FIC: Fortune Teller (G)
Title: Fortune Teller
Type: Fic
Age-Range Category: Four
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Severus Snape
Author: phoenix_fancies
Beta(s): auntlynnie
Rating: G
Note(s): Thanks to the mod for being amazing. Thanks to my beta for being amazing, also alpha-reader, and my muse.
Summary: Just who does Severus Snape think he is, anyway?
The sun had long set when Severus Snape carefully navigated the grounds of Hogwarts Castle on the night of January 8th. He was full of details most others did not know, most immediate of which was that, on the north side of Hogwarts Castle, there was a small alcove that was protected from Scottish weather of all kinds. It was just large enough for a man to stand undetected, if he so desired.
Severus did desire to be undetected right now. This was his least favourite night of the year. It was a night of reflection. It was a night of goal-setting. It was the eve of his birthday. He hated this eve, the day that followed it, and the days that had followed year over year.
Stepping into the lee between two stone outcroppings, Severus settled into the alcove. It was as familiar as an old jumper. Whenever he was feeling particularly theatrical, he thought of it as the castle embracing him in a way.
He had not found this hiding spot as a man. He had been coming here since he was nearly twelve years old. He had discovered it by accident, he and a friend. They had needed a place outside of their different houses to carry on as they had at home.
As Severus tucked himself into the small space yet again, he felt not unlike the young student he had been when he'd first found it.
When he had been a boy, when he had first arrived at Hogwarts, he had found that being in Slytherin House protected him outside of his house common room, but not inside it. There was a loyalty of sorts among his housemates - particularly when they were pressed by outsiders.
However, behind closed doors, not much had changed. The poverty that seeped from him brought on the bullies at Hogwarts the same as it had done in Cokeworth.
One treasure he had brought from home was safe from them, in a way. Lily Evans, his friend from before had not only been sorted into another house, but into his rival house: Gryffindor.
Severus had not found true friends in his house, but she had found friends of a sort in her house. Lily, eminently likeable, had never wanted for friends.
They had maintained their old ways in the beginning - when they'd been small enough to fit into the alcove at the same time - finding this spot where no one seemed to be able to find them, and they could talk and share stories. When there were times when she had simply been unavailable, and Severus had needed a safe place, he could wait here for her, too.
Thirty-odd years on, while the world was so similar and still so different, there was only one place Severus could feel safe enough to spend the eve of his birthday.
He pulled a small black ball from a pocket concealed in his robes.
Reduced, it was the size of a mandarin orange, but he tapped it with his wand, and the 'Magic' 8-Ball retook its typical stature.
He gave it a shake and turned it over. After a moment, a prediction appeared: Centaurs says the signs are negative.
No, indeed. Students were back to the castle after Christmas holidays. Classes had not resumed yet, but they would soon. Severus felt a great weight of drudgery before him.
Not for the first time, he considered an escape. Why didn't he just move to Rio de Janeiro or something? He certainly could. He could live cheaply there, and he had a modest sum tucked away. He sought neither fame nor glory… only to live the rest of these wretched days with a simpler burden than he carried now.
He gave the 8-Ball another shake and waited for its wisdom.
"You might belong in Hufflepuff, then."
Severus rolled his eyes. When he had told Lily about the Hogwarts Houses, they had decided that Hufflepuff was the only place where they could both be together. She hadn't loved studying, although she was plenty smart enough. He had known that he would never be the sort of brave, foolish sort to go to Gryffindor. She was sceptical about Slytherin, although she would have been very successful there.
Smoothing a hand over the cherished 8-Ball, a gift from Lily for his birthday before things had turned. She had been an outstanding friend. She had understood that he would be unable to afford to exchange gifts for Christmas, and this token with her little modifications had been one of the best gifts he had ever received.
He knew, now, that it had been somewhat impressive for them to stay friends as long as they had at all. People could be fickle, self-serving, and wrongly motivated. Severus certainly knew he had been on many occasions. He was reminded of the adage, "Children are just people without the good grace to be polite."
Lily had been popular in her own house for the same reasons she would have been popular in Slytherin: she was pretty and nice, but not too nice. It was no surprise she had many friends and many suitors.
Severus sighed. Shaking the 8-Ball, he read again: Dumbledore's twinkle says YES
Lily's old school friend, Remus Lupin, was back in the castle. Severus felt a sliver of sympathy for him. It was not his fault he was a werewolf any more than it was Severus's fault his father had been… as he was. It was not Lupin's fault someone had sent Severus into danger at his hand.
