Emotions are hard
I've been cranky and out of sorts today and I kept thinking, "I don't know why I'm over today, but I'm fucking over it. Done. No reason, who cares, move on to tomorrow."
It took me until now (and I've been up since four since I opened the store this morning) to realize that I have plenty of reasons to be cranky. I get cranky and impatient like this when I'm (subconsciously) trying not to feel unpleasant emotions. Like maybe the fear and sadness from when I found out my boss' three year-old almost died on Saturday (she's fine, but she drowned and wasn't breathing and they had to do CPR, and she's our little store princess and that's just way too fucking real for me to handle).
And I'm reading a great book called The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan, which is nonfiction about the events leading up to and the horrors of the Dust Bowl, and it's such a compelling read because he weaves together the personal histories of so many farmers and cowboys and sharecroppers and does it so well that you can hear the wind howling, hear the giant centipedes nesting in the walls, experience the terror of dusters so black and so extended that people suffocated and died coughing up chunks of earth from their lungs. That shit's upsetting.
And I'm listening to a podcast about Genghis Kahn by Dan Carlin, and one of the reasons I like Dan Carlin's history podcasts is that he doesn't just tell you who won what battle, he makes you think about what the actual human cost of that battle was and he calls out historians who say things like, "And then King Whatshisface conquered the city and took the other king's daughters for wives," by pointing out that "took them for wives" is just an offensively polite way of glossing over rape. And Genghis Kahn and his Mongol army were the most technologically advanced and well-disciplined military in the entire world at the time, so they were really, really good at winning, and after they won, they burned, raped, and massacred entire populations. Yes, this happened eight hundred years ago, but I'm still listening to the history of genocide told by someone who reminds you what genocide actually consists of.
I know perfectly well that what I read and listen to influences my mood. It's why I stopped reading beauty magazines and watching television news.
It's maybe time to put the Dust Bowl history and Genghis Kahn podcast away for a while and spend a few days rereading Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential and listening to The Nerdist instead.
Also, more Bollywood. No dramas, just fun romantic comedies with great musical numbers. Like this one.
Not my favorite Bollywood musical number of all time, but definitely my favorite with Aishwarya Rai.
This entry was originally posted at http://janesays.dreamwidth.org/25852.html. Comment wherever you'd like.
It took me until now (and I've been up since four since I opened the store this morning) to realize that I have plenty of reasons to be cranky. I get cranky and impatient like this when I'm (subconsciously) trying not to feel unpleasant emotions. Like maybe the fear and sadness from when I found out my boss' three year-old almost died on Saturday (she's fine, but she drowned and wasn't breathing and they had to do CPR, and she's our little store princess and that's just way too fucking real for me to handle).
And I'm reading a great book called The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan, which is nonfiction about the events leading up to and the horrors of the Dust Bowl, and it's such a compelling read because he weaves together the personal histories of so many farmers and cowboys and sharecroppers and does it so well that you can hear the wind howling, hear the giant centipedes nesting in the walls, experience the terror of dusters so black and so extended that people suffocated and died coughing up chunks of earth from their lungs. That shit's upsetting.
And I'm listening to a podcast about Genghis Kahn by Dan Carlin, and one of the reasons I like Dan Carlin's history podcasts is that he doesn't just tell you who won what battle, he makes you think about what the actual human cost of that battle was and he calls out historians who say things like, "And then King Whatshisface conquered the city and took the other king's daughters for wives," by pointing out that "took them for wives" is just an offensively polite way of glossing over rape. And Genghis Kahn and his Mongol army were the most technologically advanced and well-disciplined military in the entire world at the time, so they were really, really good at winning, and after they won, they burned, raped, and massacred entire populations. Yes, this happened eight hundred years ago, but I'm still listening to the history of genocide told by someone who reminds you what genocide actually consists of.
I know perfectly well that what I read and listen to influences my mood. It's why I stopped reading beauty magazines and watching television news.
It's maybe time to put the Dust Bowl history and Genghis Kahn podcast away for a while and spend a few days rereading Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential and listening to The Nerdist instead.
Also, more Bollywood. No dramas, just fun romantic comedies with great musical numbers. Like this one.
Click to viewNot my favorite Bollywood musical number of all time, but definitely my favorite with Aishwarya Rai.
This entry was originally posted at http://janesays.dreamwidth.org/25852.html. Comment wherever you'd like.