Captain America: Civil War incoherent fangirling
Okay, so they say any time something happymaking happens, you're supposed to write about it for twenty minutes to, like, secure that happiness into your brain. I don't know. Anyway, Captain America: Civil War was totally happymaking and that's all I'll say about that.
Steve didn't die! You guys. You guys! I was one billion percent sure that Steve was totally going to die in the end. I never said it out loud, I barely dared think it, but I was like, "I'm pretty sure Chris Evans' contract is up and Steve dies in the comics and this is going to SUCK." But it didn't suck! Because he's not dead! I'm so fucking happy about that, you don't even know.
Nobody died! Okay, yes, people absolutely did die and that's kind of what the whole thing was about, superheroes doing things that made people die, but no major character deaths! That was such sweet relief.
So, whew, everybody lived.
What was up with Natasha and Sharon's hair? And their patchy makeup? And the total Charlie's Angels outfits they kept putting Natasha in? That brown pleather jacket and matching boots combo she was wearing in Lagos? Really? Fine, you want to throwback to cool 70s spy thrillers, sure, but I'm not sure pleather jackets and feathered hair is the best way to do that. And they kept giving both of them really harsh and uneven liner under the eye that looked like I applied it back when I was 14 years old. Only, even in 1990 when I turned 14, I knew how to blend. It's been 26 years since then, folks, and glamorous super spies definitely know how to blend their eye makeup in the year 2016. Usually I'm like, "If she wants to draw her eyebrows on like that, cool, whatever makes her happy," but I promise you, Natasha Romanoff would not be happy with that amateur eyeliner. And could they not have gotten her a better wig? It's a WIG, you can make it however you want it, and they wanted it to have fried ends? Honestly.
Also, Sharon's minor nod to the Farrah Fawcett flip was a little inappropriate for a funeral. Just saying. Thankfully, they didn't push the 70's feathered flip that hard with Sharon in later scenes, probably because that was Emily VanCamp's real hair and it just didn't want to do that.
That's my harshest criticism of the entire movie, by the way. Really terrible fashion choices and styling. I've only seen it twice so far so I'm sure I'll find more to complain about because I always do, but Bucky! And Peter Parker! Who knew I'd actually LIKE Spiderman? I definitely didn't see that coming, like, AT ALL.
You remember that Chris Farley SNL skit where he interviewed people and just basically asked, "Remember when you did [thing that everyone remembers]? That was awesome." That's pretty much as in depth as I'm going to get right now. Because that whole movie was AWESOME.
Okay, like, when Bucky grabbed that motorcycle and yanked it around, how fucking cool was that? And, oh! When he dropped down the stairwell and grabbed the rail with his metal arm and then screamed because it HURT? Because his metal arm's connected to flesh and bone and ow, my sweet little cinnamon roll.
And then, in the VW bug, when Sam wouldn't move his seat up? And then Steve kissed Sharon and when he looked over, both Steve and Bucky were giving him twin smirks and nods?
And over and over again I kept expecting the absolute worst because I'm so used to the formulas of other superhero movies, and over and over again they kept surprising me. I'm not a fight scene OR a chase scene fan in general because they're mostly really boring. They're all the same, in every goddamn movie. Chasing, chasing, chasing, maybe drive over a bridge or into a tunnel, maybe somebody'll jump from one car to another or hang of the side of a semi, whatever, we've all seen it a billion times.
I have to give it to the Russo brothers or whoever else it was that designed those chase scenes. I was never bored and I never expected what was coming next. They set the bar pretty goddamn high in Winter Soldier when first, Bucky punched through the windshield and ripped the goddamn steering wheel right out (remember that time when Bucky ripped the steering wheel right out of the car? That was AWESOME!), and then when Sam came to a gunfight armed with a knife and won (remember that time that Sam Wilson showed up to a gunfight armed with knife and won? That was so cool.).
Remember that time when Bucky Barnes and T'Challa and Steve Rogers were running through traffic in a tunnel and going faster than the cars? That was awesome.
I could go through pretty much every scene and reshash every plot point and finish it with, "That was awesome!" Seriously. That's about all I've got.
I am not an Iron Man fan at all, mostly because RDJ tends to get on my nerves, but I liked him a lot in this. I still didn't find him very sympathetic (except when he went into a rage because Bucky killed his mom because, well, Bucky DID kill his mom), but I found him a hell of a lot more likable than in previous films.
I was sad about Pepper. I know, I know, it's because Gwyneth doesn't want to be in the MCU anymore, whatever. I still liked Pepper Potts a lot and I still totally imagine that instead of curing her, Tony just stabilized her and now she's secretly impervious to fire.