He hadn't understood how Lily and Remus had stayed in their little circle of friends after that, but Severus's actions afterward made other paths less… apparent.
Severus had learned, not for the first time, that the world was dangerous for someone like him.
He gave the 8-Ball a hard shake. He did not turn it over for Lily's words.
Severus could not believe the Headmaster had brought Lupin in. As usual, Severus did not understand the motivations of the Headmaster.
He knew that it was not an innocent coincidence. "Dumbledore's twinkle," indeed. Also this year, Lily's other school friend, Sirius Black, was at large, having escaped from prison. He hadn't been in prison for being the one who had sent Severus to meet the transformed Lupin on the full moon, of course, although he should have been. It had been for… other reasons.
While Severus had known Black to be the worst sort when they were children, Severus knew - also from his childhood memories - that Albus Dumbledore would move heaven and earth for Black, even when others' lives were at stake. Had Dumbledore punished Black at all when he'd nearly cost Severus his life? No.
Some wizards had all the luck. Severus took a deep breath, closing his eyes and lifting his face to the cold night air.
Again, he thought of striking up a new life in South America. Severus was old enough now to make his own luck if he wanted to.
He shook the 8-Ball: McGonagall's Knickers
Severus rolled his eyes.
Lily had changed all of the messages in the hope that it would make him laugh while they were in their separate Houses.
Lily.
His one true friend.
He took a deep breath. Severus knew Black was here. They were all in danger because Black, somehow, had one trick up his sleeve.
Severus knew it was from back in those days, but the final clue of it had never been illuminated for him.
He would not be surprised at all if the last of them, Peter Pettigrew, weren't sneaking about as well, somehow. That would be just Severus's luck.
Lily had always said she'd liked Pettigrew least, which was her polite way of saying 'not at all.' She had almost called him a Slytherin once, in their third year, but stopped herself just as Severus's eyebrow had raised.
Severus was in Slytherin, and Lily had liked him far more than Pettigrew.
Pettigrew was supposed to have died in the confrontation with Black, but Azkaban was supposed to be secure, and where was Black, after all?
All of these thoughts, memories, and current moments swirled in Severus's mind. As an adult, Severus knew that the schemes of children and adolescents were simultaneously formative and trivial. Would they even be here if Severus and Lily hadn't been children who happened to live in the same neighbourhood?
Severus thought, again, about these three childhood nemeses, and the ghost of their leader, James Potter. It made Severus feel fourteen years of age, not thirty-four, as his birthday tomorrow would make him.
The whipping wind quieted as his back pressed against stone. His thoughts took up the whirling void that the wind left behind.
James Potter.
Where had he been when his wife and baby were attacked by the Dark Lord? Severus rolled his eyes.
He remembered holding Lily's body, feeling that all the light had left the world. Potter hadn't protected her. Sneering at himself, Severus knew that he hadn't, either.
Why didn't he just take a Draught of Living Death and step off the dock into the lake? Severus hated himself. He hated this castle that had held his highest hopes and dashed them into pulverized nothing. He hated Remus Lupin. He hated Sirius Black. He hated the world that could make a beautiful person and just snuff her out.
Severus wanted to throw something, but he would never, ever ruin this artefact of the beauty the world could produce. Lily remained here, in his hand. She remained in his heart.
Lily's son remained.
If he had cared for her at all, Severus had to protect the boy as only he could. Just like that, a small flat in Rio vanished from his imagination. With his wand, Severus said the spell to make the 8-Ball small enough to fit in his pocket again. Slipping it away, he knelt in the moss under his feet.
With a deep sigh, he cast a spell as quietly as he could, as a test. "Expecto Patronum."
From the tip of his wand, a soft light emerged, growing and glowing until a doe stood before him.
He could still do it. Her light was still enough for him.
The weight of his whole body sunk down, and he felt it in his aging knees and ankles. Severus's head dropped, and quietly, he cried for all of the things that might have been.
The doe walked around him, behind him in the stone alcove, before returning to sit in the snow that had fallen outside the stone walls. Tucking its legs beneath it, the doe rested her head on the moss in front of Severus's knees.
His friend remained in his heart, and with even just that one friend, his happiness remained.