering it. I've earned my retirement, and I need to get out of, er, I need a change of scene."
Severus snorted. "You need to find a continent on which you've not pulled most of the witches."
Bernard grinned.
~*~
"You're back. An honour."
Severus looked without expression at Borgin and then stepped aside to allow Bernard, dressed in his Auror's best, to enter.
"You've no call, good sir," Borgin began, but Bernard spoke over him.
"I've every call. I know you attempted to interfere with the Quidditch World Cup player testing. I know how. I know you've been stoking interest in your old benefactresses' obsession with Lord Voldemort-so much so that she's trying to steal a child away from her useless, evil parents. I know, Borgin, that Wiggins-Thorne has been allowing you to peddle your poisons in her salon. Does she know, I wonder, how you've been cheating her? She's pleading poverty, you know, but how can that be? You're doing a brisk business in Firebright, amongst other hazards. How can it be that you'd abuse your new partner's trust by pitting her against your old 'retired' partner?"
"And what," Severus said, "do you imagine either witch will think about any of this when your double-dealing and back-stabbing ways have been presented to them both in the same room at the same time?"
"You wouldn't! They'd-"
"Kill you," Burke said, entering the front of the shop. "Perhaps not before I would, though." He slammed down the book he'd been carrying. "You've been thieving from the take, from me. I'd kill you for less, you unfaithful cu-"
"There will be no killing here today, not in front of an Auror," Severus told them.
"Yes, one you brought here!" Borgin and Burke thundered, as one.
"Oh," said Borgin.
Burke flushed.
They reached for one another.
"Touching, truly, but we've no time for sentiment, gentlemen." Bernard whistled, and a squad of Aurors entered. "Right, you lot! As discussed, you'll . . . ."
Severus slipped quietly away and wondered, when the dust settled, what manner of "antique shop" would pop up to replace Borgin and Burkes.
It was getting easier, he realised, not having to manage everything himself, now. Now, he had friends.
I have friends.
No one saw, and he would deny it utterly, but Severus might have skipped a little before Disapparating back to Hogsmeade.
~*~
"So you see, Mrs. Wiggins-Thorne, we had to alert you to the sort of men with whom you've been consorting."
"I do not 'consort' with tradespeople."
"Ah, with profound regret," Bernard told her, "your own mother-in-law has been working with Borgin and Burke, and a few other nameless souls, to concoct and transport illicit elixirs, this, the woman to whom you are considering entrusting with the raising of your youngest child."
"Severus Snape, Professor! As the Head of Slytherin House, how dare you share my family's private busi-"
"Madam Wiggins-Thorne, your business is not any concern of mine. My business is to safely educate the children of my house."
"Wendy and Wilhelmina are my concern!"
"Over the hols, yes, but when they are at Hogwarts-"
"How DARE you spea-"
"SILENCE!" Severus roared, turning to Bernard, who withdrew as planned. "He is waiting. He is watching. He. Has. Plans."
"Surely you don't speak of our-"
"He has entrusted me with the safety of our future, of our society, of our children. Wendy and Willy? They are gifted girls. When, listen well, when he returns, he will not appreciate learning that anyone, again, listen well, anyone mistreated his talented few. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?"
Madam Wiggins-Thorne, wide eyed and pale, nodded. "I won't send them away."
Severus leaned down close to the witch's face. "You will treat them well, as you will my business."
"You? Under that Auror's nose? You're going to wrest control of the Potions business from Borgin, Burke, and my mother-in-law?"
"Yes." Severus stood and smiled the nastiest smile he could conjure. "And you will pay your daughter, my chief brewer, very well indeed out of your twenty percent."
"Forty."
"Fifteen."
"That's not how it works!" exclaimed Wiggins-Thorne.
Severus drew his wand and continued smiling his nastiest smile.
Wiggins-Thorne visibly swallowed. "Thirty, with five going to Wendy."
"Ah," said Severus, "that is generous. I accept your terms."
There were other details to hammer out, but once done, Severus felt quite pleased.
Extra gold was always good. One needed to be able to fund a contingency plan or two against life's many and varied surprises.
~*~
"-me down!" shouted an outraged grandmother, deep within the bowels of Gringotts.
Account Guardian Breakbone, breathing heavily, did not listen. Her braids, Gorgon-like, struck at the witch again and again, one wrapping around her torso, another, her neck; yet another, its end balled into the equivalent of a fist, beat at the woman's face as she was shaken and thottled.
"Charge the First," began Breakbone, over her charge's screams.
But there were no witnesses to the listing of the charges, and nothing was ever heard from Victoria Thorne again. It's said that she emigrated to warmer climes, but people will say almost anything if one permits them to.
Breakbone oft did not allow such license.
~*~
"-licentious encounters to report?" Herbert asked Severus, who was not actually preparing for bed. "Oh! Does this mean you have plans, Professor Snape?"
"Yes," replied Severus.
At his words, a colourfully dressed young woman entered the room. "Oh, how not so very stoic, after all! I've often wondered how you'd keep your rooms here, and this is-"
"Herbert," interrupted Severus, before Miss Lucinda Lovegood née Yaxley could continue yammering at him.
Herbert coughed with great force. "You forget my titles, man!"
"And that is," Lucinda said, climbing up onto Severus' bed to stare at Herbert, "quite all right, indeed, for a creation such as yourself, so glorious, so bright! why a creation such as yourself couldn't possibly be captured in all his magnificence with a silly set of titles!"
"My dear, dear lady, I don't know what to say."
"Oh, say anything you like, my lord, for your voice fills me with delight!"
Forcing the bile back down his throat, Severus told Herbert, "She's come to put a wench in your portrait."
"Just . . . just one?"
Severus closed his eyes against an incipient headache and made for his laboratory. "Goodnight, good lord. Goodnight!"