Here to brighten up your lj ♥ plus, there's formatting here, something FF.net desperately needs to get D: --
if the plan he had in mind had to happen, it better be on his terms instead of hers 'it was better on his terms instead of hers', maybe?
It were heaps, as usual; all wishing her a "wonderful day," and a "long, fruitful life." 'There were heaps, as usual...'
Even when half-blind she would have recognized hat purpose-full stride and confident posture. 'Even if half-blind, she would have recognized that...'
Blue could see the boy in question open and close the fence; walk up the lawn; and momentarily disappear from of view as he headed for the back door There's an excessive 'of' in between 'from' and 'view'.
It was his version of rolling your eyes. 'rolling his eyes', I think that sounds better fit here.
Did that mean he did havea card for her? 'Did that mean he had a card for her?'
and he tasted like - peppermint and coffee I don't think the - is required here.
After another few blissful seconds, they finally let go off
( ... )
Thanks a lot for the beta, Ibu! Will change the grammar mistakes.
Oh, and I totally agree with you on the lack of description. This is basically a fic about a kiss... and nothing else. XD; But yeah, that's because of the time restrain. And because of the fact that I wanted to write a feel-good fluff piece without my usual editing-that-take-three-months. Know what I mean?
Thanks again though, the feedback is certainly appreciated ♥
Comments 2
--
if the plan he had in mind had to happen, it better be on his terms instead of hers
'it was better on his terms instead of hers', maybe?
It were heaps, as usual; all wishing her a "wonderful day," and a "long, fruitful life."
'There were heaps, as usual...'
Even when half-blind she would have recognized hat purpose-full stride and confident posture.
'Even if half-blind, she would have recognized that...'
Blue could see the boy in question open and close the fence; walk up the lawn; and momentarily disappear from of view as he headed for the back door
There's an excessive 'of' in between 'from' and 'view'.
It was his version of rolling your eyes.
'rolling his eyes', I think that sounds better fit here.
Did that mean he did havea card for her?
'Did that mean he had a card for her?'
and he tasted like - peppermint and coffee
I don't think the - is required here.
After another few blissful seconds, they finally let go off ( ... )
Reply
Oh, and I totally agree with you on the lack of description. This is basically a fic about a kiss... and nothing else. XD; But yeah, that's because of the time restrain. And because of the fact that I wanted to write a feel-good fluff piece without my usual editing-that-take-three-months. Know what I mean?
Thanks again though, the feedback is certainly appreciated ♥
Reply
Leave a comment