Peter Parker was adorable. He was the breakout character I wasn't expecting to like at all, and I loved him. A lot like Quicksilver in the last X-Men movie, though honestly, I don't like any character in those movies EXCEPT Quicksilver. But I did unexpectedly fall in love with him and I unexpectedly fell in love with Peter Parker who for the first time in recent memory, actually looked, spoke, and acted like a teenage boy.
Oh, my God, when he told Sam he had the right to remain silent, I died. It was so damn cute. And then when he told Steve that Tony said to go for his legs, I laughed because I love Steve ducking behind his shield like a tiny little turtle of freedom, but he does always leave his ankles vulnerable.
I'm not talking about Bucky going back into cryostasis. My heart can't take it, so I've rejected it as reality and have substituted my own. I do that a lot. In my reality, Steve and Bucky are both recovering in Wakanda under excellent medical supervision and then they also make out a lot.
Oh! How right away in Bucharest when the police were storming Bucky's apartment, Steve and Bucky immediately started fighting as a team without even having to talk about it, Bucky kicking that flash grenade over because he knew Steve would slam his shield over it to contain the blast? They spent so many years fighting side by side that not even seven decades of brainwashing and being frozen could make them forget how to do it. My sweet babies. Oh, my heart.
Has anybody written a fic yet where the reason Sam resents Bucky so much is because in the two days between when they escaped and when they had the Ultimate Superhero Showdown on the airfield, they had to lay low in a tiny little apartment safehouse and Sam had to overhear Steve and Bucky doing it pretty much nonstop? Someone should write that fic. Seriously. They can't go anywhere since everyone's looking for them, Sharon's only got the one secret safehouse in the city that no one else knows about, they're trapped in there together. And poor Sam's trapped in a cramped one-bedroom apartment with superboyfriends who haven't seen one another in 70 years and do not tire out, like, ever. Poor Sam.
Anyway, I digress. Incoherent fangirl ramblings, just like I promised.
IDK if Chris Evans really will come back to the MCU or if him saying, "I'll come back if they want me," is just a diversionary tactic, but I would love to see Steve as Nomad, wandering the world with his band of outlaws. It could happen. Even if it doesn't, somebody'll write it, and it'll be beautiful.
This entry was originally posted at http://janesays.dreamwidth.org/28553.html. Comment wherever you'd like.
Steve didn't die! You guys. You guys! I was one billion percent sure that Steve was totally going to die in the end. I never said it out loud, I barely dared think it, but I was like, "I'm pretty sure Chris Evans' contract is up and Steve dies in the comics and this is going to SUCK." But it didn't suck! Because he's not dead! I'm so fucking happy about that, you don't even know.
Nobody died! Okay, yes, people absolutely did die and that's kind of what the whole thing was about, superheroes doing things that made people die, but no major character deaths! That was such sweet relief.
So, whew, everybody lived.
What was up with Natasha and Sharon's hair? And their patchy makeup? And the total Charlie's Angels outfits they kept putting Natasha in? That brown pleather jacket and matching boots combo she was wearing in Lagos? Really? Fine, you want to throwback to cool 70s spy thrillers, sure, but I'm not sure pleather jackets and feathered hair is the best way to do that. And they kept giving both of them really harsh and uneven liner under the eye that looked like I applied it back when I was 14 years old. Only, even in 1990 when I turned 14, I knew how to blend. It's been 26 years since then, folks, and glamorous super spies definitely know how to blend their eye makeup in the year 2016. Usually I'm like, "If she wants to draw her eyebrows on like that, cool, whatever makes her happy," but I promise you, Natasha Romanoff would not be happy with that amateur eyeliner. And could they not have gotten her a better wig? It's a WIG, you can make it however you want it, and they wanted it to have fried ends? Honestly.
Also, Sharon's minor nod to the Farrah Fawcett flip was a little inappropriate for a funeral. Just saying. Thankfully, they didn't push the 70's feathered flip that hard with Sharon in later scenes, probably because that was Emily VanCamp's real hair and it just didn't want to do that.
That's my harshest criticism of the entire movie, by the way. Really terrible fashion choices and styling. I've only seen it twice so far so I'm sure I'll find more to complain about because I always do, but Bucky! And Peter Parker! Who knew I'd actually LIKE Spiderman? I definitely didn't see that coming, like, AT ALL.
You remember that Chris Farley SNL skit where he interviewed people and just basically asked, "Remember when you did [thing that everyone remembers]? That was awesome." That's pretty much as in depth as I'm going to get right now. Because that whole movie was AWESOME.
Okay, like, when Bucky grabbed that motorcycle and yanked it around, how fucking cool was that? And, oh! When he dropped down the stairwell and grabbed the rail with his metal arm and then screamed because it HURT? Because his metal arm's connected to flesh and bone and ow, my sweet little cinnamon roll.
And then, in the VW bug, when Sam wouldn't move his seat up? And then Steve kissed Sharon and when he looked over, both Steve and Bucky were giving him twin smirks and nods?
And over and over again I kept expecting the absolute worst because I'm so used to the formulas of other superhero movies, and over and over again they kept surprising me. I'm not a fight scene OR a chase scene fan in general because they're mostly really boring. They're all the same, in every goddamn movie. Chasing, chasing, chasing, maybe drive over a bridge or into a tunnel, maybe somebody'll jump from one car to another or hang of the side of a semi, whatever, we've all seen it a billion times.
I have to give it to the Russo brothers or whoever else it was that designed those chase scenes. I was never bored and I never expected what was coming next. They set the bar pretty goddamn high in Winter Soldier when first, Bucky punched through the windshield and ripped the goddamn steering wheel right out (remember that time when Bucky ripped the steering wheel right out of the car? That was AWESOME!), and then when Sam came to a gunfight armed with a knife and won (remember that time that Sam Wilson showed up to a gunfight armed with knife and won? That was so cool.).
Remember that time when Bucky Barnes and T'Challa and Steve Rogers were running through traffic in a tunnel and going faster than the cars? That was awesome.
I could go through pretty much every scene and reshash every plot point and finish it with, "That was awesome!" Seriously. That's about all I've got.
I am not an Iron Man fan at all, mostly because RDJ tends to get on my nerves, but I liked him a lot in this. I still didn't find him very sympathetic (except when he went into a rage because Bucky killed his mom because, well, Bucky DID kill his mom), but I found him a hell of a lot more likable than in previous films.
I was sad about Pepper. I know, I know, it's because Gwyneth doesn't want to be in the MCU anymore, whatever. I still liked Pepper Potts a lot and I still totally imagine that instead of curing her, Tony just stabilized her and now she's secretly impervious to fire.
Peter Parker was adorable. He was the breakout character I wasn't expecting to like at all, and I loved him. A lot like Quicksilver in the last X-Men movie, though honestly, I don't like any character in those movies EXCEPT Quicksilver. But I did unexpectedly fall in love with him and I unexpectedly fell in love with Peter Parker who for the first time in recent memory, actually looked, spoke, and acted like a teenage boy.
Oh, my God, when he told Sam he had the right to remain silent, I died. It was so damn cute. And then when he told Steve that Tony said to go for his legs, I laughed because I love Steve ducking behind his shield like a tiny little turtle of freedom, but he does always leave his ankles vulnerable.
I'm not talking about Bucky going back into cryostasis. My heart can't take it, so I've rejected it as reality and have substituted my own. I do that a lot. In my reality, Steve and Bucky are both recovering in Wakanda under excellent medical supervision and then they also make out a lot.
Oh! How right away in Bucharest when the police were storming Bucky's apartment, Steve and Bucky immediately started fighting as a team without even having to talk about it, Bucky kicking that flash grenade over because he knew Steve would slam his shield over it to contain the blast? They spent so many years fighting side by side that not even seven decades of brainwashing and being frozen could make them forget how to do it. My sweet babies. Oh, my heart.
Has anybody written a fic yet where the reason Sam resents Bucky so much is because in the two days between when they escaped and when they had the Ultimate Superhero Showdown on the airfield, they had to lay low in a tiny little apartment safehouse and Sam had to overhear Steve and Bucky doing it pretty much nonstop? Someone should write that fic. Seriously. They can't go anywhere since everyone's looking for them, Sharon's only got the one secret safehouse in the city that no one else knows about, they're trapped in there together. And poor Sam's trapped in a cramped one-bedroom apartment with superboyfriends who haven't seen one another in 70 years and do not tire out, like, ever. Poor Sam.
Anyway, I digress. Incoherent fangirl ramblings, just like I promised.
IDK if Chris Evans really will come back to the MCU or if him saying, "I'll come back if they want me," is just a diversionary tactic, but I would love to see Steve as Nomad, wandering the world with his band of outlaws. It could happen. Even if it doesn't, somebody'll write it, and it'll be beautiful.
This entry was originally posted at http://janesays.dreamwidth.org/28553.html. Comment wherever you'd like.